A random episode in the all Divas season of NXT. Halloween week. The first thing Cole says is that the show will be horrifying.
TO THE STRIKER. Matt brings out the Divas in their costumes. AJ is a Ninja Turtle, Naomi is the Hamburger Helper, Kaitlyn is Vickie Guerrero, Maxine is an Ice Queen, and Aksana is a devil. Aksana still has blonde hair, Maxine is still employeed, and AJ is still a loser. Naomi is currently in the lead and we have our first competition. Each woman will get 15 seconds to impress the WWE Universe. "Communism never looked so good." "Why doesn't Matt keep his comments to himself?" "I saw her on the the side of a, uh, a SPAM can." "What?" "Do you know what cold water does to a man, Striker?" "I need a shower every week after this show." "That's a better bump than she took in her match last week." This is already both the dumbest and most amazing thing I've ever seen. "Certainly giving me a splinter." Fucking gross, Matt. "What's Spanish for mediocre?" "Horrible." I don't think that's right, Cole. Naomi got booed to fuck. Kaitlyn easily won. "God, I'm glad we dragged this show on another 20 seconds."
TO THE BACK. Ted Dibiase and Maryse walk in the back and don't want to be there. "Hey, they feel like we feel!"
Naomi vs Maxine
Oh my, the women are wrestling in their costumes and Cole talks about how Back To The Future is way better than an hour of this show. Oh shit, they're actually going to watch Knucklehead instead of this match. "Tony, you're not supposed to read from the script!" I'm pretty sure Josh is eating candy or something. It's popcorn, actually. The YAKS fight around the table, ruining the movie for Josh and Cole. Cole is talking about Wolf Blitzer and sniper fire. Naomi hits a jaw breaker. Josh has never had Hamburger Helper and doesn't even know what it is. Naomi wins with a handbutt.
TO THE BACK. Godly and Aksana talk about their upcoming wedding. Aksana wants Goldy to stop worrying. An immigration agent shows up and says that Aksana will be deported next week if she isn't married.
Brie Bella vs AJ
The Bellas could still do Twin Magic in 2010. This is like the second hour second quarter hour main event of Raw! Josh really likes AJ. A hip toss gets AJ's mask off. Cole is busy taking pictures and texting. Brie is in control with a headlock. LARIATOOOOOOOOO!!!! AJ kicks out. Nikki had apparently been cunty lately because Brie moved to NYC. The sisters had been having some kind of disagreements or something. Series of kicks form AJ. FUCK Nikki's voice is terrible. Josh talks about spunk. Forced Twin Magic. Nikki wins. Primo takes his shoe off.
TO THE BACK. Ted and Maryse still want to leave. Ted puts Maryse in her place. Ted is here to get his belt back from Goldust. Maryse says since Ted is rich, he should just buy another one.
STAND UP FOR WWE! There were some political attacks on WWE, so they air a video of WWE Superstars blowing the legacy of WWE. DREAMS. DREAMS EVERYWHERE. Big Show is just a small boy from Macon, Georgia. Except that he's 7 feet tall.
TO THE STRIKER. Our next competition is a candy eating contest. Hornswoggle (dressed as a cowboy) is out to help for some reason. "I don't like Hornswoggle at all." Josh says Kaitlyn as Vickie is the most likely to win, for obvious reasons. Because Vickie is FAT! I feel like Kaitlyn probably IS the most likely to win due to having to eat more to keep her mass. Maxine ate the most and was declared the winner. She then started fucking with Hornswoggle. AJ didn't like it. She pushes Maxine, with Horny helping. Kaitlyn starts choking. Hornswoggle gives her the Heimlich and she spits her candy out on Vickie. Vickie starts to gag and the crowd chants PUKE PUKE PUKE. "Vickie's disgusting." VICKIE DIDN'T DO A FUCKING THING TO BE CALLED DISGUSTING.
TO THE BACK. Kaitlyn tries to talk to Vickie, who is flipping her shit over getting puked on. Dolph answers the door and hits on Kaitlyn.
Goldust/Aksana vs Ted Dibiase/Maryse
Cole buries pro wrestling and then Josh buries him for saying pro wrestling, because they aren't allowed to say that. Ted's music is maybe the single most inappropriate entrance theme I've ever heard. Lol, Josh shits on Cole for getting make up put on his bald spot. "You are awful. There's a reason you're doing this show." The women start out. Cole is super into Maxine, who isn't in this match. Maryse dominates Aksana. "Maryse is putting on a clinic!" "Calm down." Both dudes want a full bar for the Goldust/Aksana wedding. The match picks up when the men tag in. Ted throws off the bulldog. Goldy is thrown into the announce table. Maryse takes a few shots while he's on the floor and Cole cheers her on. Aksana does Goldy's drop down uppercut. Aksana pins Maryse with a small package! Ted gets the title and tries to leave with it. Aksana slaps the shit out of him and Maryse and Goldust is still in possession of the Million Dollar Championship.
NXT Season 3 is really to be listened to more than watched. It's amazing that not only does no one give a single fuck about this show, but they go out of their way to point out how they hate the show, the girls, the fans, and wrestling in general every chance they get. It's like the episode of Nash on color for Thunder, but for a whole season.