WWF In Your House 12: It's Time 12/15/96

Despite this show being named after Vader, he's not on the show because he's injured. It's a bummer they got rid of the special IYH logo intros.  

Leif Cassidy vs Flash Funk

ECW represent.  Leif still has his Rockers gear and name, yet comes into music not at all similar to the Rockers' theme and is a full on heel.  Vince definitely wants to bang the Funkettes.  There is a good chance he probably did. The match starts with standard mat stuff and then turns into fast paced reversals.  The first time Flash tries to use the ropes, he slips and then over shoots his cross body. Al straight belly to bellies Flash to the floor. He comes out with a plancha.  Al is definitely trying to get some attention in this match. Bateaster bomb is countered.  Dancing confuses the shit out of Al.  It's the 'Lo Down!  Dragon clutch!  In 1996.  That reminds me to say FUCK LOW KI.  Dude could have been something special if he wasn't such a cunt. A cartwheel kick sends Al to the floor.  Scorp follows with a huge dive.  Moonsault only gets 2.  Steamboat/Savage pinning sequence.  Scorp wins with the 450.

 

TO THE HERMIE.  Kevin Kelly tries to stir the shit with Owen and Bulldog.    

Diesel/Razor Ramon vs Owen Hart/British Bulldog WWF Tag Team Championships

JR just can't understand why people boo Razor and Diesel.  They're bigger, younger, and stronger than the originals. The Diesel Kane is only 6'9".  You heard it here first.  He and Owen begin.  A couple of random AAA dudes stroll out just so Vince can say AAA dudes will be at the Rumble.   Bulldog is not impressed with Fake Razor.  No one is.  Then Stone Cold comes out to fuck with Bulldog.  Bulldog attacks him.  A camera man goes down.  WE GOT US A FIGHT, MAGGLE!  A host of officials pull them apart and take Austin to the back.  3 run ins, 2 of them from a different promotion, in a heel vs heel match. Russo has arrived, friends.  Fake Razor looks like a bootleg Razor from a Japanese TurboGrafx-16 exclusive wrestling game. This is worked like Owen is a face, Bulldog is a heel, and the bootlegs are heels.  And JR is heel.  Hot tag to Bulldog.  Well now Bulldog is wrestling like a face.  Who knows.  There is a lot going on, but it isn't a particularly interesting match. Razor goes for the Razor's Edge.  Owen hits him with the spin kick and  Bulldog pins him.  Titles retained.  Austin returns and chop blocks Bulldog.  

TO THE VINCE.  Vince brings Ahmed Johnson to the ring. Ahmed vs Faarooq will finally happen at the Rumble.  Due to the kidney injury, Ahmed has lost his girlfriend, his car, and his house.  I think he said that Faarooq will feel the pain of Ahmed Johnson through his face.  He goes on to say his life ended a long time and he only lives for the fans.  Then the NOD shows up in the crowd.  Faarooq shits on black people, calls Ahmed an Uncle Tom, and says he's starting his own race of people.  Well.  Ahmed gets a YOU'RE GOING DOWN chant started.  

Marc Mero vs HHH WWF Intercontinental Championship

Pre-match video package explains the months long plan for HHH to steal the IC championship with the use of Mr. Perfect and schemes.  Two botches right away.  They just aren't on the same page.  Hunner tries to use a chair and Sable.  Neither work, but the stairs do.  Those things can support 2000 pounds of force, you know.  They weigh over 300 pounds. Earl and HHH start their long feud here.  It was a slow burn. I'm ready for Mero to injure his knee.  There is a match going on, but I don't give a shit.  Mero is Mero and HHH was still pretty boring most of the time despite his expanded War Crate. Ref bump!  Mero had a 10 count on HHH.  Fucking Earl.  Goldust comes out.  He tries to hit HHH with the title.  He hits Mero on accident.  Then he hits HHH.  Mero wins by count out.  HHH retains his title. Mero hits the SSP after the match.  It's no wonder he had a knee injury.  He took about 80% of the impact of that move on his knees every time. Goldy came back out and attacked HHH on his way to the back.  

