WWE TLC 2015

Lucha Dragons vs The Usos vs New Day WWE Tag Team Championships Ladder Match

I'm not a fan of the TLC PPV. Putting a bunch of dudes in a super dangerous matches with no storyline reason or story in the match right before WM season kicks off. Seems super shortsighted, especially when WWE has been destroyed by injuries in the last few years. New Day is basically the most versatile group on your show, who you can plug into any segment and give them 15-20 minutes and it works. The Usos JUST CAME BACK from an injury. And a focus on Kalisto lately shows they have some plans for him. So of course, put them all in a ladder match just because it is the TLC show, risking injuring all of them for a match that won't even matter 5 minutes after it ended. It's so dumb. I don't enjoy seeing these dudes kill themselves on completely nonsense spots, like Sin Cara doing a swanton to the floor on top of a ladder with the Usos under it. Obviously, that does way more damage to Sin Cara. And they all do that. The Usos do it. Kalisto does it. It's so shitty. None of these spots make any sense. They're just destroying bodies for a pop for a night. Kalisto does an incredible and insane Salida del Sol from the top of one ladder, through a bridge ladder. And then...he's climbing the ladder about 40 seconds later. He sells a bump from 4 rungs up more than a bump from the top of a ladder THROUGH another one, ass first. With everyone dead, one of the Uso decides to do a splash from the top to the floor on top of a ladder, which was on top of Big E. Not climbing for the belts. And for all the huge bumps, the spot of the match was Xavier throwing his trombone like a dart. New Day wins. Titles retained.

Ryback vs Rusev

At least this has some potential to be a fun HOSS match as opposed to a meaningless, dangerous spotfest. Shout out to whichever announcer (probably JBL) was coughing right into the mic. This match is centered around Ryback accidentally injuring Lana at ringside a few times. But Lana was faking each time. Rusev is so great. Showing a ton of fire, focusing on the back of Ryback, while selling his own back injury that he's been selling for weeks. Lana saving herself for marriage is apparently part of this angle now, which is really weird. They do a pretty neat suplex test of strength spot, which I don't think I've ever seen. It wasn't like, each blocked a suplex and then one hit, but repeated over and over. Crowd didn't react, but I thought it was rad. Lana pulls her trick again, leading to Ryback eating two kicks to the head before passing out in the Accolade. Decent enough. I think these two have a dope as fuck 5 minute power HOSS match in them.

TO THE BACK. Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns talk about their upcoming title matches. 

Alberto Del Rio vs Jack Swagger WWE US Championship Chair Match


ADR was such of a waste to bring back, as evidenced by him going from beating Cena clean to having matches with Jack Swagger in 2 months, and that no one gives a shit about him already. I'll be shocked if ADR isn't Wellnessed before WM32. He's clearly on some shit. This is another match that is dumb as shit. Completely devalues the impact a chair shot can have on a show when a guy who wrestles exclusively on Superstars can get hit 20 times and be fine. At one point, ADR just piles a bunch of chairs on Jack. I guess that's supposed to hurt extra. Later one, Swagger pulls ADR's leg through a chair and then does the ankle lock. That's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever seen. The chair is doing nothing. He's just doing a normal ankle lock, but there happens to be a chair kind of in the way. The chair isn't doing shit. After about a minute in the ankle lock, ADR is climbing to the top and jumping with no problems. He does it AGAIN, finishing with the tree of Keanu double stomp into a bunch of chairs, all without selling the ankle lock at all. After he wins, he sells it. Maybe you could have put some of that effort into the match, El Patron. Title retained. It sucked.

Wyatt Family vs Dudley Boys/Rhyno/Tommy Dreamer Tables Match

Tommy fucking Dreamer is on a WWE PPV in late 2015. What the fuck. Not only that, he even got new music. As in, WWE paid people to create a new entrance song and video for 44 year old TOMMY DREAMER. The first sign that this is going to be a mess happens about a minute in, when Bubba and Stroman are about 40 seconds out of sync on a spot. Then a table D-Von is on breaks when he rolls off, even though Rowan compositely missed it. To cover, the Dudleys hit him with a 3D, which appears to blow out Bubba's ACL. Then Harper misses a big boot that sends Rhyno through a table that looked and sounded like cardboard. Then Bubba tries to jump off the apron so Stroman can catch him, but he's a fat ass and Stroman falls with him. At some point, the button to Bubba's pants pops off, so he's constantly grabbing at them to make sure they don't fall down. Finally, they tease a flaming table, which is ridiculous as there will never ever be a pay off to that. The Wyatts win in what is no doubt he worst match of the year. Everything that could go wrong went wrong in this match. And it went on forever. It was fucking terrible. Just awful.

