WCW Backstage Assault

The last WCW game to be released.  The conceit of the game is that there would be no wrestling ring at all, and all matches would be hardcore matches that take place...backstage.  To drive the point home, the intro video features zero in ring action.  It is all random clips of hardcore matches and backstage segments, with a few clips of Stacy Kiebler dancing and I believe one in ring shot, which is a reaction shot of Major Gunns.

 

The Main Menu has several options.  Exhibition, Hardcore Challenge, Hardcore Gauntlet, Create a Superstar, Hall of Champions, and Global Options.  Let's check out options first.

 

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TO THE OPTIONS: Standard stuff here.  Volume controls for music, speech, sound fx, and crowd.  There is an option for realism, which turns blood on.  Yes, the game based entirely on hardcore brawls has blood turned off by default.  Also are options for vibration and credits.  I'm going to go ahead and turn the blood on.

 

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TO THE HALL OF CHAMPIONS:  A top 10 for high scores.


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TO THE CREATE A WRESTLER:  Well, this is already weird.  There are 8 sections, and in each of them, you can pick one article of clothing of a wrestler in that category.  I think.  Most of them are locked.  I'm going to pick Disco Inferno, as the option for him is "Funny Tights".  This brings me to an option of what I guess is just Disco Inferno's model.  I'm going to make him a super tall cruiserweight and black with the face "Ugly Mug".  Hulk Hogan's hair, Norman Smiley's mustache.  Well, after going through a ton of masks and face paint, I think I'm going to give him the Michael Hayes Special: Confederate Flag face paint.  Let it be known that the entire CAW process has ONE song playing on loop.  It's Sid's theme, but only the first half of the riff.  On repeat.  This thing looks like a fucking monster.

 

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There actually are a lot of options.  Any shirt with sleeves has adjustable length, logos for the front and back.  I'm going to give him a purple version of Kane's outfit.  OLD GLORY NECK TIE!  Bobby Eaton's tights.  Pants also have adjustable length.  Norman Smiley's shoes.  This game is hideous and I haven't even started playing it.  His name will be Devastation Dingus.  Tony says the nick names.   Moves are based on a point system and you can't see previews of them.  Pass.  I need to play the game proper.  OH SHIT THERE ARE PREVIEWS AND TONY ANNOUNCES THEM AS THE CAW GRUNTS!  For some reason, the dummy you test moves on is a woman.  Might be Nitro Girl Fyre.  Coffin Nail Suplex, said by Tony as the Nail in the Coffin, is in fact a sit out guardbuster and not the Nail in the coffin.  YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN IS IN AS A MOVE!  Although it is called "roll through attack".  You can't fool me, Tony. 

 

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Oh my, Tony even calls the taunts for you.  What really makes this great is that for some of the taunts, he has some quip instead of saying the name of the taunt.  For instance, for Disco's taunt, he says "Shake that booty!".  For a female hip grind, he says, "Flaunt it, baby!".  For a generic heel disgusted taunt, he says, "This town sucks!".  For a generic flexing, he says, "That's a lot of protein!".  LOL WTF.  The taunt is "hands on hips".  He says, "Bring me your ribbon!" in a British accent.  Maybe it was women.  This stuff is AMAZING.  I've recorded the best clips.


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TO THE EXHIBITION:  I guess I should actually try to play this game.  You can pick one or two players, difficulty level, special rules, length, submissions, and knock outs.  The special rules matches are first blood and human torch.  However, if you want to play a human torch match, it forces you into two player mode.  No idea why you can't play a human torch man on your own, but who really gives a fuck anyway.  WHAT THE FUCK, 80% of the roster is locked to begin with.  The only available wrestlers from the start: Jeff Jarrett, Torrie Wilson, Booker, Cpl. Cajun, David Flair, Kevin Nash, Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, Sting, AWOL (with a picture still from the Berlyn partnership), Sid, Scott Steiner, Goldberg, Jimmy Hart, Buddy Lee Parker, Bam Bam, Stevie Ray, Vito, Mona, Doug Dillinger, Asya, and Konnan.  I'll go with DDP because he's the closest thing to Kanyon.


