WWF In Your House 4: The Great White North 10/22/95

Do you know Canada's own...some lady?  Canada's national anthem is somehow more bland and lame than America's, which is amazingly bland and lame.

The show officially starts with an announcement from WWF President Gorilla Monsoon, who will not allow Shawn Michaels to defend the Intercontinental Championship due to injuries sustained from an assault by 3000 military members from a multinational coalition.  He will relinquish his title to Dean Douglas, who will then face Razor Ramon for the title.

Fatu vs Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Man, fuck make a difference Fatu.  He's the reason why the Usos are so annoying.  They're just this version of their dad, except split in two.  HHH tries to start the match by spraying Arrogance in Fatu's face.  It doesn't work.  That's the reason for this match in the first place.  HHH was spraying his cologne around in the back and it offended Fatu.  On Superstars.  The day before.  HHH doesn't even get a chance to take his shirt off for many minutes.  Fatu takes the traditional Wild Samoan head in the ropes spot and this allows HHH to get into the match for the first time.  Look at that obsequious bow.  Mother fucker.  Not That Motherfucker.  Just mother fucker.  It's kind of amazing that 19 years later, HHH has been the best heel in the world and put on the WWE match of the year with an indie darling at Wrestlemania.  JR thinks a grown man shouldn't be carrying around a bottle of perfume.  Why does that not surprise me?  Vince calls HBK a, "stand up son of a gun".  That made me laugh for some reason.  HHH with that lariatooooooo.  Fatu fights out of the pedigree, but not the DDT.  Too bad DDTs don't work on Samoans.  STUPID IDIOT.  HHH, so smart and cultured, doesn't even know that Samoans and black people have super hard heads.  Pathetic.  Fatu throws out a lot of offense, including a running Kanyon Cutter.  BANG!  But then he misses the Superfly Splash.  Pedigree for the win.  HHH remains undefeated.

TO THE KING.  HHH talks about how ghastly and repulsive Fatu is.  Henry Godwinn arrives with his slop bucket.  HHH hides behind King.  No one ends up being slopped.

TO THE CUNT.  Fucking Michael Hayes AND Jim Cornette?  At the same time?  FUCK.  Bulldog is also there.  Bulldog turned on Diesel about 2 months ago, and pinned him 2 weeks ago in a 6 man tag on Raw.  This is apparently the first title shot of Bulldog's career.  

Smoking Gunns vs 123 Kid/Razor Ramon WWF Team Championships

A quick pre-match promo from Razor and Kid.  They've had their issues over the past month and a half, but finally seem to have cleared everything up after Razor beat Kid 3 times in one match.  Kid seemed to accept Razor was better than him and let it go.  Billy has cut his mullet and got rid of his mustache and no longer looks like a man you'd want to make sure is never alone with your children.  I thought the Code of Honor was going to be followed, but then I remember that Kid and Razor are 2kewl4skewl2sweet4life.  Billy and Kid begin the match.  Their speed and strength nullify each other.  Bart out wrestles Razor.  Razor out punches Bart.  A low bridge sends Bart crashing hard into the apron.  That was violent.  Kid won't put the boots to him on the floor, though.  Razor might have to pace himself considering he now has a shot at the IC belt tonight.  Crowd is definitely behind Razor.  Razor fall away slams Kid into Bart.  Poor Bart.  His name is Bart, for one.  He has to wrestle in jeans.  He got murdered on live PPV.  Dean Douglas is watching and taking notes.  Mr. Ass comes in as a HOUSE UPON A FLAME!  Kid is now cut off from his corner.  Both teams are cheating and the fans are into it.  King calls the Canadian fans out on condoning cheating.  BIZARRO LAND!  Razor's Edge on Billy.  Razor doesn't go for the pin.  Then Kid asks for a tag, so he gives it to him.  A TON of time wasted.  Kid gives a cocky pin and Billy reverses it for the win.  Titles retained.  Kid attacks after the match.  Bart's wrist gets tied up in the ropes.  Kid knocks both men from the ring and takes the titles.  Razor comes back to return the titles.  

TO THE CUNT.  Hayes tries to sell cut outs of Bret and HBK.  ONLY $25 for painted cardboard!

