WWF Monday Night Raw 2/1/93
Let's see how big of a piece of shit Bartlett will be tonight.
Tatanka vs Damian Demento
Damn, going from the main event to curtain jerking in under a month. These were two of the only guys on the roster to not start out in a territory. Truly, the start of the New Generation. And what a start. Tatanka's random ass mid 2000s Smackdown run was so strange. Demento keeps saying, "The Indian will suffer.". It's starting to make me uncomfortable. Macho says the competition in the WWF is the toughest he's ever seen it. While that obviously isn't true, at least he tried to put talent over instead of JBL and King burying shit every week. Tatanka wins with the End of the Trail.
We're shown clips of the MSG Headlock on Hunger show. Bret delivered a novelty sized check for $100,000 to the Red Cross.
Vince conducts an in ring interview with the returning (and "Truly, one of the greats") Brutus the Barber Beefcake! He came back to make a very important announcement: He intends to return to in ring action. The Beefer was in a parasailing accident and had his face destroyed 2 years ago. "You could say that is a risky...uh....involvement." After his accident, his mother died of cancer. And shortly after, his father died from a heart attack. Wait, this is all before the accident I guess. And then his wife served him with divorce papers and took everything he had. And John Cena thought he had a bad year. Then he had the accident and blew his face up. He's going on and on and the shots they show of the crowd are hilarious. There are people staring blankly, kids yawning, a fat dude picking his nose. Hulk Hogan was there when he woke up from his surgery. I think he's basically saying that Hulk Hogan is his Jeeeeeeeezus. This is such a weird promo. He's just babbling on and on about I think being suicidal until Hulk Hogan gave him a helping hand and now he wants to fight anyone because nothing in the ring can compare to the pain he's felt in his personal life. Sounded more like the origin of a super villain to me.
Mike Sharpe/Von Crush vs High Energy
Fucking Vito. Always looked like a sack of shit. Owen and Mike start. Vito gets double back dropped. Dude can't even get a singlet that stays on his torso. High Energy win with a missile dropkick Hart Attack in a quick squash.
We're shown clips of the Doink/Crush attack which I'm only mentioning because Macho said Doink was IN THE DANGER ZONE!
Doink vs Typhoon
This is the feature bout of the show. I'm sure the guy in the front row in an ICOPRO shirt isn't a plant or anything. Doink immediately gets a takedown. Two. Fans are chanting for him as well because NYC can never have a crowd that doesn't cheer the heels. Doink is straight up out wrasslin Typhoon. Vince and Macho have been ignoring Bartlett all night, and won't give him anything during all his shitty Clown Anonymous jokes. It's really kind of weird seeing Doink out wrestling such a big guy. Slapping fires Typhoon up and he hits a powerslam. However, he misses a splash in the corner and is hit with a second rope clothesline. Doink grabs not only the tights, but also Typhoon's balls for the win.
Vince and Todd hype WWF Mania this weekend.
Fink talks about the passing of Andre the Giant. 10 bell salute.
Yokozuna vs Bobby Devito
I don't know when Bobby became Tony, but who cares. They try to get a phone call with Hacksaw, but it doesn't work out. Devito charges right at Yoko and gets superkicked. Now the phone call is working. Rock Bottom! Hacksaw talks about taking on "Yakazuma". When Vince corrects him, he says whatever, it's some Japanese name. The phone call fades in and out. Banzai drop for the win.
Vince conducts a ringside interview with Money Inc. Fucking LOL at Vince trying to cue the crowd to boo and having them be totally silent. Ted recites Humpty Dumpty. This was in reference to Beefcake. The Beefer. They take offense at Beefcake offering an open challenge after having not been in the ring for 3 years. They flip a coin for the match. Ted wins. Jimmy Hart comes out and says this is a waste of time. If either get hurt in the ring, their title run is over.
The Narcissist Lex Luger vs Jason Knight
Lex's in ring debut for the WWF. As Lex is posing in his mirror, a very hefty Raw Girl walks in his view, which angers him greatly. Before the match, we're shown an old vignette of Perfect being the perfect quarterback. ECW all up in this bitch tonight. Jason looks like a sack of shit, just like Vito. No striations at all. Just jiggly fat. Vince hypes up Quantum Leap after Raw. Lex misses the forearm. A fan actually yelled out "YOU MISSED HIM", so Lex picks Jason back up to hit a standing forearm. He wins by pinning with his pinky. They'll be pre-empted next week due to the dog show, but they'll come back in 2 weeks with a 16 man battle royal and the return of Brutus Beefcake.
Ron had far fewer lines this week and was usually ignored when he did say stuff. Vast improvement on that front. Beefcake promo was really weird.