ECW Hardcore TV 1/5/98

This show is from the Elks Lodge in Queens, which means we're treated to "Philly sucks dick" chants during the opening.

Great Sasuke vs Tiger Mask IV

This went from Joey's intro directly into Sasuke hitting the space flying tiger drop. I'm assuming some stuff got cut out. Jason and Justin Credible come out to distract Sasuke. Justin beat Sasuke the last time ECW was in Queens. Justin runs away like a bitch when Sasuke dives, leaving Jason to get splattered. Then Tiger Mask hits a dive of his own. SO MANY DIVES. Sasuke wins with the powerbomb. Hard to judge since this was just the closing moments. 

Lance Storm/Chris Candido vs Balls Mahoney/Axl Rotten seemed like it was about to happen. Then it cut to a New Jack/Spike Dudley promo. And then...

Justin Credible vs Pablo Marquez

I hate ECW editing. God damn. Why do the intros to a match as an interstitial? In addition to Justin beating Sasuke, he's also recently attacked Pablo and injured Mikey Whipwreck. Jason brought three hookers to the ring as a gift for Justin. Then he brings out Nicole Bass, the sexiest woman on earth. She powerbombs poor Pablo, so the match never happens. Justin then calls anyone in the back out. Of course, New Jack's music starts. But we don't see New Jack. We see Bubba Ray Dudley beating on Spike. 

Dudley Boys vs New Jack/Spike Dudley

Who the fuck is editing this? How do you go from Justin calling anyone out, to New Jack's music, to a completely unrelated match? What a surprised, Bubba is being reckless with a tiny dude who couldn't fight back even if he wanted to. I'm shocked. A 3D on New Jack ends the match. "Match". Spike gets chokeslammed off the apron through a table after the match. John Kronus hits the ring and then...the intro to the show starts. 15 minutes in.

Brakkus vs Paul Diamond

Brakkus is a "bought and payed for" bodyguard from the  the WWF. He wins in about 15 seconds with a full nelson. Lance Wright drapes the WWF flag over Paul Diamond's body. This brings Taz to the ring. Ref Jeff Jones says Taz isn't supposed to be there and he's gonna do SOMETHING if Taz tries to get in the ring. Which is a slap. Taz kills him. Before Taz and Brakkus can square off, RVD and Sabu attack Taz. Sandman came out for a save, only to be attacked by Furnas and LaFon. This isn't even an actual match and has had 5 run ins. And now Tommy Dreamer comes out. 6 run ins. Al Snow. 7 run ins. On a non-match. The fuck. This sets up an 8 man tag in the main event. Taz fuck a bunch and doesn't actually agree to be on the team one way or the other. I'm not even positive that was the actual Paul Diamond of AWA/WWF fame. It didn't look like him and the match was so short I couldn't say for sure.

Clips of the Dudley Boys vs Kronus/New Jack from Indianapolis are played. I've never heard of the Tyndall Armory, but they got New Jack doing balcony dives on a house show. Joey talks some about Living Dangerously, coming up in March.

Sandman/Tommy Dreamer/Al Snow/Taz vs Doug Furnas/Philip LaFon/Rob Van Damn/Sabu

Taz comes out after everyone is announced. Of course, everyone pairs off from the start. Sabu and Taz get the first focus, with  Sandman and RVD taking center stage as soon soon as Taz/Sabu leave the ring. A table is bridged at ringside. As soon as Sandman leaves the ring, Dreamer takes his place. And then Furnas replaces RVD. And Al replaces Dreamer. How weird that this 8 man tag is just dudes doing one on one spots. Sabu teabags Sandman through the table. Fucking lol, Taz, who didn't even want to be on this team, waits on the apron for a tag because he's a "traditionalist" while Sandman is in the ring getting quadruple teamed. That's fucking stupid. Jesus Christ. This is dumb as fuck. There aren't tag ropes. There aren't DQs. This is just fucking stupid. Sandman finally makes the tag. Taz could have entered the ring at any point. He also no sells TWO hard as fuck chair shots to the head. I swear a "fuck you Taz" chant briefly breaks out. Sabu misses the triple jump moonsault and is caught in the Tazmission. Brakkus hits the ring. Taz tackles him and the ring fills up with security and wrestlers. During all of this, Bill Alfonzo and Beulah start fighting. Sabu wipes Beulah out with a clothesline. Al Snow saves her and pins Furnas after a low blow with Head. What a fucking mess.

Highlights of November To Remember and more plugging for Living Dangerously end the show.

Fuck ECW. Fuck the editing. Fuck the booking. Fuck everything about it. FUCK ECW.