WWE Roadblock 2016

A Network special named as such because...it's a block on the road to Wrestlemania. GET IT?!

New Day vs Sheamus/King Barrett WWE Tag Team Championships

New Day does their normal pre-match promo. Kofi totally finger blasted Francesca II. Breh, that's your buddy's horn. Show some respect. They reveal their new cereal: BOOTY O's. "I'm gonna be like New Day and eat my BOOTY....O's cereal." ICU, E. The League of Nations are also known as The Lads now? I forgot Wade even still wrestled. He's been just standing around in his trunks for three months at this point. New Day is definitely the face team in this match and work it accordingly. Wade is stealing Colt Cabana spots which is..ugh. Kofi and Sheamus have a very ugly spot when Kofi comes off the top rope and lands super awkwardly on Sheamus. Looked bad for both. LOL at Wade also stealing ADR's major spot. He's your partner, dude. Lol. A distraction from Xavier allows Big E to hit the Big Ending on Wade to retain the titles. Decent enough, I guess.

TO THE BACK. Greg Hamilton speaks with Paul Heyman. At this point, I'm pretty done with Paul Heyman. He's been cutting the same promo with Brock for years. He's obviously an all time great promo guy, but fuck I'm tired of him just coasting by saying Brock's name in a funny way. 

Chris Jericho vs Jack Swagger

Before the match, Jericho cuts a promo disowning Canada and getting the crowd to chant for AJ Styles. I swear he's cut this promo 10 times over the years. Canada stinks...literally. And Toronto is the anus. Fucking LOL at running a super American as the face and Canadian as the heel...in Canada. Swagger did defeat Jericho for the World Heavyweight Championship some years ago. Can you imagine that? Swagger as world champ? My how times have changed. Crowd still chanted for Jericho. Because why would a Canadian crowd chant for the super American patriot? Stupid. Jericho's whole career is given the run down, straight out of WWE 2K16. JBL claims that Jericho has never taken a day off in 16 years in the WWE. Except for the multiple years that he wasn't with the company. It's not an interesting match at all, and Jericho wins clean with the Walls of Jericho. After the match, JBL SCREAMS "You still got it" as if he was trying to get a chant going, despite being on commentary. Jesus Christ. Fuck off. It went on for what felt like two minutes. Jericho rips up a Get Well Bret sign on his way to the back.

Enzo Amore/Colin Cassady vs The Revival NXT Tag Team Championships

This was by far the best match at the London Takeover event, so hopefully they can do something similar tonight. Enzo and Cass dominate the opening minutes. Air Enzo. That move is going to backfire spectacularly one day. Dash and Dawson get Enzo's arm all fucked up and go to town on it. That's what they do. Dawson has a dope cut off spot, just straight up pouncing Enzo out of the ring. He makes the hot tag to Cass, who gets hit with the super codebreaker on the floor. I'm not sure how that would make the move more damaging. Enzo hits a crazy flying DDT. Dawson got busted open. Revival win with a diving version of the super codebreaker on Enzo. Titles retain. Fun enough. Not as good as the Takeover match, but enjoyable.

EARLIER TODAY. Greg Hamilton spoke with Natalya, who dedicates her match to her uncle Bret. Charlotte and Ric Flair interupts, calling Nattie a warm up match for WM. Nattie gets her to put the title on the line.

Charlotte vs Natalya WWE Women's Championship

These two had a great match for the NXT Women's championship. We'll see if they can recapture the magic. There is some very solid mat wrestling. It's weird how Charlotte never seems like a real wrestler. She still feels like she's pretending to be a wrestler. I also can't believe how shitty her Flair Strut is. Charlotte does a lot of leg work, which doesn't prevent Nattie from doing a walking Liger bomb. She could barely walk a second before, but then she walks from the corner to the center of the ring with Charlotte on her shoulders with no issues. Hate that kind of shit. Charlotte wins with a roll up and her feet on the ropes after a distraction from Ric. Title retained. Decent, but nothing memorable. 

Brock Lesnar vs Luke Harper/Bray Wyatt

This was supposed to be Brock vs Bray, which initially seemed to be heading towards a WM match. Bray made a deal with the devil to make this a handicap match. Then he immediately bails from the ring and lets Harper get murdered. Harper actually got some offense, hitting multiple big boots, a dive, and discus lariat. He still got murdered. I don't think Brock did a single offensive move besides a German suplex until he won with the F5. Bray had zero interaction with Brock.

Sami Zayn vs Stardust

This is probably a preview of Sami's career on the main roster. A 15 minute match against a guy that having a 15 minute match against means you're dead in the water. And a 15 minute match that had boos and a "this is awkward chant". In Canada. With Canadian Sami Zayn. It was, sadly, not very interesting. Sami wins with the Helluva kick.

Triple H vs Dean Ambrose WWE World Heavyweight Championship

The champ enters first, which is something I'll never like, especially in the main event for the world title. HHH's tan is so golden. Graham cracker-esque. HHH makes Dean look like a fool with wrestling. Oh great, HHH nose comedy spots. Despite Dean allegedly being "the most over guy on the roster" and Toronto being a smarky town, there are 50/50 chants for both dudes. So I mean...if Dean, the most over face on the roster, can't even get a crowd fully on his side, I don't think anyone can complain about Roman's lack of positive reactions. Ambrose drops his lunatic shit to have a gameplan, focusing on HHH's leg. Which I mean...if you have a gimmick where using psychology is bad for your gimmick, you're fucked all around. It means you can't have a good match without killing your gimmick.  HHH focuses on the ribs. HHH hits a decapitating lariat. God damn. Stan would be proud of that. Right in the throat. HHH eventually wins with the pedigree. Title retained.

It was fine, I guess. It's essentially a house show, so expecting anything more than "good enough" is setting yourself up for disappointment. The NXT tag match was for sure the match of the show. Sami/Cody should have been cut in half, and Swagger/Jericho should have been cut entirely.

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