AAA Heroes Inmortales VII
I don't know anything about lucha besides guys who were in WCW. I've never watched a full lucha show and have no idea what the storylines are or who the wrestlers are. Nor do I speak Spanish.
Jesus Zuniga welcomes us to the show and I think runs down the card.
The show starts with an in ring tribute to Antonio Penas and El Brazo. The Heroes Inmortales shows are all run in tribute to Pena.
Monster Clown vs Silver King(!) vs Fenix vs El Mesias
This evil looking clown steals a kid from the crowd and the kid's dad or security had to get him. This is a first round match in the Copa Antonio Pena. I think this is the WCW Silver King, but he's wearing a mask. El Mesias is Judas Mesias, of TNA fame. If that is a real term. Fenix and the Clown start out and are immediately rolling and spinning around. Goofy top rope spring board arm drag from Fenix. Silver King enters the match. He does a series of headbutts to the Clown and Fenix hits him with a big kick. Mesias comes in with a shoulder tackle to Fenix. Backstabber. Monster Clown looks fucking terrible. Monster Clown is eliminated with a Mesias splash. Silver King and Mesias stand off for a bit. They botch something in the corner. Spinebuster from Mesias. Some dudes in face paint jump the rail. Mesias takes them all out and then does a top rope cross body to the floor on all of them. Moonsault from King eliminates Mesias. Fenix does a super slow Code Red into an arm drag into a roll up. This ref is so slow. It takes him 2-3 seconds to react to any pin. Felix wins with a Spiral Tap. The match was whatever, but I like the presentation, especially the slow mo replays.
Axel vs Daga vs Octagon vs Pentagon Jr. vs El Hijo Del Fantasma
I didn't realize that the whole show was made up of multiman elimination matches. There is a long promo before the match, none of which I understood. Fantasma and I think Axel start out. Arm...BAR! First top rope arm drag of the night. Octagon and Daga are now in. Arm drags! Tiltawhirl back breaker. Fantasma is in and out. Dive from Axel. Octagon runs to the ropes just to slowly go to the apron and try an Asai moonsault. What looks like some kind of evil Octagon attacks him mid move. Daga eliminates Octagon with a LeBell Lock. Daga and Axel are running through standard lucha spots. Diving rana off the apron to Daga. Sunset flip/German suplex combo. Whisper in the wind from Axel. Camel clutch. Fantasma locks on a Tequila Sunrise, eliminating Axel. Fat ref checks his hands for notes on the match. Double clothesline. Bad strike battle. German suplex into a prawn hold. Fantasma kicks out. Fantasma wins with a la magistral cradle. Bleh. These matches have zero flow to them.
TO THE BACK. Fantasma gave his thoughts either on the match or Antonio Pena. Elsewhere, El Zorro cuts a promo on a fence. I'm not sure what the fence did to him, but it must have pissed him off.
Mascara Ano 2000 Jr. vs Electroshock vs La Parka Negra vs La Parka
Neither La Parka is the real La Parka. It's very clear from the dancing that they can't compare to the true La Parka. Ano is the only one who looks like an athlete in this. The other 3 are weirdly shaped and slow. Ano and Electro start out. Arm drags! A pump sends Elector to the floor. Ano does a dropkick off the apron. La Parka battle! Too bad they aren't the real La Parkas. These dudes are terrible in comparison. Back to Ano and Electro. Another pump kick. Terrible face wash from Ano. Electro tries really hard to do an avalanche Kanyon Cutter, which he eventually hits, eliminating Ano. Explosión! Parka Negra and Electro have a terrible sequence. CZW level shit. Romero Special into a pin with Negra's head being under the damn turnbuckle and the ref counting anyway. Negra shoves off the avalanche Kanyon Cutter and eliminates Electroshocker with a leg lock. Now we have two fake La Parkas staring each other down. El Zorro comes out. He throws his kendo stick into the ring and leaves. The Parkas fight over it, with La Parka getting it and throwing a few shots in. It looks like it is made of wheat. La Parka wins with a Codebreaker. This was awful. The only good thing is that fake La Parka comes out to Thriller.
Chessman vs Psicosis vs El Hijo del Perro Aguayo vs Cibernetico
Wiki tells me that this is the real Hypno. The storyline reason for him being back in the mask is that his face was burned by a fire ball, which all made him crazy and made him reassume the mask and gimmick. Whatever, dude was ugly as fuck anyway, so it's a good thing he's back in the mask. Cibernetico and Hypno start out. Ciber wins the exchange with a lariatooo. Chessman and Perro Jr come in. Chessman is the least intimidating name for a wrestler I've ever heard. Spinning head scissors and dropkicks send Chessman to the floor. Hypno comes in and does one of the worst Van Daminators I've ever seen. He sets up two chairs in the ring. Cibernetico chokeslams him threw them. The dudes in face paint come back and attack Cibernetico on the floor. Perro Jr. eventually tries to help and is also beaten down. Mesias runs down with a chair to take out all the painted guys. Cibernetico and Perro Jr. are eliminated I think by count out. Sucks, because those two are by far the best guys I've seen so far. Back stabber from Hypno only gets a dos count. Spear from Chessman gets the win. Perro I assume asked Cibernetico to team with him against the painted guys. One of the refs starts doing a promo and leaves with Cibernetico.
