WWF Monday Night Raw 6/11/01
Commisioner Regal comes to the ring to ask the fans where all the sportsmanship has gone. Chris Benoit cheated to win and promoted nudity on Smackdown. The fans chant asshole, which is confusing because we just saw a picture of Steve Austin's asshole. Are they chanting for that, or calling Regal an asshole? The world may never know. Austin's asshole might just be that over. He's putting Jericho in a match against Rhyno/Big Show. Meanwhile, Benoit will face...Kurt Angle...in a steel cage! He vaguely mentions Mick Foley, so Mick comes out to plug his book some more. This isn't leading to a match, and Foley has promoted his book as much as you can. Regal clearly says "fuck off" to him, and I have to agree with Regal. These promos with Foley are leading to nothing. Foley just comes out, plugs himself/his book, makes stupid jokes, and bounces. LINDA MCMAHON comes out to the dope WM music. Unlike Regal, she believes both Jericho and Benoit deserve a title shot against Jericho. After a lot of awkward talking, a triple threat match was devised for KOTR.
TO THE BACK. Edge and Rhyno are chatting. Christian is upset that they're talking about being in the KOTR while Christian has to face Kane. "You know what? He's my brother, but sometimes he can be such a BITCH." "Yeah."
Kane vs Christian King Of The Ring Qualifier
I'm pretty sure Kane's "cast" just now just athletic tape. Christian is giving up 100 pounds and about 8 inches of height to Kane. Edge distracts the ref, which allows for Albert to hit the Baldo Bomb on Kane. Christian did it! He's in the KOTR!
TO THE BACK. Steve Austin and Debra arrive as Linda and Mick are leaving. Austin gets all up in Linda's face. Mick does NOT like how Steve treats women. He's really not going to like it about a year from now. Mick drops the triple threat bombshell on Austin. Austin flips his shit.
Hardy Boyz vs X-Factor
Eddie Guerrero was apparently injured 2 weeks ago by that press slam to the floor from Albert, so he's nowhere to be found. I'm amazed that Paul Heyman doesn't even bother to hype Justin up. He'll hype the fuck out of Tazz/Rhyno/Raven, but basically ignores Justin's existence. Just like the Kliq documentary that had him as a talking head and never even acknowledged him as an associate. Really nothing to see here. I do wonder why the Hardys are doing tag matches instead of defending their singles titles. Lita hits X-Pac with a huge diving rana, which Jeff followed with the swanton for the win. Jeff got blasted with a chair after the match.
TO THE OFFICE. Regal convinces Tajiri to keep doing him favors if he wants to be a WWF Superstar. Steve Austin bursts into the office, none to pleased about the triple threat. There is a CONSPIRACY to get the title off of Austin. Tajiri steps up to Austin and gets his ass kicked.
TO THE BLACK. Steve Blackman warms up with his stick. Trish offers to be in his corner for Steve's match at KOTR against Saturn. He had his cane pointing up the whole time until she embarrassed him and walked away. Then it fell down. GET IT?!?! Elsewhere, Benoit and Jericho talk about their upcoming title match. They each agree to give the other the first title shot should they win. Elsewhere elsewhere, Spike and Molly are STILL trying to have their first kiss. Just fucking kiss her, Spike. Jesus fuck. Just travel together and kiss in the car. Or fucking anywhere. These are two grown ass adults who can't find a place to kiss? The Dudleys will face the Hollys in a 6 man tag tonight.
TO THE PARKING LOT. Austin is now confronting Vince, who apparently has just arrived to the show despite being the boss. Things are very heated between the two...so Austin gives Vince a hug.
Chris Jericho vs Rhyno/Big Show
Jericho tries to beat Rhyno before Big Show can get to the ring. It didn't work. Big Show chokeslams Jericho, then Rhyno GORE GORE GORES Show before pinning Jericho. Okay.
TO THE BACK. Shane McMahon has arrived and doesn't even sneak into the building. He just walks right in. He runs into Kane and thanks him for saving him from Taker on Smackdown. Shane tries to pin the stalker thing on Kurt Angle.
TO THE COLE. Cole catches up with Rhyno about why he gored Show. With his win tonight, he's pinned Jericho 3 times in a row, which would make himself number one contender should Jericho win at KOTR. "Not bad, eh?"
TO THE TRAINER. Jericho is being checked for a concussion when Austin attacks.
