WCW Monday Nitro 3/30/1998
Extended Nitro Girls dancing and back flips to start the show.
Recap of the end of Thunder with Hogan and Nash having problems.
Mike Enos/Wayne Bloom vs High Voltage
Well, at least it isn’t Bulldog and Anvil. But still, the fucking Beverly Brothers are opening Nitro. They’re in Chicago and Larry lists off a bunch of Polish relatives in the area. Enos easily picks up short hair Volt. Double press slam. Belly to belly, also from Volt. Bloom comes in and hits a butterfly suplex. Enos hits a super t-bone/fall away slam thing off the ropes. The crowd gets excited, and it obviously isn’t because of anything in the ring. It’s THE GIANT! Chokeslams for everyone. Piper wanted a mean Giant, and he’s getting a mean Giant!
TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene brings out Piper. Yeah yeah, Piper is one of the best talkers ever. Sure. I don’t particularly want to hear him ramble for 10 minutes, though. He comes out with his kilt, his leather jacket open and no shirt. Plus a Cubs hat to suck up to the home town crowd. Giant is also in tow. Something about eating polar bears, fighting Titanic. I don’t know. Hogan and Savage are ex lovers. I didn’t know Cena was Piper the whole time! Lol, Piper had all of of Beefcake’s old names written on his wrist tape to get them all straight. I hope no one calls him on it, lest he be shaken legitimately. Hogan vs Piper tonight! What a terrible night.
Saturn vs Fit Finlay
Saturn has actual music now. The entire Flock comes out with him. He also can’t hide his badly thinning hair anymore. Also, FINLAY! Some stiff chops and mat wrasslin. Saturn hits a series of kicks in the corner, but then gets hit with a great Western lariat. Finlay tries to rip Saturn’s eyes and nose off. Wicked Euro uppercut. Finlay is the best. Soccer kick. He’s such a dick head. T-bone. I’d pay to watch Finlay attack someone with an actual t-bone. Another lariat. Finlay roll. I’m ashamed of myself that I didn’t appreciate Finlay more as a kid. Saturn wins with a head and arm Tazplex into the Rings of Saturn.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Never mind. Just a shill for the hotline.
The nWo in full force come to the ring. “Hollywood is Cartman’s father” sign is prominently shown. Hulk rambles for a bit before finally introducing Beefcake as his Disciple and says he’s going to BURY Piper tonight. Wait a second, Nash isn’t out there. Nash has to come up with his own partner tonight. This brings him out. Nash says maybe Macho was right and there could be many looking to stab him in the back. Nash, however, will SHOOT him between the eyes. Nash has himself a partner tonight. Hogan will have to guess. “They’re all looking at each other like they’re going to get it in the back.” Made me giggle.
Chris Jericho vs Marty Jannetty WCW Cruiserweight Championship
Jericho dedicates this match to Stinko Malenko and then makes fun of him for being a cry baby. He makes an MMMBOP reference. Tony was the only one who understood it. Makes sense. Larry was an old fucking asshole who probably only listened to jazz and polka, and Tenay was a musical elitist who wouldn’t DARE listen to pop music of any kind yet knew all of the boy bands, as we’d find out when 3 Count was around. Jericho attacks at the start of the match and controls it until Marty comes back with a fist drop and power slam. Jericho reverses the rocker dropper into a suplex and locks in the Liontamer for the win. Since he finished the match so quickly, it’s time for him to read of the list of moves he knows. ARMBAR! ARMBAR! ARMBAR! After 2 commercial breaks, they finally cut his mic.
TAFKATAFKAPI vs Glacier
Jericho is still listing his moves as Prince got in the ring. Prince makes him stop because of honor or some shit. Tenay was trying to write down the moves for future matches. Glacier’s entrance is so long and it just gives Larry a chance to rant about shit the whole time. Almost a backdrop driver from Glacier. He gloats and gets caught in an electric chair. Get these cunts out of my face. Prince wins.
El Dandy vs Juventud Guerrera
I’m not doubting El Dandy, but I don’t think he’s going to win this match. Dandy has stiff kicks. A lot of sliding around. Both of these guys look so sleazy. Almost gross. Back leg front kick. That’s not a god damn thing, Tony. Juvi Driver for the win. Larry reacts in disgust to the name of the move.
