WWF Superstars 3/17/1990

Coming to you from Phoenix. Jesse Ventura and Vince McMahon carry commentary duties tonight. Jesse wearing all Hogan gear and predicting Hogan to win at WM6 is fucking weird. This week's show will feature comments from Hogan and Warrior. In addition, Demolition, Roddy Piper, and Randy Savage will be in action. Also, the Orient Express will make their debut.

Randy Savage vs Jim Powers

Jim surprises Savage with an early arm drag and lariatoo. Sherri distracts him and Savage knocks him to the floor for an ax handle. PIP promo on Dusty and Sapphire. Flying elbow for the win. Sherri said she was going to knock the butt off Sapphire's fat butt.

TO THE UPDATE CENTER. Gene hypes up Wrestlemania. Tickets are still available, folks! We're shown footage of Warrior vs Dino Bravo from The Main Event. Warrior would win, but was attacked by Earthquake after the match, only to be saved by Hulk Hogan. And by saved, I mean Hogan came out after minutes and multiple elbow drops from Quake. Warrior and Hogan would then argue and shoved refs away while they both no doubt said coked up nothings to each other. To the Hogan promo!

"You know something Hulkamaniacs, in the last couple weeks, we've almost had a close encounter of the ultimate kind, man. The Warrior's been in my face and I've been back in his. We could have already had Wrestlemania over with by now. But the big man upstairs is watching, man. He knows it's more important than just the WWF title, man. The Warrior, in his eyes, I can see that he's powerful and I can see that the energy is so wild that even he himself hasn't harnessed it, man. That he's looking for direction. But on the other hand, Warrior, being the WWF champion is a 24 hour day job. You've got obligations and commitments around every corner, brother. And I was chosen, brother, by the Hulkamaniacs to lead the three demandments: The prayers, the vitamins, and the training, man. And the thing that worries me most about you, Warrior, if I was to slip on Godzilla's banana peel or some act of nature was to strike me down at Wrestlemania, would you just run off into the darkness with the matches behind you and just fall off the end of the earth, brother? The role I've taken, the direction the Hulkamaniacs have is positive, is straight and narrow, is cut and dry, brother. And Warrior, the fact that you haven't harnessed the energy, the fact that you don't know which way the Warriors will go scares me to death! I believe in my heart and in my soul that powers of the Warriors and the powers of the Maniacs will collide and we might even self destruct each other, brother! But one thing is for sure, man: I can't let you run over Hulkamania. We've been rolling too long. Hulkamania's gonna live forever and the direction will carry on long after we're dead and gone, brother. I would roll over in my grave if something happens that you turned out to be on the wrong side of the fence. So it's more than the title. It's a life style. It's a belief! It's the three demandments, and come Wrestlemania, Ultimate Warrior, I'm gonna make you the ULTIMATE Hulkamaniac! WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN THE LARGEST ARMS IN THE WORLD RUN WILD ON YOU! *SNARL*

To the Warrior promo!

*SNARL* Whhhhyyyyy, Hoak Hokan, can you not communicate with me, Hoak Hokan? Talk to meeee, Hoak Hokan, as if you are talking to the GOD you speak of. Hoak Hokan, *SNARL, HACK, DROOL*, there is nothing covering what I live for, Hoak Hokan. I need not the normals to protect me from what I find most comforting: The challenge of PAIN and the smell *SNARL* of combat, Hoak Hokan. I have, Hoak Hokannnn, injected you with the minimum dosage of poison from the power of the ULTIMATE WARRIOR. But the anti bodies of Hulkamania continue to refuse what the poison can do. They turn it away, Hoak Hokan, they turn the poison away for they feel the dirty, they fear the evil. Hoak Hokan, I am the representation of all you fear. I, Hoak Hokan, *SNARL* want you to be the Warrior you say you are. For I can as the Ultimate Warrior accept no less, give no less, to the Warriors. Walk with me, Hoak Hokan, to the edge. Look, Hoak Hokan, look into nothing, look beyond your fears as you take that step, Hoak Hokan and make the sacrifice so that the power of the ultimate warrior shall live. *SNARL*

Mark Young/Keith Ketchem vs Orient Express

This is the original OE, which means Sato instead of Kato. He was not nice to the jobbers. Tanaka wins with what basically turned into a SHOOT German suplex because the guy jumped to early.

TO THE BACK. Jake Roberts promo on Ted Dibiase. Jake stole the Million Dollar Championship and keeps it in his snake tank. You never know what kind of snake you'll find in there. Montage of Jake with various species of snakes. God damn it. I'm okay with one snake on WWF programming only. I'm not okay with 5 different kinds ranging from anacondas to cobras to giant rattle snakes. FUCK.

TO THE CONTROL ROOM. Sean runs down the line up for the upcoming event at Boston Gardens. Hercules has replaced Jim Duggan in a 6 man tag. The main event is Akeem/Ted DiBiase vs Warrior/Jake Roberts. We get promos Ted/Akeem. The show couldn't handle two Warrior promos. We also get a promo from Ronnie Garvin on Earthquake.

Roddy Piper vs Dale Wolfe

Piper had a PIP promo during his entrance on Bad News. Shockingly, there was nothing offensive or racist in it. Dale Wolfe took the kilt and put it on, which fired Piper up. Total squash ending with a back suplex. Piper saying he was never actually trained to wrestle on Austin's podcast makes a lot of sense to me with how he moved in the ring. He never looked like he knew how to bump or throw clotheslines.

TO THE BACK. The Model has an ad for Arrogance.

TO THE CONTROL CENTER. Sean gives more updates on the upcoming Boston show. Wait, this one is saying Duggan is still in the match. Weird. Jimmy Snuka promo on Bad News. Look at all the striations on Snuka! Earthquake responds to Ronnie Garvin.

Mr. Perfect vs Omar Atlas

OMAR COMIN', YO! He came and went and was quickly squashed with the Perfect Plex.

TO THE BROTHER LOVE. Fuck. I've always hated Brother Love. Dude was too much for me to handle as a kid and now. He's one of the few people/characters that my mind hasn't changed on after growing up. His guest is Hercules, who will be facing Earthquake at WM. He's going to win and stuff.

TO THE UPDATE CENTER. Gene again lets us know how to get your tickets to WM. We're shown clips of the Boss Man making an appearance on the Brother Love show last week. Boss Man would cuff Brother Love and drag him to the ring. He gave him a spine buster and then dropped the ball and chain on Brother Love's gunt. Boss Man will be facing his former partner, Akeem, at WM. We get comments from both men. Just signed is Tito Santana vs The Barbarian. Jimmy Snuka vs Rick Rude will also take place, in addition to Dusty Rhodes/Sapphire vs Randy Savage/Sherri. DUSTY RHODES PROMO! Sadly, just a quick 20 second one. Duggan gives his thoughts on his match with Dino Bravo. Beefcake promo on Perfect.

Demolition vs Buddy Rose/?

Man, Buddy is really FAT. The Blow Away Diet did nothing for him. Vince can't help but laugh at him while trying to find muscles. Colossal Connection got a PIP promo. Decapitation Elbow for the easy win.

TO THE CONTROL CENTER. Sean throws to a PoP interview. Barbarian drops the second Godzilla reference of the show, although he used the Japanese pronunciation of Gojira. The Rockers and Herc responded. Full run down of the Boston card.

Next week will have Hogan vs Bravo. Quick comments from Dino and Hulk.

Man, I want to see every Hogan/Warrior promo. They are INCREDIBLE. This is what I want up and running 24/7 on the Network. Even if I'm not watching, I just want to hear it.