TNA Bound For Glory 2015
Note that half the people on the poster weren't on the show, including one of the most prominent who was recently arrested for domestic abuse and assaulting an officer. I don't think anyone could have imagined TNA would have survived past last year's BFG, but here we are. This one seems to be the real end of the line for TNA, but we'll see. Josh Matthews says that this roster is the greatest ever assembled.
DJZ vs Manik vs Andrew Everett vs Tigre Uno Ultimate X X-Division Championship
TNA has the original Thunder set for their WM. Andrew Everett is awkward as shit. Tigre Uno botches three spots in about 90 seconds. This already reminds me of late era ECW, where the ring is loud as fuck, the crowd is dead as fuck, and the arena is dark as fuck to hide the lack of a crowd. "Look at his facial expressions now that he's not wearing the mask." Astute observations, Pope. TNA being TNA COMPLETELY misses a huge dive from DJZ. They actually cut to a different angle to avoid it. Amazing. Cameras caught the rest of the dives, at least. You'd think after 13 years of these kind of matches, the production crew would know how to get dives on camera. Cameras then miss Everett doing a SSP or something. Everyone hits finishers and then wait for applause. This is garbage. How many dropkicks to someone hanging from the cables can you do in one match? The whole structure looks like it could tip over at any time. It looks terribly unsafe. Tigre Uno, who is now the only man in the ring, with his three opponents down on the floor, decides to do a 450 to the floor instead of going for the belt. Because he was "finally sick of DJZ" costing him the match. Josh Matthews calls Manik DJZ about 3 times in a row. Everett takes a bump from the top of the cables, which cameras cut away from at the point of impact, making it look like shit and basically missing it completely. Tigre Uno grabs the title. Title retained. What trash. Why are these dudes killing themselves for dead as fuck TNA? You'll probably get more exposure doing something crazy in PWG or ROH than TNA at this point. After the match, fat as shit Shane Helms saunters out to absolutely zero reaction. Wtf, Shane Helms has been wreslting for 25 years? His career is illustrious? Lol, he fucking TOWERS over Uno, too. How tiny is Tigre Uno? Hurricane raises Tigre's hand and leaves.
EARLIER TODAY. EC3 and Tyrus arrived. Later on, Drew Galloway arrived. Even later, the Hardys arrived.
EC3 comes out to hype the main event. Jeff Hardy is the special ref in a title match featuring his brother? That doesn't seem fair. What a weird time filling promo this is. I guess it was probably to give time to the crew to take down the X stuff. But it was awkward as shit.
Bound For Gold Gauntlet Match
It's a Royal Rumble where the last two people have a singles match. Mr. Anderson is the first entrant. Gross. LOL his mic doesn't come down. Has he had any kind of character development since his WWE debut? In second is Jessie Godderz, who comes out to complete silence. How awkward. Jesse slips up doing a press slam and then Anderson starts doing comedy spots. Anderson looks bloated and tired. And slow. Next in is Eli Drake. No clue who he is. I do know that cameras missed his first big move. Did TNA hire ROH's production crew for the show? It's AL SNOW. Lol. "The Legendary Al Snow". "And apparently, nobody wants Al Snow's head." Why is 52 year old Al Snow in here beating up like 28 year olds? Al and Anderson have the same bloated, tired face. It's AIDEN O'SHEA. Is that Jay Bradley? This is his "debut", but he was wrestling in TNA as Jay Bradley like...last year. Now he's an Irish bar room brawler. Robbie E, bros. I don't know who put this together, but they did a shit job of making it entertaining. Mahabali Shera is the next entrant. TNA is about to do some big India tour, so it would make sense to have this guy have a strong showing or maybe even win. For some reason, his music just doesn't stop playing. Oh. It's so he can get everyone to dance. Is this Chikara bullshit now? Fans HATED it. Lol. Next in is Tyrus. TNA running a number one contender match with Brodus Clay, Al Snow, and Mr. Kennedy. Pope uses Clay's entrance to take jabs at Taz. Holy shit, they call him "the Man Dinosaur"? That's incredible. Chris Melendez, the one legged vertern enters the match. He uses his prosthetic leg to do all of his kicking and big boots. And then he's immediately eliminated. And out goes Al and Shera. TOMMY FUCKING DREAMER? ARE YOU FOR REAL? What kind of shit is this? At least when WWE brings back old dudes, they were stars at one point. Not Al Snow and Tommy Dreamer. Christ. Abyss is hopefully the last entrant. Josh is fucking terrible so far on this show. The amount of times he's called someone the wrong name is staggering. Pope decides he wants to enter the match. Whatever. He's fucking terrible at commentary, so anything to get him out of the booth is a win to me. He immediately eliminates himself instead of facing Abyss and Brodus. This is just the worst. God. Eventually, Tyrus finally ends this shit show. It had to be almost a half hour. Brodus Clay is the number one contender to the TNA Championship in 2015. After the match, EC3 comes out and cuts another promo. Oh, you could pick any title if you won this. EC3 says they're going to go for the tag titles, but Brodus wants to the gold, mother fucker. He's coming for the "Heavyweight World Championship Of THe WOAAAAAAAAAAARL".
