ROH Best In The World 2015
Now in the opening video, Jay Briscoe calls Jay Lethal, "boy", multiple times. He also says, "someone like you". Do you think there is some racism in those words? I mean, he says "boy" multiple times in a pretty hostile manner. Something to think about. This is a man who made a custom championship with the Confederate battle flag on it after all.
Donovan Dijak vs Mark Briscoe
Dijak is apparently a "top prospect". His theme song is "Konkussion". Why is Mark a curtain jerker when his bro is the champ? ODB accompanies Mark and she's wearing heels. Were streamers really necessary for this match? Kevin Kelly confuses size and experience. First match, first fuck up from him. This show looks like it might be in some kind of night club that may have been used in Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth Super high crane shot in this. The one WCW randomly tried a few times in 1991 and again in 2000. This Dijak dude is boring as shit. He's like a taller Danny Doring mixed with a deflated Renee Dupree. What the fuck, Mark randomly gets body slammed over the top to the floor. For no reason. And, ROH being ROH, cameras missed the impact. So that bump was for nothing. "Talk about shades of Cactus Jack!" I guess, I don't really really call Cactus getting body slammed over the top rope to the floor with the cameras missing it. Holy shit, selling in ROH! Likely forced, due to a popped kidney and cracked tail bone from that stupid bump. This is the OPENING MATCH. Dudes are taking bumps like that in the opener. Despite this likely legitimately injured back, Mark is diving from the ropes and running full speed. ODB tears the Book of Truth apart. Mark then does a blockbuster off the apron about 3 minutes after that bump. What kind of dumb shit is this. Who laid this out? Mark's back goes out trying a suplex. Well, maybe if he hadn't voluntarily taken another back bump off the apron like a fuck head, his back wouldn't hurt quite so much. Dijak goes for his finisher, which is a Burning Hammer into a GTS. He apparently hits it, but Mark no sells it or something. Everyone was confused. Mark wins with a top rope elbow. GARBAGE booking and lay out here. That huge bump was completely meaningless, stupid, and reckless. It didn't help the match, didn't help the show. Just another dude killing himself for no reason in front of a few hundred people for a few hundred dollars. And then he wins anyway with a top rope move.
ACH/Matt Sydal vs The Decade
Why the fuck is BJ Whitmer still a thing? He was dog shit 10 years ago, and now he's even uglier, hasn't learned shit in the ring, and is slower. I have to assume all this stuff with Corino's son is leading to a Corino/BJ match. In 2015. Maybe even 2016. Who the fuck wants to see that? BJ gets ZERO reaction. If he does, it's full on X-Pac heat. FUCK YOU WHITMER is the loudest chant so far. I'm inclined to agree with those cretins that attend ROH shows. BJ and ACH start the match. I don't understand why ACH randomly does back flips and cartwheels. He's just begging for an injury. Matt Sydal can grow his hair and grow his beard, and Corino/Kelly can talk about how great he is, but the fact is he has the same match every time out. Same moves, same spots, same everything. Same order. He's been having that same match since before his WWE run. Now, if a guy jams his knee and can't walk, why can he jump up to someone's shoulders and use his knees as weapons? Even dipshit Kevin Kelly has to acknowledge how weird it was. Now the crowd is chanting BLOW JOB WHITMER. Super original. Adam Page does a SHOOTING STAR SHOULDER BLOCK OFF THE APRON. That might be the dumbest thing I've ever seen. That doesn't make any sense. A SSP makes enough wrestling sense. A shoulder block? You're body is going the opposite way of where you need to be going for a shoulder block. And the move had ZERO impact. Just the height of dumb indie shit. Matt Sydal's super hurt knee is totally fine now, as he's jumping from the top and landing on his feet, doing ranas, and so forth, with no issues whatsoever. Oh hey, what a surprise, cameras miss most of a dive. And Corino marks out even though the move was on his own son. Decade win. Two matches, two incredibly stupid spots. This show is dumb as fuck and only a half hour in.
An announcement that Okada, Nakamura, and Kushida are returning to ROH in August. Please, guys, stop coming to ROH. It removes all of your star aura. Obviously, I'm not talking to Kushida, who has no aura.
