TNA Lockdown 2007
This was the second monthly TNA PPV to be held outside of the Impact Zone. It was also the last TNA show as part of the NWA.
Chris Sabin vs Jay Lethal vs Sonjay Dutt vs Alex Shelley vs Shark Boy TNA X Division Championship Xscape Match
Black Machismo and the PCS in general were some of the funniest things I've ever seen in wrestling. The cage is an electrified cage for the 3D/LAX match. This means it looks like a chicken wire cage instead of any kind of wrestling steel cage. Sonjay and Sabin start out. They do some rolly polly bullshit. Tower of doom 3 minutes into the match. Shelley and Shark Boy are now in. This is under tag rules? How stupid. I dislike all of this actually. Just dudes rolling around doing shit that makes no sense. I used to be a big fan of these kinds of matches, but it just reminds me of the Young Bucks. Fuck the Young Bucks. And this cage looks like balls. It's so dumb this 5 way match in a cage is contested under tag rules. Shelley and Sabin do a lot of double teaming. I don't even think the cage can be used tonight. Young Bucks kick spots. Cradle Shock to Sonjay. He's the first to be eliminated. This should be the craziest match of the night and it has been boring as fuck. Lethal Injection is a terrible move. Shelley is eliminated via flying elbow. Shark Boy was eliminated at some point. I must have missed it. He was the only guy not to do a superkick. Sabin escapes. Title retained. This was so boring. Not off to a good start if the 5 man cruiser spot fest isn't even interesting.
TO THE BACK. JB talks with the Christian Coalition. Christian, Tomko, AJ Styles, Abyss, and SCOTT STEINER! They all hate Abyss. Christian says Jeff Jarrett is going to turn on Team Angle and talks about Christmas. Scott Steiner says that's bullshit because Christmas is 8 months away.
Robert Roode vs Petey Williams
I think this is for Eric Young's life or something. I'm not sure. I don't care. The first move is a pop up rana. Petey then botches a springboard Codebreaker. We see the Spanish announce team, who appear to be calling the show in a closet with a tiny monitor on a coffee table. Eric Young is sad. So am I. Bobby Roooooooo's solo run just did not work until after Beer Money. They tried so hard, but he was just not over at all. King Kong knee drop from Rooooo. Remember the terrible Roode/Booker feud? The only part of the cage that can be used as a weapon is the door. Petey tries to send Bobby into it. Bobby stops it and does a Rock Bottom. Ms. Brooks tries to put a hockey stick in the ring. EY won't allow it. Cameras miss a rewind rana and some kind of head droppy move. Petey totally whiffs on a dropkick to the back. Bobby had to decide to sell it and then go with it not hitting him. Spinebuster. EY gives Petey the hockey stick. Earl wouldn't let him use it. A 2nd Rock Bottom is countered into a roll up. Roooooo is sent into the door. Petey has trouble spitting. Rooooo wins clean with a Perfect Plex.
TO THE BACK. Kurt Angle confronts Rhino and says they have to change the order of who enters the Lethal Lockdown match. All because Jeff Jarrett cost them the advantage. Faces aren't allowed to start with the advantage in War Games. I don't see what the problem is.
Miss Jackie Moore vs Gail Kim
The first ladies cage match in the US. This starts on the ramp. Gail got thrown on the announcers. I'm pretty sure Tenay copped a feel. You know, Jackie was around for a long time and I have no idea. Was it because there weren't many black women in wrestling? She had no talent in the ring and was an awful, awful promo. There is nothing about her that makes sense to have worked in WWE, WCW, and TNA for so long other than there was a distinct lack of the lady brothas (a reference, before someone gets fake offended). Cameras miss a back drop driver because TNA loves doing crane shots as often as possible. Gail has a pretty ridiculous camel toe going on. She could have walked out and instead decided to jump and mostly miss a cross body for the win. TNA being TNA, they show slow mo replays from the worst angles that just accentuate that Gail totally missed the dive.
TO THE BACK. JB talks with MR. BACKLUND! He says some weird shit.
Austin Starr vs Senshi Special Guest Referee: Bob Backlund
Austin Starr is Austin Aries trying to be Randy Savage and Jesse Ventura. He looks like Joey Ryan. I wish I had started a crane shot count at the start of the show because I'm pretty sure they cut to one every 20-30 seconds. Ki chops Austin all around the ring. Backlund makes him stop due to Austin being in the ropes. What's the point of doing cage matches when all the rules are the same as a normal match? It's all so dumb. You know how small everyone thinks Bob Backlund was? He's double the size of both Ki and Aries. I wish this was a triple threat and Backlund was stretching these two jobbers. How is a match with Austin Aries and Low Ki so boring? The highlight of the match, undoubtedly, was Backlund throwing his bow tie in anger. Low Ki wins with a roll up.
