WWE Vengeance 2003
This would be Smackdown's first solo PPV. They were trying to outdo Raw's first PPV, which featured HBK vs Flair, HHH vs Nash in HIAC, and Chris Jericho vs Goldberg.
Eddie Guerrero vs Chris Benoit WWE US Championship Tournament Finals
This was the finals of a tournament for the newly reinstated US Championship. It officially shares lineage with the WCW/NWA US Championship, even though that title was absorbed into the Intercontinental Championship. And the IC Championship itself was absorbed into the WHC. Code of Honor is not followed. Eddie's body acne is very distracting. Eddie tries some chain wrestling and gets bounced on a shoulder block. Back to some solid and snug chain wrestling. Eddie hits a strong shoulder block of his own. Test of strength. Benoit wins that battle. He gets out with some Euro inspired stuff and takes it to the mat. Eddie starts throwing chops, which I'm sure will come back to haunt him. Eddie hits a pop up rana, which leads to Benoit rolling through, Eddie rolling through and trying a jackknife pin, only for Benoit to counter that with a dope reversal, leading to some more pin tradings, dueling arm drags, and Benoit bailing. No indie respeck stand off here. Back to the mat. Eddie is working the fuck out of some head locks. Tombstones are teased, ending with Benoit hitting a shoulder breaker and locking on the Crossface. Eddie was able to get to the ropes. Suicide dive from Benoit. Looked/sounded like Eddie got hit right in the face with Benoit's forearm/wrist. Back in the ring, Benoit goes right back to the shoulder work. Benoit hits his first chop, but runs into a back elbow in the corner. Super Frankensteiner from Eddie. 2 count. Saito Suplex/back drop drivaaaaah. It was kind of a combo. Whatever it was, I'm sure it wasn't good for Benoit's brain and spine. Chop battle. Eddie wins it with an eye poke, which Cole calls as a slap for some reason. Because he's an idiot, maybe. Benoit kicks things into high gear. Running forearms and clotheslines and chops. Top rope back superplex! 2 count. Rolling Reich suplexes. Eddie blocks before the third, but is immediately put in the Crossface. Rope break. Eddie fires back with Three Amigos. The last one being a superplex. Benoit tries to roll out of the way of the frog splash, but Eddie still kind of landed on him. Huge powerbomb from Benoit. Another Crossface and another rope break. Eddie gets Benoit sent into the ref. Then he waffles Benoit with the title. Frog splash. 12HEGOTHIMNOHEDIDN'T! He gets the title again and...hits the ref in the back with it, lays the title on Benoit, and lies down in the center of the ring. It didn't work out the way Eddie hoped. Crossface! Eddie taps out! But the ref is down, so the match continues. German suplex. Benoit goes for the Iron Eagle. Eddie was still holding onto the belt. The ref was trying to get it away from him and got pulled into the way of the headbutt. Rhyno comes down OUTTA NOWHERE and GORES GORES GORES his friend Chris Benoit! SWERVE. Eddie hits the frog splash for the win. New champion! Some good ass wrasslin, even with the wonky finish.
TO THE BACK. Vince sniffs some roses when Stephanie enters his office. It's been a rough week for the whole family. Linda's condition is not good due to Kane brutally attacking her. The flowers were from Vince to Steph. Well, the roses were for Sable. He got Steph some fake/dead flowers.
Billy Gunn vs Jamie Noble Indecent Proposal Match
If Billy loses, Torrie will spend the night with Jamie. This is brought on by Jamie really wanting to fuck Torrie, offering her many thousands of dollars to fuck him. Eventually she said that if he could beat Billy, she'd fuck him for free on Smackdown. Jamie comes out with a brief case full of sex oils and sex toys. Billy kicks it in his face. Billy opens it and Jamie wasn't lying. There was a bottle of lube, a vibrator, a ball gag, some handcuffs, and a few other odds and ends. Tazz says he uses Castrol GTX for lube. DRIVE HARD, ya know what I'm sayin? Nidia has sauntered out. Billy has injured his knee and Jamie is going to town on it. Huge One and Only. What a terrible name for a move. Hip toss into a neck breaker. Billy couldn't do the Fameasser, but hits a KANYON CUTTER as a substitute. BANG! Billy goes up top, which makes no sense since he never goes to the top rope and now he's doing it with a bad knee. Jamie stops him and does a super DDT. Nidia puts Billy's foot on the ropes. Nidia and Jamie argue. Torrie comes over and gets kissed. Torrie and Nidia both slap Jamie. Jamie scores a roll up in the ring. He wins! He's going to bang Torrie!
TO THE BACK. Funaki gets some words with the APA. We're shown some clips of Smackdown where the APA got beaten up in preparation for the APA Invitational. Adam Rose's bunny hops into frame while JBL is talking.