Dalton Castle vs Silas Young
Still getting strong pedo vibes from Young. He slipped on the steps, but made a solid recovery. Now, I don't know who Dalton Castle is. If I had to guess, he's a sexually ambiguous glam rocker with period inappropriate music. But then he takes his entrance stuff off and he looks like another generic dude. There is a weird homophobia bent to this it feels like. Silas being the last "REAL" man, Dalton being a man who maybe will take a man into his mouth and engineer an orgasm. Wait. Dalton Castle is the ROH version of Adam Rose. That's the gimmick. And ROH fans love him just like NXT fans loved Adam Rose before everyone turned on him and then just stopped giving a shit all together. There is nothing going on here. Dalton's main offense seems to be walking like he's in a Monty Pyton sketch. Corino seems to be offended at the idea a guy like Dalton showing up at his BBQ, because he lives in a good neighborhod and how would he explain that to his neighbors. What the fuck, Steve. I know you're a piece of shit wrestler from the "old school", but be a little bit progressive you fuck head. Dalton seems to enjoy exposing Young's asshole to the crowd. That's kind of sexual assault, is it not? This is so boring. This doesn't even seem like a real match. Like a match cut from The Wrestler. No idea why fans are chanting for Dalton. He's not interesting at ALL in the ring. Neither is Silas. You know Sami Zayn's torpedo DDT? Imagine someone doing a spear instead of a DDT, with both guys on the apron, and it looking like shit. You don't have to imagine, because I'll show you. But don't worry, Dalton no sold it and did a rana literally seconds later. Why bother selling the biggest spot of the match. GET YER SHIT IN. Corino calls ball shots as "X to the DING DING". How fucking old is he? Like 40? Dalton wins with a low blow and roll up. Silas attacks one of the fan boys after the match. This is a match where the face continually sexually assaulted the heel, then both men attacked the groin area if his opponent, while Corino made "can't have fucking queers in my good neighborhood" jokes.
C&C Wrestle Factory vs War Machine
C&C is an indie as fuck tag name. The kind of shit that makes sure you don't get called up to a higher level. Now, which one of these white guys are known as "War Beard"? C&C immediately start out hot, ambushing before the bell and doing dives. C&C haven't teamed for a while. Literally within seconds of "they're on the same page", they're accidentally hitting each other. I believe War Machine is supposed to be like this big power team, but their power moves are so boring. Cedric gets a wrench or something from under the ring. Coleman won't tag him in for it. Why the fuck is the finisher for these giant dudes a top rope leg drop and back suplex? War Machine wins in a pretty quick match. Whatever. At least there wasn't some crazy stupid bump for no reason in this. After the match, Cedric teases hitting Coleman with a wrench, but then decides just to say the team is done. Again.
Moose vs Roderick Strong vs Michael Elgin Number One Contendership
FUCK. Elgin? AND Roderick? AND a shitty indie triple threat? It's amazing how not over Elgin is. Dude doesn't even get boos. Just no reaction at all when he comes out. People do not give a shit about him. But lol at his music talking about taking shots of Jack before driving. And it appears fans are starting to turn on Moose a bit, as well. That makes sense to me, considering he's really a WWE recruit in disguise. Roderick is the only guy to get a real reaction, which blows my mind because he's basically the textbook definition of indie vanilla midget. Dude has no personality at all. A lot of guys have had the personality of having no personality. Strong is not one of those guys. He's just been this bland as shit dude for 10 years now. Elgin also has even less of a personality. I'd really suggest that Moose doesn't have much of one, either. At least Roddy is kind of technically proficient. Elgin is dog shit and Moose is only like a year in. And Moose gets to do the Dusty tribute spot. ROH's production values will never be high enough to see that Moose is actually covered in tattoos. I still can't figure out why Corino screams CRASH AND BURN for dives the connect. For dives that dudes land on their feet from. A random discussion on Xavier pops up. Elgin does a stalling suplex on Moose. The crowd counts to 30. It was actually closer to 15 seconds. Mother fuckers fast counting that shit. I hate Elgin. Dude might be my least favorite guy in wrestling right now. Worse than Ziggler. He's so bad. How did he get into the uppercard of ROH? No one seems to like him. Even his hometown crowd doesn't give a shit about him. He's proven to be a diva on Twitter. His wrestling his dog shit and his promos are even worse. He has a terrible look. Why is he booked at all? Like...how did this dude get a "name"? Was it ironic support of the mullet? Love of pork? I really don't get it because this dude is legit trash. LOL Elgin completely fucks up the double stomp even worse than he did against that match with Kaz. This dude is so shitty. ROH, please get rid of him. He's bad at every aspect of pro wrestling. Zero charisma, botches regularly, has no psychology, and his power spots are trash against 180 pound dudes. This match has no story whatsoever. Just MOVEZ. And it sucks. How hard is it to tell even a barebones story in a match? I've seen 5 minute TV matches that can tell a story. Nothing on this show has told any kind of a story. At best, the opener kind of told a story of Mark hurting his back and Dijak hurting his neck, but they gave up on it for most of the match. Moose does a springboard dive, but becuse ROH has shitty prodcution, they pick the worst angle with the worst lighting and it looks completely unimpressive. It's like ROH goes out of their way to pick the worst angles for everything. What's funny about this match is that Roddy seems stronger than Elgin. His spots of picking up these dudes way bigger than him are done with such ease and quickness and no attention is drawn to them. Even though he's like 60 pounds smaller than Elgin. Roddy wins with a series of strikes on Moose. Thankfully this is over. Moose shakes hands after the match. Veda smacks him for it. Moose attempts to spear her. Cedric Alexander arrives OUTTA NOWHERE and drills Moose and Stokey with the wrench.
