WCW Thunder 5/21/98
TO THE SCHIAVONE. After the ending of Nitro, with Sting declining to join the nWo and Kevin Nash saving him from a beat down, Tony brings out The Giant for his response. He comes out wearing both titles, and then makes Tony hold them. Tony was so short and fat. I don’t think you ever really noticed while he was at the desk, but when he was standing, he was a short fat fuck. He looks way better today. Giant insists that he and Sting just had a disagreement and Sting is 100% nWo. Lex comes out. Security comes out, but he says it’s cool. He had a match for tonight, but he suggests he and Giant have the main event tonight. Giant asks Lex to join the nWo. Lex spits in his face. This makes the luchador security hit the ring and Giant kills them all.
The Cat vs Yuji Nagata
Feels like Cat hasn’t been around for a while. They had an interesting match last time. Early kick combo from Nagata. Cat comes back with a dragon screw and drop kick. Cat gets dumped to the floor, where Sonny Ono takes some shots at him. Yuji puts on some knee bars. Cat tries a comeback, but he’s got a bad paw. Some weird DVD/powerslam thing from Cat. Looked like shit. What he needs to do is use his MOOEY TIE kicks. A front leg back kick roundhouse, perhaps. Cat’s leg is dead. SWERVE! He hits a jumping kick from the top. He was playing opossum! Cat wins.
Recap of the Jericho/Malenko post match responses.
Chris Jericho vs Super Calo
Jericho’s first time in the ring not as the champ since January I believe. He claims what happened to him was a conspiracy on the level of JFK’s assassination. He demands JJ to come out. JJ no shows, because he’s scared of THE TRUTH. He proves that Dean’s name wasn’t on the list of battle royal competitors, so he couldn’t have lost a match to Dean. He wants his belt back. He attacks Calo as soon as he enters the ring. Jericho hits a KILLER release German suplex that sadly had a bad angle and VOICE OF MIKE TENAY text in the way. He misses the Lionsault. Calo tries his own moonsault, but botches hard. Jericho wins with the Liontamer.
A recap of the Mortis/Raven angle over the past few months.
Raven comes to the ring with his riot guards. I hope he made sure he knew who they were this time. He’s here to talk about Saturn not wanting to be in The Flock and how selfish he is for it. Raven got him his job in Bob’s Wire City and WCW. Saturn comes out and says his loyalty isn’t at question, but that Raven is drunk with power. He claims that he’s never been a member of the Flock, but is Raven’s friend. And as friends, Raven won’t be bossing Saturn around again. Raven says he’s sorry. Now he’s calling out Mortis. A guy who looks similar to Kanyon comes out holding a Mortis mask. The riot squad attack him. Then a fan in a blond wig jumped in the ring and hit the Flatliner. BANG! SWERVE! It was Mortis! He then high tails it to the back before the Flock can get him.
Jim Neidhart vs Fit Finlay WCW TV Championship
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Finlay wins and WCW is STILL spelling Anvil’s name wrong. It’s only been 5 months and they still spell his name Niedhart. It’s Neidhart.
TO THE SCHIAVONE. He was trying to bring Booker T out, who is next in line for a shot at Finlay. Benoit comes out instead. He doesn’t even like it when black people SPEAK. He wants JJ to come out. Booker comes out instead. Benoit attacks him from behind like the racist asshole he is. Stevie Ray comes out to tell Book to stand up and stop acting like A PUNK ASS SUCKA.
Brian Adams vs Jim Duggan
WCW can STICK IT, brother.
Hammer vs Saturn
Neither guy is in the Flock now, but they still hate each other. No one cares about Hammer. Was he really under contract from like 1991 until they decided to use him again in 1997? That makes more sense to me than someone deciding to call him up and rehire him years later. It would absolutely make total sense to me that WCW would forget they had a a shitty guy under contract for 5 years and decided they had to use him once they remembered. Raven Evenflows Hammer. Saturn didn’t like it. He wins with the DVD.
Rick Rude comes to the ring. Dude changes his hair and facial hair every week. He introduces the next WCW US Champion, Curt Hennig. I guess this means Rick Rude has also joined the Wolfpac. He doesn’t actually pick a side, but says he will stick by Curt Hennig forever and the colors you’ll see with them are black and blue. Perfect calls Goldberg the biggest MARK he’s ever seen. He challenges Goldberg for a fight right now. They start counting, but then decide that the match should happen at the GAB. Tony lets us know that Goldberg wasn’t in the building that night.
Juventud Guerrera vs WHOREASS
Man, killing me here, guys. Horace, Hammer, Anvil, Crush, Duggan. WHOREASS wins after Reese interferes.
Recap of Hogan/Hart vs Savage/Piper being set up.
Savage comes to the ring. Shit is going to get crazy in that tag match. He’ll even fight Piper if need be. In fact, he wants a match with Piper after the tag match, and he’s going to slap the shit out of Piper. “You call yourself an icon. I don’t even know what that word means. Is it a bird? Like the dodo bird? A species that doesn’t exist anymore?” Wat.
TO THE GUERREROS. Chavo tries to translate for Mama Guerrero. Eddie interrupts and says she was saying that Eddie is the best and she’s really proud of him.
Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs Dean Malenko WCW Cruiserweight Champonship
Chavo seems really into pumping up Eddie, which is weirding Eddie out big time. This is Dean’s first match on TV in 2 months. Chavo is on fire. Maybe Dean has ring rust, but Chavo is all over him. Eddie doesn’t know what to think anymore. Chavo is countering everything. He didn’t reverse a brainbustaah. Dean awkwardly counters the tornado DDT into the Tayhas Cloverleaf for the win. Eddie browbeats Chavo again after the match. Chavo gives him a kiss…and then decks him! SWERVE!
The Giant vs Lex Luger
Bogus Sting came out and distracted Lex. The match was thrown out, but Giant was able to hit the chokeslam. Bogus Sting hasn’t been around in a long time.