Kurt Angle comes to the ring to shit on the Confederacy...which gets him heel heat. Lol. Wow. Well, more like neutral indifference leaning towards heel heat. They popped huge for Richmond being called the heart of the Confederacy, but didn't really react much when Angle talked about them being losers. Progress, I guess. Kurt shows footage of him being inducted into the National Wrestling hall of fame 9 days ago. This goes on for a long time with nothing happening before he calls out Shane McMahon. Instead of Shane, DA UNDERTAKER comes out. Kurt can't be the stalker because he met Taker's wife and didn't even find her attractive. Lol. Last Ride. Just then, another video airs. The stalker has broken into the hotel room Taker has hidden Sara at. After Taker runs to the back, Shane hits the ring and delivers the Olympic Slam to Kurt.
Perry Saturn vs Steve Blackman King Of The Ring Qualifier
How is Saturn even qualified to be in a KOTR qualifier? He hasn't won a match in quite a while. Although, I guess Tazz somehow was able to qualify for the qualifiers despite having not wrestled in 2 months. Terri tries to cause a distraction. Trish chases her away, but TMF Dean Malenko is out there to prevent her from doing anything. "IT'S PARTY TIME!". Lol. That was from Blackman, btw. Saturn wins with the as of yet unnamed twisted fisherman's suplex. A cat fight breaks out after the match. Dean was going to hit Trish with the kendo stick. Blackman takes it and hits Saturn, you guessed it, in the head.
TO THE BACK. Debra tries to calm Austin down. She tries to give him a carrot. Then broccoli. "I don't want no broccoli!" Lol. Steve then eats a bunch and throws the tray. Elsewhere, Molly begs her cousins to not hurt Spike tonight. What does she know? She's just a dumb LITTLE GIRL! She's clearly in her 20s, guys.
TO THE OFFICE. "Look at my knob. It's completely useless." It appears Austin did a lot of damage to the office. Terri and Dean Malenko approach Regal to get Saturn some time off for his brain to recover. Finally. "British people fight dragons so they don't get all fiery."
Dudley Boyz vs Holly Cousin
Spike and Holly should just pin the other and bounce. Then make out. Lol wow, Paul is bringing up Ike and Tina. "PUNCH HER IN THE DAMN HEAD!" JR calls Spike, "Mike". This was around the time I got sick of the Dudleys...the first time. They were stale in 2001, so of course they'd be back/still on the national scene 15 years later. Crush gets hit with the 3D. Dudleys win. Hardcore and Bubba fight on the apron and both fall through a table after the match. Spike and Molly finally kiss. Why they had to wait for it to be in a wrestling ring, in front of 12,000 people, with their family members dead on the mat is beyond me. They could have done that at any point in the past month not on camera.
UPDATE ON THE GAME. Hunter is now able to do rehab.
TO WWF NEW YORK. Test is there, wearing an all orange outfit. Test calls Steph a whore and then congratulates Shane and hypes up WCW. WTF DUDE. Test might want a piece of that action, the action being WCW. DUDE. You're on WWF TV you fuck. Why would you say something like that?
Chris Benoit vs Kurt Angle Steel Cage Match
Steve Austin comes out for commentary. This seems a bit random. I mean, they had a feud after WM, but it is over, and Kurt has just been floating around without a clear purpose since then. Yes, this is punishing Benoit to weaken him up for KOTR, but it very much feels like "Let's put two great guys in a cage match to kill time" to me. Angle attacks as soon as Benoit enters the cage and continues to control the match for the next few minutes. "I hate both these guys, but I wanna see Benoit get his ass handed to him." Kurt tries to escape. Benoit stops him with a super German suplex. I really don't get the point of an unannounced cage match with crazy bumps in an era without any competition. It's so needlessly crazy to have dudes doing super German suplxes and moonsaults from the top of the cage in a match out of the blue when you're number one no matter what. Like...what is the benefit of that besides telling your audience you should expect crazy shit like that on TV every week? It's not like these guys are in the middle of a serious feud or anything. This is literally a random cage match for the benefit of a different storyline. And about 2 minutes after the missed moonsault, Kurt is on the offense. Then Benoit hits 6 German suplexes. It's hard to watch a match like this knowing what happened to both men and not realizing stupid shit like this was a big part of the reason. Oh look, 3 more Germans. And a diving headbutt from the top of the cage. Benoit was doing that spot in random matches on Thunder for no reason, too. It's no fucking wonder his brain and neck were mush. Kurt wins after Austin slams the cage door in Benoit's face. Austin then beats the shit out of Benoit with a chair.
It feels like Shane is the only important part of WCW, and they're already teasing putting WWF guys in it. There have been no invaders for a few shows, and Shane doesn't even count since apparently he can just walk into WWF buildings and have people wave to him. Mick Foley has reached maximum saturation for me, as has the Austin/Benoit/Jericho angle. Both need to end as soon as possible.