WWF No Way Out Of Texas: In Your House 2/15/98
Marc Mero/Goldust vs Headbangers
Uguuuu. Goldy is dressed as Marilyn Manson tonight, complete with knock off music. Hate the Headbangers. Don't want to watch Marc Mero. TAFKAGoldust wasn't fun to watch in the ring. I don't like anything about this. Thrasher got busted open huge from the steps. That's the only notable thing from this match. Thrasher wins via small package.
TO THE COLE. Owen talks about the main event tag and how he's going to coexist with Austin.
Taka Michinoku vs Pantera WWF Light Heavyweight Championship
Sunny is the ring announce for this and she sounds gakked out of her mind. Brian Christopher joins for commentary. Pantera is the kind of dude that WCW wouldn't bring in even as a D-tier lucha dude. Now you have two Lawlers out here saying racist shit and squealing. Pantera does a CRAZY top rope victory roll off the apron and Taka takes a sick bump on it, but of course it was shown in a double screen so you could see father and son laughing together. The follow up dive was also almost completely missed by the camera crew. Don't worry about the match. Obviously the father-son bonding moments are more important. Brian straight up calls Taka a "slant eye". WWF just doesn't get the cruiser style. Doesn't understand how to lay out the matches or how to shoot them. There was a match with big bumps and spots, but the fans don't care, the camera men don't care, and the announcers don't care. So I don't care, either. Michinoku Driver for the win. Title retained. Taka hit a plancha on both Lawlers after the match.
TO THE HERMIE. Cactus Jack and Chainsaw Charlie are chatting on AOL and they don't care who will be replacing HBK tonight.
The Godwinns vs The Quebecers
The Mounties! They're back! But they no longer dress like mounties at all and have the most generic Johnston joint possible. And they're with the Godwinns, so fuck this. Zero heat. Mountie did a plancha, which was weird. Godwinns win via a lariato from the apron.
TO THE CUNT. Dok asks the Outlaws who will be the replacement for HBK in the main event. They don't know and they're going to find out.
Man, how sad. The Attitude ad has Bret Hart replaced with Marc Mero.
Jeff Jarrett vs Bradshaw NWA North American Championship
It's really stupid to me that the NWA angle didn't have the NWA Championship involved. At this point, Dan Severn was the NWA Champion. The belt wasn't stuck in Japan. And Severn would be in the WWF soon anyway. What little edge the angle had were lost when Double J was walking around with a secondary title. JBL beats the dog shit out of Jeff. Bradshaw is not a dude I would want to work with. He should have been in Japan as Stan Hansen Jr., just knocking the fuck out of everyone. The match itself is nothing to talk about except for when JBL stiffs the fuck out of Jarrett. Jeff got disqualified for hitting Bradshaw with the tennis racket right in front of the ref. Bradshaw didn't even get to hit a lariat so what's the point? The NWA beat him down after the match. LOD made a save.
TO THE COLE. Cole asks Chyna and HHH who will be replacing HBK. HHH says no one can replace HBK, so they're not going to get a replacement. Cole says the WWF will likely appoint them a new partner.
TO THE CUNT. He's with the Nation. Rock tried to take over the interview, which is just begging for Faarooq to whoop his ass. Instead, Rock makes amazing faces and pec flexes for the duration.
Ken Shamrock/Ahmed Johnson/Disciples of Apocalypse vs Nation of Domination War of Attrition Match
I certainly question the idea of booking a 10 man tag on a show where the main event is built on a big 8 man tag. This isn't the Survivor Series. I assume war of attrition means this is an elimination match. JR says as much. A lot of terrible wrestlers in this. All of DOA, Ahmed, Kama, Mark Henry (who it would take almost another decade before he finally got it). So that leaves Rock, D'Lo, Faarooq, Shamrock. And Faarooq and Shamrock really aren't great by any stretch of the imagination. The Texas crowd gets HOT for Henry/Ahmed show down but then die off when that means they're going to wrestle each other. Shamrock made Rock tap to the ankle lock. Not only were the rules for the gimmick match not explained by Fink, but JR said it was an elimination match. It was NOT an elimination match and was just a standard 10 man tag given a gimmick name for some reason. And it sucked. Rock got all up in Faarooq's ass after the match and the Nation EXPLODES. Faarooq decks D'Lo, Rock leaves. Rock then came back and Faarooq asserted his dominance.
TO THE COLE. Austin doesn't give a shit who is or isn't replacing HBK.
Vader vs Kane
So much red and black.
Vader looks worn the fuck out not even 3 minutes into the match. But he also REKS Kane with punches, so that's fun. Kane's flying clothesline sucks. It has always sucked. It will always suck. I wouldn't say this match is good, but it is fun to see someone knocking the shit out of Kane. Vader hits the Vader Bomb and moonsault. Kane sits up. Vader completely no sells getting thrown into the steps to grab a fire extinguisher. Shitty powerbomb. Kane no sells it. Chokeslam. Tombstone for the win. After the match, Kane busted Vader in the face with a giant wrench. For some reason, there is a microphone hanging in the ring. Anyway, Vader does a stretcher job, but he goes out on his stomach so you can't see his face.
Owen Hart/Steve Austin/Chainsaw Charlie/Cactus Jack vs Triple H/Road Dogg/Billy Gunn/Savio Vega Non-Sanctioned Match
HBK replaced with...Savio Vega. What a downgrade. LOL at the groans turning into boos when Savio was announced. Cactus and Funk bring the plundah like it is a WCW hardcore match. There is no doubt that Austin is THE MAN. The match starts out with everyone brawling. Tables, cookie sheets, chairs, trash cans, Earl Hebner taking bumps for no reason. Road Dogg powerbombs Funk on two open chairs. It eventually settles down into an actual tag match, even though there is no reason to bother with any of that shit. It's non-sanctioned. There are no rules. Earl forcing someone out of the ring in 5 seconds after all 8 men were knocking the shit out of each other with chairs and trash cans for 7 minutes is stupid. Not stupid is Austin drilling Billy in the face with a trash can from the apron. Cactus gets wrapped in barbed wire and then Savio lays him the fuck out with a chair shot. Billy accidentally drills Road Dogg with a chair. Austin gets the hot tag, knocks the shit out of everyone, pins Road Dogg with the stunner, gives Billy one for fun, knocks HHH off the apron. Chyna then gets in Austin's face, shoves him twice and flips him the double bird. KICK WHAM STUNNER! For the working man.
The main event is a pretty fun, wild, clusterfuck. Everything else on the show is completely skippable. Seeing Rock and Austin really grabbing for those brass rings is a ton of fun to watch. It was fun seeing someone stiff the shit out of Kane, but otherwise the show before the main event is a DUD and a half.