WWF Capital Carnage 12/6/98

 

I always question if UK exclusives are actually canon or not. One Night Only was, but that might be the exception. What's the worst that could happen? Getting to see another shitty Attitude Era show? Oh.


Al Snow vs Gangrel

I wonder if the UK hooligan crowd can make it okay. It's completely unremarkable besides a botched leap frog. Edge and Christian came out and cost Al the match.

 
 

TO THE BOILER ROOM. Mankind is hanging out and bitching about how cold this particular boiler room is.


LOD 2000 vs Headbangers

FUCK. Hawk is still gone after his suicide attempt. Droz is an official member of LOD now. Fuck this. Mosh pinned Droz with a school boy. Animal and Droz got into a brawl after the match.


TO FRIDAY NIGHT RAW. Taker tried to put Kane in a body bag. Austin hit Taker with a shovel. Taker's body was put in the ambulance and Kane/Austin shoved Paul down an open manhole. That is an angle that really happened.

 
 

TO THE COLE. Cole speaks with Taker and Paul, neither of whom are in a good mood.


Val Venis vs Goldust

To add to this angle, Val dumped Terri when she announced she was pregnant. You see, it couldn't be his, since Val had had a vasectomy. Terri would then try to get back with Goldy, who would have nothing of it. Terri and Jackie would form a group, as Jackie apparently dumped Mero. So why are Val and Goldy still fighting? The one thing they were fighting over is no longer part of the picture. They should team up to find the 3rd man who is the one who got Terri pregnant. Would love to know what the fuck they put the hard cam on, since that fucking thing is so shaky even when the crowd isn't making much noise. 

 
 

TO OXFORD UNIVERSITY. Vince got to speak. At Oxford. The fuck.

Vince, Shane, and the Stooges then come out to talk. Pat announces the line up has been changed to please the fans. Rock was scheduled to face HHH. But now, HHH will face Jeff Jarrett and Rock will face X-Pac. Brisco and Shane talk about Vinnie Jones as Vince sips tea. Shane insinuates that Boy George's boyfriend is in fact Vinnie Jones. He goes on to make more gay jokes. Kind of awkward with Pat there just laughing along. Vince then does the cheapest of English cheap heat. Shitting on tea time, the Falkland Islands (looooool), and the Empire. This is likely the best part of the show. "And in all likelihood, that cesspool, in all likelihood, will be governed by a prime minster of Pakistani extraction. I THANK YOU VERY MUCH."


Edge vs Tiger Ali Singh

Fuuuck. Tiger wins in a very short match with a powerslam. Tiger is so shitty. He's actually a worse wrestler than his dad, who is most known for being a terrible wrestler and hitting people with the butt of his sword instead of stabbing them. Edge got his revenge after the match.


TO THE COLE. Cole brings Vinnie Jones to the ring. Two talking segments in front of the crowd. Get this shit out of here.


Sable/Christian vs Marc Mero/Jacqueline

Jackie and Mero broke up. The video package before the match shows it. So of course they're still teaming up here. Jackie starts beating on Mero before the match even starts. Super short. Waste of time. Sable pins Jackie with the TKO. She powerbombed Mero for the 8th time. Jackie's tits were exposed, but they're blurred so what's the point? And Jackie's music played after the match, not Sable's. Sable's ground and pound inspired Brock Lesnar to go into MMA.

 
 

TO THE BACK. Kane prepares himself for the main event.


Ken Shamrock vs Steve Blackman WWF Intercontinental Championship

The battle of TMFs that aren't all that good at pro wrestling. Another uninteresting match. They didn't hit each other hard and worked it like an ultra-traditional wrestling match. No showcasing of their real fighting styles at all. Boss Man cost Blackman the match. Title retained.


TO THE COLE. Rock is eating an apple. That's not very professional for a promo, champ. He ends the promo by doing Bret, Austin, Flair, and Hogan's catchphrases.

 
 

Jeff Jarrett vs Triple H

This is like an alternate timeline where the two top berries of the 2000s got to face off for shovel supremacy.  HHH is coming off a few months off due to a knee injury. Inoffensive, which means MOTN. Debra's tits distracted HHH, but Chyna was there to save him. Pedigree for the win.

 
 

TO THE COLE. Austin didn't come to England just for the hell for of it. He's gonna whoop some ass.

TO THE D'LO. The former European champion toured London. Only one person recognized him.


New Age Outlaws vs Mark Henry/D'Lo Brown WWF Tag Team Championships

D'Lo and Road Dogg start the match. This show is such dog shit. God damn. I think I'd rather be watching a WCW 2000 show. Billy pins D'Lo with a piledriver. Titles retained.

 
 

The Rock vs X-Pac WWF Championship

If anything is going to be half way decent, it will be this. The internet forgets that there was a time when X-Pac was over as fuck. Kid hits a big flurry of offense and Rock leaves. As he's leaving, HHH and Chyna meet him on the ramp and force him back to the ring. Rock avoids the bronco buster. "X-Pac couldn't saddle that horse." Come on, Jim. Couldn't saddle that BULL. Fuck. Rock continues to focus on the balls later in the match. It's crazy. Rock is 26 in this match. Imagine what you were doing at 26. How fucking stupid and savage you were. And how you probably were massively in debt if you went to college, or in a shitty job if you didn't.  Corporate Elbow! 2 count. X-Factor is countered. Rock Bottom...no. HHH distracts the ref and Chyna hits a low blow. X-Pac pins him. 123NEWCHAMPIONHEGOTHIMNOHEDIDN'T. Hot near fall. A UK crowd liked X-Pac enough to legit buy he was going to win the title off THE ROCK a couple of weeks into his first reign. At a UK only show. X-Pac was over and dope. For a while, at least. Ref bump. Rock takes a cheap shot at HHH. HHH hits him with the Euro title. Rock kicks out. Bronco buster! Rock shoves Chyna. HHH attacks him. The ref sees and calls for a DQ. Rock wins. Title retained. But HHH cost his buddy the title. X-Pac doesn't seem too worried about it, as he joins in on stomping Rock. This match was pretty dope. Certainly the only thing worthwhile at all on this shit show. Really fun underdog almost upsets the champ kind of match. Shamrock tried to save Rock after the match and was quickly disposed of.

 
 

Steve Austin vs Kane vs Mankind vs The Undertaker

Brisco is the ref. Shane is the ring announcer. Patterson is the time keeper. Vince joins on color. Kane and Mankind brawl before Taker makes it out. I have no idea how the whole "conscience of the WWF, greatest of all time" shit had started for Taker as early as 1997/1998. Like...dude didn't have a single good match before 1996. He spent the first 5 years of his WWF run in the shittiest feuds with the shittiest wrestlers. He has one semi-solid year and suddenly he's the greatest ever. I don't get it. Even in kayfabe, Taker hadn't really done much between beating Hogan in 1991 and beating Sid at WM13 in 1997. Of course, this is barely a match and more like a Raw over run brawl. Austin pinned Kane with a stunner after hitting Kane with a stunner and knocking out Brisco. So two stunners and a ref bump. Brisco got a stunner after the match. Vinnie Jones and Austin celebrated after the match, foreshadowing their collaboration in the hit film The Condemned.

 
 

GARBAGE

Skip this show. It fucking sucks. However, X-Pac/Rock is one of the most fun WWF PPV matches in 1998. Possibly a WWF match of the year. So watch that. But ABSOLUTELY skip everything else, because it is doooooooooooog shit. Fuck. This is as shitty as any shitty WCW PPV.

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