WWF Survivor Series 2001


 
 

The intro video is pretty dope, with clips from Gorilla Monsoon and Freddie Blassie clips from the 70s-2000s WWF, and the Armageddon song played over it. In the main event, either the Alliance or the WWF will be shut down. It is winner takes all.


Christian vs Al Snow WWF European Championship

This match was set up on Heat before the show. And Christian won the title at a house show. The Blue Dot gets some promo time before the match. Al Snow comes out to...Maven's theme. Which I guess was the Tough Enough theme, but it is kind of weird since he had his own established theme. JR immediately says that Christian is living in the shadow of Edge. I'm not sure how that helps Christian, but whatever. It's a fairly even match. I don't know why Christian wore that see through shirt. Why even bother if the shirt is see through? I really enjoy the Heyman/JR dynamic, because Paul E. clearly ruffles JR's feathers every chance he gets. It's so much better than JR/King. It was great in NWA/WCW, and it was great during the Invasion. Fans are loud for Al's trapping headbutts, but the set up to this tells you how much the European championship means at this point. Al hits a brutal Snow Plow, but is too close to the ropes for the pin. Christian rolls out of the ring, hits a cheapshot, and wins with the Unprettier. Title retained.


TO THE BACK. Stone Cold and Debra arrive. They enter the Alliance locker room, who point blank as him if Austin is turning on the Alliance tonight. Wow I never realized how big Shane was. He's literally the biggest guy on the Alliance team. Taller than Austin, Angle, RVD, and Booker. A lot of dissension in the ranks tonight. Elsewhere, Vince and Linda argue about the risk of injury in the main event, even with Alliance people. Vince lets her in on an old expression: "Shit happens." Cole interrupts them to get some comments. Vince always has an ace in the hole, implying that he has a mole on the Alliance team. Regal shows up and says he doesn't buy it. 


William Regal vs Tajiri

I expected that when KENTA signed to WWE, that he'd basically be booked exactly like Tajiri and get over based on kicking the shit out of people. His pre-injury run in NXT did not turn out the way I hoped or expected. Here, Tajiri kicks the shit out of Regal, but Regal elbows and forearms the shit out of Tajiri. Regal's mouth or nose is busted open early on. Tajiri gets his neck twisted in the ropes and Regal uses that time to try to murder him. Regal gets the win with a tiger bomb in a pretty short match. Regal hits another tiger bomb after the match. The Alliance is up 2-0 so far, 3-0 if you count Heat. Torrie Wilson comes out to check on Tajiri. Regal gave her a tiger bomb as well. 


TO THE BACK. Test gets on Janet's ass for not getting proper oil coverage on his body. Stacy Keibler shows up. Test hits on her.

TO THE COACH. Edge is the guest. Whoever wins the unification match will get keep their job regardless of who wins the the Winner Takes All match, so this is some heavy shit.


Test vs Edge WCW US Championship/WWF Intercontinental Championship Unification Match

Two tall Canadians with long blond hair and dumb names. A match made in heaven. Test pretty easily dominates the opening of this match. His bacne is disgusting, and his gyno nips are  dead giveaways. Also, he's NAMED AFTER TESTOSTERONE. Edge was in a weird place during this time, still being stuck somewhere between E&C goofiness while trying to reach the next level as a semi-serious face. It's not like this is BAD. The crowd is into it and it is fine. I couldn't tell you what the story is, though. Test had a lot of potential, I think. A huge dude with a good look and very athletic, but he never really pulled it together. In some ways, I think being as athletic as he was held him back, as it seemed like he was expected to do more bumping around and making smaller guys look good than what would be expected out of guys his size normally. TEST hits a spear that looked better than almost every spear Edge did. Edge also kicks out of the pumphandle slam, so he kicked out of two finishers in a row. Then Test kicks out of the spear. Finisher spam in the midcard? Come on, brehs. Lol, Edge wins with a roll up. He unifies the IC and US Championships, with a roll up after finisher spam.


