WCW Monday Nitro 3/11/96
After a week off due to a made to TV movie about the Civil War, I would hope WCW has figured out some of the reasons why their shows have been shitty for the past month and a half. There is a new TV Champion. LOD vs Nasty Boys. A 6 man lumberjack strap match.
Jim DOOGUN vs The Giant
Obviously, they have not figured out why their shows have been shitty. Duggan cheap shots from behind to start the match. Someone has a banner for Brian Pillman's 800 number. There are two of them, actually. You know who is a great guy to teach Giant how to wrestle? Anyone but Jim Duggan. Oh shit, it IS Brian Pillman! Cops surround him and Bischoff leaves the table. Pillman is pulled out and taken out of the building by security. Can we follow what Pillman is doing instead of watching this? Duggan tries to cheat again by wrapping his hands in tape. He isn't able to do so. Duggan then gets the tape that was holding the camera cables down, wraps his hand with it, and throws punches. The ref does nothing about it, which is ridiculous. Giant wins with the chokeslam. I can't believe they had Giant have so much trouble with Jim fucking Duggan.
STEINER BROTHERS vs Road Warriors
The Nasty Boys were laid out in the back apparently. The Steiners come out on motorcycles. The Steiners have returned! Team of the 80s against the team of the 90s. Hawk and Scott begin. As far as I know, they only had one match: At Starrcade 1989 as part of a round robin tournament. Steiners won. Hawk chops the shit out of Scotty, who responds by suplexing his wings right off. He then hits a pump handle slam that confused the shit out of Hawk. Top rope lariato from Hawk. BIG BOOT. Tiger bomb. All bombs here. Every move has been a bomb and tags are made. Powerslam from Animal. I bet Rick is going to hit a powerslam. It takes two stiff as fuck Steinerlines to take Animal down. Release German suplex. Belly to belly superplex. ALL BOMBS. Every move is a high impact fuck you up move. Mongo claims to have watched the Steiners when he was a youngster. I mean, I guess that could be true, but Mongo is older than both Steiners by a few years. Animal settles into FIP. Double clothesline. Double hot tag. Hawk is throwing HEAT in there. Doomsday Device on Rick. Scott breaks it up. Animal made the pin and was definitely not the legal man, just like the match with Harlem Heat. SAME REF. What a coincidence. Nick Patrick was always dirty. Steiners attempt the Doomsday Device. It's blocked. Scott and Animal come off the top rope. Frankensteiner! Hawk breaks the pin. Steiner Bulldog on Hawk. Animal hits Rick with a spiked wrist guard. Hawk gets the win. "Now that, was a stinkin' rush."
TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene is in the ring with the Steiners. Scott says they've been coming after LOD for 4 years and the way they won was a disgrace. Scott doesn't answer Gene's question about what happened to the Nasty Boys.
Alex Wright vs Lex Luger WCW Television Championship
Lex beat Johnny for the title over the weekend. Apparently it had something to do with Kim and Eric buries him, which should be the sign that he's gone. There is an ad for the Hotline, showing how Gene gets all his scoops. He hides and dresses in disguises. Because Lex is now the TV Champion, a technicality prevents him from being Sting's partner in the Chicago Street Fight. Somehow. Sting will have to find a replacement partner. Alex had some close falls, but fell to a hot shot after Jimmy Hart distracted him. Lex was VERY talkative and grumpy in this. Title retained. Lex yells at Jimmy for being out there.
Ric Flair/Taskmaster/Arn Anderson vs Hulk Hogan/Booty Man/Randy Savage Lumberjack Strap Match
The way it was explained was that all the men in the ring and all the lumberjacks would have straps. The lumberjacks are in flannels. The Blue Bloods wear their frilllies with them. Giant and Loch Ness immediately go for Hogan. Loch Ness accidentally hits Giant, so they start brawling. Oh good. Just what the world was asking for. A 700 pound immobile 50 year old against a 7 feet tall fake son of Andre who has had under 10 matches. No semblance of a match is going on here. The lumberjacks are all fighting. All 6 men are in the ring. Kim heads out again, all in white, again with roses. Animal chases Flair to the stage and then back to the ring. This is the biggest clusterfuck. WHY DOES KONNAN KEEP ATTACKING REGAL FROM BEHIND? God, I hope Regal knocks his dick right in the dirt. What are the fucking rules here? No one has been attached or tried to touch corners. No one has tried pins. The ref hasn't tried to get anyone out of the ring. It's just an awkward battle royal with straps. At some point in the chaos, Hulk hits the boot and leg drop on Flair for the win. "Hogan is back. HE IS BACK!" Fucking cunt never left! "He's gonna chase 'em back in the bedroom..uh..back into the locker room and whip 'em til they get their clothes on!"
TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE. Gene speaks with the losers of whatever the fuck that last match just was. Sullivan hypes up the DOOMSDAY CAGE match, going out of his way to mention his reluctant partner, Lex Luger. Arn talks about marriage and til' death do us part is something he takes literally when it comes to Hogan/Macho/BOOTY. Lol, Flair sings Bray's song again. It'd be wonderful if Bray picked up singing that from 1996 Ric Flair.
Nothing is announced for next week, which has become the norm. The main event was SUCH a clusterfuck. The Steiners coming back is rad, because that means a lot of dudes are about to get the shit suplexed out of them. It was a fun match, exactly how it should have been: High octane power moves the whole time. That match bumped the whole show up a few notches from where it had been in the last month or so. Got the fans hot and they stayed hot for the next two matches. And LOD stayed hot as lumberjacks.