WWF Survivor Series 1995
The show starts with surprise color commentator MR. PERFECT being announced to the crowd.
The Underdogs vs The Body Donnas
Boy. These are...teams. Hakushi, Bob Holly, Marty Jannetty, Barry Horriblewitz. Skip, Rad Radford. Dr. Tom, newly heel 123 Kid. The Kid turned on Razor 6 days ago on Raw. Martin and Thomas start the match. Rad tries a rana on Bobcore and gets powerbombed. This is New Gen as FUCK. Fans in DC seem to be pretty into Hakushi. He's caught in a spinebuster pretty much as soon as he tags in. This is like the Job Squad vs the Gob Squad. Dr. Tom gets eliminated with a top rope cross body from Holly, who then immediately gets eliminated with a school boy from Skip. Super frankensteiner from Skip into a Flair Flop for some reason. Kid stomps Hakushi right in the throat. Rude as shit. I have a hard time believing this reaction for Hakushi is legit. He's barely been on Raw since turning face, and his face turn was barely even a turn at all. Rad pins him after Kid kicks him in the back of the head. Team captain Barry gets dominated for a bit. Inside cradle gets rid of Rad. Barry is eliminated by a Kid leg drop. Like that punk is Hogan. 2-1 advantage for the heels. Martin is the last guy on his team. You know what's not interesting? This match. Martin hits the Rocker Dropper. Sunny trips him up on the top rope. Super bomb from Martin! That eliminates Skip. We're down to Kid vs Martin, which would be the most interesting match anyway. Sid waltzes out just as the two best guys finally get to try to make the match interesting. Of course he interferes and the Underdogs become THE LOSERS.
TO THE BACK. Razor throws a fit. And a monitor.
TO THE TODD. Pettingzoo is with Corny, Yoko, Owen, Fuji, and Dean Douglas. The got dang WILD CARD match is getting wilder by the second!
Bertha Faye/Aja Kong/Tomoko Watanabe/Lioness Asuka vs Alundra Blayze/Kyoko Inoue/Sakie Hasegawa/Chaparita Asari
I know I reviewed this match for something. All about that Aja Kong beat downs. And since I only know Aja/Alundra/Bertha, I'll leave it to gifs again. Aja was the sole survivor for her team. This was so much doper than the previous match. These dames were knocking the shit out of each other, doing crazy flying moves, and dropping each other on their heads. I believe the Raw rematch had more Aja beat downs.
TO THE Todd. Todd is with THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, Bill Clinton! He loves Bam Bam. But watching him since he was little and playing with Pebbles. Bam Bam's pyro made the Secret Service dive over the prez.
Bam Bam Big Yellow vs Goldust
All three announcers say homophobic stuff. Perfect probably being the most squicked out by him. You'd expect it to be JR saying the worst shit. I believe Goldy got a lot more into the role over the past month. "He's been one of the hot topics on America On Line lately." God that ring looks awful to bump on. Especially anywhere not right in the center. Things you can see under Goldy's jump suit: His thong, his nipples, his cellulite, his balls. "That makes me uncomfortable for some reason." JR, talking about Goldy's taunt. Goldy dominates this. Bammer just can't follow shit up. He'll hit a big move and then miss the next one. Probably because HE'S FAT. Goldy hits that Dustin lariatooo. His boots are no longer cowboy boots, at least. Goldust wins with a bulldog OUTTA NOWHERE.
TO THE TODD. Back with Slick Willie. Mr. Backlund refuses to shake hands with Mr. Clinton. Backlund asks about the government shut down. Clinton thinks Bob should run for president.
The Mabel/Taker feud is recapped. Technically, this shit has been going on since before KOTR.
The Royals vs The Darkside
Lawler/HHH/King/Dentist Kane/Mabel. Fatu/Savio/Godwinn/Taker. The 5 on 4 advantage is never even brought up. This whole show is NEW GEN AS FUCK in the worst way. This is Taker's first time back in about a month, after Yoko and Mabel crushed his face. He now wears a Phantom of the Opera type mask for protection. I wonder how Taker picked his team. Did he ask them all individually? What did they talk about? Did he visit the ghetto with Fatu? Did he visit the barrio with Savio? Did he visit the hog farm with Hank? Fatu and HHH begin the match. Fucking ridiculous that HHH, Kane, King, and kind of Taker are still around nearly 20 years later. Savio also still wrestles as far as I know. King's gear is disgusting. Also disgusting is his mullet. God, he couldn't look trashier if he tried. Well, he probably could. He looked trashier when he had his air brushed tights and BMX knee/elbow pads in USWA and the very start of his WWF run. Savio gets beaten on for a while. King drops him with a piledriver. Savio kicked out. Then he hits a Rock Bottom on HHH OUTTA NOWHERE. Savio no sells another piledriver to tag in Taker. THEN he sells it. No one will tag King. A tombstone eliminates him. The Dentist Kane and Taker go at it. Kane is almost immediately eliminated with a tombstone. The first of about 9000 he'd end up taking. HHH says fuck it and walks off. But then he's cornered by Fatu and Henry. Taker chokeslams him back in and eliminates him. Mabel belly to bellies Taker. When Taker no sells it, he also runs off, getting counted out. The entire Darkside team survives. Mo gets chokeslammed.
TO THE PRE-RECORDED COMMENTS. Both Bret and Diesel gave their thoughts on having to face Bulldog next if they win tonight. Bret compares himself to Wayne Gretzky. Of course. The promo he had on the go home Raw made him sound like a real whiny dick. I don't like Nash's "Diesel voice". It really stands out, because half the time he doesn't do it. Neither guy is looking past the match tonight.
