WWE Survivor Series 2015

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Miz/Bo Dallas/Stardust/Ascension vs Neville/Titus O'Neil/Dudley Boyz/Goldust

Getting some real 1988 vibes from these teams. I normally don't do pre-show stuff, but I feel obligated since this is a Survivor Series type match.  AH WHAT THE FUCK VIKTOR IS A SPIDER. 2spooky. I'm starting to like the Ascension. They do some really goofy shit. Goldy is making his return from a bad shoulder injury, and it looks like the Dust Brothers feud will continue. He also eliminates Viktor 40 seconds into the match with a powerslam. It's going to be one of those matches, I guess. I still can't figure out why the Dudleys were brought back. Their feud with New Day did nothing for either side, and now they're doing pre-show matches. They'd probably be better served to be in NXT, working with the young talent, especially as NXT is trying to rebuild tag team wrestling right now. Neville hits a big dive on the whole heel team. Bubba then eliminates Konnor with a uranage. Poor dudes, losing to signature moves and not even finishers. It's a nothing pre-show match. You can't expect too much from it. Weirdly, Neville was the only member of the face team to be eliminated. I...want to see the Ascension get more screen time. But without Stardust, because Stardust is fucking terrible.


The official show starts with a bombastic rendition of the Star Spangled Banner, no doubt sending a message to ISIS. USA USA USA.


Roman Reigns vs Alberto Del Rio WWE WHC Semi-Finals

Ugh. Del Rio. Starting the show off with the most boring guy on the roster. It took him one minute into his return match to do rest holds and remind everyone why his entire first run was a blur. It sucks, because Roman has had so many great matches this year, and that streak is likely to come to an end. Roman seems to be adding more power moves to his arsenal, which is great. The story here appears to be Del Rio focusing on Roman's shoulder, which was targeted in the last round by Cesaro. Some good, solid tournament booking there. And then ADR drops into rest holds. Something that has always bothered me about ADR is that he spends most of the match kicking people in the head to set up for the armbar. His psychology leaves a lot to be desired. And you know what is even dumber? He's working the wrong arm. I also have a real issue with him egging on the SI chants. Both because he's a heel and that's weird and because he's completely shameless in stealing Bryan's thing. Roman is able to avoid the tree of Keanu double stomp, however, ADR tweaked his knee on the landing. But friends, it was all a SWERVE! His knee was fine, he was luring Roman into a spear so he could kick him in the head instead. A kick which beat Cena last month in 7 minutes. And speaking of Cena, the fans are now doing "Let's Go Roman, Roman Sucks" chants. He's over like Rover. They aren't saying shit about Del Rio. It's all about Roman. Shout out to Rampage Jackson. ADR is able to get the cross arm breaker on, but Roman was able to lift out and hit the spear. I don't like ADR at all, but this was a very solid match, with a hot finishing sequence. Instead of guys kicking out of finishers, they're teased and countered, with the match ending when it actually connects. Roman advances to the finals.


TO THE JOJO. Jojo is so pretty. And tiny. She talks to Roman about his win. Dean Ambrose shows up and they wish each other luck. Then Kevin Owens shows up to shit talk. He points out that Roman has been close to the title a few times this year and there is always someone to stop him. Like Kevin Owens.


Dean Ambrose vs Kevin Owens WWE WHC Semi-Finals

Now for me, either way this goes makes for an interesting main event. The contrast and chemistry between Roman and KO is great. The story of Dean and Roman putting their brohood aside for the title is good. It's a win-win, no matter who wins. The main roster has been very hard on KO. All the weight he had lost in NXT has come back. Plus more. He looks to be bigger than he's ever been. It might be best for him to put on even more weight. He's too short to look good if he dropped it and got in shape, and he can put on another 15-20 and be a legit fat bruiser dude instead of a guy with a huge gut. More fat guy offense, less moonsaults and swantons, please. The fans here are doing dueling chants for both men. Which shows you that no one gives a fuck about ADR. And touching on ADR, he does rest holds because he's boring and doesn't know what else to do. He does them to fill time. KO does them to antagonize the fans and shit talk his opponent, while actually working the holds instead of lazily slapping on a chinlock. What I'm trying to say is ADR sucks. One thing that I really enjoy about KO is he's great at cutting off momentum of a face. Also his shit talk to Cole for no reason. In general, he interacts so much more with the audience than the rest of the roster, which is what he was hired for. He really stands out in that regard. Yes, he goes a bit overboard with some of his dumb indie moves at times, but he's really cut down on that in the last two months. He's a very complete talent right now, always fun to watch. Very similar to Rusev. Dean is able to counter the pop-up powerbomb in three different ways, then gets the win by hitting his finisher one time. Both of these matches have done a good job of not finisher spamming and making them count when they are hit. Dean advances to the finals. While there really wasn't much of a story in this, it was a very enjoyable match.


