WWF Monday Night Raw 1/25/93
TO THE BACK. Sean Mooney is talking when the Repo Man arrives in a tow truck. He's pretty excited to face the Macho Man tonight.
Vince, Bartlett, and Brain are doing commentary tonight. I hope Brain does nothing but shit on Bartlett all night long.
Repo Man vs Randy Savage
Macho arrives with no introduction and attacks the Repo Man. Repo looks like shit. Dude put on a lot of weight from the Demolition days. Man tits everywhere. This was a day removed from the Royal Rumble. Allegedly. Bartlett makes bald jokes at Macho's expense. God damn it. I wish Macho would have decked Bartlett. That piece of SHIT. Repo has had no offense. Macho just wants to hurt this prick. He should have hurt Bartlett. Wooden stairs tonight. How old school. Darsow was never cut up or anything, but he looks like he's put on 35 pounds since his Demolition days. Come on, dude. Who the fuck am I to talk? I've put on 25 pounds or so in the last 2 years. Lariatooo from Repo. Back suplex. I would like for Michael Hayes and Rob Bartlett to take a plane ride together that ends up lost in the ocean. Christ, Bartlett is doing a Rush Limbaugh impression. WHAT THE FUCK VINCE. If only he had cocaine during this time period. Macho wins with the flying elbow and regain possession of his hat.
Kamala vs Brooklyn Brawler
First off, the Brawler was Kimchee. Second off, this cunt makes a Nell Carter joke. Piece of SHIT. Brawler is a piece of shit, too, but at least he's supposed to be one. Bartlett is just a fucking shitty guy that Vince let run wild because he was a NY celebrity. Did he not realize Raw was a national show? Kamala totally does a stink face. Because assholes are stinky. Kamala makes multiple attempts to pin the Brawler while Brawler is on his stomach. He easily wins once he figures out how to make a normal pin. Vince gets a word with Slick after the match.
TO THE UPDATE CENTER. Mean Gene gives us an update on the events of the Royal Rumble, which will be available on home video on February 11th. That seems like a super quick turn around. Yoko won, setting up Bret vs Yoko for Wrestlemania. Narcissist debuted. Giant Gonzalez also attacked Taker during the Rumble itself. You know, I think Gonzalez had potential to be the next Andre based on his WCW stuff. He was a lot more mobile then. Not that he was anywhere near prime Andre or anything, but he could have been similar to 1984-1987 Andre. I think his body broke down a lot quicker than Andre's, though.
Mr. Perfect vs Ric Flair Loser Leaves Town Match
The match starts off with a lot of slaps. Flair bails and Perfect imitates Flair. Brain gives some advice to Flair and offers him a hammer just in case. Lots of chops from both men. Flair Flop. Rob Bartlett is a CUNTTTTTTTTTTTTT. I think Vince was realizing it because Rob was getting a lot fewer lines in on this show. More chops. Perfect starts throwing jabs that drops Flair. LOL at Vince calling a giant, padded chair a "steel" chair. Come on, Vince. Perfect takes a weird bump over the top from an Irish whip. I guess this busted Perfect open. I'm not really sure how, but whatever. flair has bladed for much less. Backslide nearly sends Flair back to WCW. I wonder if Flair feels bad about not blading so far. Seems like he'd want to instantly try to out blade Perfect. Flair gets a sleeper. It looks like history for Mr. Perfect! Perfect locks on one of his own, only for Flair to back suplex out of it. Figure four! I bet there aren't even 5 non jobber matches that Flair won with the figure four. This is no different. Oh look, Flair is going to the top rope when he has the advantage. I wonder how that worked out for him. Not well. He gets an international object out of his knee pad. Earl is such a shitty ref. How could you not find that giant thing in his knee pad? What a shitty ref. It doesn't put Perfect away, though. Perfect starts no selling chops. If Ric's chops don't work, he's pretty fucked. Perfect fires up. Perfect Plex OUTTA NOWHERE! Flair is gone! This was the first Raw match between two stars that was given a lot of time. Probably PPV level match, which was super rare for TV at the time.
Next week has Doink vs Typhoon! Can't fucking wait for that.