Marty Jannetty vs Goldust

After months of vignettes, Goldust finally makes his in ring debut.  Much like HHH earlier, it is amazing to see Goldust 19 years later in MUCH better shape, as good or maybe even better than ever.  Here, he had been out of the ring since March in a completely different gimmick, in a tight body suit that is not flattering to any of his shapes.  I think it is interesting that his boots are still wrestling style cowboy boots.  Marty seems to have a bad knee or ankle.  Goldy does a lot of stalling.  Once he actually gets to wrestling, he wrestles a lot like Dustin Rhodes.  Not much at all of the sexual harassment master we all know and love of early Goldust.  Lariatoooo, with Marty taking the Jannetty bump, which Goldust himself took on the floor and Fatu took earlier to a HHH lariato.  Goldy's gloves are giving him a lot of issues.  They're too big and he is constantly adjusting them.  Marty also takes the Jannetty bump into the ring post, which he did on a random episode of Thunder once.  The match grinds to a halt with rest holds and miscommunications.  Goldust wins with a gourdbuster.  Not a great debut.  It's clear that Goldy hadn't been doing many house shows to keep in ring shape, he wasn't really comfortable with the gimmick yet, his gear didn't fit and bothered him, and Marty seemed injured either before or very early into the match.  I don't think you'd imagine that Goldust would be around 19 years later.

Yokozuna vs King Mable

This was originally to be Taker vs Mable, but Yoko and Mable crushed Taker's face, so Monsoon decided to put them against each other.  Get this out of here.  I like two hosses throwing bombs, but these dudes are too fat to do anything.  Yoko moves like molasses with the body of jelly.  Mable looks like he's actually wearing a purple parachute.  The match ends in a double count out.  The fatties hug after the match.

Vince throws to Hayes, who he thinks is in the back, but is actually in the ring.  Monsoon is in the ring with him and they bring Dean Douglas out.  They then bring out HBK, who was assaulted by the entire United Nations army outside of a night club.  As he hands the title over to Monsoon, Dean snatches that shit and celebrates.

Dean Douglas vs Razor Ramon WWF Intercontinental Championship

Razor walks right into the ring and punches Shane right in the mouth.  He then immediately slows the match down with rest holds and arm work.  I'd think you'd want to come out with some exciting shit after the last 15 minutes of the show where nothing happened.  Instead, 5 minutes of a hammer lock and arm bar.  I'm starting to think I like Hall in WCW more than in WWF.  He's way better as a cool heel than a cool face.  He's much more entertaining on the mic and in the ring as a cool heel.  Razor gets the pin on Dean after a back suplex.  Dean's foot was under the ropes.  The decision stood.  New champion!  This was even less interesting than their previous match, and it definitely wasn't because of Shane Douglas.  Razor is now the first ever 4 time IC champion.

Diesel vs British Bulldog WWF Championship

PPV in Canada: Bret on commentary for one match, Owen in a dark match.  Is this WCW?  King runs away from Bret.  Bret catches him and hits him a few times.  King came back and Bret chased him off again.  And again.  Bret will get a title shot at Survivor Series no matter who walks out as champion.  JR calls native Canadians, "native Americans".  Diesel's hair almost looks purple.  Was he coloring his hair by this point?  Bulldog runs into a big forearm and some slams and then bails on this shit.  Corny causes a distraction and Bulldog goes for the leg, but then switches his focus, with Bret calls a mistake.  After Diesel is knocked to the floor, he bumps into Bret.  Bret helps him up and gets pie faced.  Bulldog then chop blocks the champ.  Bulldog sticks with the leg work, doing an ugly standing figure four...thing.  Cornette drops an elbow on Diesel's knee on the floor.  Bret says that while he doesn't agree with where Davey has taken his career, he doesn't have the friction with him that he has with Owen.  Diesel has a brief come back.  Bulldog then puts the Sharpshooter on, falls, and Bret shits on him for not knowing how to put it on.  Twice.  Diesel shoves off the powerslam and hits a big boot.  Corny gets blasted.  Nash gets sent into the post.  Bulldog randomly slaps Bret.  Bret jumps in the ring and attacks Bulldog, which causes a disqualification.  Bulldog wins, but the title remains with Diesel.  Bret and Diesel start fighting in the ring.  You know, Bret has fought with 3 different people tonight.  I'm starting to think that perhaps he is the asshole.  Officials try to pull them apart.  Other wrestlers come out and can't keep them apart.  WE'RE OUTTA TIME SEE YOU ON THUNDER!

This should definitely would have been much worse with a different crowd, but Manitoba doesn't get too many shows and they're happy with whatever gets thrown at them.  I think it's fucking weird not to have Bret or Owen in matches on the show.  They would both be in dark matches after the show.  Bret had a match with the Devils Favorite Dentist.  They had a cage match on the go home Raw.  I don't know why they didn't just bump it to the PPV.   Goldust had a pretty bad debut after months of build up.  The highlight of the main event was both guys punking out the guest announcer. 
   

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