Bullet Club vs The Kingdom
How the fuck are the Kingdom the IWGP tag champs? Fucking Gedo. As bland as Elgin is, these dudes might be even worse. So bland that I support the Young Bucks over them without hesitation. And you know how much I hate the Young Bucks. Actually, I think I'd rather watch the Nasty Boys over The Kingdom or Elgin. Why do the Kingdom do the Four Horsemen taunt when there are only three of them? And...it's the Horsemen thing. At least the Bullet club doing the nWo/Kliq/DX stuff is kind of ironic. The Kingdom just straight up rips off the four fingers with no irony. What a surprise, a whole lot of SUCK ITS and a super kick within the first 90 seconds. Triple superkick from THE KINGDOM. I hate indie wrestling. This shit is so stupid. Is there an indie promotion that doesn't do lolironic shit OR take themselves too seriously? Seconds after a triple superkick, there is a triple dive. How is "ADAM COLE, BABAAAAY" a catch phrase? Adam Cole ain't shit to me. People hype him up online, but he shows me nothing at all. He's as bland as anyone in ROH post 2006. I'll admit to seeing why people could like the Young Bucks. They're ironic indie shit heads, with Attitude Era irony on top of that. They never, ever, ever, tell a story in their matches, but if you're into stupid indie spots, the YB are about as good at that as anyone. The Kingdom? No idea. They're all boring and bland as fuck. AJ is so far above everyone in this match. He's slumming it. Dude should be only against the top guys wherever he is. Of course, the cameras try to get up on 3 moves at once and miss all of them. Maybe the wrestlers should try to do one thing at a time so it actually gets caught on camera. I hate when AJ is with the Bucks, as they drag him down into their stupid indie shit level. He's so much better than that, but he goes back to that shit when he's with the Bucks or in ROH in general. How about a superkick spot where both guys catch the super kick and then two other guys hit super kicks on those guys? And then a dude does a Canadian Destroyer and is immediately hit with a double superkick? So stupid. Or how about a double Indietaker? Maria gets on the apron. Then she gets pulled into the ring and hit with a double superkick AND a Pele kick at the same time. All these dudes have a wife and kids, right? Do they not feel bad at all about assaulting a woman like that? A THIS IS WRESTLING chant starts up after Cole kicks out of 3 finishers in a row. This isn't wrestling at all. Wrestling is telling stories in the ring with moves and selling. This match is just hitting big spots to get people chanting. Bullet Club wins after AJ reverse suplexes Cole into Matt Buck, then boosts Jeff Buck into a tombstone by Matt Buck, then hits the Styles Clash. If you are into story telling, this was certainly not the match for you because this was completely SPOT SPOT SPOT SPOT SPOT 2SWEET SPOT SPOT SUPER KICK SUPER KICK SUPERKICK SPOT SPOT SPOT garbage. I hate seeing AJ dragged into this trash.
reDRagon vs The Addiction ROH Tag Team Championships No Disqualification
I expect this to have a lot of shitty spots from Kaz, goofy selling from O'Riley, Daniels randomly dancing to show "character", and Fish being the odd man out. Daniels comes out in this match wearing what I believe is a Prussian army jacket. Mixed with his bald head and white gloves, he certainly seems like half a Nazi. Daniels now wears an awkward fitting singlet. I guess he's finally gotten old enough to need his upper body covered up. A ladder comes into play about 3 minutes in. Daniels's singlet is creepy. Dude looks like a bizarre adult baby. Fans start to boo when the action heads to the stage/back stage area. Kaz gets back dropped off the stage. I don't think the people in charge of camera shots realize that picking the shot from the roof makes everything look super unimpressive and flat. You need to shoot high bumps from a low angle, not the highest possible. WWE using the high cam in ladder matches makes sense, because the wrestlers are right up there by the camera, so you can get the real perspective of the fall. When you start at the roof and the action is 25-35 feet below, it takes away any and all impact and scope. This is a super boring brawl. The sounds of feet clomping on an overly loud mic is about all you can here. The fans, who are normally super into reDRagon and were super hot for the entrances, are just bored and tired. Oh hey, another guy no sells a flying bump from the apron. Bob The Fish gets taped to the middle rope, leaving the far shittier member of the team to carry the match. Gross. O'Riley is trash. Moonsault into a triangle? Lol. There was a teased suplex from the ring onto a section of guard rail propped between chairs. It didn't happen. Instead, it was a T-Gimmick on the floor. Fish finally gets free because he was given a straight razor. Of course. Why wouldn't there be one of those just hanging around ringside? reDRagon completely fucks up one of their finishers, but the video fucked up at the same time so it is hard to tell. Chasing the Dragon on a chair. Chris Sabin breaks up the pin. Man, why is their least impactful double team move their finisher? Addiction win with Celebrity Rehab. Titles retained. This was stupid and clearly just a set up for the next match. It didn't have a story of its own. Its whole existence was to tease spots for the next match, which I'm sure is the ladder warfare or fight without honor or whatever ROH calls that match.
