WWF Monday Night Raw 5/17/93

We start with some footage of Macho and the Smoking Gunns cheering on a Special Olympian doing dead lifts.

We're shown footage of HBK and Perfect brawling in the street last week. The whole thing.

TO THE BACK. Lord Al is in the same spot where the brawl went down, saying he saw someone arrive in a disguise that will shock everyone. Is it the Shockmaster?

Smoking Gunn vs Glenn Ruth/Tony Vajda

Vajda? Is that a real name? Vag and Bart begin the match. Billy is quickly tagged in. Vag quickly tags out to Thrasher. God, Billy looks like SUCH a scum bag with that gross mullet and pedo mustache. He's going to be in a Wrestlemania match in 2014. Unbelievable. Double Russian leg sweep to Thrasher. Lots of quick tags from the Gunns. Bart doesn't look as scummy despite having the same look. He looks like a guy that would actually have that look and do carpentry work. The Gunns win with a back drop into a piledriver.

Fucking sick of this Mania ad and Todd in general.

TO THE McMAHON. Vince conducts an in ring interview with HBK. I wish there was a camera on Vince at all times on every show he's ever been on. And as part of the Network, you could choose to watch him whenever you want. SHAWN IS GAY chant distracts even Vince. HBK is the champ and told Vince he'd stay the champ. On to Mr. Perfect. He told everyone that he was better than Perfect and he proved it. It's kind of weird seeing HBK with a full head of hair and straight eyes. He will defend his title against anyone, anywhere, anytime. A man with a hood up and sunglasses on enters the ring. Why, that's Marty Jannetty! My GOODNESS! Is HBK a man of his word? Well, he would be, but he doesn't want to hurt Jannetty. The title match is on TONIGHT!

Razor Ramon vs The Kid

Razor immediately throws Kid and then backs him up into the corner to hit a chop louder than the Smoking Gunns's guns. Huge hip toss out of the corner. Abdominal stretch. Fall away slam. Razor runs into the corner and hits the ring post. Moonsault. HOLY SHIT THE KID JUST BEAT RAZOR RAMON!!!!!! I got goosebumps, McMahon!

Tatanka vs Scott Taylor

Brain is talking about toilet paper technique statistics. It seems to be a joke that it makes him a shithead, but since it was PG, that never actually got said. Tatanka dominates and wins with the End of the Trail. Some rough, rough chops in this one.

TO THE KOTR REPORT. HBK and Crush will have a qualifying match this weekend, as will Kamala and Mr. Hughes.

Kamala vs Yokozuna

Fuck. This sounds like it is going to be terrrrrrrible. Hopefully it is very short. Savage more or less calls Tunney out on not giving Bret a title rematch and instead giving him the top seed in the KOTR. Sumo attack. Yoko got rocked. A second one almost takes Yoko down. Kamala throws some shots, but Yoko recovers and gets him down. Leg drop. Fuji distracts Kamala. Superkick. 2 corner splashes. Banzai drop. Thankfully this was kept short.

Shawn Michaels vs Marty Jannetty WWF Intercontinental Championship

Marty hasn't been seen I believe since the Royal Rumble. He scores a number of near falls in the opening minute. A lariato sends HBK to the floor. Baseball slide. Marty skins the cat and hits a pescado in one motion. Marty rolls through the superkicks and hits a Japanese arm drag and old timey head scissors. Fans are solidly behind him. Big back drop. Flair Flip sends Shawn all the way to the floor. Shawn tries to leave. But Mr. Perfect is standing in the aisle way! Shawn gets brought back in the hard way. Marty again goes for the head scissors, which is countered into a stun gun. HBK throws some rapid fire punches in the corner. Brain calls Perfect a jackass. It's a family show, Brain! Standing dropkick. He tries another and is caught with a slingshot. Shawn hit the post! My goodness! HBK barely kicks out. Great powerslam. Another near fall. Marty pump fakes in the corner and hits a crossbody for another 2. Sweet Chin Music! Shawn gets distracted shit talking Perfect. Perfect throws his towel. Marty rolls HBK up. New champion!

It took 17 weeks, but they finally had a Raw show that was enjoyable from start to finish. You could even go so far as to say it was good. For the first time. In 17 weeks. Kid pinning Razor still gives me goosebumps. Marty showing up out of nowhere and winning the title unannounced was the first "anything can happen in the WWF" moment on Raw so far. I also think it is interesting that Hogan hasn't been on the show since winning the title, has barely been mentioned, and the KOTR is being pushed as way more important than the title match at KOTR. And the week Bret showed up, Vince said he was the people's champion. I think he felt bad for Bret. Bret was probably sad, staring off into the sunset, thinking about the Daily Show. There wasn't a bunch of stupid bullshit, no terrible topical references, the shitty match was kept very short, the Gunns looked good, a jobber one, and Marty came back to win the title and have a good match.

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