The Wolves vs Trevor Lee/Brian Myers TNA Tag Team Championships
Wtf, Curt Hawkins? TNA is really scraping the bottom of the barrel at this point. And what terrible music the challenges have. Apparently, the Wolves are 5 time tag champions. They've only been in TNA for like 2 years. This is a result of the GFW/TNA angle. Pope is saying the Wolves are just like the RNR Express. The fuck is wrong with you, Pope? Pope's constant Dusty impression is really grating. You ain't Dusty, bruv. You don't even sound like Dusty, so please stop trying to call everything like Dusty watching no DQ tags in 1996. What a shocker: cameras missing spots everywhere. This is amateur as shit. Even ROH has better production than this. This is so boring. Davey's constant OMG I'M SO MAD AND INTENSE face is hilarious. Fuck, that double rana from Eddie looked like shit. Of course it did. That move makes no fucking sense. Neither does holding your own partner in a headlock because he got thrown into you, and then just standing there waiting for someone to hit you both. Your basic dumb indie shit. It's very, very clear why NXT didn't keep the Wolves. It seems like Pope/Josh go out of their way to make sure not to say, "vintage", so they just say "classic" 100 times. They'd be lucky to be as solid as Cole even on a bad night for him. I think Trevor has a boner. Wolves win. Titles retained. This show has been quite shitty.
TO THE MEAN JB. Drew is his guest. At least Drew isn't doing his I'M A WRESTLING FAN AND I SUPPORT WRESTLING shit. He literally says he's willing to kill himself to win the title tonight. Killing yourself for TNA. Even JB was incredulous.
Bobby Lashley vs Bobby Roode TNA King Of The Mountain Championship
Well, this could be decent. Maybe. I've heard good things about Lashley's recent run, but TNA fans are kind of crazy. Why does Lashley wear a sweat band on his head? It looks goofy as shit. Very slow opening. Commentary makes this out to be strength vs wrestling, but Lashley is a legit ass wrestler at like...almost the highest level. Why would Roode be better on the mat than a NCAA champion and MMA fighter? Finishers are avoided and Lashley gets the advantage with a German suplex. Commentary tries to say fans are quiet because they're just sitting back and enjoying this, knowing it will be a long match. They're quiet because that battle royal killed them. The story commentary is selling is not the match happening in the ring. There really isn't a story at all. Neither are going to the mat or using their strengths for an advantage. They're just kind of trading moves and making it clear they are familiar with each other with counters. Roode is knocked off the apron, going ribs first into the guard rail. Finally, it appears a story has developed. But then Lashley starts working the arm, and Roode's shoulder is now hurt instead of his ribs. Roode kicks out of the spear. Does Lashley not have eyebrows? Roode pops up and hits the Roode Bomb. Which Lashley kicks out of. You know this is a big match because they no sold and kicked out of finishers. And despite this bad shoulder, Roode has no issues with locking the Crippler Crossface in. Lashley does a weird kimura/abdominal stretch. Roode rolls through back into the crossface, again not having any issues keeping the hold on. Lol, now they're stealing finishers. This is a bootleg WWE style main event. Roode hits his finisher again to get the win. Title retained. This wasn't good. I thought it seemed like it could be, but the first half of the match had no story, and then once a story developed, they changed it immediately, it didn't matter, and then they did finisher spam/stealing. Don't sell me on this being this incredible all time classic when it had shitty psycholgy and turned into a shitty version of the long over exposed WWE main event style.
TO THE MEAN JB. Matt Hardy was entered into the main event on the go home show. That's kind of shitty.
Billy Corgan comes out to induct Earl Hebner into the TNA Hall of Fame. Age has not been kind to Billy. Will TNA ever induct someone not from WWE? Also, lol at them trying to talk up his entire career but since they couldn't use any WWE pictures, they ended up with a couple of polaroids of Earl with Austin and Jarett from 20 years ago and a bunch of TNA clips.