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DDP vs Jimmy Hart

Don't worry, half of the arenas are locked as well.  Entrances have the Turner Tron videos.  I turned down the music so I could get clear audio of Tony, so I don't know if real music was being played since background music and entrance music are the same I guess.  Well, I have no fucking idea what does what.  The same commands have done three different moves.  This game is completely broken and HIDEOUS.  Even for a PS1 game, this looks awful.  Mayhem looked significnatly better than this.  Light tubes!  CZFNW!  Kanyon Cutter!  BANG!  I have no idea how the fuck I did it.  Sometimes the grapple just punches.  Sometimes you grapple and it does a different move even if you put in the same command.  I have no idea how you block or reverse anything.  The game keeps telling me that I have an ariel opportunity, but I have no idea how to do that either.  I'm starting to figure out the engine.  It's terrible, but starting to make sense.  Somehow, Jimmy Hart has kicked out of 5 Kanyon Cutters (BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG), some light tubes, a chair, and two pipes being smashed on him.  Oh shit, I won with a body slam.  Fuck.  All I want is to unlock Vince Russo.  

 

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Oh no, you have to win various titles on different difficulty levels to start unlocking people.  I'll start with the Hardcore Championship, which is easy.  With Scott Steiner.  HOLLAR!


Scott Steiner vs Stevie Ray

There are hidden rewards with tasks to complete to get either more points or more unlockables maybe.  Well, it turns out Stevie Ray is actually Cpl. Cajun.  SWERVE!  I can't even describe how broken this is, but I somehow got someone unlocked by doing an Irish whip.  I get the win after a chair shot.  Point total after the match has me at 5850.  I also unlocked the ankle lock!  OH BOY!  And Vampyro.


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Scott Steiner vs KANYON!

KANYON!!!!  Why couldn't I pick him from the start?  This better unlock him.  Kanyon is black in this game.  Highlight of the match was Kanyon pulling a pay phone off  the wall and trying to use it.  This game is terrible.  Even having kind of figured out the engine, I still can't do shit, can't do holds on the ground, there is no set way to do finishers.  But my score was 11950 and I unlocked "Dog Bark On All Fours" for use in CAW!  And Kanyon!

 

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Scott Steiner vs Stevie Ray

I wonder if it will really be Stevie this time.  This match is in The Block, and if I win I will unlock it.  I will also be able to unlock a member of Kronik.  One of the hidden rewards was something about breaking a table.  However, there were no tables to break.  I win with a German suplex.  Score: 18050.  Unlockables: Jaw Claw, The Block, Kronik.  I wish it would tell me how many shitty matches there are.

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Scott Steiner vs David Flair

There are random flashes of screens with text that aren't supposed to be there, audio that cuts in and out, repeated audio over and over.  This game is so polished.  David looks like Lodi and somehow I won via Steiner Recliner even though I have no idea how I did it.  Brain had a great line: Do you like vegetables, Tony?  Because this match is a total squash.  Points: 23250.  Unlockables: Nerve Hold, Locker Rooms.

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Scott Steiner vs Chris Candido

Fuuuuuck this game will never end and this is the easiest mode.  I wish there was a way to directly get all the audio from Tony.  I don't think you can do it with an ISO, but I think you could if you had the actual disc.  Moves unlock at random.  This game is terrible.  It's so clunky and ugly.  There are SNES games with better 3D graphics.  Points: 28800.  Unlocked: Bathrooms, Chris Candido.  Even though it told me during the match I unlocked a new move 3 times, I didn't actually unlock any moves.


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Scott Steiner vs Big Vito

Hopefully this is the title match.  I don't know how much more of this garbage I can take.  I win via knock out somehow.  I'm not sure how you get..anything done.  This is the kind of game where a guy gets busted open on his face from a move to his leg.  Oh thank Christ, this was the title match.  I'm treated to a video highlight of various Hardcore Championship matches.  Points: 34750.  Unlocked: NWO Scott Steiner outfit.  


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FUCK THIS GAME.  It's so bad I can't even play as Kanyon, even though he's black and referred to as Positively Kanyon on commentary.  He doesn't even have the Kanyon Cutter.  Somehow WCW managed to put out a video game that was even WORSE than their television product in 2000.  Holy fuck.


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Don't ever play this game.  It is worse than watching 3 months of 2000 WCW in a week.

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