WWF Monday Night Raw 7/23/01
Last night at Invasion, Steve Austin turned his back on the WWF and joined the WCW/ECW Alliance. WHY, DAMN IT, WHY?!?!?!
Steve Austin, Shane and Stephanie McMahon, and Paul Heyman come to the ring to start the show. "Stone Cold Steve Austin is, and I apologize for this, Stone Cold is a first class asshole." Austin has new even more heel music, which is basically just his normal theme but slowed down considerably. Fans are all over Austin, so his heel turn while already a heel is working. You know Steph is EXTREME, because she wears leather now. You know the fans are EXTREME because they chant "SLUT SLUT SLUT" at her. This is your normal heel I TOLD YOU SO gloating promo that goes on for 10 minutes before Austin even speaks. Ya see, Stone Cold wasn't feeling very appreciated. Basically, Austin turned on the WWF because Vince kept hugging Kurt. "A hug used to be something special between Stone Cold Steve Austin and Vince McMahon." Kurt comes out. Austin shit talks for a while until Kurt finally hits the ring and hits a suplex.
TO THE BACK. RVD celebrates his Hardcore Championship win with the ECW crew. RVD thinks they can hand pick anyone they want now.
Rob Van Dam vs Matt Hardy WWF Hardcore Championship.
Only 20 minutes into the show (not counting commercials) before the first match. Matt Hardy is the European champ, but his title is not on the line. Matt starts the match before RVD can even make it into the ring. Matt quickly brings a ladder into play, and it is quickly kicked back into his face. You have to imagine all of these guys instantly regretted making a ladder their signature prop. When you've got to do hip tosses and leg drops from the ladder in the opening match of Raw, I'm sure you were wishing you had picked a kendo stick or something. RVD hits a frog splash with Matt stuck in the ladder for the win. Title retained.
TO THE BACK. Edge and Christian brag about their win last night when they walk into those damn Dudleys. Dudleys brag about winning the main event, and now a tables match is going to go down. Booker took offense at the idea of Austin being the only reason the Alliance won, so Booker makes this a six man later tonight. Six man tag team elimination match. E&C make Mr. T jokes.
Elsewhere, DDP and KANYON chat. KANYON! KANYON! KANYON! Kanyon is wearing an INVASION MVP shirt, because if he hadn't won his match, the Alliance would have lost.
Lance Storm vs Albert WWF Intercontinental Championship
Will the Alliance steal another title? The answer is ABSOLUTELY. Albert dominated the very short match, but Mike Awesome distracted Nick Patrick, then X-Pac came out to fight with Awesome, and Hugh Morrus hit Albert with the title. Now, Nick Patrick clearly saw the interference, as Hugh slide out of the ring right in front of him. Why was a WCW ref handling this match anyway? Anyway, a huge brawl breaks out between both rosters. The WWF decisively won the brawl. Bradshaw powerbombed Mark Jindrak, and Kane chokeslammed Kidman.
TO THE BACK. Shane, Steph, Paul, and Austin celebrate having three of the WWF's titles. KANYON busts in. Austin has no time for his bullshit. "From now on, I'll say 'Who betta than Kanyon besides Stone Cold Steve Austin'". Lol.
Elsewhere, Torrie and Stacy talk about Torrie's tits.
TO THE OFFICE. Regal and Tajiri talk about Austin's betrayal. Tajiri will take apart Raven for the WWF's honor tonight.
TO THE BACK. E&C ask Kurt Angle to put their issues aside and join the tables match.
Tajiri vs Raven
This is as awkward as you'd expect with Raven trying to take all of Tajiri's strikes. These guys have zero chemistry. Tajiri wins with the buzzsaw kick.
TO THE BACK. Paul Heyman gets Rhyno hyped to take out The Undertaker to put the final nail in the coffin of the WWF.
Elsewhere, the APA give Kurt some beers. He's never had one.
The Undertaker vs Rhyno
Rhyno has looked like king bad ass since his WWF debut. He's destroyed everyone in his path. Yet this is The Undertaker, and he basically runs through Rhyno. He didn't even bother to hit the Last Ride. Beat him with a chokeslam. DDP came out to mess with Sara, and Taker beat his ass yet again. Not only did Taker beat his ass, but Sara beat his ass, too. Again. But then DDP pulled Sara in the way of a chair shot. SWERVE! Taker hit her fucking HARD, too. Audibly knocked the wind out of her. Still, Taker just made Rhyno and DDP look like shit for no real reason other than he wasn't going to give any shit to anyone that came from WCW or ECW.
TO THE BACK. Taker won't let medical staff tend to Sara, who is dead. Elsewhere, DDP runs away to his car. Coach catches him and asks how he could do such a thing. DDP got a boner over it all.
Chris Jericho vs Kanyon
KANYON KANYON KANYON! Kanyon ran to the ring as he was being mocked, but Jericho side swiped him. Once in the ring, Kanyon got to do some neat MOVEZ to leave an impression, at least. It was pretty competitive, and JR put Kanyon over big, but Jericho won with the Walls of Jericho.
TO THE BACK. A limo arrives. It's Mr. McMahon! BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?!?!
Vince comes to the ring and congratulates The Alliance on their victory. That was just one battle in a war. We're taking this shit nuclear. And the first bomb being dropped is the reinstatement of THE ROCK! Vince basically challenges Rock's manhood to get him to come back. Then he does all of Rock's catchphrases and begs him to come back.
TO THE BACK. Vince and Kurt share a moment. Kurt supports Rock's return, but he wants to be the leader of the WWF.
TO WWF NEW YORK. Big Show and Billy Gunn sit at the fucking restaurant talking about all the things they had accomplished in the past, but now they're fucking losers. They're going to MAKE people respect them again.
TO THE BACK. Torrie hits on Jeff Hardy. Trish shows up. "Paddle this, bitch."
Trish Stratus vs Torrie Wilson
Paddle On A Pole Match
Russo has joined the Invasion! This is terrible. Torrie isn't a god damn wrestler. Trish is barely a wrestler. Torrie won via paddlin'.
TO THE BACK. Shane hypes up the Dudleys and Booker.
Dudley Boys/Booker T vs Edge & Christian/Kurt Angle
Elimination Table Match
Amazing how Booker is already a CLEAR underlining of Austin in the Alliance. That was made very, very clear on this episode. You'd think the WCW and WWF champs would be equals, but lol. Christian is the first eliminated with a table 3D. Booker shortly after eliminates Edge, leaving Kurt on a 3-1 situation. He tries to put Booker and D-Von through tables, but those fucking things won't break. It takes two tries for both. Of course, there's a ref bump, so Nick Patrick comes out and safes Bubba. Kurt puts him in the ankle lock, and Austin appears to attack Kurt. Bubba powerbombs Kurt through the table to win, then the WWF guys chase Austin and Bubba away.
Taker making ECW and WCW guys look like shit for no reason, Booker clearly being made Austin's subordinate when he's the WCW champion, Vince bringing back The Rock as the nuclear option. But most importantly, KANYON got 3 different segments.