WWF In Your House 3: Triple Header 9/24/95
In the main event, ALL TITLES ARE ON THE LINE! I notice the In Your House logo has once again committed the crime of breaking and entering.
Savio Vega vs Waylon Mercy
This is definitely the New Generation. It took me 19 years to get the pun of Waylon Mercy. Wailing mercy. Waylon is a notorious slow starter, and this match is no different. I wonder how the character would have turned out if Spivy wasn't broken down, but then, I can't imagine his character would have lended itself to a main event spot or anything. Split screen with MICHAEL FUCKING HAYES to inform us that Owen Hart has not arrived. He has no "ideal" on what kind of repercussions that will have on the main event. Savio is able to fight out of the sleeper. The first to do so I believe. Savio hits a big boot and spinning swizzle dizzle Zwarte Piet back front side leg kick. Big brainbustaaaaaah only gets a 2 count. Same with a back drop. Savio has that Caribbean gumption. Savio wins with the spinning heel kick in a very non-descript match.
TO THE BACK. Michael Hayes catches up with Cornette arguing with Gorilla Monsoon. Gorilla isn't going to cancel the triple header even if Owen doesn't show up.
Sid vs Henry Godwinn
Oh no. Who booked this? I need to know. Of all the guys on the roster to put up against Sid, you pick Henry Godwinn? HOG hurts himself doing a suplex and Sid picks up on it. He's not a big dummy. Was there ever an angle to reinstate Danny Davis? A lot of Steiner Recliners. How the fuck did Sid go from main eventing 2 IYH in a row to a second on the card match with Henry Godwinn? And having to have DiBiase save him? Sid wins with the powerbomb in another non-descript match. Sid and Ted were going to dump the slop bucket on Henry. Bam Bam Big Yellow rand down. Kama ran down. Ted decides to dump the bucket on Bammer instead. Henry grabbed it and dumped it on Ted's head. SWERVE!
TO THE CUNT. Gorilla gives the official decision that the triple header will proceed. Corny can either send Yoko alone, or find a replacement partner just for tonight.
British Bulldog vs Bam Bam Big Yellow
I kind of forgot Bam Bam was still around before the end of the last match. I thought he had been let go by this point. "He almost went with that Mexican hairless look..." What the fuck does that mean, King? Are you trying to say that Bulldog almost went for the cholo look? Split screen shows us that Cornette is trying to convince Sid to join Yoko tonight. Bulldog does a standard suplex because even he can't get Bammer's fat ass up for a stalling suplex. Bammer hits a diving headbutt, but then gets chop blocked. Bulldog sticks to the knee. 3 non-descript matches in a row. Why am I not surprised? This is the New Generation, after all. Bulldog wins with a standard powerslam.
MR. BACKLUND comes to the ring with a dictionary. "Where's your lexicon? YEAAAAH!" He tells us about how people have to learn and stuff and other stuff and then some other stuff. He then brings out Dean Douglas.
Dean Douglas vs Razor Ramon
Dean for some reason introduces Razor. Dean Douglas is the dumbest shit. Maybe if he had a better gimmick, the Kliq wouldn't have been able to tank his run as easily. Those vignettes of his were DEATH. Even Matt Striker's version of the gimmick was better. They should have just had him as the midcard Franchise. He had been in the WWF before as Shane Douglas. There was really no reason to change his name even half way. Long exchange of hammer locks. Razor showing he could wrestler if need be. Fall away slam gets a near fall. Razor starts some arm work. Can you imagine how much it must have hurt Shane to not be able to say AAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSS HAHA in all of his promos? That's probably why his body immediately exploded once he got back to ECW. Chico gets thrown to the floor and injures his back. Dean, being a dean, focuses his attack on the back of Razor after this. The guard rail, floor, ring post, and steps are used. Lol at Shane doing the Triple Threat sign and then remembering he's not in ECW anymore. Razor gets tired of all this nonsense and punch/slaps the taste out of Dean's mouth. That was loud as shit. Razor is SLICING UP. I wonder how many refs from the 80s and 90s have terrible wrist problems from that hard as fuck ring. Shane gets out of the back superplex. Razor rolls through a cross body. Ref bump! ECW! Razor's edge. The 123 Kid comes down and counts the pin while Backlund has the ref distracted. When Razor realizes that, he shoves Kid around. Kid shoves him back. Razor shoves him so hard he flies out past the mats. Shane gets the roll up with a handful of tights. What a weird finish. Razor throws Kid back into the ring and they get into it, with a host of officials pulling them apart. They've had a rocky relationship as of late, mostly due to Dean Douglas.
