WWF Monday Night Raw 9/27/93

TO THE OVAL OFFICE. WWF President Jack Tunney has a special announcement. Due to HBK's failure to appear for a number of title defenses and his refusal to fulfill his contractual obligations, the Intercontinental Championship has been vacated. Next week, a battle royal will be held. The week after, the final two will face each other to crown a a new champion. The real reason HBK was suspended was due to testing positive for steroids, although he claims he wasn't on them. Considering how out of shape he looked for the months prior to this, I tend to believe him. I feel like I've seen enough wrestlers on steroids to know it when I see it, and HBK just looked like he had a really, really shitty bulk season.

Tatanka vs Rick Martel

Dang, The Model hasn't been around for a while. Good to see him back. That bald spot is looking rough, though. Whatever, it happens to the best of us. Even models. He does feel really out of place at this point in the company, though. As do the majority of dudes who were important to the Golden Era. Which is weird to say on a show where Jimmy Snuka is returning. I think this show had the debut of the official New Generation apron. It's not a particulaly entertaining match, which I attribute entirely to Tatanka, who has a LOLOLOLOL worthy botch trying a cross body out of the corner. This got a commercial break, so I assume this is the featured match of the week. The match ends in a double count out, which is a really unsatisfying match for such a randomly long match.

TO THE FOWLER. Joe Fowler! Who the fook is this guy? He goes over the HBK story and the upcoming battle royal. The 20 men are announced: IRS, Randy Savage, Adam Bomb, Giant Gonzalez, Mr. Perfect, Owen Hart, Rick Martel, Jimmy Snuka, Bob Backlund, Pierre, The Mountie, Razor Ramon, Mabel, Diesel, MVP, 123 Kid, Bam Bam Bagelow, Marty Jannetty, Tatanka, Bation BOOGER. 

An ad for Raw on Raw featuring a little baby throwing a remote and accidentally turning it to Raw. 

Ludvig Borga vs Phil Apollo

This Nazi attacks before Fink is even done with introductions. You know, I think he actually has Nazi eagle tattoo on his shoulder. Of all the early 90s dudes to take from New Japan, Ludvig Borga is the guy Vince picked? Not Scott Norton? Not Muta? Not Chono? Not Hashimoto? I'm pretty sure this mother fucker snuck in a sieg heil while pointing at a Finnish flag. A dominating win for Ludvig, who wins with the torture rack. A message to Lex Luger, no doubt. 

Jimmy Snuka vs ??? Van Dale

Van Dale attacked before Snuka could get fully into the ring. Now, Vince said last week that this would be a one night only return for Snuka, but they've already announced he'd be in the battle royal next week. Snuka was 50 and fresh off his ECW run (and a one off WCW match). Crush calls in again, pissy that he's not in the battle royal next week. OH, RANDY IS IN THE MATCH, BUT CRUSH ISN'T? THAT'S JUST TYPICAL, BRUDDAH. Brain tries to stir the shit, as he tends to do. Macho has been trying to call Crush for weeks. Crush hung up on him. This goes on WAY too long for a returning legend squash, but they had to get that phone call shit in. 

TO MR. ROTUNDO. IRS is in a dimly lit office with some broads around him doing busy work. Vince calls him "Mr. Rotundo" multiple times. Razor's got an audit coming his way. I'm going to assume that Razor hasn't done much paper work that can be traced back to him. Call me crazy. 

The Quebecers vs Barry Horowitz/??? WWF Tag Team Championships

Barry was to team with Reno Riggins, but Reno is home sick, so Barry wanted to choose a substitute. Barry actually got promo time with Brain for this. He picked the 123 Kid as his partner. Jobbers about to shock the whirl. They start off very strong, because obviously the champs aren't taking these two seriously. They take them seriously after the jobbers knock them out of the ring. Kid works most of the match at the FIP. For obvious reasons. For some reason, Raven wearing shorts, a tshirt, and hockey gloves is killing me. Mountie gets knocked out of the ring with a big kick, and Johnny calls for a stretcher. The match is ordered to continue without him. THAT'S NOT FAIR TO FLAIR. Luckily, Pierre is a pretty competant dude. A bit FAT, but competant. Pierre low bridges Kid, who takes a terrible bump. Raven throws him back into the ring, and that's enough for Pierre to get the pin. Titles retained. 

To end the show, Razor Ramon joins Vince, Brain, and Macho for a short promo. He's easy to find. 6'7" and more handsome than 10 movie stars. Macho makes it clear that he's going to try to win that battle royal regardless of friendships.

It's hard for me to admit, but for 3 weeks in a row, segments involving THE MOUNTIE are the highlight of the week. It is what it is. The Quebecers are a good team. Really fascinating at how utterly dogshit Mountie was as a solo dude, but how he was in two very enjoyable tag  teams. I know I've mentioned that a number of times on this site, but it really is something.