APA Invitational Bar Brawl
Looks like we've got the FBI, Bashams, some Tough Enough guys, Funaki, Spanky, some dudes in masks, Orlando Jordan, KANYON, the Easter Bunny, Matt Hardy, Shannon Moore, Brother Love, Brooklyn Brawler, Doink, Sean O'Haire, and the APA. Tazz made a joke about his dick being a Dink and then asked if anyone remembered Dick The Clown. The last man drinking is the winner. Brother Love wants to lead a prayer. By making an altar boy/molestation joke. JBL goes right after Kanyon. I don't like that at all. Lariatoooo. O'Haire started acting like he was in an action movie. Shannon Moore stopped all that by diving off the stage. Matt tried to leg drop Kanyon and a Basham through a table, but it was from Japan. Funaki falls off the bar stool drunk. Bradshaw wins because he was the last man standing who was also still drinking. Faarooq was standing, but not drinking, so he didn't get to share the win I guess. What a mess. Not happy that Bradshaw kept beating the shit out of Kanyon.
TO THE BACK. Jamie smells Torrie's Playboy issue. Some stage hand asks him, what about Nidia? NONEYABIZNISS BOY.
Rey Mysterio/Kidman vs WGTT WWE Tag Team Championships
Kidman's DMX knock off theme is one of the most inappropriate themes I've ever heard for someone. It's great. Cole bringing up the Filthy Animals. I wish he hadn't. I tried to forget about them. Shelton and Rey start the match. DID YOU KNOW: Tazz was a pysch major in college? A lot of fast action from Rey. Spinning head scissors and a tag to Kidman. Drop toe hold, low dropkick combo. Kidman hits a spinning head scissors of his own. Tag to Charlie. Kidman jumps high, proving that White Men Can't Jump was wrong. My grandma took me and 3 of my cousins to see that when we were all in the 4-12 range. I suspect the oldest cousin tricked her into it. Haas is held in the ropes so Rey can drop a leg drop. Charlie counters a wheel barrow bulldog with a Bubba Bomb type maneuver. Weird slam thing to follow up. Huge pop up Flapjack Norton from Shelton. Rey does a rana. Shelton rolls through. Rey rolls through the roll through and hits a low drop kick. Tag to Kidman. Dropkicks everywhere. BK Bomb. WGTT go for the leap frog, only for Rey to trip Shelton up. Shelton then trips Rey while Rey tries a a 619. Rey then does a springboard senton to the floor. Charlie is thrown to the floor. SSP from the middle of the top rope from Kidman! Rey distracts the ref like a dipshit, allowing Shelton to Irish whip Kidman on the apron into the buckles. WGTT do a body slam onto a partner's knee. Shelton then does some weird bow and arrow variations. Haas continues to work on the lower back of Kidman. Ref misses the hot tag to Rey. Of course. YOU CAN POWERBOMB KIDMAN! Shelton gets cocky and tries another powerbomb. YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN. Hot tag to Rey, who comes in with a spring board hilo to the face of Shelton. Wheel barrow DDT. 619 to Haas. Kidman being in the ring distracted the ref, so he missed the pin Rey had on Haas. Shelton breaks it with a boot to the dome. Toss up rana from Kidman/Rey only gets a 2 count. Crowd is legit shook. In fact, it got a BULLSHIT chant for not ending the match. WGTT get the win with a powerbomb/springboard Doomsday Device. Titles retained. Hot ass match.
Sable vs Stephanie McMahon No Count Out Cat Fight
Steph has those heaters on display tonight. Sable was 100% hotter during this run than her first run. She looked so white trash in 1998. Steph chases Sable up the ramp and we got ourselves a CAT FIGHT. Now Sable is chased into the crowd. Lariatoooo! Sable does a baseball slide as Steph is getting in the ring. MOOEY TIE KICKS. Y'all want to see the GRIND? Well, you get to. A few slaps from Sable. Spear! Steph tried to use a chair, but the ref wouldn't let her. Then she starts throwing some Misawa elbows. Perfect neck whip! Steph is legit. Ground and pound in the corner. This is becoming a PRIDE level beat down. Steph tries to rip Sable's top off. Ref gets a lot of heel heat for giving Sable his shirt. OUTTA NOWHERE, A-Train runs in and squashes Steph. Sable wins!