TO THE CUNT. Michael Hayes is hocking HBK gear. Then he talks to the Dudes with Attitudes. HBK compares Owen to a girl that he really wants to fuck, but she's crazy, so he ends up frustrated. They're going to be 2 Chaps with 4 Straps after tonight. Elsewhere, Bret Hart gave a promo saying his upcoming match is like Captain Hook vs Captain Crunch. And he's Captain Crunch. Vince suddenly sounded like he was speaking through a vocoder.
Jean Pierre Lafitte vs Bret Hart
Bret actually comes out through the front door. He starts the match with a suicide dive that he over shoots. Why is Pierre wearing stripper boots? Those aren't waders. You ain't fool me, monami. Vince gets pissed at the ref not doing his job. "What are you there for?!?" Bret controls the match until CARL blocks a hip toss with a lariatooo. Bret goes hard shoulder first into the ring post. He gets thrown into it next time. CARL gets back dropped over the top and lands on his feet. Then chucks Bret into the steps. Spinebuster. Not near TMF level. Guillotine leg drop. 2 count. Time for a cannon ball. It misses. 5 moves of DOOM start. CARL shoves off the Sharpshooter and does a tope to NOWHERE. God damn. Just SPLAT. Indie as fuck. You'd think this would pretty much end the match, but CARL is able to actually fight back, again stop the 5MOD and hit a Finlay Roll. Bret runs HARD into a knee in the corner. CARL shoves off a bulldog into a brutal sternum bump. The second one of the match. CARL misses a Superfly Splash, but Bret is moving slow after getting all tied up balls first in the ropes. Both collide in the middle of the ring. Bret is able to apply the Sharpshooter while both are on the mat, rolls it into the proper move, and gets the win. Pretty fun match. Certainly the best match on this show.
TO THE CUNT. The Bulldog is replacing Owen tonight.
Alundra Blayze comes out to model the t-shirt of the event. This is probably why she threw your title away, Vince. If you order the shirt, you get a free classic video.
Yokozuna/British Bulldog vs Shawn Michaels/Diesel WWF Tag Team Championships, WWF Intercontinental Championship, WWF Championship
ALL TITLES ON THE LINE! Bulldog and HBK begin the match. They have a pretty fast exchange. Yoko tags in. HBK stays in. It was probably a bad decision. He's able to avoid getting squashed and tags Diesel in. Diesel looks like he's going 90 miles per hour against the 3000 pound Yoko. God, what a fat fuck. Bulldog is unable to get Diesel up for the suplex and drops him. He's able to get it the second time. Those 2dudes do the old Andre/Snuka spot. Then HBK gets his balls ruined on the ropes. He narrowly avoids getting his head squished by Yoko's taint. Loud USA chants as he works for the hot tag to his big homie. Bulldog does his wacky Euro flip into Yoko, who then falls on him. Owen Hart comes OUTTA NOWHERE and gets jackknifed. Diesel pins Owen to win the match and tag titles. Even though Owen wasn't in the match. That's some WCW shit right there. 2 Chaps with 4 Straps!
Bret/JPL is the only match worth watching. It was fun. Razor/Douglas was okay. Everything else was lame. Which sounds like a typical New Generation show to me. Owen being the one to take the pin was so stupid. The match should have been thrown out as soon as he jumped into the ring.