WWA The Inception 10/26/01
Now, I know I said that TNA was the direct continuation of WCW, but WWA really fills that role even closer. It was TNA before there was TNA. It uses basically all the same crew and wrestlers that would be on the first few months of TNA shows. It was all the WWF/WCW/ECW guys that Vince wanted even less than he did when TNA started up. The Invasion angle was still going on in the WWF during this. All the big WCW names were still tied up with Turner. This is only 7 months after WCW closed, so we'll see what guys had been up to.
The show starts with a girl group singing the Australian national anthem. I don't understand any of the words. Are they not in English? Anyway, Jeremy Borash and Jerry Lawler are the announcers for the show.
WWA Commissioner Bret Hart comes to the ring with the WWA Championship. This was the first televised wrestling appearance he'd made since being fired from WCW, something he brought up right away. Then he rambled about 9/11, getting stuck in Australia, and how good the people of Australia are. He's going to be a real commissioner. He shits on WWF and WCW, makes a concussion joke, name drops all the stars who won't be there and calls Vince a piece of shit. Since he never lost the WWF or WCW Championships, he considers the WWA Championship to be his title and whoever wins it is getting HIS title.
Tonight's show will have an 8 man tournament to determine a new champion. I believe each match will be a gimmick match. I'm pretty sure they're doing commentary over the PA. Matches include NORMAN SMILEY vs Crowbar, Luna vs Gangrel in a black wedding match, Road Dogg vs Konnan, a tit contest, Jeff Jarrett vs Nathan Jones, a battle royal, and so much more!
Juventud Guerrera vs Psicosis Ladder Match Tournament Match/WWA International Cruiserweight Championship
I can't believe Australia let Juvi back into the country since he lost his fucking mind the last time he was there. That was actually brought up by JB during Juvi's entrance. Terrible pop/dance music for Juvi. Da Juice is back, baby! Look at these ugly, maskless guys. They do the standard lucha opening. The ladder is first used to be knocked over onto Hypno. I think it busted him open. Juvi rams that ladder right into that ugly face. Teeter totter spot. Hypno is bleeding and Juvi is being a dick. Flapjack Norton into the ladder in the corner. Da Juice is down. Hypno attempts a hanging guillotine leg drop from the top of the ladder. Naturally, he barely grazes Juvi. Juvi missile dropkicks the ladder. JB can't get the names right, which is really weird since he worked in WCW for a number of years. A second ladder comes into play. The only good thing about the live commentary is the rest of the fans groaning along with me at King's terrible jokes. Juvi tries some kind of dive from the top of the ladder. He slips and ends up doing a flying headbutt kind of thing. Then the ladder falls on both men and the ref as King loses his shit. Sunset flip powerbomb from Juvi. 450. Juvi grabs the title. Then drops it. New champion! Juvi also advances in the tournament. JB is both ring announcer and lead play by play man
The Starettes awkwardly dance on the stage. King gets a boner.
TO THE BACK. A white limo arrives. It's Rove McManus and Nathan Jones. They walk by Lenny and Lodi. BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!? Elsewhere, Disco Inferno gives a PA his credit card to get him security. He wants "two suits". I can see where this is going.
Konnan vs Road Dogg Dog Collar match
FUCKING KONNAN. He's trying to rap while on his way to the ring. Slick Johnson is the ref. Konnan attacks Road Dogg during his intro. Konnan then does a heel version. He says the other members of DX are all gainfully employed, so the WWF must have told Road Dogg to SUCK IT. This is a dog collar match with the rules of a strap match. Hard to believe, but Konnan is even worse of a wrestler than he was in WCW. Konnan has some kind of international object that he hid from the ref even though it is a dog collar match. He takes his collar off and the ref says Konnan will be disqualified if he takes it off again. Road Dogg wins after hog tying the chain around Konnan, realizing he couldn't actually make it to all corners like that, so they awkwardly tried to work around it, with Road Dogg eventually just taking the collar off. Road Dog advances.
TO THE BACK. All the YAKS stretch.