This TLC ad is amazing and I would LOVE it if WWE actually made the game. A 16 bit action/platformer with wrasslers? Give it to me, please.

 
 

Ryback/Lucha Dragons/Usos vs New Day/Sheamus/King Barrett

New Day has their best pre-match promo probably since Summerslam. It's amazing. Xavier's hair is HEAVENLY. KANG Barrett. Sheamus getting into the music and really feeling himself. Just wonderful stuff. Then Sheamus has that moment that many white men have had: Trying to say something cool around a group of black guys and coming off as a lame white guy. Even the crowd felt bad for him. 

 
 

Xavier's hair is too fly for this show. Oh you fucking Uso. You fucked his hair up! Fucking asshole. I enjoy that Lucha Dragons and Usos are in matching gear. But then Ryback throws the whole color scheme off. Topes in Quadraphonics! And then Ryback does a dive himself. We got us flying everythings. Fucking LOOOOOL at Wade trying to dance with New Day. It's nice to know that even white guys from the UK can't dance. Even KANGs are not exempt. KANG is also the first to be eliminated. Right after embarrassing himself with his shitty dancing. Dang. DANG KANG. Big E and Sheamus get into it over who got to make an elimination. Big E then gets eliminated after a combo of moves. He's hurt, guys. Xavier and Kofi leave with him, because HE'S HURT. They can't leave their alpha unicorn! They have to take him to the doctor! Lol. This leaves Sheamus on his own against Jey, Ryback, and Kalisto. Cool to see Kalisto getting time without Sin Cara to drag him down.  He puts up a good fight, but is eliminated by a superkick and Kalisto doing a rana into the arms of Ryback for the Shellshock. Fun match.


Paige vs Charlotte WWE Diva's Championship

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This is built on a few months of Paige being sick of Charlotte, but mostly on her promo where she shit talked Reid Flair for being a weak bitch for ODing. And that promo proved how fucking soft wrestling fans and WWE have become, as people got upset enough that WWE had to release a statement about it. For years, fans have complained that heels can't be heels AND are all into the shooty shit. A heel then acts like a heel with a shooty comment and they can't handle it. Fucking weak. Anyway, this match starts out with...Charlotte smiling and mat wrestling. Not quite the reaction you'd expect after Raw. They are really knocking the shit out of each other, though. Very likely the stiffest match women have had in WWE. It's just not angry fighting like you'd expect. I just can't get into Charlotte. I can't believe how hard I bought into her being incredible and totally ready based on NXT. She's the least interesting woman in the entire division now. Really wonky psychology, unbelievably wooden promos. She is good at selling, but little else at this point. This is competent, but Charlotte has negative charisma. It's crazy to think David Flair had more charisma than her. I don't understand it. Charlotte wins after doing a really bad looking spear on the guardrail and then applying the figure eight. Title retained. I don't know. Charlotte is really uninteresting to watch. She's not ready for being a road wrestler.


EARLIER TONIGHT. Jojo spoke with Dean right after his match. Dean and Roman knew this day would come, and he loves Roman like a brother, but they're going to fight tonight.


Tyler Breeze vs Dog Ziggler

Man, Ziggler looks even shittier than normal. Fuck Dog. I'm sad that Breeze got called up and was immediately tanked with a feud with Dolph fucking Ziggler. What a death sentence. You're immediately telling people that this person doesn't matter. Breeze has an interesting variation on the rolling crab, transitioning to it from a rolling knee bar. Too bad Ziggler's way of selling it is to randomingly grab his knee, yet have no issue whatsoever doing his big jumping elbow, jumping fameasser, or superkicks. Breeze gets the win with his new finisher, The Unprettier. Finally, the name for that move actually makes sense for the wrestler using it. Hopefully this is the end of this feud and Tyler can move on since he won completely clean.


