WCW Uncensored 3/14/99

It's the one time a year WCW goes EXTREME!!!  The main event has a new stipulation: First Blood!  They couldn't say it on TV, but they announced it on WCW.com and now have finally said it out loud.  Cages, Bob's Wire, careers, blood, presidency.  That match has it all!

Kidman vs Mikey Whipwreck WCW Cruiserweight Championship

Mikey's WCW debut.  Mikey made his reputation "on the East coast".  He gets the better of Kidman in the opening exchange.  A dropkick sends Mikey to the floor.  He goes hard into the guard rail.  Kidman gets dropped throat first on the guard rail and Mikey rolls him in the ring. Muta Lock.  Mikey drapes Kidman's neck on the bottom rope and drops a leg.  Rebound lariatoo from Kidman.  Powerbomb from Mikey gets a 2 count.  Mikey gets knocked back out to the floor and Kidman does a springboard cross body.  Mike does some weird slingshot lariatoo kind of thing back in the ring.  Slingshot suplex is countered into a DDT.  Kidman takes a hard bump getting knocked to the floor from the top.  Mikey does a dive and hits the guard rail.  Kidman goes into the crowd. Mikey tries a flip into the crowd, but misses.  Drop toe hold into the steps.  Shipwrecked taunts and almost loses on a roll up.  BK Bomb.  Mikey reverses a superplex and hits a flying lariatooo.  Sit out pedigree from Kidman.  Super backdrop drivaaaaah.  Curtain Call.  YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN!  SSP for the win.  Fun match.  Good debut for Mikey.

VINCE vs Stevie Ray Harlem Street Fight Winner Leads nWo B Team


Why would the ref check for international objects when it is a Harlem Street fight?  VINCE with that school yard offense: Eye pokes and foot stomps.  Stevie knocks him on his ass a few times, but Stevie falls to the floor.  Out there, Stevie knocks the shit out of him some more.  They go into the crowd.  Stevie put his dick on a fan or something.  It looked like he was giving a lap dance for a second.  They fight into an area with a ton of empty chairs.  Stevie is back dropped back to ringside.  Diving fist drop from VINCE.  The second one is countered.  One of the worst realized spots I've ever seen: Stevie atomic drops VINCE into the corner, but doesn't even bother to put his knee out.  VINCE bounces into the corner anyway.  Stevie waits and stumbles into VINCE, knocking heads.  VINCE then stumbles around and headbutts Stevie in the dick.  Has to be seen to be believed.  WHOREASS came out and slid a slapjack into the ring.  VINCE got it, but Stevie hit the real slapjack for the win.  He's in charge now, suckas!

Kevin Nash vs Rey Mysterio Jr.


I believe this is the only match without a title or stipulation tonight.  Rey runs right into big boot and gets tossed in the air like a balloon.  Wheelbarrow bulldog.  Springboard fameasser.  A spin wheel kick sends Nash to the floor.  Instead of trying a dive, Rey does a baseball slide and gets slid right into the guard rail.  Snake eyes on the apron.  Nash puts Rey on the ropes and elbows him, knocking him to the floor.  Super atomic drop from Nash.  Low blow!  That move that beat Scott Norton!  Bronco buster.  Nash catches a moonsault.  Lex trips up Rey and he turns around into a big boot.  Nash wins with the jackknife.  Of note, this match officially was timed at 6:19.

Raven/Hak/Bam Bam promo.

Jerry Flynn vs Sonny Onoo/The Cat

Jerry looks so naked without his mullet.  You don't just cut a man's mullet, god damn it.  This is the least looked forward to match on a card that has Virgil in a featured match.  Lots of shitty kicks, despite everyone in the match being legit martial artists who should know how to kick.  Flynn pins Sonny on an accidental pin or some shit.  Who cares.  There was no need for this match, definitely not on a PPV.

Tag team championship match promo.

Bam Bam Big Yellow vs Hak vs Raven Falls Count Anywhere

YO!  Sandman gets double teamed at the start.  Bam Bam then fucks up both guys. Chastity brings out a cart of weapons.  Sandman gets hit with a trash can and falls into another.  Plundah everywhere.  Even a mail box.  Drop toe hold onto...a bunch of stuff.  Ironing board to the head.   Cookie sheet!  Sandman goes head first into the ironing board.  The ring is full of junk.  Raven goes into two smashed trash cans in the corner.  Raven uses an oar on balls.  Double sleeper spot doesn't last very long since they both fall off of Bam Bam as soon as they tried it. Heinekanrana!  A table is in the ring.  Bam Bam attempts to superbomb Sandman through it, but that table is from Japan.  SWERVE!  Bam Bam then does a splash and the table still barely breaks.  Sandman goes cane crazy on Bam Bam.  Chastity tries to prevent Raven from getting hit, but she gets shoved out of the way.  Bam Bam gets another table.  And another.  He bounces off of another Japanese table.  Evenflow to Sandman.  Raven then duct tapes Sandman's hands behind his back.  Four unprotected chair shots, even though Sandman's hands came untaped.  Greetings From Asbury Park on Raven.  Bam Bam sets Raven under a table and attempts a moonsault.  Chastity uses a fire extinguisher and he falls.  She then SWERVES her brother and headbutts him in the dick!  Sandman pins Raven.  YO!  This was falls count anywhere and didn't even leave the ring.

