WWE Armageddon 2006
MVP vs Kane Inferno Match
This was before people thought MVP was any good. 2004-2006 was a really weird time as it was before the PG era, but they had a ton of throw back gimmicks that would have fit in more in the 80s or today. Especially on Smackdown. MVP was originally devised as a take off on sports stars who get huge contracts and then under perform. He spent months beating jobbers before starting a feud with Kane because he asked for tougher competition. He and Mr. Kennedy formed an alliance and would feud with Taker and Kane for much of the Summer and Fall. Of note is that JBL really fucking hated MVP until MVP took him out to eat one day. MVP starts on his knees, begging off. He tried to climb out, but FIRE. Kane attempts a superplex and is thrown off. The flames shoot up while MVP is still on the ropes. Top rope cross body and some ground and pound from MVP. Yakuza kick in the corner. Kane no sells that shit and does a chokeslam. Turnbuckle pad is removed and caught on fire. One of the sides no longer has flames. MVP is able to throw the pad to the floor. MVP keeps trying to baseball slide Kane into the flames. Kane dominates for a while. MVP jumps/is pushed off the top to the floor. Kane follows him out with a top rope clothesline. MVP's back/ass is lit on fire. Kane wins!
TO THE BACK. Divas are talking when Teddy Long shows up and hits on them and says Santa is his special guest. He books them in a Naughty or Nice Lingerie match tonight. JBL is still furious over MVP being set on fire. He wants Teddy arrested right now.
Brian Kendrick/Paul London vs Dave Taylor/William Regal WWE Tag Team Championships
Dave Taylor having a WWE run so long after WCW went down was pretty weird, but so was Juvi and Psychosis getting brought in years after they had been off US TV. Teddy Long comes out. He's got a Christmas present for the fans. This tag team match is now going to be a tag team ladder match, playas. And this tag team ladder match is now going to be a 4 way tag team ladder match, playas, so you can tag team in your tag team.
MNM vs The Hardys vs Dave Taylor/William Regal vs Brian Kendrick/Paul London WWE Tag Team Championships
JBL went from pissed about the inferno match to pissed that now we were going to have a ladder match to marking out once the Hardys came out. The heels are dumped out and we have a stand off between the Hardys and Spanky/London. Hardys get the better of the exchange. Regal tries to kill London with a half nelson suplex. Then one to Spanky. Ladders are thrown into the ring. Regal and Taylor do everything they can to keep the ladders out. Poetry in Motion to Taylor, right into the Snap Shot. Double superkick to Regal. Spanky gets hit with a ladder and London gets wiped out with a low dropkick. JoMo tries to dropkick London off the ladder. London jumped off and JoMo landed on the corner of it. Mercury gets to the top of the ladder. The faces carry it to the ropes and dump him off, landing on Nitro. A ladder is leaned on the ropes. Matt is dropsaulted on to it. London holds the ladder out horizontally as Spanky does a top rope double stomp. Teeter totter spot that absolutely destroys Mercury's face. Dude was instantly gushing blood. Things slow down as the Brits take control. Regal half nelson suplexes London on a leaning ladder. Regal climbs, but he's afraid of heights. So is Taylor. Jeff sets up a giant ladder on the floor for some reason. He is about to do a leg drop into the ring when JoMo dropkicks it, sending him back into the ropes. JoMo is drop kicked off a ladder. Spanky and Matt fight near the top of the ladder. Matt hip tosses Spanky off, who barely makes the rotation. London is back dropped off the same ladder, which falls over with Matt on it. Jeff does a sunset flip bomb off the ladder to JoMo. Regal does the knee trembler while Taylor has Matt on his shoulders. Spanky tries a Sliced Bread to Regal from two ladders. He doesn't make it over and both are dead. London gets the belts. Titles retained. A lot of brutal bumps and falls in this.
TO THE BACK. Kristal gets ready for the lingerie contest.
Mike Mizanin vs The Boogeyman
He was announced as Miz, but his name plate said Mike Mizanin. He also did the dumbest fucking walk I've ever seen. JBL buries the fuck out of him. He's actually even more annoying in 2006 than he is today. HOORAH. HOORAH. HOORAH. Fuck Miz. Miz is basically squashed in a very short match. Worms to the face! I don't want to gif that because it's pretty fucking gross.
TO THE BACK. Jillian Hall and Layla flash each other or something. Elsewhere, Chavo dedicates his upcoming match to Vickie Guerrero. Vickie and Chavo had turned heel. That's right, Vince McMahon turned the widow and nephew of Eddie Guerrero heel after Eddie died on his watch. A month later. Not only that, turned them heel to feud with Chris Benoit. As they were showing clips of Benoit accidentally running into Vickie at Survivor Series, JBL went on about how Benoit did it on purpose and he learned something about Benoit he didn't want to know. You mean that he hits and kills women? I mean. Um.
Chris Benoit vs Chavo Guerrero WWE US Championship
Chavo attacks Benoit before the bell. Benoit chops back and hits a snap suplex before pounding Chavo in the face. He goes for the Sharpshooter early. Chavo fights out and is slingshot to the floor. Rolling Reich. Chavo works a rear chin lock for a while and then works over the ribs/neck for a while. Saito suplex. And another. Chavo tries a tree of Keanu dropkick. Benoit sits up and Chavo goes balls first into the post. Chavo recovers and attempts 3 Amigos. Benoit stops after the first one to hit another Rolling Reich. 8 of them. That's in addition to 3 earlier. Chris Benoit: The Young Bucks of German Suplexes. Sharpshooter. Vickie runs in with the title. Benoit lets go of the hold and Vickie falls down in fear. He starts to put her in the Sharpshooter. Chavo rolls up him while he's thinking about it. Benoit counters into the Sharpshooter for the win. Title retained. Decent enough, but pretty weird that it is happening at all, and that Benoit was about to put his best friend's widow in a sharpshooter.
