WWF In Your House 5: Seasons Beatings 12/17/95

Sid/123 Kid vs Razor Ramon/Marty Jannetty

Goldust is hanging out in the crowd and appears to be a fan of Razor.  Razor and Marty have new 2kewl4skewl matching leather jackets.  Kid and Marty begin.  Marty's experience is able to keep Kid's speed advantage at bay.  Kid running scared of Razor.  Perhaps he shouldn't have SWERVED him.  123 SKID could be a dope team.  Kind of ideal, really.  Kid works most of the match, do the bumping and stooging, have Sid come in and hit chokeslams and powerbombs.  Stupidly, Razor is the FIP in this.  He's not good at that role.  He's a pretty boring face anyway, but more so doing the standard lay on the mat and get put in hammer locks/abdominal stretches for 6 minutes.  Hot tag to Marty.  MARTY MUST DIE sign in the front row.  This is ECW country, after all.  Marty hits the Diamond Dust.  OUTTA NOWHERE.  Todd gets some words with Goldy.  He talks about Razor's manly, hair chest and hair and muscles.  I think Goldy wants to bone Razor.  He wants Todd to give Razor a letter or telegram.  Marty was doing pretty well during all of this, but went to shit as soon as Goldy was done talking.  Vince shits on Kid's sloppy technique.  Frog splash from Kid.  Marty getting wrecked by double teams.  Kid misses a standing bronco buster.  Hot tag to Razor.  HE'S CARVING UP!  Super bulldog on Sid scores the win.  Sid saves Kid from the Razor's Edge after the match.

Buddy Landel vs Ahmed Johnson

Vince has no idea why Budro is being announced and shits on the announcer for messing up.  King goes to the ring, runs the announcer off, and then introduces Jeff Jarrett.

"Well, I'll be a son of a gun."  King presents Double J his gold record (CD).  His single sold 500,000 copies!  His new album is being finished right now.  "Greater Than Great".  He also enters the 1996 Royal Rumble.  

The match actually starts.  This was supposed to be Dean vs Ahmed, but Dean has a back injury.  JJ joins for guest commentary.  Jeff buries Dean for some reason.  Buddy, fitting in with his life long Ric Flair rip off gimmick, gets Flair's WWF music.  Ahmed wins in about 40 seconds. He paddles Dean after the match.  This is amazing because it is Shane's last WWF appearance, it's in Philadelphia, and he chickens out of a match and gets paddled out of the company.  After the match, King continues to insult Ahmed like he has been doing for the past month.  Jeff busts the glass case on Ahmed's head, then attacks him with a chair.  Eventually Ahmed starts no selling and chases Jeff to the back.

TO THE TODD.  He is with Razor at the AOL table.  He defends the IC title against Yoko tomorrow night.  He then hands Razor the letter.  He didn't like whatever it said.

Henry Godwinn vs HHH Hog Pen Match Special Guest Referee: Hillbilly Jim

HHH is wondering why he didn't stay in WCW. Tony Chimel gets slopped at the start of the match as HHH dodged it.  No matter.  He gets tied up in the ropes and Henry covers his face in slop anyway.  This pisses the beta Game off.  Things leave the ring and we head towards the hog pen.  Henry gets sent into the gate.  HHH barely avoids getting back dropped into the pen.  And then it heads back to the ring.  Then back to the hog pen.  Hunner gets sent into the gate, which slices his back, and then hit with the Slop Drop on the floor.  Henry gets back dropped into the hog pen.  HHH wins!  And then he gets Warrior press slammed into it.  I'm sure all that mud and shit was a good thing for that giant gash in HHH's back.

Owen Hart vs Diesel

Diesel is now Real Ass Diesel.  He's officially a tweener.  As in, he announced it. Here, he's fighting for the honor of HBK.  He cares about his friends, himself, and only fans who have Diesel gear.  Owen takes a disgusting bump getting thrown off the 10 count punches.  He recovers to hit the spinning heel kick and then a missile dropkick.  Once Diesel stops taking that shit, he gets disqualified for face palming the ref after pulling up from a pin to hit another jackknife.  