TO THE BACK. JB talks to Joe. Joe was doing his Elvis hair and side burns at the time. Team Angle just can't get along!
I really hate Mike Tenay. The stupid faces and nodding he does while other people are talking drives me fucking crazy.
James Storm vs Chris Harris Blindfold Match
James Storm turned on Chris Harris by hitting him with a beer bottle. The bottle blinded Harris in one eye. This gave TNA a perfect excuse to do a gimmick within a gimmick match. Of note, this isn't even the first blindfold match at Lockdown. It happened at the 2005 show as the 3rd fall of a 2/3 falls match, just to add an extra layer of gimmick. There has never been a blindfold match that wasn't stupid as fuck. It's all comedy spots and people standing around, waving their arms. Harris finally lands a punch and Storm's hood goes flying off. It comes off again about a minute later. The rope inside to keep it tied flew off the first time and the ref has it in his pocket, so I imagine it will come off a few more times. This is awful. They fight on the top rope. Storm's hood again comes off. Harris can see well enough to land a spear while both are standing on the top rope. Harris' hood is now off. Despite this, the ref just throws the hood at him as he's counting a pin fall. Chris Harris puts the ref in a Sharpshooter, somehow not noticing how tiny and clothed he was. James Storm takes his hood off and hits a superkick for the win. Absolutely awful. And hilariously TNA.
TO THE BACK. Kurt and Sting talk. Kurt talks about Jeff being trust worthy. The irony of course being that Jeff was busy stealing SHOOT stealing Kurt's wife during this period. "This job sucks."
Christopher Daniels vs Jerry Lynn
Daniels was doing some thing where he was really playing up the Fallen Angel gimmick. Then he grew a stubble beard and sometimes grew his head ring out. He also took to wearing face paint over one of his eyes. Sometimes. Otherwise, he was exactly the same Chris Daniels he'd been for his entire TNA run. Jerry easily dominates for the opening minutes. Daniels cheats and is in control. This show has no energy at all. It can't just be me. Daniels gets a camera cable from the camera man. The worst TNA shows aren't the ones with a bunch of shitty wrestlers, but the ones with a bunch of good wrestlers putting on boring matches. It's even worse when they put on boring normal matches inside of a cage. Remember all the Daniels/Lynn matches in 2002-2006? It's that. But this time in a cage and Daniels has a beard. The closest thing to a highlight was a top rope flatliner used as a transition move, followed immediately by Lynn doing a kryptonite crunch in response. Daniels kicked out. Daniels won with the Last Rites.
TO THE BACK. JB talks to Team 3D, who have replicas of the ECW, WCW, and WWE tag team championship belts with them. The NWA Tag Team Championships are the only major title they haven't won. AWA: Buried. Bubba uses "you people" in reference to LAX twice during the promo. I don't think they should brag about the WCW belts. I don't count those. If they actually wrestled for WCW and won them, that'd be different. Elsewhere, the YAK talked to LAX. Fucking Konnan.
Team 3D vs LAX NWA Tag Team Championships Electrified Cage Match
The highlight package showed Homicide shooting Spike with a stun gun. Spike had a vest on under his shirt that was clearly visible. They could have edited to not show the clear shot of the vest in the highlight package, but such is TNA. The way to show this cage is electrified is to turn the house lights off and put blue spotlights on the ring. A sewage pump is then hooked to the ring, which makes the lights flicker. They have a terrible match where Bubba seems to go out of his way to make Homicide look like shit. I guess that's to be expected since Homicide might be shorter than Rey Mysterio. Devon is gushing blood, which is super hard to see due to the terrible lighting. I doubt the fans in the arena could tell at all. At one point, Hernandez grabs the top of the cage to balance himself. I guess the top isn't electrified. Stereo superplexes that weren't actually in stereo at all. Maybe stereo with a delay. At some point, Konnan is wheeled down. The guy who wheeled him out knocked out the ref or camera man and gave Konnan a chair. Hector Guerrero punches this guy and takes the chair. The door is also not electrified because Hector and Buba touched it. Hector gets a table. Hector slams the door shut on Hernandez. The cage hasn't come in to play, even though it has definitely been touched a few times. It also hasn't prevented outside interference. Hernandez Border Tosses Devon into the cage. The lights flicker and there is a loud ZAP. I think the Mountie recommended the cage builders to TNA. It sounded like there might have been a gong in there as well. Fans immediately booed. FIRE RUSSO chants. Lol. Awesome. I thought Hard Justice 2010 was the worst TNA PPV, but this is giving it a run for its money. Hernandez uses what appear to be baseball gloves to climb the cage. As we are reminded that his boots prevent electrocution, the lights flicker anyway, but are missing the sound effects. Hernandez misses a splash from the top of the cage through a table. Homicide is then thrown into the cage, which he grabs and holds on to. The intention was that the shock was so much that it sent him flying off the cage and right into a 3D. Instead, Devon dropped him. They then did a full ring Irish whip version of 3D to a guy who should probably be dead, since he was just electrocuted with 100,000 volts or something. Dudleys win. New champions. What a shit show. Both the match and the show in general.
