WWF MSG 3/18/90

Edging ever so close to WM6. Oh man, the announce team is Gorilla, Lord Al, and Hillbilly Jim. Eek.

Mike Sharpe vs Jim Powers

Gorilla believes it to be a stupid decision for Warrior to defend his IC Championship against Mr. Perfect so close to WM. Jobber fight to start the show. Iron Mike takes a Ziggler-esque bump from a dropkick. From the middle of the ring, rolling out of the ring, then a bump on the floor. VLAD THE SUPER FAN SIGHTING! Of course. Dude was at every MSG show for like 12 years straight. And anything in the North East. And WMs. And Summerslams. And some random WCW shows. And dude was always happy to be there. Pretty inspiring considering the amazing amount of terrible shit he sat through in person. You can't change the channel in person. Lots of stalling from Iron Mike. He wants a test of strength. Such a weird body on that guy. But he's one of my favorite jobbers from the era. Mike keeps the cheap shots flowing to stay in control while playing pea-knuckle. Powers fights out and fires up with some arm work. DON'T STOMP ON HIS FACE, JIM! DON'T DO IT! PLEASE!!! He didn't do it. What a relief. Mike gets back in control with a gut shot and puts his balls all over Powers. Oh no, Mike is caught in the ropes just like Andre The Giant! And Mr. Powers starts taking cheap shots at him. What a heel. But he's a face. It's just like today. I hope Mike wins now. Jim Powers is a JERK. Jim fights out of a piledriver and does a sunset flip. This is a weirdly long match. Wrap it up, dudes. You're both jobbers and no one cares. It's just like today! Powers eventually wins with a powerslam. That jerk.

Black Bart vs Hercules

Oh boy. No way this isn't MOTN. A lot of majesty from Herc. Bart...not so much. Bart puts Herc in the full nelson! It gets broken with da greatest of ease. This is bad. Herc looks like his limbs weigh 300 pounds. It seems like so much effort for him to move his arms. Random zoom in on a kid drinking from a bottle. Another test of strength. Herc obviously wins it and then stomps on Bart's hands. What a dick. Totally uncalled for. This match sucks. Who decided Herc would make a good face? He's a natural heel. This match is death. Herc won with the Torture Rack.

Demolition vs Orient Express

This was pre-Paul Diamond/Kato OE. Sato was there instead and he would go on to be Hakushi's manager in the 90s. Smash and Tanaka begin the mach. He's gonna kick his stinkin' teeth down his stinkin' throat. Tanaka takes a Jannetty Bump off a lariato. Did you know that Smash started selling car alarms shortly after he left the WWF as the Repo Man? Tag to Ax. Tag to Sato. I recall a Superstars where Sato tried to kick a jobber's jaw off and then hit what might have been the first powerbomb in WWF history. Lotta stalling from the heels. I didn't call them Japs because I'm not a racist like G-Fex (@g_fex) and Jim Ross (@JRsBBQ). They use a Pearl Harbor attack to get on the offense. It doesn't last very long. Tanaka is Hawaiian. I wonder if he had some issues with pretending to be an evil Japanese dude. Double back drop. Tanaka can only get cheap shots in and gets his ass beat anyway. Sato has some more luck. Not a lot going on in this. Fuji gets involved with his cane of DOOM. Really nothing of note here. OE do nothing but sneaky cheap shots. Demolition go for the Decapitation Elbow. Fuji hits Ax with his cane and Ax chases him on the floor. He then gets a face full of salt. I think Demolition was counted out. It was actually shorter than the previous two matches.

Frenchy Martin vs Koko B. Ware

I don't know about this. I like Koko and all, but I wouldn't want to see Kofi vs Sylvester Lefort, either. It was kind of interesting how many managers would wrestle during this time frame for WWE. Frenchy, Heenan, Cap. Lou, Fuji, Jimmy Hart. From time to time, they all were expected to wrestle. It's been years and years since that's been the case for WWE. But I guess there really haven't been managers for years and years for the most part. This ref appears to be a blatant racist, chastising Koko for things that weren't even illegal, while seeing Frenchy do illegal shit and not giving a single fuck. Frenchy, being French, isn't aware that African-Americans have hard heads and turnbuckle slams are not effective against them. Falling Edge's father is in the front row. Frenchy is old and fat and not good. And despite being primarily a manager, he controls most of this match. They have a bizarre botch where it looked like both were trying a shoulder block, both missed, but Koko sold it like he got hit. I think. I have no idea what it was supposed to be. Foreign heel stand by: the nerve hold rest hold. People in the front row aren't even trying to pay attention to this. Falling Edge's dad is showing off his SWOLE and having a good time.. Koko eventually wins with the BRAINBUSTAAAAAAAAAAH. Not a good show so far. The opener has been the best match to this point.