The Undertaker vs John Cena
This started because Cena started saying he was a Smackdown vet and the most respected dude on Smackdown. Taker took offense to this and plans to put this punk ass in his place. I do like Cena wearing a Larry Legend Indiana State throw back. Part of Cena's rap said something about about eating Taker and shitting out his bones, and then someone sucking on his tailpipe. Cena gets backed into the corner and then "bitch slaps" Taker. This pisses Taker off, which is a silly thing to do to the Best Pure Striker and Conscience of the WWE. They don't call him Big Evil for nothing. He's a Phenom and a true American Bad Ass. Cena with the dreaded water spit. Taker seems to focus on the mid section. Apron leg drop. Taker shows off some of his MMA training with an Americana. This is just an ass beating. Old School. Dude with the air horn has been ON POINT tonight. Huge chokeslam. Cena gets out of the Last Ride and pulls out a DDT OUTTA NOWHERE. He then pulls a turn buckle pad off. Well, he tries and gets it loose a few times, but kept getting distracted by the ref. Now the pad is off and Taker ran right into the buckle shoulder/ribs first. Taker is knocked to the floor and then off the apron once he climbs back up. Cena is all over the ribs and Taker is bleeding from the mouth. Desperation lariato from Taker. Dragon sleeper! Rope break. Big spinebuster from Cena for a near fall. Cena was much more interesting as a character, but his ring work was not up to snuff. You can only carry a guy so far. Most of the time, Cena looks like he's just waiting to be told what to do and lost while waiting around. Taker is back in control and laying a beating on Cena. Cheap shot with the chain to the ribs. FU. 2 count! Cena makes the mistake of trying a 10 punch count in the corner on Taker. Tossing Last Ride for the win.
Mr. McMahon vs Zach Gowen
The real main event as far as I'm concerned. Zach decides to start the match without his peg leg. God damn Vince is SO SWOLL. Look that those high ways in his biceps. LOL at Vince doing amateur stuff. Lariatooooooo! No offense from poor Zach. Then he starts throwing some back elbows that pisses the boss off. To the floor goes Vince. Asai moonsault! Second rope leg drop. The kid is on a roll! Look at that sweet ankle pick from Vince. Vince goes to work on..the only leg. Great sign in the second row "How's the herpes?". Son of a bitch is going to use the ring post on the good leg! What a BASTARD. Half crab. Rope break. Vince gets kicked in the knee. Now they both only have one good leg. Poetry, man. Poetry. Gowen easily gets full mount and rains down some punches. The grapefruits are squashed against the ring post. Bulldog. Missile dropkick. Moonsault. Vince barely gets a foot on the ropes. Oh shit, Vince has a chair. The ref won't let him use it and he goes flying to the floor. Zach dropkicks the chair into Vince's head, which immediately starts pissing blood. Blood all over the fucking place. Zach misses a top rope something. Vince rolls over on him and gets the win. Standing ovation for Gowen.
TO THE BACK. Josh Matthews catches up with Eddie Guerrero, who refutes that his victory was tainted.
Brock Lesnar vs Big Show vs Kurt Angle WWE Championship
Bork and Kurt try to double team Show, only for Show to run through them and toss Kurt from the ring. Chokeslam to Bork. Kurt breaks the pin. Kurt then tries a German suplex only to get an ass to the dick. Does that make Show a power bottom? He was the one generating all the power. Show Stopper is countered into the ankle lock, which is of course countered. Leg drop. Bork is back. Show Stopper to him. 2 count. Kurt comes in with trash can lids and waffles Show a few times. As does Bork. Trashchairto! Double suplex is countered with a double suplex. Double chokeslam is countered with a....double chokeslam. Tempers flare between Kurt and Bork and it is on. F5 to Kurt. F5 to Shoe! Kurt pulls the ref out of the ring to break the pin. He gets sent into the steps for his transgressions. Kurt is busted open as Show and Bork go at it in the ring. Bork does a RUNNING POWERBOMB to Show. Fucking ridiculous. Kurt breaks that pin with a chair shot to the back and then waffles Brock in the face. Show kicks out. The chair shot busted Brock open. Show gets Angle Slammed through the SAT. Brock and Kurt crawl on their knees, both bloodied, to the center of the ring. Shit is on, hommies. Brock gets sent into the steps so hard a camera man dies. Over head release German suplex from Kurt. Angle Slam is countered. Spine buster. 2 count. Bork takes it to the mat with a body scissors and almost a Tazmission. Show breaks the hold by squashing both men. Double chokeslam. Bork kicks out. Angle kicks out. Show gets kicked in the Big Balls. Ankle lock on Bork.Angle Slam to Show. And to Bork. 3 count. Angle wins! New champion!
Dope show. Smackdown really killed Raw for the first 2 years or so of the brand split. They had a great roster of the best WCW talent, the best young talent from OVW, plus guys like Taker/Brock/Angle. Meanwhile, Raw was full of a bunch of ECW guys and in the midst of HHH's death reign. Taker/Cena was the least interesting match of the night. Cena just wasn't at the level where he should have been having matches that long, not even with someone like Taker carrying him step by step. People rag about his in ring work over the last 8 years, but he has better matches on Raw pretty regularly than anything that he was capable of doing in 2003 even with one of the best guys in the company.