Jay Briscoe vs Jay Lethal ROH Championship/ROH TV Championship BATTLE OF THE BELTS
Nigel McGuinness is out for color, Jay's family is here, and Truth has a brand new book with a new cover already. Of course, the video is starting to get super choppy and full of artifacts as the main event starts. All of the House of Truth people get tossed out at the start. This is hard to tell if it is typical ROH fuck up or bad recording device. There are like 8 seconds at a time where the screen is frozen but the audio keeps playing. Maybe I'll give ROH the benefit of the doubt this time. But then, after 2 minutes of stalling, action finally starts and the screen freezes up with no audio for about a full minute. The match finally starts and it's bland chain wrestling to get chants. Tempers start to flare and punches are thrown. Oh great, out to the floor, where you can't see shit. Oh, the Brisoes are here as well and Briscoe beats the shit out of the black man in front of them to rapturous cheers. Lol Direct TV logo. The guy's TV froze up or something. Or was so bored it went into screen saver mode for 3 minutes. During that dead time, I guess I missed some kind of injury on the floor. Nigel points out the lack of story or psychology in this so far. They were saying something about shoulder injuries of both men and that seemed to be where the match was heading, but then both guys ignored arm work and moved on. So I don't know what the story is, but when your color guy lets you know they aren't doing a good job at telling a story, either they suck or he sucks. This feels like a generic, "big match" kind of match, which is just a normal ROH match but slowed down a bit. Jay Driller from the apron through a table. Of course. Wouldn't want to build up to a big spot or anything. That should be a bitter feud ending huge spot, but this is the second or third time I've seen in in three months from ROH. It's a default, "this is a big match" spot to imbue a false sense of importance. But it happens regularly, so it is just another spot. Compare this to Kawada and the Ganso Bomb or Kobashi and the Burning Hammer. On this show, the opening match had a guy no sell a burning hammer into a GTS and win the match. And about a minute later, these dudes are having a strike battle in the ring. Come on. Jay Lethal is good to do hand springs and shit. So stupid. Wait. Why the fuck does Jay do a SECOND ROPE Kanyon Cutter to set up a handspring STANDING Kanyon Cutter? How does that make any sense? The one from the ropes has twice the height and impact. Doesn't matter, Briscoe kicked out of both. Hey, remember when Lethal got hit with a piledriver off the apron through a table just a few minutes ago? He sure doesn't. Lethal hit the Jay Driller (which Briscoe popped right up for to get into position for the next move) and followed it with another Lethal Injection. New champion. One thing ROH is really great at is giving people the world title years too late. Hey, remember the Jay Driller though the table? Lol. I think this is now the second or third time I've seen the person taking that move end up winning the match, too.
My biggest issue with ROH isn't the bad production or even the terrible commentary, it's that there is no in ring story telling. At best, you'll get a guy who halfheartedly sell a huge bump for a few minutes before kicking out of two or three more huge finishers. A five minute TV match can get across character motivations of all involved and tell a basic story. ROH has 20 minute matches with no story. No pacing. Nothing. PWG goes full blast 100% spot spot bump bump on their shows, and that's their style. They don't pretend to be more than that. ROH is stuck trying to do that style at half speed, with the most modest of attempts to do some storytelling. What ends up happening is they fail at both styles and turn it into an ugly hybrid style that is just...bland. ROH is bland. They have some guys that I've seen have solid matches. But their style just makes everyone the blandest dish in wrestling. They need a real overhaul in how they structure matches. They need to work hard to get vets from the 70s-90s who worked before "indie style" was a thing to be agents and help these guys learn pacing, selling, and storytelling. ROH has guys that have been wrestling for 15 years and have no concept of any of those. ROH could be special again. They have a lot of raw talent. But they need experienced people from a different era to mold and form the ore. And not pieces of shit like Jim Corrnette, but people who actually want to teach and encourage the new generation.