TNA Weekly PPV 2 6/26/02

This starts with a recap of last week, with Ken Shamrock winning the NWA Championship, and Jeff Jarrett trying to fight with 70 year old Jackie Fargo. I swear TNA looks like it has higher production values in 2002 than it does in 2016. The crowd is also much bigger.

Jeff Jarrett vs Scott Hall

This was supposed to be the main event, but Jeff wants it NOW. Accompanying Hall is Jackie Fargo and Toby Keith. Don West and Ed Ferrara are making bets already. Degenerates. Based on how completely sloshed Fargo was in all of his 80s appearances in Memphis, I'm sure he and Hall together make for a dangerous combo. Jeff controls much of the match, also taking time to shit talk Fargo and Keith. When Hall went for the Outsider's Edge, K-KRUSH came out and pulled Jeff out of it. Jackie Fargo then decked Truth. Then Brian Christopher chased Truth to the back. Then, as the ref was distracted with those two, Toby Keith got in the ring and hit a low blow. Hall then pinned Jeff with Toby standing RIGHT THERE, but Slick Johson counted anyway. Hall wins. To recap, the opening match of the second TNA show had 2 run ins, outside interference from 2 people, and a dirty finish that the ref didn't even care about.

We now get a recap of the CAT FIGHT from last week, full of SHOOTING from Francine and Elektra.

Cheex vs Frank Parker

Oh my god, Frank Parker! The violent world of Frank Parker! Cheex is a morbidly obese black man who claims to have been trained by the Andersons. Some woman walks out and gets all up in Jeremy Borash's face. Oh, that's Ryan Shamrock. Cheex won with a big splash. He did the Rikishi/Umaga ass bumps in the corner, which West called "Ass Blasts". This is the worst. Borash gives Ryan Shamrock money. 

Recap of Truth getting assaulted by two NASCAR drivers to the great approval of the Alabama crowd. 

K-Krush vs Brian Christopher


Truth's music is the worst. Jesus. Christopher's is even worse. Both are super generic, super cheap sounding 15 second loops. The belts of both men are distressingly loud. Lol, Christopher doing full on Austin comedy spots. Austin was still wrestling, you fuck. This match sucks. The NASCAR dudes interfere. No way the ref didn't see it, but he doesn't do anything. Brian wins with the Hip Hop Drop. 2 out of 3 matches have had the faces win via outside interference. And the other match had a random completely unrelated angle going on on the outside.

Miss TNA Lingerie Battle Royal

JB fucks up the first couple of intros, then just stops doing them at all. This has Francine, Daffney, Mickie James, Trinity, Elektra, and some other women no one has ever heard of. After Francine gets eliminated, she cries, so Ed Ferrara comforts her. By grabbing her tit. She then pretends she's going to blow him, only to to whip him with his belt. Taylor Vaughn wins and gets a contract with TNA. Presumably, all of these women have a contract. Francine strips her after the match, whipping her as well.

TO THE GOLDYLOCKS. Goldy talks with Puerto Rican star, Apolo. Bobcat and David Young interupt. CUT THE INTERVIEW.

Apolo vs David Young


Apolo was a pro basketball player in Puerto Rico. He then was a big star for IWA PR. The plan was that he was going to get a big push in TNA at the start, but left within a few months. Bobcat flirts with JB at ringside. This distracts David Young. Which...his girl is trying to undress Jeremy Borash while he's in a match. That's pretty distracting. Don West implies that she needs to be put in her place, while Tenay says she's probably a whore. This sucks. Both guys suck. Apolo wins with a superkick and TKO. Bobcat then celebrates like David Young won. 

Joel Gertner is in the ring. Great. Just fucking great. Joel "I'm a licker, not a biter, and for a girl with me, it's gonna be an all nighter. I'm a lover, not a fighter, but I never need a rider." Gertner. Fuck outta here. He's talking about gay dudes. They're normal. So are *list of rich gay dudes* who live better lives than these people.

Rainbow Express vs Chris Harris/James Storm

The Dupps were supposed to wrestle this match, but they refused to wrestle the gays. Storm and Harris were just getting to the show or just leaving and were asked to do the match. They didn't even have time to change into their gear. So, AMW were literally just thrown together because they were two dudes standing next to each other when the incestual rednecks wouldn't wrestle gay dudes. #TNALEGACY. Don West, who before the match said he didn't care that they were gay, gets violently upset when Lenny kisses Lodi's hand to make a tag. "They don't get special rules because they're special people." "This makes me sick." Chris Harris gets the win with a roll up, but not before Scott Armstrong started counting a pin while Harris was on all fours. Crooked ref from the start. The face announcer is decidedly homophobic, while the heel announcer is very supportive of gay rights. What a time. I guess TNA always knew their audience.

Ricky Steamboat comes to the ring in a referee shirt to bring out NWA Champion Ken Shamrock. He comes dressed like a champ, in the legacy of Harley Race and Ric Flair. In cargo shorts and sandals. James Mitchell interrupts the promo, calling the crowd crackers. Can white people call other white people crackers as an insult? He dares Ken to put the title on the line next week against one of his disciples. Ken, of course, agrees, and the disciple facing Ken will be Slash AKA Wolfie D of PG-13 fame. Ken says he wants to do it now. Then Malice shows up behind him and hits a chokeslam. THAT'S THE WALL, BROTHER. 

AJ Styles vs Jerry Lynn vs Psychosis vs Low Ki NWA X-Division Championship Double Elimination

This is to crown the first ever X-Division champ. Instead of a fatal four way match, this is like a gauntlet/round robin thing. AJ and Hypno begin. Crazy that Hypno was only 30 here, yet looked and moved like an old man. He should never have agreed to take that mask off. What a hideous man. He hits the guillotine legdrop about a minute in. AJ kicks out and almost immediately hits the Styles Clash for a win. Low Ki enters. If only he hadn't been such a fuck head, he could have probably had a very successful career in WWE and/or Japan instead of getting fired everywhere he went before he got big. He had a unique...everything, really, even though he was tiny. Too bad. AJ pins him with a German suplex/facebuster combo. Jerry enters and immediately pins AJ with a cradle piledriver. Mr. JL and Psychosis finally get to reignite their feud from 1996. Every other move from Hypno is jumping off the top rope. He's eliminated with a cradle piledriver. Kind of a pointless night for him. Beating him doesn't mean shit when AJ and Lynn both pin him in 3 minutes. Lynn eliminates Low Ki, leaving the deciding fall to AJ and Lynn. Oh wait, Jerry hasn't dropped a fall yet. He does to a Styles Clash. Now we have one more fall. They have a 10 minute indie sprint, which ends with AJ winning with the spiral tap. Obviously, there was no story to this. Instead, it was a showcase for Low Ki, Jerry Lynn, AJ, and what the X-Division was supposed to be in general. On that front, it is pretty solid. Every guy got to do their big spots and get over with the crowd. This was still before ROH, so these big indie sprint kind of matches were not very common yet. AJ definitely came off like a freak athlete with tremendous potential. New champion.

Everything besides Hall/Jarrett and the X Division match was terrible. Early TNA is Russo For Rednecks. And it sucks. Boy oh boy does it suck. It's still not as bad as Impact on POP TV, though, which is genuinely unwatchable. No idea how they made it out of 2002, let alone are still limping along in 2016.