TO THE CUNT.  Mike, and by that I mean to say Dok, talks with Sid.  Earlier today on Superstars, HBK and Sid got into it.  Bret get involved in the pull apart and ended up beating on HBK.  Then Sid attacked Bret from behind.  Sid uses some MMA Math: Shawn beat Bret. Sid beat Shawn.  Therefore, Sid will beat Bret.

The Executioner vs Undertaker Armageddon Rules

It's a Texas death match.  Executioner is Terry Gordy, and this probably would have been a dream match at one point.  However, by 1996, Gordy was a shell of himself after an overdose and coma that caused permanent brain damage.  Taker has already dropped the leather and is wearing what appears to be black velvet.  Pretty Paul tries to get involved.  And by Pretty, I mean pretty fat.  HE'S FAT.  Taker exposes the floor. As he goes for a tombstone, Mankind runs out to chop block him and completely misses.  Now the match turns into a handicap match, which Taker seems to be handling just fine.  They head up to the set.  Mankind gets thrown through the window and back out through the door. A bunch of security comes out and someone sprays mace or something.  They get control of Mankind.  Taker takes Gordy somewhere deep into the building.  Then they leave.  In the arena, Mankind has been put into a straight jacket. Then we get a shot of Gordy slowly rolling down an embankment into a moat. Taker comes back to the arena to beat on the now incapacitated Mankind. Gordy trots back in.  This is a MESS.  Russo as fuck. Tombstone with water dropping out of Gordy's boots.  Taker gets a 3 count.  The ref tries to raise his hand.  Taker has to remind him of the rules of the match.  Taker also ripped his new gear.

 

TO THE CUNT.  Hayes speaks with Bret.  Hayes shows the Superstars video and is surprised at Bret losing his cool.  Bret is sick to shit of HBK and now all he's going to worry about is himself around here.  As he's talking, HBK's music starts and Bret starts bitching about it. Yo, Bret is vascular as shit tonight.  Veins everywhere.

Bret Hart vs Sid WWF Championship

I"m going to assume HBK is stoned as shit or hung over as fuck due to wearing dark sunglasses, stubble, and flat hair.  He takes the glasses off and it is hard to tell, because his eyes are always puffy and dark.  HBK takes all kinds of shots at Bret, unsurprisingly.  Bret subtly unties turnbuckle pads during Sid's entrance.  HBK also shits on Sid, calling him the most expensive piece of luggage in the WWF, because he wouldn't be anywhere without people like him carrying Sid. Bret attacks Sid from behind.  Sid quickly recovers, because Bret tried to make it a brawl instead of a wrestling match. Shawn thinks that Bret is still physically in his prime, but mentally he's become a bitter old man.  Sid backdrops Bret to the floor and exposes the floor.  Maybe Mankind can run back out and miss a chop block.  Bret counters the powerbomb by ramming Sid into the post.  He does it a few more times. He sticks with the lower back in the ring.  Sid is going to be pissing blood for weeks. Laser focus on the kidneys.  Bret goes up top and gets tossed off. Big boot.  Powerslam.  Stone Cold returns and delivers another chop block, this time to Bret.  The Bulldog and Owen come after him.  Another pull apart. Bret won't quit and comes back into the ring.  Sid wastes a lot of time before he attacks Bret again. Bret tries to run Bret into the exposed turnbuckle.  Sid ducks it and tries to shove Bret into it and they both fall.  Considering moments later they tried the spot with a snake eyes and Bret going into the buckle, I'm going to assume it was a botch.  Sid very clearly tells Bret a chokeslam is coming and then it does.  2 count.  Both men go over the top rope, right in front of Shawn.  SPIT ON HIM.  Bret takes HBK's chair as HBK makes fun of him for being a "role model".  He doesn't get the chance to use it.  Sid pie faces Shawn.  Shawn gets on the apron.  Sid throws Bret into him and hits the powerbomb for the win.  Title retained.  Bret knocks the shit out of Shawn after the match. Shawn almost pounces a fan and then yells FUCK YOU to what appears to be a teenager.

Russo's finger prints are ALL OVER this show.  Everyone is an asshole, all but one match had run ins, shooty insidery comments from HBK and JR, racial shit from Faarooq, the ridiculous over booking of the Taker match.  Attitudinal, friends. The only thing missing was creepy sex stuff.

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