Brothers of Destruction vs Wyatt Family

Taker has a pretty rad entrance that was WM worthy. However, I'm not interested in more Undertaker nostalgia. It works when he's around once a year. It doesn't do anything for me when it's been four months in a row. And WWE has been doing Taker nostalgia for a decade now. I'm over it. I don't need to see him, I have no nostalgia left for him. Survivor Series 2000 was built on it being Taker's 10th anniversary. Fifteen years later and we're doing it again. Hard to get excited.  This was just a showcase for Taker to do all of his classic spots and defeat the spooky monsters without much effort. It's fine for what it was. If you were into it, more power to you. Twenty-five years is an impressive run for sure. I just am not interested in seeing Taker. The reason the Taker/Brock matches worked so well is because they weren't just simple nostalgia matches and added something to the show that other people weren't doing. Coming back just to do nothing matches with no meaning so you can pop people with the spots you did 25 years ago seems like a waste to me.


Dean Ambrose vs Roman Reigns WWE World Heavyweight Championship

These guys start the match immediately punching the shit out of each other. Both guys have a real edge to them, which is good for both and the story. Really puts over the importance of being the champion when these guys put their friendship aside to throw bombs and not feel bad. Dean continues the arm work that Cesaro and ADR started. Tournament long booking psychology. So dope. I love that kind of shit. Fans are again doing the "Let's Go Roman, Roman sucks" chants, which is curious since the internet tells me that Dean Ambrose is the most over guy on the roster, yet the fans aren't chanting anything for him. Dean kicks out of the spear, which really should have been sold a lot harder by the announcers. Brock Lesnar is the only guy to have kicked out of the spear. This should be a huge moment, but it just kind of went by with little comment or reaction because WWE has so conditioned the fans to know that no one is losing to one finisher in the main event. Roman also kicked out of the Dirty Deeds, which was sold as a bigger deal. Weird. Normally I'd shit all over the finisher spam stuff, but tonight they made a concerted effort to avoid doing that all night so it would have some meaning in the main event. The lack of fan reaction doesn't negate the good booking of that. You can't change the audience expectations in one night, but it worked for me. Also worked for me is when both guys were on the mat and just started punching each other in the face. Brothers are going to hit each other hard than they'd hit someone else. Roman hits the spear and finally reaches the top of the mountain. Dean hugs Roman after the match and both are nearly in tears. I'm SO happy they didn't have one of them turn heel. It's so much better this way. They're truly bros, even if they just beat the shit out of each other. 

During the celebration, HHH comes out to congratulate Roman. Roman spears him. Then Sheamus hits the ring. NOOOOOOOO.


Sheamus vs Roman Reigns WWE World Heavyweight Championship

Sheamus cashes in! Nooooo! He stole the title! New champion. Roman's reign has ended as soon as it began. Roman can't hide his tears. 

 
 

Pretty good show. The tournament matches delivered, and the SS match was fun. While I'm sick of Taker stuff, it's not like the match was bad or anything. I liked the three rounds of guys working on Roman's arm, and the dynamic of Roman/Dean not changing after the match. Everyone wanted a big heel turn, and I'm so happy they didn't get it. Roman and Dean should be bros forever. That they beat the shit out of each other and still hugged and got teary eyed together is rad. I wasn't very happy with Sheamus cashing in, not because of some "fuck Sheamus" sentiment because he's also rad, but because Roman has been THE GUY in my eyes for most of the year and I was ready to see him be a dominant champ. But this kind of story always works and I'm sure they're going to have a stiff as fuck match at TLC that will be very enjoyable. I can't help but laugh when I was reading comments about how this is too much like Daniel Bryan's story, as if the face reaching the mountaintop and immediately getting knocked off is a unique thing to Daniel Bryan. Dusty Rhodes made his career on that story. 

It's a good thing Reigns vs HHH didn't happen last year like planned, because with Rollins out, Roman/HHH at WM is going to be money. Coming out of this, you've got Roman/Sheamus, presumably Dean/KO, New Day vs Usos, Tyler Breeze hopefully moving away from Ziggler, more screen time for Kalisto, Rhodes Bros resuming...some good stuff to look forward to in the next few weeks.

 

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