TO THE BACK. JB talks with Kurt. If Jeff Jarrett screws Team Angle, Jeff Jarrett screws Kurt Angle. Actually, Jeff Jarrett screwed Karen Angle.
Team Angle vs Team Cage Lethal Lockdown
Angle and AJ start the match. TNA should have done the two ring thing. 12 SIDES OF STEEL! Kind of. It would make a lot of sense to me in a TNA way to have 2 rings and matches going on in each ring. Every 5 minutes, one person would leave one cage and join the other until the match beyond begins. Then, each man eliminated would go back to the other cage. There would be double eliminations. The winners left in each ring, even if from the same team, would then have a singles match with the winner having to climb out of both cages individually to win. With 20 seconds until the next entrant, Kurt hits an Angle Slam and sells it as much or more than AJ. It's Abyss! Shock Treatment. Also, Harley Race is at ringside, I think as the opener of the door. Rhino enters the match. He throws AJ around. AJ is sling shot into the corner. I'm pretty sure he bladed right after, as he clearly had a blade taped to his hand the whole match and the ref took something from him shortly after. Sure enough, the next shot had him bleeding. He didn't even hit the cage. Tomko enters the match. Rhino is also bleeding, despite nothing having happened to cause him to bleed. The cage can't because it's actually just rubber coated wire and not actually a cage at all. Samoa Joe! He goes on a tear, being the first guy to do something even slightly exciting in this match. Muscle buster to AJ. Scott Steiner! HOLLAR! Super Frankensteiner! He just fucks everyone up. Sting! Oh my! WE KNOW WHO THAT IS! Stinger Splashes for everyone. Tower of doom spot. Made so much sense to do it in the opener when they were going to do it in the main event. Team Captain Charisma Christian Cage is the last member of the heel team to enter. Jeff Jarrett is the final man in and the match beyond begins! Amazingly, his guitar breaks DURING HIS ENTRANCE. He just drops it and heads to the ring. It's okay, there is another one hanging from the ceiling. Jeff hands out weapons to his team mates, nearly falling off the ropes at one point. AJ and Angle head to the roof. James Mitchell gives Abyss bags of tacks. Harley Race punches him for it. Joe tries to grab the guitar while fighting with Tomko on the ropes. He dropped it. He then tried an enziguri while up there and nearly killed himself. Rhino GORES Tomko through the cage door. Joe dives out. Steiner is also out side of the cage. Abyss spreads his tacks. Jeff and Sting chokeslam Christian on them. Jeff takes the Black Hole Slam, which was sold as being done on the tacks. It wasn't. A few strays might have got his back, though. Kurt knocks AJ off the cage and onto the men on the floor. Abyss loads the guitar with tacks. How thoughtful of someone to not put strings on it. Sting turns around and it looks like Jeff is going to hit him with it. Instead, Jeff tells Sting to move so he can hit Abyss with it. SWERVE BY LACK OF SWERVE! Sting pins Abyss to win. Jeff offers a handshake to Sting after the match. It takes a lot of stalling before Sting agrees to it. Rhino and Joe also shake his hand. But Kurt, who fought for Jeff to be on the team and to get the others to trust him, walks away from Jeff in disgust.
DQ Count: 0 out of 8 matches.
LOLTNA. Jesus. First off, the cage made EVERYTHING look terrible just based on how it wasn't even a cage, but wires. It couldn't even be used in matches. Then all the dudes who you'd expect to have good matches have boring matches at half speed. Then they have a blindfold match where the blindfolds keep falling off the entire match. Then they do their big electric cage gimmick, which is clearly just someone flashing the lights and playing a sound effect. The couldn't even do sparks. The main event had Jeff's guitar breaking during his entrance, Joe dropping a guitar on the top rope and trying to commit suicide for it, people fighting out side of the cage, and Kurt Angle being the only one to not shake Jeff's hand despite being the only guy who wants Jeff on his team.
This was so TNA it hurt.