WWF Monday Night Raw 3/15/93
The first Raw out of the Manhattan Center and Gorilla/Brain are doing commentary duty. Along with Not Vince McMahon. Due to a blizzard in New York, the whole show was changed last minute. Vince was away as he was being given an award that night.
Razor Ramon vs Ross Greenberg
Fall away slam. Abdominal stretch. Short chokeslam. This jobber is terrible. Razor has to force him into everything. Back superplex. Razor's Edge. Easy win for the Bad Guy.
Typhoon vs L.A. Gore
What a dope name for a jobber. Along with terrible tights and terrible hair. Typhoon almost cripples Gore with a powerslam. Gore's head was centimeters away from the mat. Standing splash for the quick win.
Brain throws a fit about not getting his cues while trying to do an interview. It goes to commercial. ICOPRO. You've gotta want it.
TO THE BRAIN. Brain's guests in the ring are Harvey Wippleman and Giant Gonzalez. I hate Harvey. Blah balh destroy Undertaker, wrasslin, I don't know how to wash my clothes. Fucking Bruno.
Ridiculous Hogan hype video. I swear you'd think Hogan is the champ and in the main event at Wrestlemania.
Papa Shango vs Bob Backlund
Bob uses his amateur skills to trip Shango up repeatedly. Gorilla wants to knock Bartlett out. Test of strength. It doesn't work for Bob, but he's able to use mat skill to get the advantage. FUCKING BARTLETT JEEEEEEZUS FUCKING CHRIST SHUT THE FUCK UP. He's just making noises. He's not even saying words. Legit gibberish. Big back breaker from Shango. This is fucking unbearable. Gorilla finally yells STOP. God damn it I hope he knocks the shit out of Bartlett. He's threatening it. Fucking piece of shit. Fat fucking sack of shit. Is he dead yet? Papa is firmly in control with rest holds. Small package OUTTA NOWHERE! Backlund wins.
TO THE WRESTLEMANIA REPORT. Hold your hats, folks, we're going to be having the world's largest toga party at Wrestlemania! We're shown a clip of Yoko crushing some jobber. I'm really annoyed at the "Double Main Event" thing. I'm also annoyed that way more time had been devoted to Hogan's match than the title match. Money Inc. promo. They're having an armored briefcase made so they can hit Hogan in his big fat head. Paul/Taker promo.
Nasty Boys vs Headshrinkers
Man, I really hope Knobs gets stiffed. When I said that, I didn't think it would mean he was going to make out with the overweight Raw girl. Wrong kind of stiffed, Vince. Samu and Knobs begin. Samu right away hits a rough corner lariatoo. Knobs comes back with some of his own. Double back drop to Samu. God, Knobs is such a sack of shit. Fatu gets his arm worked over. Bartlett is still fucking babbling. Why they fuck would Vince think another show long running joke with this cunt was a good idea? Vince lost his touch all the way back in 1993. After a break, the Headshrinkers are in control. Sags gets slammed on the floor, no where near as hard as Bret got slammed. Diving headbutt misses. Hot tag to the hot piece of shit. God damn, what a downgrade to go from wrestling Bret to Knobs. Double DDT from that piece of shit. They head to the "concession area", which is right next to the entrance and appears to be only hot dogs and popcorn. Mustard everywhere. The match is thrown out. Sags wraps a chair around Samu's head.
A package devoted the WWF's charity work. Sorry, I can't buy Randy Savage telling me not to do drugs. Woah, the package ends with a shot of Vince that says he's the president/CEO of WWF/Titan Sports. What the fuck. My brain can't handle this.
Fucking Bartlett was the worst he's been so far. Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeezus. But I'm legit shook that Vince was revealed as the boss in 1993.