TNA Impact Wrestling 1/23/14 Genesis Part 2

TO THE BACK. Dixie Carter talks with Rockstar Spud and a lawyer. They're waiting for TNA Champion, Magnus. The champ shows up. The lawyer informs them that someone has been setting up a hostile takeover for the past few months. I swear the lawyer said "rouge" instead of "ruse". Everyone is surprised that someone would care enough to try to take TNA over. It appears to be more than just business. These people have asked for someone to be in Sting's corner tonight. Everyone is going to cooperate. Magnus adds no DQ or count out to the match. Magnus says this is CLASSIC Sting. That joker. This lawyer is awful.

Magnus, Spud, and Ethan Carter come to the ring. Magnus still believes that Sting is involved with the mystery investor. "I thought you were a man, Sting. We had a deal. I thought you were a maaaaaann." This brings Sting out. Sting doesn't know any investor and he doesn't sell out. Magnus mentions defeating Sting at Bound For Glory. Sting says he learned from that match and has Magnus figured out. A paper champion chant rings out. Magnus slaps Sting. Sting was not amused and attacks. Spud and EC3 bail the champ out. This brings out Samoa Joe to make a save. Joe will be in Sting's corner tonight.

Video package on the history between James Storm and Gunner. Gunner SWERVED Storm to win the MITB briefcase in the San Francisco 49ers match.

Gunner vs James Storm Briefcase on a Pole Match

Long promo segments, Sting, pole matches...feels like home!

TO THE BACK. Spud and Dixie come up with an idea to keep Joe from being in Sting's corner. Dixie does this by booking Spud, a 4 foot tall dude in a bow tie, to be the one to take Joe out. Then she worries that he's going to get killed. So why not book someone bigger? Or put Joe in a handicap match? Or just send Joe home for the night?

This is more like WCW than I thought, having a backstage segment in between entrances. James immediately tries to climb the pole. He's thrown over the ropes, but skins the cat. Somehow, Gunner didn't see this despite it being directly in his eye sight, so he keeps walking and gets kicked, even though it was impossible for Gunner to not see Storm. Gunner comes back with a flying choke thing. Storm counters a superplex, but not the super fall away slam. The briefcase thing with a number one contender contract that you can cash in at any time is one of the most embarrassing rip offs TNA has done in a long time. Backstabber from Storm. Codebreaker. Storm calls for the superkick. Gunner catches it and does a Rock Bottom. Both men are now on the rope just under the briefcase. Storm does a terrible rana that he barely made the full rotation on. He landed very hard on his shoulder. Storm gets the case, but Gunner does a second rope electric chair. The match continued as Storm didn't have full possession of the case. Gunner gets the case and retains his briefcase with a giant 1 that looks like someone put there with electrical tape.

TO THE BACK. Kurt Angle talks about how tough the past 4 months have been to him. If he can't beat Bobby Roode tonight, he doesn't think he deserves to be in the HOF or wrestling in TNA right now.

Recap of Austin Aries and Chris Sabin both being sexist as can be, but with Aries being a face for it. We're then shown Velvet on #impact365 opening a gift from Chris Sabin. Inside was a massive black dildo that Velvet was first afraid of, but then seemed to want to use, so she turned the webcam off. That's now how you're supposed to make your coins!

Chris Sabin vs Austin Aries X-Division Championship

Velvet Sky will be in a shark cage for this match. You see, she was tired of Sabin bossing her around and demeaning her. Aries was tired of it as well, and with Sabin forcing her to interfere in matches. So Aries' idea (in between repeatedly calling Velvet a hot piece of ass) was to lock her in a cage. Not have her banned from ringside or anything. And she didn't really have a problem with it at all since Aries is I think a face. Also, despite agreeing to this match on the basis that Sabin was disrespecting and demeaning her, Velvet comes out in the shortest dress possible and thigh high hooker boots. Aries shows Sabin up with a slap and various roll ups. That's how fast you can move when you eat string beans. Sabin is thrown to the floor. Aries goes for a top rope plancha and is caught. Top rope back rake from Sabin. Now he's got Aries in a tree of Keanu and is standing on his balls. Is Sabin a lost Young Buck? Both of these guys were world champions not long ago and both had their legs cut out from under them to get the title back to ex WWE guys. Now they're back doing X-Division stuff and fighting over a woman. Series of strikes from Aries. Sabin blocks the brainbuster. Sabin gets the bag from Velvet. He assumed the giant dildo would be in there, but it was only a teddy bear. Aries hits a missile dropkick, corner dropkick, and a brianbustaaaah for the win. New champion. If you were expecting a great match between these two, remember that you're watching Impact and they got about 6 minutes probably. Taz says Velvet SWERVED her boyfriend.

American Wolves hype video. It seems like their gimmick is that they now have a chip on their shoulder for having to do try out matches at NXT. They seem aligned with the new investor, who will be revealed next week.