Devon Storm vs Norman Smiley Hardcore Match
Norman! King makes dick jokes as Thunder continues with a hardcore match. They even have the blue ropes. It looks like late era WCW for sure. Crowbar does a splash and Lionsault . Norman got a little bit of a wiggle in before getting hit with a cane. Norman blocks a dive with a chair shot and gets a table. Big Wiggle! We almost get a suplex through a table. Dropkick to a trash can. Norman gets put through the table with a splash. It's impossible to hear Norman's screaming, no matter how many times King laughs at it. JB can't say "abdomen". They fight up on the stage. It heads backstage. Norman is put in a dumpster and rolled into Disco, who was on the phone. Roaming charges must have been crazy. They're back up on the stage. Crowbar sets up a table on a clearly marked spot on the stage. He stacks another on top. Smiley Slam on a trash can! Crowbar does a splash from the Jumbotron, putting Norman through two tables. Keeping in the tradition of Norman Smiley matches, he made a pin after the move and won.
TO THE BACK. Disco heads to his room to get his two suits. Instead, he was presented two fruits, which were two guys dressed as bananas in pajamas. I think it was an Australian thing.
Juvi is out of the tournament with broken ribs.
TO THE BACK. Stevie Ray talks to Bret Hart about the tournament. It was impossible to hear Stevie. Bret says the battle royal is open to absolutely anyone who works for the WWA. From wrestlers to ring crew to bus drivers to announcers. Stevie is going to go whoop some ass.
Buff Bagwell is the first entrant. JB can't even get Buff's catch phrases right. Buff's hair is just...lol. Disco Inferno joins. Disco! Stevie Ray! He's on fire! Norman and Crowbar fight their way to the ring. This is Thunder. King and JB join the match as well. Stevie tosses JB out. Refs join in. Then a camera man. Crowbar is eliminated and takes over commentary duties, doing his Gordon Solie impression from WCW. Some girl gets in the ring. King tries to fuck her. She eliminates herself. Both refs are out, as is the camera man. Disco gets SWERVED. The Fruits in Suits come out. Stevie is eliminated. King does the Big Wiggle to Norman. It's as disgusting as you'd think. King and Norman are both eliminated, leaving Buff and Disco as the final two men. Disco does the Village People's Elbow, then is eliminated by the Bananas in Pajamas. Buff eliminates them and wins. King goes to find out about the bananas.
TO THE BACK. I can't understand any of these Australians. I did hear a jerk off joke in there somewhere.
Jeff Jarret vs Nathan Jones Guitar on a Pole Match
Lol, Jeff is wearing his WCW shirt with the WCW logo covered/cut off. Slapnuts, Chosen One, Stroke. Sounds about right. Vince Russo was supposed to be involved in the promotion. Can you tell? Nathan Jones is the shits. I get why WWE hired him, because he has a pretty great look, but he's fucking terrible. I feel bad for Jeff. Jones went for the guitar. He got a low blow. Rove McManus tries to stop Jeff from using the guitar. He got it instead. Stroke for the win. This feels like that episode of Raw from Kuwait, but done by WCW.
The Starettes dance. I don't think any of these girls are actually dancers.
King comes back out and asks for the Fruits in Suits to come to the ring. Lenny and Lodi come out. Lodi has shaved his head and has bizarre facial hair. They're still doing the West Hollywood Blondes gimmick. "It's bad enough we've got two fruits in the ring, now we've got four fruits in the ring!" King continues the gay jokes until Bret Hart comes out. He tells King to go back to his seat and say there the rest of the night and books Road Dogg vs Lenny vs Lodi with the winner advancing in the tournament.
Lenny vs Lodi vs Road Dogg
King continues the gay jokes. Lodi is jacked now. "Take that, ya pickle kisser." For real, King? Christ. This is a guy who used "fag" a number of times on TV in Memphis and on WWF TV, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Lenny and Lodi end up fighting. King calls it a cat fight. Road Dogg wins with a knee drop while Lenny and Lodi were in 69 position.