Kevin Owens vs Dean Ambrose WWE Intercontinental Championship


These two had a pretty enjoyable match at Survivor Series, although it had no story. Based on how shitty this show is going, I'm guessing this won't be as fun. God damn, they are really driving it home how CRAZY AND WACKY Dean Ambrose is. It'd be an absolute disaster if he was champion! Look at his face! It'd scare children! Imagine if he was on David Letterman (he's retired, JBL). He's so UNPREDICTABLE! So unpredictable that you can predict every spot he's going to do in every match, because he only has 3 and he does them every match. And there is nothing to this match, just as I expected. Unless "reverse moves just because even though it doesn't play into anything or even show they're super familiar with each other" is "something". I guess it technically is something, but much like the gimmick matches, it is fluff. Dean wins by countering the Papa Powerbomb with a rana. New champion. Whatever. This show is...bad.

Charlotte vs Paige WWE Diva's Championship


This whole angle is bizarre. Pagie is a heel, pointing out the Charlotte is really a heel, Charlotte acts like a heel, Ric acts like Ric, Becky Lynch acts confused about the whole thing. The whole thing is bizarre. Paige comes off like the face. It's a shame the angle is so nebulous, because this is by far Charlotte's best performance on the main roster. JBL randomly starts talking about how terrible life will be with Dean Ambrose as IC Champ. As if the IC champ has any stroke. Fans don't know how to react, the wrestlers don't really seem to know how to react, the announcers don't know how to react. Ric removes a turnbuckle pad so Charlotte can use it to win. Title retained. So weird. 

TO KAY JEWELERS. A full length product placement of Jimmy and Naomi helping some guy pick out a ring so he can propose before Raw. Because when I think of great marriage, I imagine they started at a wrestling show. Every Kiss Begins with Kayfabe.

TO THE BACK. The Flairs run into Becky, who isn't happy with the way Charlotte has been winning lately. Ric just wants to get hammered. Legitimately all he cares about.

Sheamus vs Roman Reigns WWE World Heavyweight Championship TLC Match

If there is one thing you can count on in this, it's that these two are going to knock the shit out of each other. And from the start, Roman fucking blasts Sheamus in the face. 30 seconds in, after both dudes already have welts on them, the crowd starts chanting for John Cena. Roman appears to injure his tailbone on an awkward bump into the LED apron. These dudes are really knocking the dog shit out of each other. Almost like they hate each other. Which makes the tater tots promo on the go home Raw even more strange. The violence of this does not match the tone of that promo one bit. Sheamus gets hit right in the fucking elbow with a chair, which immediately swells up. They don't even attempt to get the title. They're just trying to fuck each other up. It's pretty dope since there aren't a lot of matches in modern WWE like this that don't involve Brock Lesnar. As Roman was about to win, Del Rio and Rusev hit the ring. Roman was able to fight them off, but could not get back to the ladder in time after a Bro Kick. Title retained. That was a pretty dope match and certainly elevated this feud into something that you can actually take serious. I'm sure they'll have a similarly dope straight match soon. 

After the match, Roman attacks the celebrating League of Nations with a chair. He beats the dog shit out of them until HHH, Steph, and a host of officials come out. Roman then destroys HHH, slaughtering him, putting him through an announce table, and hitting him with a spear while being helped to the back. The crowd, which had chanted for both John Cena and NXT during the match, lost their shit for this and ended up chanting "Thank you Roman". For HHH's part, he was hilarious with his selling. Dude was out of control. It was amazing. Still the best performer in his company. 

Despite a good, hateful main event, this has to be worst WWE PPV of the year. Nonsense gimmick matches with no story reason or internal story, the fucking horrific ECW vs Wyatt match (worst match of the year, probably anywhere in the world), whatever the fuck is going on with Charlotte and Paige, the extremely over the top OMG DEAN AMBROSE IS SO CRAZY WHAT ON EARTH WILL HE DO AS IC CHAMP shit that got brought up completely randomly in another match for absolutely no reason. This show was dog shit. I've been pretty positive about WWE this year, as I found the PPVs pretty enjoyable, and Raw is fine when I do watch it. But this show was garbage. 

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