Bobby Roode vs Kurt Angle Steel Cage Match

If Kurt loses this match, he will not be allowed into the TNA Hall of Fame. I think. Maybe that was a stipulation in a different match. Who the fuck would want to be in the TNA HOF? Pretty standard opening exchange ends in a belly to belly. The story is that Rooooooooooooooooo has Kurt's number and it is driving Kurt crazy. Rooooo counters 10 count punches in the corner with a powerbomb into the cage. Kurt took a weird bounce from it. Corner clothesline. Rooooo begins work on the neck it seems. Bobby goes for the powerbomb again. Kurt reverses it and sling shots him into the cage. Rolling Reichs! Rooode gets out of the Angle Slam, throws Kurt into the cage, and hits a spinebuster. Kurt dodges the Roode Bomb (that's the best they could come up with?) and throws Roooooo into the cage. Angle Slam. 2 count. Ankle lock is on. Bobby stands up and hits an enziguri. Northern Lariatoooooooooooooo from Roode. Now he can barely stand, even though he was running full clip 10 seconds ago. Roooooo starts climbing. Kurty catches up with him. They both stand on the top rope, taking turns ramming each other into the cage. Rooooo falls. Kurt can easily win, but he just can't avoid doing a moonsault off the cage. He also can't avoid missing. You'd think if there was one move he'd cut out due to neck injuries, it'd be backflips off giant cages. He's able to recover before Rooooo can get out of the cage. Rooooo hits the Roooooo Bomb, which is a DVD into a neckbreaker. Kind of. It's basically the FU, except Rooooo falls with it instead of dropping to his knees. Rooooo sells his ankle like he can't walk again, and instead of going for the door, he climbs the ropes. If you can't walk, maybe you can climb. Kurt pops up and hits a super Angle Slam. 2 count. Kurt nearly makes it out. Rooooo catches up and they fight on the top rope again. Roode slips and gets crotched. Kurt, you're at the top of the cage and can win. Do a 450! Kurt touches the floor before Bobby could get out of the door.

TO THE BACK. EC3 tries to get Spud hyped up to face Joe. Spud is the British Boot Camp winner! He can do anything. However, at the beginning of the show, Spud buried it saying it was a joke and he beat two women to win. And here, he was shocked EC3 actually watched any of that. EC3 compares Spud to Dusty Rhodes and says he's fierce. EC3 is definitely the best thing in TNA.

Bromans vs Eric Young/Abyss TNA Tag Team Championships

Bromans are awful. Robbie E should be on his own. #badannoyingpromo. The most lucid thing Taz has said in years. EY runs out on his own and gets the shit kicked out of him. I don't even know if this is a match. There isn't a ref anywhere. Abyss destroys the champs and DJ Zima. I thought this was a match, but it wasn't. Just a promo segment. EY almost got chokeslammed.

TO THE BACK. Joe gives an update on his knee. It's fine. I can't pay attention to this promo. All I can see is the twitching between Joe's eyebrows. Too distracting to hear anything being said.

MOMENTS AGO. Kurt Angle talked about Sting's possible final match. This clearly wasn't done moments ago. It was done probably during the opening match, which can be heard in the back ground. Kurt basically implies that if TNA loses Sting, TNA is done for.

Rockstar Spud vs Samoa Joe

Joe murders Spud.

Sting vs Magnus TNA Championship vs Contract No Disqualification No Count Out

Sting wins the first shoulder block exchange. Magnus wins the second one. Magnus goes on the offense and narrowly avoids the Death Drop. Double clothesline. EC3 strolls out. Dixie is on the stage. Joe tries to kiss EC3, so EC3 leaves. After a break, Sting locks on the Death Lock. Bad Influence attack Joe and EC3 attacks Sting. Joe fights back and gets rid of Bad Influence. Sting fights off EC3 and Magnus. Elbow suicida from Joe. Scorpion Death Drop! DJ Zema pulls the ref out. Joe blindsides him. The Bromans come out and attack Joe. 6 run ins so far. Kurt Angle hobbles down to save Sting. 7 run ins. Kurt takes all the heels out, except for EC3 who has vanished. Top rope superplex from Sting. 2 count. The ref is pulled in the way of a Stinger Splash. Scorpion Death Lock! Bobby Roooooooo runs down to break the hold with a Northern Lariatooooo. Michinoku Driver from the champ. Dixie drags Earl Hebner to the ring to force him to make the pin. Sting is pinned for a good 35 seconds and still doesn't kick out. Title retained. Sting is gone from TNA. Sting's contract is ripped up. 8 run ins and 2 ref bumps. Russo would be proud.

I don't think I'll be sticking with TNA unless Russo is really coming back and goes crazy. The pole match was boring. Aries/Sabin was short and nothing. Kurt Angle is still trying to kill himself. The cage match was worked very stupidly, with Kurt doing the moonsault when he no question had the match won, and Rooooo having a bad ankle, but walking to the other side of the cage to climb instead of going for the door just so Angle could do a pop up Angle Slam. The main event had 8 run ins. And despite having 8 run ins, Sting took Magnus' finisher and stayed pinned for 30 seconds, then stayed down for all the post match shenanigans as well. Compare that to Hogan's last TNA moment, which Dixie literally on her knees begging him to stay.