TO THE BACK. Stevie Ray talks with Buff. Suckas gotsta know the stipulation for Buff/Jarrett. Tits, whips, and Buffs. Whatever the fuck that means.
Jeff Jarrett vs Buff Bagwell Tits, Whips, and Buffs Match
Buff is announced and they show a picture of Road Dogg instead. The Starettes join him with whips. This is a lumber jack match. The girls have cat o' nine tails. Jeff gets whipped many times. I wonder why Buff would agree to work with Jeff after that big SWERVE Russo pulled on him in October of 1999. Jeff steals a whip and uses it on Buff. They go on to have a very boring match with Buff being completely gassed a few minutes in. Slick Johnson is whipped. Buff hit the Blockbuster, but there was now no ref. One of the YAKS counted the pin. Slick said no way. Stroke. Jeff wins and advances to the finals against Road Dogg.
TO THE BACK. Some YAK talks to Luna. Sound is awful and Luna is hard to understand anyway.
Luna Vachon vs Vampire Warrior Black Wedding Match
I'm not sure what the rules are. I think it's just a hardcore match with wedding themed weapons. I bet Luna could legit beat the fuck out of Gangrel. This is one of the worst matches I've ever seen. I guess it's actually closer to the Good Housekeeping match than a hardcore match. Luna takes her ring off and spits in Gangrel's face. He DDTs her and wins.
TO THE BACK. Stevie tries to get the name of the woman who has a dick.
Skin To Win
The man YAK I assumed was the former Kiwi under the name of Sharron A. Wad. It turns out to be Danny Dominion. Another man beating up a woman match. Two in a row. Russo was involved in the early stages of the promotion, and while he didn't make the trip to Australia, I think it is pretty clear he sent booking ideas to JB. Stevie Ray came out. The remaining YAK wins.
Andrew McManus, the promoter, hands JB a note from Midajah. The note says she will be at the next show with her man.
The Starettes dance. Disco runs them off and enters the cage. He calls the Fruits back out. Out they come. Disco gets his ass kicked. He and one of the bananas climb to the top of the cage. Disco knocks him off and onto a table on the floor. Real missed opportunity to calls these guys Fruit Booties. The fruit sits up like The Undertaker and walks to the back.
Jeff Jarrett vs Road Dogg WWA Championship Steel Cage Match
Bret joins for color. JB says this is the first time these two have wrestled each other. Bret says that isn't true, but it is the biggest match they've had. There was no blow off to the Real Double J angle, was there? "These are two of the biggest names ever in the history of the business." Lol. Road Dogg is the first to go into the cage. They brawl on top of the cage. Jeff climbs out. As it turns out, this is pin falls and submission only. So now they brawl on the floor during a cage match. Jeff is busted open and they head back into the ring. The camera man's cable is all tied up in the ropes. Ref bump. Jeff gets his guitar and nails Road Dogg. He puts the Sharpshooter on. Bret won't allow for the match to be stopped via Sharpshooter. A second ref comes in and is immediately bumped. Road Dogg puts on of the worst Sharpshooters you'll ever see. Bret won't allow anyone to RING THE FUCKING BELL. Bret takes the belt and leaves. Road Dogg grabs it from him and takes it into the ring. Jarrett does the Stroke on top of it. New champion! Bret puts Jeff in the Sharpshooter after the match.
DQ Count: 0 out of 10 matches.
God damn, this feels like home! Russo didn't book this directly, but I have no doubt he gave JB all the ideas for the show. Male on female violence (3 matches worth), Jeff Jarrett talking about stroke/chosen one, a tournament where every match is a gimmick match, 3 over booked Jeff Jarrett finishes, Stevie Ray doing back stage stuff, the way it was shot, the same production errors. This was more WCW than TNA ever was. This WAS a WCW show.
WCW 1999-2001 talent used: Jeff Jarrett, Buff Bagwell, Lenny, Lodi, Disco Inferno, Crowbar, Norman Smiley, Jeremy Borash, Stevie Ray, Bret Hart, Slick Johnson, Juvi, Hypnosis, Konnan. Does that not just scream Thunder to you?