WWF No Mercy 10/17/99


The Godfather vs Mideon

What. Fuck. I should note that the stage for this is straight up the Raw stage without the ramp. So low rent. This is now fully in the Smackdown Era. Who booked this shit? The answer is a now doubly worked Vince Russo. I mean, he was responsible for some true garbage when just doing Raw. You add Smackdown to his work load and you get a Godfather/Mideon PPV match. Viscera tries to gets some of the hoes, foreshadowing his world's largest lover period. Then Mideon completely fucks up a snake eyes on the guard rail. What the fuck, man? He just dropped Kama on the side of his head with no warning. The ref, Tim White, is somehow able to miss a 500 pound man in a trash bag interfering repeatedly in this match. Godfather won with a school boy in what was definitely as bad as it sounds on paper. Tim White tried to dance with the hos after the match and threw his back out.

 
 

EARLIER TONIGHT. HHH explained his big ploy to fake a rattlesnake bite to play mind games with Austin.

TO THE COLE. Big Mike spoke with Ivory, who will be defending her championship against the Fabulous Moolah tonight. She's sending Moolah back to the home.


Fabulous Moolah vs Ivory WWF Women's Championship

Moolah and Mae are as old as my grandma is right now and my granny wouldn't even be able to make it down to the ring. These old broads were taking bumps and running around. King for some reason talks about losing your virginity to Mae or Moolah. Moolah attempted a bottom rope splash. She missed. Mae got knocked off the apron for breaking a pin. Twice. Then Ivory tried a suicide dive on Moolah, which of course didn't work at all. King can't stop laughing at these old ladies getting thrown around. The third time Mae falls off the apron, it was damn near a Nestea Plunge. Moolah rolls Ivory up. New champion!

 
 

EARLIER TONIGHT. Vince spoke with HHH after HHH explained his ploy against Austin. Vince made the main event no holds barred, so GIVE HIM HELL, CHAMP!


New Age Outlaws vs Holly Cousins

This match starts on the floor. The Outlaws lost the tags titles to the Rock N Sock Connection on Smackdown. They are a bit pissy about it. Crash and Billy end up officially starting the match. I wonder if Billy was still thinking about his complete and utter failure of a singles push. He's doubled down on his ass gimmick, now wearing sheer trunks with a thong. Lots of headlocks from the Hollys. Crash is pretty jacked. He definitely weighs more than Road Dogg, despite being 2 feet shorter. But Road Dogg looks like he's legitimately never seen the inside of a gym in his life. How did that dude make it in the Army? I can't imagine him running and doing push ups and shit. This is not an interesting match at all. Ivory and Moolah put on a far more entertaining match. The Outlaws get disqualified for Billy hitting a Fameasser on a chair. Bob took a pumphandle slam on a chair after the match. Two roll ups and a DQ. Off to a good start.

 
 

Jeff Jarrett vs Chyna WWF Intercontinental Championship

Good House Keeping Match

I'd like to note how this angle is about women being equal to men and Chyna specifically being able to compete with a man. However, in every encounter Chyna has had with Jeff, she's needed help from multiple other women and occasionally a man. One on one, Jeff has proven to be far superior than Chyna every time. And now, Chyna's last chance is in an insulting gimmick match. And this is how Chyna has been booked for all of 1999. After being a dominate force in 1997 and 1998, as soon as she starts wrestling, she needs men, multiple women, cheating, or all of the above to defeat a man. It's shameful. Also strange is that Chyna isn't a tweener, but is booked fully as a heel with HHH, and fully face on her own.

Such wonderful weapons like salami, frying pans , eggs, a pie, toilet seat, a mop, bananas. Chyna misses a Cactus Elbow through a table and then gets hit with a fish. Jeff and Ms. Kitty try to make a cake during the match. It doesn't really work out for either of them. Tongs to the balls! PIES PIES PIES PIES. You know what would have been good for this story? For Chyna to beat Jeff in a legitimate one on one contest without cakes and pies and low blows or help. Ref bump! No need for a ref bump in a no DQ match, shit heads. Jeff hits Chyna with the title and gets the win. There wasn't even a delay on the pin, so there was no reason to do the ref bump. But then Teddy Long hollas at Jeff and says the title belt is not a house hold item, so the match continues, playa. Chyna then almost immediately wins with a guitar shot. New champion! A real shame she couldn't have been booked as a true equal.

 
 

The Rock vs British Bulldog

This feud is best known for the Rock Bottom on a big pile of dog shit. The ovation for Rock is IMMENSE. The ring crew did a shitty job of cleaning up ringside. This is a short, boring brawl that Rock wins with the People's Elbow. Bulldog was so broken down. He was broken down even before he left the WWF in 1997. Then he got injured and was never the same.

 
British Bulldog fuck you.gif
 

EARLIER TONIGHT. King got Terri to climb a ladder so he could look up her skirt.