TO THE BACK. Steph tells Kurt how stressed out she is. "If the Alliance loses tonight, I'll become a regular person." Being a regular person does suck, I'll agree with Steph here. Kurt thinks Austin is telling the truth and is on the Alliance's side. Elsewhere, Lita asks Jeff about how weird Matt has been lately. Lita then runs into Trish, who wishes her good luck. 


Dudley Boyz vs Hardy Boyz WWF Tag Team Championships/WCW Tag Team Championships Unification Steel Cage Match

I should point out that the title cards have the title holders opposite of what they actually are. It's a tag team cage match...which you'd think would mean you don't have to make tags, but you'd be wrong. This is kind of the end of the era for WWF tag team wrestling. E&C were broken up, the Hardys would soon break up and feud, and the Dudleys would be split in the brand draft. As a match, it's mostly just a straight tag match that happens to be in a cage. Which is pretty dumb to me. Having tags in a cage match is dumb as shit. There have been a few tag cage matches.  They should all be tornado style. Things start getting wacky when they start doing top rope moves, like the ass buster Bubba Bomb from the top, which makes no sense at all since Bubba is taking the same bump as Jeff. "He's like a North Carolina orangatang!" Dudleys have controlled most of the match. Hardys do the shit where, as faces, they try to scurry out of the cage to win like chicken shits, something I always hate in cage matches. Faces should never be trying to just bounce out of the cage until they've thoroughly smashed the heels to bits. This could almost be a completely standard match. Paul implies that he'd fuck Nick Patrick to fuck Stacy. And Stacy's distraction allows the Dudleys to get a table into the ring. In a cage match. Matt exits the cage, which is pretty stupid. Since pinfalls count, all Matt did was turn this into a handicap match. Jeff has a chance to exit the cage. Instead, he decides to do a swanton from the top of the cage to D-Von, who is on a table. And D-Von moves. The Dudleys win and unify the tag titles. Some really, really wonky psychology in this match. Jeff is taken out on a stretcher. 


TO WWF NEW YORK. Commissioner Foley is at the restaurant instead of at the PPV on the most important night of the company's existence. He shits all over how stupid that is, and how pointless the commissionership is when he still has to do what Vince says.

TO THE BACK. Test attacks Scotty 2 Hotty, who was to be in the immunity battle royal. 


Immunity Battle Royal

Whoever wins this will be unable to be fired for one calendar year, regardless of who wins the main event. Participants in the match include Test, DDP, Raven, Tommy Dreamer, Hurricane, Justin Credible, Lance Storm, Kidman, Stevie Richards, Shawn Stasiak, Farooq, Bradshaw, Funaki, Crash Holly, Spike Dudley, Chuck Palumbo, Perry Saturn, Billy Gunn, and Albert. Stasiak is eliminated about a second after the bell rings. OH SHIT, IT'S TAZZ! And JR starts bringing up Sabu nicknames for some reason. Surely half of these guys could have had actual matches. DDP being in the battle royal is pretty weird. Hugh Morrus and Chavo Guerrero hit the ring, so I guess they're in it, too. MIA represent! This is a very standard battle royale, with mindless brawling. Lol, Tazz gets eliminated talking shit to Heyman. He then goes after Paul, who jumps behind JR. JR then calls Paul an "old broad". Elimination of the match goes to JBL fall away slamming Kidman over the top rope. Test wins, despite not even being an official competitor in the match. 


TO THE BACK. Shane and Booker talk in the back in private. Booker doesn't trust Austin. Shane does trust him, though.