TO THE TODD. Todd talks with part of the Wild Card team. Ted and Corny are a bit at odds with each other when HBK and Ahmed show up.
Yokozuna/Owen Hart/Dean Douglas/Razor Ramon vs HBK/Ahmed Johnson/Sid/British Bulldog
I like the concept of this match. I like most of the talent in this match.
This is Ahmed's official WWF in ring debut. It's also HBK's return to action after being beaten up by the entire Axis Powers outside of a night club in New York. Owen and HBK begin the match. Fuck Jim Cornette. Racist piece of shit. He can claim he's a super liberal and all that shit. That's bullshit. Dean and HBK square off. Poor Shane. It must have been so embarrassing to go back to ECW. He was never the same after his Dean Douglas run. It's like his body just gave up because his soul was so sad. All he did for the next 10 years or so was get injured. Razor and Dean can't get a long, and a punch from Razor ends up getting Dean eliminated first. Owen and Bulldog are paired off. They shove each other and go at it. Then HBK and Razor get tagged in. They also go at it, which should not be a surprise to anyone since they've gone at it a lot, even as faces. Razor's Edge! Ahmed makes the save. Sid is finally tagged in. He should powerbomb EVERYONE. I want to see him powerbomb Yoko. Chokeslam to Razor. Sid holds Razor for a super kick. Razor ducked. HBK didn't seem to care much. Sid is eliminated. Sid then powerbombs HBK. Yoko, who is covered in sweat just STANDING for the entirety of the match so far, finally tags in. And he immediately locks on a nerve hold. Ahmed gets tagged and knocks everyone around. Owen is eliminated via PRP. He and Razor face off. LOL, he walks way out of range for Razor's super bulldog, so Razor walks across the ring to do a normal one. I bet he was pissed. Spinebuster OUTTA NOWHERE. Then he taunts on the ropes and gets hit with the Razor's Edge. Sid stays at ringside and is joined by the 123 Kid, who distracts Razor long enough for Razor to get hit with the running powerslam and eliminated. Yoko of course misses the banzai splash. Because he'd fucking kill a dude at his weight. He's also the last dude left on his team. Ahmed slams him. Bulldog breaks the pin. HBK and Ahmed get rid of Bulldog. HBK hits the super kick. Ahmed hits a running splash and gets the win for his team.
TO THE TODD. Sunny is now sitting on Clinton's lap. He dumps popcorn down her tits. Then offers to fuck her.
Bret Hart vs Diesel WWF Championship No Disqualification
Their match at the Rumble is most definitely the WWF MOTY. I hope this match can live up to that match. Perfect picks Bret. JR picks Diesel. Diesel right away removes a turnbuckle pad. So does Bret. He isn't intimidated at all. This is going to be a fight. Nash gets Bret in the corner and goes to town on that pink mother fucker. Bret tries to get some distance and can't, so he rolls to the floor. Diesel follows and does snake eyes on the guard rail. I hope Bret gets as aggressive as he was at the Rumble, where he wrestled as much as a heel as he was even at the height of the USA vs Canada angle. Bret gets chucked into the steps and Diesel drills him with a chair in the back. Diesel seems to be enjoying himself. Bret is able to block the jackknife, though. Bret BITES Diesel's arm to get out of a hold and goes to work with eye rakes, hair pulling, and then a sleeper with a hand in the eye. Then he goes after the knees. Figure four is applied. Diesel gets to the ropes. Bret breaks it, even though he actually doesn't have to since it is no DQ. Diesel eye pokes his way out of the sharpshooter. No DQ, god damn it. Bret is shoved off into one of the exposed turn buckles, which he seems to hit ear first. But before Diesel can capitalize, Bret uses the ring post. Bret then uses a camera cable and ties Diesel's ankle to the ring post. Bret gets a chair, but Diesel is able to use his free foot to kick him off. But he is still trapped and Bret goes to town on his leg with the chair. Bret goes up top with the chair and is caught. He gets crotched and thrown to the middle of the ring. Nash unties himself. Bret takes the corner bump into the exposed turn buckle. Diesel is still able to hit the flying tea bag, but with a lot of effort. Snake eyes. Bret sends Nash into the buckle and then hits a flying bulldog. 5MOD begin. Bret tries a tope and Nash just walks away. He ain't taking that shit. When Bret gets back on the apron, Diesel knocks him off and Bret goes sailing through the Spanish announce table. CZFNW! Once Bret gets thrown in the ring, Diesel goes for the jackknife. Bret can't stand. Small package OUTTA NOWHERE! New champion! Diesel is not at ALL happy. He attacks the ref and jackknifes Bret. Then he attacks the refs that run in and does another jackknife. Then he walks out, slapping hands with fans as he goes.
Even after the PPV highlights package airs, Bret is still down in the ring and being attended to. WE'RE OUTTA TIME. Over all, I'd say this show was enjoyable. If you just take the YAK match, WILD CARD, and Nash/Hart, it was a fun show. I'm not sure if Diesel/Nash was as dope as it was at the Rumble. It was dope, no doubt, but I don't think it was quite as dope. I'd still put it as the second best match of WWF 1995 so far. Those two had good matches even up to 2000 WCW, bu which point Nash had given up completely for at least a year and a half and Bret was concussed to shit and wearing jorts. I'd MUCH rather watch this than November to Remember, which was the day before and took me a solid 26 hours to get through.