Fenix vs El Hijo del Fantasma vs La Parka vs Chessman Copa Antonio Pena Finals
Fantasma and Fenix start the match. That Move That Beat John Cena is the opening move. Superkick from Fantasma. Fenix with a koppo kick in the corner. Somehow, Fantasma is the one to pin off of it. Weird suplex from Fenix. La Parka breaks up a dive with a back breaker. Arm drag sends Chessman out. This La Parka is terrible. It pains me to see someone ruin the legacy of awesome. Fenix is eliminated with a tombstone. I thought tombstones and piledrivers were illegal in lucha? I don't think Fantasma was disqualified for it. Fenix is stretchered out. La Parka eliminates Chessman with a roll up. La Parka makes Fantasma tap out to a Fujiwara arm bar. La Parka is the winner of the Copa Antonio Pena. Fuck this fake La Parka.
TO THE BACK. Fake Parka talks about the cup and Antonio Pena. Elsewhere, Jesus recaps the show so far.
We're shown a tribute to a number of dead wrestlers, such as Pena, El Brazo, Hector Garza, and Abismo Negro. We are then shown the rest of the card, which features minis, women, and I think exoticos. And a singles match.
Mamba/Mini Abismo Negro/Mari Apache/Dark Cuervo vs El Eledigo/Faby Apache/Octagoncito/Pimpinela Escarlata
Minis, women, men, and exoticos, which are somewhere in between men and women. The second half of the show already looks a billion times better. The screens are used for ads during the whole show. At some point, you can see the Windows 7 background while someone clicks the slide show. There are too many people to keep track of. I just want some wacky spots. Instead, I get one team taking turns throwing one of the yaks by her hair. The team with Mini Abismo Negro won. I was hoping for more than kissing and twerking spots, but that's about all there was to it. After the match, Faby is attacked and gets her hair cut.
Dark Cuervo promo airs.
Los Guerreros del Cielo vs Mexican Powers vs Aero Star/Drago vs La Secta AAA World Tag Team Championships
The only dudes I know in this is Jack Evans and the name of Joe Lider. I forgot all about Jack Evans even existing. Has he been trapped in Mexico for years? Juvi Juice is a manager in this match and is also back in his mask. Four guys in the ring at all times I guess. I hope Jack Evans does something crazy. His first dive is a space flying tiger drop. Flying Codebreaker from blue mask guy. The gringos do a lot of double team work to him. Evan is double teamed for a bit before rolling out. I can't call this because lucha makes no sense to me and there is way too much going on. There was a run in from Mesias/Cibernetico/Perro Jr. to beat up the face paint guys from earlier that I didn't even realize were the same ones in the match. They are eliminated. Blue mask guys are eliminated. Juvi turned on his team. VIRAJE! Evans won with a 630 splash. New champions! This was definitely the most enjoyable match of the show, but it also made zero sense. Juvi attacked the new champs after the match and ran off. WHOSE SIDE IS HE ON?!
Psycho Clown vs El Texano Jr. AAA World Heavyweight Championship
Psycho Clown's entrance includes minis and dudes on stilts. El Texano has people doing highly acrobatic square dancing. Clown is the nephew of the late El Brazo. It quickly goes to the floor. Texano blocks a dive with a chair shot. Clown's mask is almost completely torn off. He's also bleeding. Clown gets his ass kicked for a while. Back to the floor. Texano is crotched on the railing and dropkicked into the crowd. Top rope plancha. Chair shots and the Clown is now in charge. Clown tries to use a whip. The ref won't let him. Chairs are fine, whips are not. Sliced Bread #2. DVD backbreaker from Texano. Clown kryptonite crunch. Texano is also now bleeding, I guess from the tin chair shot. Codebreaker. Frog splash from the Clown. Fantasma breaks the pin. Sit out powerbomb. The ref stops at dos because he injured his arm. Texano accidentally dropkicks him. Clown uses something as a weapon. The whip is back. Actually, I think it is a jump rope. Clownadian Destroyer. A second ref comes in and is pulled out by the first ref. Clown nearly wins with a school boy. Texano wins with a sit out powerbomb and a fast count. Title retained.
I just don't get lucha at all. it definitely isn't for me. I liked the presentation a lot, but the actual in ring stuff makes no sense to me. The refs are also super weird as they seem to do whatever they want with no regard to the matches going on. Lucha is best in gif form. I could see living near the border and leaving it on in the background, because the crowd was hot and it was very colorful.