WWF Monday Night Raw 5/3/93

Shawn Michaels vs Jim Duggan WWF Intercontinental Championship

Hacksaw hasn't been seen since Yoko literally squashed him and now he's back in a singlet. Because he's FAT. HBK stalls for a while before the match begins. Once he gets in the ring, he bumps all around and bails to stall some more. Hacksaw follows him out and carries him back to the ring. After a break, HBK gains control with a rope stunner. Boy, Duggan really isn't good at all on defense. Does he know how to bump? I'm really not sure he does. I don't think I've ever seen him take a flat back bump. He bumps like a dude who was never taught how to bump. HBK controls the match for a while and it sucks because Duggan is really bad at bumping and selling. Duggan gets back into it. HBK sells the 3 Point Stance lariato by falling out of the ring. Duggan then puts him over the railing and wins via count out. Title retained. Duggan thinks it is bullshit and says he isn't leaving until he gets another piece of HBK. He throws chairs into the ring and we go to break. After the break, he's still in the ring.

TO THE KOTR REPORT. Mean Gene lets us know about the "first ever" *if you don't count the prior 6 years* KOTR tournament. Bret Hart is the number one seed. Lex Luger has also qualified. Oh shit, Gene is getting word that Hacksaw has left the ring. He's calling Jack Tunney right now! Superstars will have Razor vs Tito in a qualifying match, while Wrestling Challenge will have Hacksaw vs Papa Shango. I feel very updated.

Doink vs Kamikaze Kid

123 Kid! Belly to belly from Doink. STF. Stump Puller for the very quick win. Kid didn't even get to show any of his offense.

Bob Backlund vs Dwayne Gill

It seems like Hacksaw's bitching paid off, as next week he'll get a rematch with HBK in a lumberjack match. FIRST TIME EVER *On Raw*. Backlund Lift! One of my favorite power moves in all of wrasslin history. even when he does it to a whimpy like Gillberg. Bridging pin for the win.

Tatanka ICOPRO ad.

TO THE McMAHON. Vince speaks with Hacksaw at ringside. He tells us what President Tunney said to him, which we were already told.

Another Smoking Gunns vignette where they shoot bottles, cans, and cacti.

Fink brings out Captain Lou Albano. I guess he's out to scout new talent.

Jim ???/Jay Sledge vs Headshrinkers

I couldn't hear the first jobber's name because Vince was talking over it. Cap buries Brain. Mostly for being a cheater. Are you fucking for real? You son of a bitch. You made a career out of being a cheating manager you asshole. Double Flapjack Norton to Black Jobber. Lariatoo. Gut wrench suplex. Black Jobber is thrown to the floor and Fatu does a completely reckless slam. The poor guy lands on his head/shoulder. We're informed that Yoko will be one of the lumberjacks next week. Fatu makes Black Jobber tag White Jobber. Spike piledriver. Lou speaks a bunch of straight gibberish claiming he's speaking Samoan like he used to speak to the Wild Samoans. Double headbutt. Double Stroke. Fatu wins with the Superfly Splash.

We're shown a preview of WWF Smack 'Em and Whack 'Em, with the Bushwhackers and Lord Al doing home improvement.

Kamala vs Rich Myers

Mr. Perfect will also be a lumberjack next week. Kamala dominates in a quick squash to end the show.

This shit is still on in 2014. Can you believe it?

Oh sweet, a new Hasbro commercial!

TO THE BACK. Brain talks with HBK. HBK has a massive unibrow. Jeeeeeeezus, man. Pluck that or something. It's not fair to Flair HBK that he had to defend his title in a lumberjack match next week, but he has a plan.

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