Awesome Kong vs Gail Kim TNA Knockout's Championship
If this isn't decent, nothing will be. I don't know what Gail has done to her face, but she doesn't even look like the same person. Pope gets distracted by how important this match up is... by talking to his action figure he has at the table. Gail keeps trying to run into Kong. It's a terrible idea. She isn't budging. Pope also gets caught checking his phone during this. Gail starts trying to chop the legs down of Kong, and finally gets her off her feet with a moonsault. Gail's husband is in the audience, looking like he really resents having to be at a wrestling show. Kong starts throwing out submissions. Gail gets the octopus on. Kong just falls on her. Kong seems weirdly stiff. Not in terms of how hard she's hitting, but just in how she's moving. She's not showing any emotion and looks like she really doesn't want to be there at all. It's odd. Maybe she's injured or something Gail tries to trip up the already sitting on the ropes Kong by...falling into the second rope. At first, I thought she just tripped. That would have made more sense. Kong hits a second rope splash for 2 and then decides to get a chair. Gail's celebrity chef husband won't let Kong use the chair. Then he argues with Earl about DOING YOUR JOB, which gives Kong time to hit the Implant Buster on some chairs on the floor. Which, of course, cameras missed the impact of. And now Kong tries to get a count out win. WHAT? You can't win the title that way, Kong. Gail wins after doing Eat Defeat from the second rope (which looked like she was getting chokeslammed) and then a roll up. Title retained. This was not the Kong I remember. Gail was working her ass off, but there is only so much one person can do. Kong had a terrible performance all around.
TO THE MEAN JB. Jeff Hardy, the special referee for the main event, has his body painted like a referee shirt.
Kurt Angle vs Eric Young No Disqualification
Wow. Kurt is depressing as fuck. He can't even stand up straight. His legs don't even straighten out. "Kurt Angle looks great." The fuck he does. Hopefully the stipulation means there will be a bunch of brawling and Kurt won't be taking bumps. Please retire, Kurt. No one wants to see you die in the ring, and you look like you could at any minute. God damn it, why is Kurt Angle taking piledrivers in 2015? Why would you even risk that? So of course the story now becomes, "Kurt Angle might die in the ring from that piledriver". But he really might actually die in the ring doing this shit. Medical staff tends to Angle on the floor, who is holding his neck and appeared to have a heart attack for a moment. The doctor calls the match off. EY attacks the doctor, refs, and Simon Diamond. Kurt is brought back to the ring and takes unprotected chair shots to the head. But then Angle recovers enough to do a German suplex on the floor. And then straight up pops up and starts hitting the rolling Germans with no issue. Then goes back to being dead. I've never seen him so gassed in the ring in the ring. And as EY tries to put him on the ropes, he falls and lands DIRECTLY ON HIS FUCKING HEAD, because he has no strength or energy. EY teases a second rope piledriver, which I totally believe Angle would be stupid enough to take. God, Kurt can't even hold on to the ankle lock properly anymore. Please don't put him in the ring ever again, TNA. Kurt wins via submission. I hope to god he never wrestles again. especially if TNA is going to run an angle of "Kurt might die/get paralized" angle, because that shit will come back to haunt them. Angle should not be wrestling.
Matt Hardy vs EC3 vs Drew Galloway TNA Championship Special Guest Referee: Jeff Hardy
Jeff immediately ejects Tyrus, because Matt said he did something. Which didn't happen. I would be remiss if I didn't point out that the main event of TNA's biggest show of the year in 2015 has the Hardys, a guy who couldn't get past WWE developmental, and Drew McIntyre, who is probably best known for getting his career ruined after his wife beat him up and being in a comedy rock band. I'm still pretty depressed about Angle. Why is he killing himself for TNA? He has kids. He's not going to be able to fucking walk soon. This is a very standard triple threat until Drew does a Kryptonite Krunch on the edge of the steps. Not even a minute later, EC3 is running around the ring. Matt places Drew on top of EC3 so he can do a moonsault to both. Jeff doesn't count it as a pin. EC3 took a Kryptonite Krunch on the STAIRS about 3-4 minutes ago. He shows no ill effects whatsoever and is doing things like TKOs and suplexes off the apron. This match features I believe the 4th Tower of Doom spot of the night. EC3 hits his finish on both guys at the same time and can't win. He grabs a chair and tries to make Jeff hit Matt with it. Obviously, Jeff blasts EC3 with it. Matt hits the Twist of Fate on Drew and wins the match. New champion. Matt fucking Hardy is the world champion in 2015.
Terrible show. People keep telling me that TNA has really improved this year. I don't know what show they'e been watching. This was garbage all around. Terrible production, terrible commentary, matches with no psychology or stories (or just changing the story in the middle of the match like nothing happened), guys taking huge bumps and running around 90 seconds later, half the card being made up of fired WWE guys. The only thing TNA has ever been consistent about is putting ex-WWE talent over their homegrown guys. Roode beating Lashley is the only example of it not happening on this show. Eric Young couldn't even beat Kurt Angle when the whole story was "Kurt my have rebroken his neck".
And speaking of Kurt, it's disgusting that TNA keeps putting him in the ring. It's even worse to run an angle about how he might be paralized or die in the ring, knowing full well that it's actually very likely that one or both of those could happen in their ring. It's tempting fate, and anytime TNA has tempted fate, fate has fucked them in the ass. Kurt Angle should not be wrestling. He moves like a 70 year old man. He can't stand up straight. His entire body is atrophied. He can't even fully raise his arms. TNA should be ashamed for letting him wrestle. KURT should be ashamed that he keeps wrestling. His friends and family should be ashamed for not stepping in and telling him, "no more".