Edge & Christian vs Hardy Boys

Ladder Match

The Terri Invitational Tournament. TIT. Get it? The winner not only gets a big bag of money, but the services of Terri. As a manager. Not bjs. Maybe. King left it ambiguous. Gangrel tries to get involved early on and is ejected. Both teams do poetry in motion style things with the ladder. Christian hits his. Edge misses. Reverse DDT from half way up the ladder. The weird thing to me about moves off the ladder is that they aren't even as high as the top rope most times, so there really is no reason that they'd be so brutal. Jeff leap frogs the ladder to hit a leg drop to a huge ovation. I can't believe the Hardys are still doing shit like this nearly 16 years later. Edge might die if he takes a bump, Christian's brain is scrambled, but the Hardys are still taking crazy bumps in TNA and even bigger indies than TNA. There is a fair amount of ladder throwing, Sabu style. More moves from the middle of the ladder, which again is basically the height of the second rope. There are some bigger bumps, such as Jeff getting hip tossed over the top of the ladder. Then we have the debut of the teeter-totter spot, which no doubt broke Jeff's ass. Jeff struggles and falls off the ladder while grabbing the money. Hardys win. A standing ovation for both teams after the match.


TO THE BACK. The Hardys celebrate with the money and Teri.

EARLIER TONIGHT. Mankind looked for Rock. The Hollys sent him to the bathroom, where Rock was taking a horrible shit. Mick slipped him a copy of his book. But then Rock was walking in the hallway. Mick finds that the book was left in the bathroom, where Val Venis attacked him.

The Rock comes back out to talk some shit. He challenges the winner of the main event. As he was heading to the back, HHH attacks him with a sledgehammer.


Val Venis vs Mankind

King is quite offended that Val's film work isn't held in the same regard as Mankind's writing. Mankind digs around in Val's trunks and pulls his dick out. Oh. It's just Mr. Rocko. This heads to the floor and Mick sets up a chair. He ends up getting back dropped on it, landing mostly on the back of the chair instead of the seat. From this point on, Val focuses exclusively on the head and neck of Mankind. A match with an actual story and psychology? In the Attitude Era? It's still kind of hard to believe that there was a wrestler in WWE who was a porn star and his finisher was named after cumming. Manind gets the Mandible claw on while Val puts on the testicular claw. And Val ends up pinning Mick when they both fell. Oh, and Val had the sock with Rock's face on it on his hand.

 
 

TO THE BACK. Rock is still being tended to.


Bradshaw vs Faarooq vs X-Pac vs Kane

Elimination Match

How did they get away with X-Pac's music very clearly having "FUCK" in the lyrics?  This is elimination and tag. Kane hit a pretty dope lariat on JBL, which Bradshaw completely no sold. X-Pac tags himself in to fight with Kane. Kane isn't very into it, but Kid pushes his big red buttons. And then the APA are tagged in against each other and go RIGHT after each other. No hesitation at all. From this point on, it is worked like a standard tag match with X-Pac in the FIP role. Kane forces a hot tag and eliminates JBL with a chokeslam. X-Pac then quickly hits Kane with a top rope spinning heel kick which was more of a spinning ass to the face. Kane is eliminated. X-Pac catches a second rope shoulder block into the X-Factor for the win.

 
 

TO THE BACK. Rock is still being checked on. You should probably go to the hospital, ref.


Triple H vs Steve Austin WWF Championship

No Holds Barred

Hunter comes out with his sledgehammer. Vince comes out and takes it from him. HHH decks Vince and Austin runs up the stage after HHH. The fight goes on for a bit on the hard wood floor, which seems like a bad idea since A. It's hard and B. It's slippery. The match heads into the crowd and hasn't been close to the ring yet. CRANE CAM CRANE CAM RIGHT HAND RIGHT HAND. Then back into the crowd, which included a ref bump. I might have missed a few seconds, but I still don't think this has hit the ring yet. Oh, there it is. Stunner! No ref to count it. A second stunner is shoved off, which caused another ref bump. Pedigree. Earl Hebner hobbles down to count the late pin. 2 count! HHH and Earl get into it. Thesz Press Thesz Press RIGHT HAND RIGHT HAND. HHH is busted open at the announce table. This is the longest brawl I've ever seen.  After what feels like an hour, Austin gets a chair and wears HHH the fuck out to a massive pop. The Rock comes back out with a sledge hammer. HHH ducks and Rock hits Austin in the gut with it. Pedigree on Rock. HHH pins Austin. Title retained. Austin then beats HHH to the back. HHH is able to make it to his limo with Chyna and get away.

 
 

Pretty uneven show. The first three matches were trash, the IC match was an offensive mess and really did nothing to make the first female IC champion look good or important, Rock/Bulldog was short and shitty, the ladder match was a crazy stunt show, Val/Mankind was a strong match with a lot of psychology, and then the main event was a brawl that went about twice as long as it needed to and did nothing to make HHH look legit. It's also Vince Russo's last WWF PPV, as well as Jeff Jarrett's last WWF anything. Blackballed 4LYFE.

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