TO THE BACK. Ashley prepares for the lingerie contest.
Gregory Helms vs Jimmy Yang Wang WWE Cruiserweight Championship
The 3 Count/Jung Dragons feud is reignited! As of this show, Helms was 366 days into his reign. He has both the single longest and total longest reigns as champion in both WCW and WWE for the Cruiserweight Championship. He was also facing heavyweights during this time and had a pretty great mini feud with Matt Hardy. Stalemate in the opening exchange. Shane does some cheap moves to get in control. Yang comes back with a spinning head scissors and dropkick. Yang then applies a kimura before some knees from the clinch. Spinning neck breaker on the floor. Helms then starts working over the neck in the ring. Yang sends Helms to the floor and hits a big top rope cross body. Back in the ring, Helms does a stun gun that stops all momentum for Yang. Back to neck work. Big lariat out of the corner from Yang. Yang fires up. How weird that the Flying Elvis gimmick was much closer to him than the Jung Dragons gimmick. Spin kick in the corner and a missile dropkick nearly gets the win. Top rope spinning neck breaker from Helms. JBL gets super pissed about fans not respecting Helms and not reacting much to the match. Like legitimately pissed, even saying it pisses him off. Fans can't help it if they've been trained for years that the title only matters when Rey has it. Helms goes back up and is caught with a spin kick. Yang misses the Yang Time and Helms wins with a one knee Codebreaker. Title retained. This was good shit, one of the best WWE cruiserweight matches.
Mr. Kennedy vs The Undertaker
Last Ride Match
You can tell that Vince had very high hopes for Kennedy considering his very first feud was with The Undertaker and he actually got the better of him a number of times. This is basically a casket match combined with an ambulance match. After a 4 hour entrance from Taker, the match starts. Kennedy tries to run away. He's caught and gets the shit knocked out of him. Taker misses a boot in the corner and Kennedy goes to work on him. Has Taker ever hit that move? It didn't last long as Taker bear hugged him into the ring post. They fight up to the hearse. They both are inside. Kennedy nearly gets the door shut and then gets a boot to the face. It heads back to the ring. Apron guillotine. Taker hits a top rope superplex. As Taker takes Kennedy to the hearse, Kennedy locks on a sleeper and tries to choke Taker out. Taker is placed in the hearse! Now Kennedy has to drive it away. He opens the driver side door only to meet the Undertaker! SWERVE! Back to the ring. Kennedy unloads some chair shots. Kennedy climbs the set trying to get away from Taker. Taker follows him up and they brawl for awhile until Taker is thrown off and to the floor. Kennedy is able to drag Taker to the hearse. The camera inside shows Taker sit up and do something terrible to Kennedy. They come out the back and Taker starts beating the piss out of Kennedy. Taker misses with a pipe shot that cracks the back window. Big chair shot. They are now on top of the hearse. Chokeslam. Kennedy doesn't go through the roof. The a tombstone. Kennedy is placed in the hearse. Taker dives off and wins the match. Pretty amazing to think that Kennedy was botching on IWA MS shows just a few years earlier and now was having a big feud with the Undertaker.
TO THE BACK. King Booker warms up. Finlay comes in to reassure Book that he won't double cross him tonight. Queen Sharmell calms them down. Finlay then puts on an over the top Irish accent to tell Booker all he has is Sharmell.
Santa Claus comes to the ring. He is here to host the lingerie contest. Everyone was declared the winner. I think Layla definitely won, but Kristal was unreal hot. Santa ends up being Big Dick Johnson and dances. Layla was all about it. JBL called Cole a fruit booty. SHADES OF STEVIE RAY!
Batista/John Cena vs Finlay/King Booker
This is supposed to be a big deal because Cena and Batista were both champions at the time. First time ever. Never Before, Never Again. Booker and Finlay had been having a lot of problems. I'm pretty hyped that Finlay is in the main event of a PPV. Booker and Cena start out. Cena wins the exchange with arm drags and tags in Batista. Booker and Batista had a LEGIT SHOOT fight over the Summer. Booker went full G on Batista during a photo shoot. He tags out. Batista slaps Finlay in the face, which is so lol it hurts. Muscle buster. Booker comes in and gets handled pretty easily. Cena is tagged in. Booker goes to town on him. Then Cena fires up and starts his 5MOD. Booker gets out of the FU, but not the STFU. Finlay breaks it and Batista goes after him. While the ref is distracted, Booker hits Cena in the throat with his scepter. Harlem side kick. Finlay comes in and puts the boots to Cena. Hornswoggle, who was still known as the Little Bastard, comes into kick Cena, but kicks himself in the head. Cena plays FIP for a bit. Hot tag to Batista. Spears everywhere. Book accidentally kicks Finlay and then gets hit with the most awkward Boss Man slam. Finlay hits Batista in the knee with a chair. It didn't really matter as Batista quickly hit a spinebuster and Batista Bomb on Booker moments later for the win.
DQ Count: 0 out of 7 matches.
Really good PPV. Everything was really solid, even the inferno match. Ladder match was pretty brutal. This is probably one of the best B PPVs ever, certainly of the solo brand PPVs. It's pretty good. I recommend it.