Chris Benoit/Dean Malenko vs Barry Windham/Curt Hennig WCW Tag Team Championships Lumberjacks With Straps Match


The lumberjacks are Hugh Morrus, Arn Anderson,  Meng, Kaos,  Norman Smiley, Kendall Windham, Bobby Duncum Jr., and TAFKATAFKAPI.  Benoit and Perfect start out.  Arn came out and sent Chris Adams to the back.  The champs try to bail and get all slapped up.  Perfect gets chopped a few times and tags out.  Barry gets slapped around on the floor.  Leg lariatoo from Dean.  Barry hits a floating DDT on Benoit and tags out.  Benoit gets thrown to the floor and slapped around.  Windham lariatoo.  Standing dropkick from Barry.  German suplex to Hennig lets Benoit make the tag.  Hennig Plex TO Hennig.  Cloverleaf.  Barry breaks it up.  Floating suplex from Barry.  He's a floater.  Curt hits some hard chops on Dean in the corner.  Double tags.  Benoit takes Barry's belt off.  They go to the floor and everyone gets hit.  Perfect hits Dean with an international object.  Arn doesn't like it, so he hits Perfect with a tire iron.  Benoit wins with a diving headbutt from corner to corner that he barely makes.  New champions!

Chris Jericho vs Saturn Dog Collar Match

Saturn's "shocking" outfit is a leather corset and skirt.  Jericho tries to make Ralphus take the match.  He refused and walked away.  Jericho decides to wear a mouth piece for the match.  Jericho stalls for quite a while before the match.  Saturn forcefully puts the collar on him.  Saturn dominates the opening minutes.  It goes to the floor when Jericho gets jerked off the apron onto the guard rail.  Saturn does a Romero Special with the chain.  Low blow with a chain from Jericho changes the pace of the match.  Jericho powerbombs Saturn from the apron into the ring, but the chain pulls him in as well.  Liontamer!  However, the chain ended up choking Jericho while he had the hold on, so he let it go.  DVD.  Jericho kicks out!  Saturn goes for a super rana, which is countered into an awkward superbomb.  The chain breaks off of Saturn's collar.  Jericho wraps it around himself and does a moonsault that Saturn doesn't really get all the way out of the way of.  DVD for the win.

Booker T. vs Scott Steiner WCW TV Championship

Scott was really mad about something and threw the title around on the floor.  Isn't it strange that Scotty almost the WCW Championship in 1991/1992, but didn't actually get it until near the end of 2000?  Same goes for Booker, really.  Both of these guys should have been in the title hunt at this point in their careers, not fighting over the TV Championship.  Both were so far above that in 1999.  Booker definitely has Scott's number.  Scott gets almost no offense for minutes until Buff pulls Booker to the floor and unloads on him.  The ref saw but this show is UNCENSORED so whatever.  They are in the crowd.  Chair shot from Steiner changes the pace.  Press slam.  Spinning belly to belly.  Overhead belly to belly.  Book comes back with a flying forearm.   Kick combo.  Ax kick.  Flapjack Norton.  Book goes for the missile dropkick.  Buff trips him up.  This is the same match they had on Nitro.   Superplex.  Buff accidentally hits Scott with a chair.  Book kicks it back in Buff's face.  New champion!  The number one contender to the US Championship is the TV Champion!  Besides the finish, this is every Booker/Steiner match ever.

Hollywood Hogan vs Ric Flair WCW ChampionshipFirst Blood Barbed Wire Cage Match Ric Flair's Career vs Permanent Control of WCW Match

Does this have the most stipulations of any match ever?  Four separate stipulations in one match.  Before the match, Flair tells Charles Robinson to only stop the match at his own discretion.  That means not calling the match for scratches or bloody lips.  The cage has no doors and gets its own intro.  Hogan immediately throws Flair around twice.  Flair hits a gnarly chop in the corner.  He goes after Hogan's knee, but Hogan shrugs that shit off to dominate Flair.  You know, like all of their matches.  Hogan locks on a figure four.  Flair gets out of it, but is sent into the cage.  Flair tries to climb out.  Someone throws toilet paper in the ring.  Hogan pulls Flair's tights down, so half the crowd gets to see his old man ass.  He's also bleeding, but the ref hasn't called for the bell.  Hulk pulls down some 'bowbed wire".  Not even Bob Wire anymore.  Hogan whips Flair with the weight belt and sends him into the cage again.  Big boot and leg drop.  Hulk tries a pin, but there are no pinfalls in this match.  Robinson won't call for the bell despite Flair being as bloody as he can be.  Flair uses an international object and throws Hulk into the cage.  Now Hulk is bleeding.  It's a first blood match, both guys are bleeding, but the match is still going on.  David and Torrie come out.  Ric SPITS AT HIS SON.  Jesus.  Hulk Hulks up.  Another leg drop.  The ref now actually makes the pin, but stops when he realizes it's a FIRST BLOOD MATCH WHERE BOTH GUYS HAVE BEEN BLEEDING FOR TEN MINUTES.  Flair gets rammed repeatedly into the cage.  Ref bump.  In a first blood cage match.  Low blow from Flair.  Arn runs out and hits David.  Torrie jumps on his back.  Flair gets the tire iron.  Down goes Hogan.  Figure four.  The ref counts a fall.  New champion!  What the fuck?  Not a god damn thing in this match made sense.  Flair was bleeding 5 minutes into the match.  Then Hogan was bleeding and the ref wouldn't count falls because it was a first blood match.  Then he decided to count a fall, but stopped because he remembered the rules.  Then he counts a fall to end the match.  Flair is champion for the 14th time and now has control over WCW 4LYFE.

DQ Count: 0 out of 9 matches

This show was pretty fun over all, but that main event made no fucking sense at all.  A first blood match that ended in a pin fall from a submission after both guys had been bleeding for 10 minutes.  Get that shit out of here.  Fans were solidly behind Hogan.  Jerry Flynn got a PPV win.  Raven's fake sister willingly put her head by his cock and balls.  Probably the fewest amount of gifs I've ever had for a PPV, but that doesn't mean it was a bad show.  Just not a highly giffable show.  The tag match would have made way more sense as a strap match, with Jericho/Saturn being any other kind of gimmick.