Santa Claus and Savio Vega hand out gifts as Ted DiBiase cuts a promo about everyone having a price.  Ted totally breaks Santa's kayfabe.  "Stop disparaging Santa."  Then he buys off Santa, who attacks Savio!  SANTA SWERVE!  Savio fights Santa and Ted to the back.  

TO THE CUNT.  PS hocks Wrestlemania The Arcade Game game.  Why was the SNES version $65?  The "Genesis SEGA" and PSX versions were $10 cheaper.  

The Undertaker vs King Mabel Casket Match

Well.  Fuck.  The show was inoffensive before this.  I can't understand why Vince stuck with Mabel.  Obviously he wasn't working out at ALL.  He wasn't over, sucked at promos, and sucked at anything past 3 minute squashes.  This feud has been going on half the year.  We get the standard "Taker is down and out in the casket, but his opponent takes forever to actually close the lid, so Taker rises from the dead" spot.  And then Taker wins.  By putting BOTH members of MoM in the casket.  

TO THE JR.  JR talks with the Bulldog, Cornette, and Diana Smith.  Bret has been jealous of the Bulldog since 1981.  There are no mixed emotions this time from Diana.  She's 100% confident in her husband.

TO THE TODD.  Todd got words with Bret.  

British Bulldog vs Bret Hart WWF Championship

Bulldog is wearing the same tights he wore when he defeated Bret at Summerslam 1992, so says Jerry Lawler.  That's definitely not true.  Maybe he meant knee pads?  Maybe he said knee pads.  Idk.  The match starts with some mat wrestling, which Bulldog actually gets the advantage at.  Too bad for him (and Diana) that Bret is an expert at inverted atomic drops.  However, Bulldog is pretty talented at kitchen sinks.  Probably real ones.  I bet he had an amazing sink.  Motion sensor and shit.  He gets Bret in the tree of Keanu and accidentally shoves the ref way, but then helps him up.  It was an accident.  Cornette uses his Santa tennis racket.  That cunt.  There is a kid in the front row who seems more interested in reading the program/WWF Magazine.  The sternum bump is as gross as usual.  Taker will face the winner of this match at the Rumble.  After being grounded for a big stretch, Bret gets back into things with another atomic drop and a bulldog on the Bulldog.  Piledriver!  Oh shit, the 5MOD start up.  Bret tries a superplex.  Bulldog throws him off balls first onto the top rope.  On the floor, Bulldog hits Bret from behind, when sends him head first into the steps.  Holy shit, blood EVERYWHERE.  CZFNW!   Bulldog hits his own piledriver.  The mood has definitely changed in the building.  These ECW cunts are happy about the blood.  A lot of split screens with Diana's reaction.  Bulldog seems to hurt himself doing a diving headbutt to the lower back.  His tights are stained with Bret's blood.  So is the mat.  Vince wants the match stopped.  German suplex OUTTA NOWHERE.  Bret sends Bulldog to the floor and follows with a tope.  He tries a Vaderbomb to the floor and gets caught in the running powerslam.  Bulldog pulls up part of the padding.  Before he can use it, he gets racked on the guard rail.  This split screen shit is really hurting the match.  A lot of big spots are done in a tiny little screen with more attention being paid to Diana.  Bret wins with an Oklahoma roll.  Title retained.  

IN YOUR HOUSE EXTRA. Todd get words with Taker and Paul Bearer.  Taker vs Bret at the Rumble!  Diesel broke in to the interview, pissed that he's not getting a rematch.  He and Taker have an awkwardly long stare down.

Over all, a non-offensive show.  Even with shit like Mabel vs Taker in a casket match, Santa turning heel, and a hog pen match.  Bret/Bulldog was dope, but it was really hurt by the constant split screen for Diana's reactions.  Way, way too often was half the screen just on her face while a major spot was going on in in a tiny screen.  It was especially egregious during the final stretch. 

 

 

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