Trish Stratus vs Jacqueline vs Lita vs Ivory vs Mighty Molly vs Jazz WWF Women's Championship

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The lack of reaction to Jazz was pretty amazing. Especially with her weird music. Paul obviously put her over huge, but I don't think the crowd had any idea who she was. She immediately slams Lita around. This is a six pack challenge, which is a fatal 6 way, with tags. First one to get a pin wins. This is definitely a "let's get everyone on the show" type of card. Besides Torrie and Stacy (who were on the show anyways), all the active women were wrestling here. This is short, but includes your normal finisher spam not even half way into the match, which is kind of weird. Jazz takes the weirdest fall through the ropes that I've ever seen. Trish pins Ivory with the Stratusfaction. New champion! After the match, JR makes an anal sex joke regarding Trish. Fucking weird.


TO THE BACK. Vince pumps up Team WWF. Rock's reaction is double the rest of the team combined. I would like to note that Rock is the only member of he team with no facial hair. He's also the only member of the team who will not stop bouncing around like he's on coke during the entirety of Vince's speech. Elsewhere, the Alliance heads to the ring.


Team Alliance vs Team WWF Winner Take All

 
 

Rock and Austin start the match. What's interesting to me is that, outside of Rock, the entire WWF team actually spent time in WCW. Oh shit, ROCK doing the Thesz Press RIGHT HAND RIGHT HAND to Austin! Paul makes a good point: Shane had the guts to put his money and body on the line, while Vince didn't get involved in this. It clearly must mean more to Shane than Vince, even if Vince picked Big Show to replace him. Big Show was a dude who was losing to Spike Dudley in 2001. It says to me that Vince is so unconfident in his physicality that he trusts a guy who could lose to Spike despite being 3 times his size. That kind of goes against the Mr. McMahon character a bit, but whatever. But Shane is VERY involved in this, breaking up every pin/submission he can. This match is clearly very important to him. Now, I'm not a guy who gets annoyed or upset with obvious outcomes, but in this case, the entire match is flat because you know there is NO possible way that the WWF brand is going to be off the air tomorrow. The stakes here are TOO high to be believable. Anyway, Big Show is the first eliminated, after getting hit with four finishers in a row. Shane is eliminated in the same manner moments later. Kane is eliminated after one frog splash. It's weird how much of an advantage Team WWF has in this match. Three dudes near or at 7 feet tall. The biggest star in the world in Rock. The experience of Taker. The youth and ability of Jericho. And this is against a team where Shane McMahon, a non-wrestler, is the biggest person. Booker had essentially become a comedy character by this point. Austin was Austin, but not the same Austin as before 2001. Not to mention a WWF ref, on a WWF show. The odds seem overly stacked in the favor of the face team. Taker is eliminated with a stunner. Booker is eliminated with...a school boy. Jericho eliminates RVD with the softest Skull Crushing Finale you'll ever see. Looked absolutely terrible and the audience couldn't believe someone lost to such a weak ass move. Jericho has been weird in this all together. Lots of miscommunications and awkward moments with everyone on the Alliance side. Angle taps out to the Sharpshooter, leaving Austin vs Rock/Jericho. Then Jericho gets eliminated and turns on Rock. Well, that makes a ton of sense. I guess he wasn't worried about losing his job or anything. Once we're down to Rock/Austin, we get two sharpshooter spots, MINUTES of brawling on the floor with no counting of any kind, finisher stealing, three ref bumps, and Kurt Angle turning on the Alliance. Team WWF wins!



A fittingly limp ending to a limp angle. WWE bought ECW and WCW and turned the invasion angle into McMahon family squabbles, with the main stars of the Alliance being WWF guys. The big WCW guys didn't come in, and the ones that did were immediately marginalized and replaced with McMahons and WWF talent. So the ending has a match with stakes that are impossible to take seriously, and the big WCW vs WWF angle ends with....Rock vs Austin. Not Rock vs Booker. Not Austin vs Goldberg. Rock vs Austin. The card in general was kind of whatever. The matches were short and it seemed like a WM card in the sense of "get everyone on the card" style booking. If WM17 was the climax of the Attitude Era, this was the weak epilogue that you kind of wish you hadn't read.

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