Jim DOOGUN vs Earthquake

I'll take this match. Could be enjoyable. I wish Quake was still alive and on Legends House and he could sit on people when they get bitchy. DOOGUN gets some early punches off. Quake backs him into the corner and smashes him right in the belly. DOOGUN gets Quake rocked, but is then distracted by Jimmy Hart and sent to the floor. Imagine if Quake was sitting on Jimmy Hart for being a whiny little bitch in the House of Legends. Quake takes a huge bump over the top. God damn. Even FE's dad kind of reacted to that. DOOGUN can't keep it up and gets sent into two ring posts. Bear hug. Man, Duggan looks TERRIBLE in this. As if it was his first time in a wrestling ring. He gets Quake down to one knee. And he's down! Go for the Old Glory Knee Drop, Jim. You could have won! He does the 3 point stance lariato and sends Quake flying into the corner, which shakes the ring and camera. Jimmy interrupts the second one and DOOGUN gets smashed in the corner. Quake wins with an elbow drop. Duggan chases Jimmy and Quake away with his board.

TO THE MOON. Sean Mooney gets a backstage interview with Bret Hart, who isn't afraid to face an arrogant cunt like the Model. Elsewhere, Sean speaks with The Model himself. Bret is just jealous. Elsewhere elsewhere, Sean talks to Brutus Beefcake about his match with Dino Bravo. The Beefer is clearly lit. Or hungover. Or both. Elsewhere elsewhere elsewhere, Sean speaks with Mr. Perfect. Perfect thinks Warrior is a painted pansy talking to some god giving him an ultimate power. But the next time Warrior is flying 40,000 feet up, he needs to realize that Mr. Perfect flies higher than anyone in the WWF.

Bret Hart vs Rick Martel

Bret gives his glasses to a kid wearing a Mario shirt, next to his dad wearing a Ghostbusters hat. What a great time period. I'm going to say it: Tyler Breeze is prettier than Rick Martel. A lot of rope breaks from Martel. And show boating when he gets out of things. He makes sure he doesn't get punched in his beautiful face. Model unloading in the corner. He leap frogs Bret in the corner, then rolls backwards to gloat only to get laid out with a lariatooo. Punch to the gut and a small package nearly gets Bret the win. Female Sammy Haggar is sitting in the front row. Model bails on that shit. Bret gets a hold of Rick's arm and tries to tear it apart. Bret is in firm control on the mat. No surprise there. Martel gets back into it with a possible eye poke. Doesn't last long as Bret gets him back to the mat and goes back to the arm. I think Martel is in the early stages of having a boner. Pre-boner status. Martel gets to the ropes and climbs OVER them to get Bret to break the arm bar. Bret pulls him back into the ring and keeps at it. Bret takes a hard bump to the floor. Bret is thrown into the ring apron lower back first, setting up for the Boston Crab. Suplex back in. Abdominal stretch. The ref breaks it when he catches Martel grabbing the ropes. This is the racist ref from earlier I believe. Probably hates French-Canadians as well. I hope someone starts a USA chant. Model continues with the back work. Boston Crab! That's his move. Bret rolls out before it can be fully applied. Model tries a slingshot move from the apron, but Bret gets his knees up. Double noggin collision. The match continues. Inverted atomic drop from Bert Hert. Vertical suplex. Falling elbow. Second rope elbow. A lot of momentum for the Hitman. Russian leg sweep. That is five moves, right? Back breaker. That's five. Martel tries to run away. Standing dropkick. Martel tries to run away again. Bret does an atomic drop on the floor and thinks he won by count out, but the match is a time limit draw. Bret was not happy with the result and was attacked after the bell by Martel, but he fought the Model off.

Brutus Beefcake vs Dino Bravo

MINUS FIVE STARS

Tugboat vs Pez Whatley

It's hilarious that they tried to pretend like Tugboat was a massive star, best friend of Hogan, and possible heir to the throne. It's also stupid that he never got to show any of the personality he showed in Memphis as Big Bubba. Pretty quick and easy win for Tugboat.

Fink announces the main event for the next show: Earthquake vs Hulk Hogan. This brings Quake back out (he also interfered in the Dino/Beefer match) to say he will put Hogan out of wrestling.

Ultimate Warrior vs Mr. Perfect WWF Intercontinental Championship

Perfect tries to crisscross during Warrior's running and gets knocked to the floor. He gets thrown around and bails. He gets back in and is quickly knocked right back out. Another bump to the floor after going balls first into the ring post. Hilariously big bump from a chop. Press slam. Perfect gets his knees up on the splash. Warrior is knocked to the floor and is in trouble. Warrior does a bizarre move where he rammed Perfect's head into his own chest. That was weird as fuck. Perfect comes right back with a drop toe hold and kicks Warrior to the floor. Standing dropkick. Camel clutch. Warrior is being humbled. Warrior fights out. Lariatoooos. Shoulder block. Gorilla press slam. Splash. Title retained.

Not a very good show. Martel vs Bret was by far the best match of the night. I would put Quake/Duggan as the second best, but it helps that the match was short and to the point, until the 12 minute jobber matches. I do wonder what the A team was doing that night. No Hogan/Savage/DiBiase/Snuka/Rude/Dusty/Andre/Heenan.

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