Kaz Hayashi vs Chavo Guerrero Jr
No Eddie. Lots of standard lucha stuff. Chavo almost wins with a back suplex. I’m not feeling this. Great rana botch from both guys. Kaz tries to hit a missile dropkick, thinking people will forget about the botch, but we didn’t. We remember, Kaz. Tornado DDT for the win.
Raven gets in the ring and says people have been complaining because of his big words and great diction. He does have great diction. He talks about DDP picking him up out of rehab, and Raven being the one to cheer DDP up after getting fired from WCW. Barbed Wire City reference! Instead of being stuck there, DDP could have had WCW hire Raven at any time, but he was afraid Raven would be a bigger star.
Raven vs Buff Bagwell
Buff gets a MASSIVE pop. What? Like, Austin levels. What the hell. Lol. They try to out heel each other, but Buff is so far the most over guy in the world. DDP runs down from the crowd and Raven takes off with the US Championship. DDP comes to the announcer table to straighten some things out. DDP is using SHOOT names and talking about Raven’s upper class upbringing. DDP talks about his own childhood, bouncing around from family to family. “Bobbed Wire City”. Bob’s Wire City. It’s a wire store in Philly. Why isn’t Raven in DDP’s house with Hall and Jake?
Disco Inferno vs Kidman
Big flap jack and Kidman takes the Marty/Fatu bump off of a lariatttooo. Hip toss series sends Kidman to the floor. He’s had no offense. He gets back in the ring with a head scissors and then hits a spinning bulldog. He stays in control for a while. Momentum changes when Kidman misses a Superfly splash. Spinning neck breaker, but Disco couldn’t hit the second rope elbow. Kidman hits a really awkward BK Bomb. Disco wins with a pretty solid piledriver.
Curt Hennig vs Jim Neidhart
HO HO FUCK YOU. Bulldog, Rude, and Crush get involved. Are you fucking serious? Bret makes a late arrival.
Chris Benoit vs Booker T WCW TV Championship
A rematch due to a time limit draw in their last match. Lol, Tenay, the professor and wrestling historian, JUST made the connection that Benoit was trained by the Harts, and only because Benoit was wearing a HItmen jersey. They feel each other out until Benoit hits some fucking brutal chops. Book comes back with a side walk slam. Big back elbow. Everything in this match has a lot of impact. Gross German suplex. Benoit continues to control the match. Seated surfboard. Rolling Germans are stopped after 2. Double cross body collision. Book hits a big back suplex and Harlem side kick. Missile drop kick is shoved off. Crossface, but Booker is in the ropes. Fans are super into this. Time limit draw.
Ultimo Dragon vs Psychosis
Silly lucha “lets run by each other a lot before we do anything” start. Hypno breaks his neck on that bump in the corner he liked to do. Dragon goes for his super spinning rana, but gets shoved off. Hypnosis hits a big dive. The Flock attack him while he’s on the floor. This was due to Psychosis breaking Lodi’s ankle last week. Dragon helps his fellow masked dude.
Ray Traylor vs Goldberg
Goldberg has 66 wins in a row. Goldberg is over like a GOD. That awesome just non stop roar. He hits the great fake out lariat from Revenge. Great ankle pick. Boss Man Slam! No sell that shit. Spear. Jackhammer. Saturn has to be held back by the Flock from hitting the ring.
Kevin Nash/Randy Savage vs Sting/Lex Luger
Savage runs down and attacks Sting during the entrance. He was a mystery partner who came down after everyone else. Piledriver on the floor. Lol, I think Savage hit Lex with a Slim Jim. Looks like this match is going to be another where Sting lays on the floor the whole match. And so far, that’s exactly what it has been. Sting might be the worst booked champion I’ve ever seen. He’s basically booked like Rey Mysterio was during his title run. Just a fucking putz who gets his ass handed to him by everyone. This is STING. The guy who fought off the nWo single handedly for a year and a half. The guy who defeated Ric Flair more times than you can count. The guy who had WARS with Vader and Cactus Jack. But you give him a title and he’s a fucking loser. Sting finally gets back into it, and Hogan comes out, but Sting fights him off. Lex puts Nash in the Torture Rack in the Ring. Stunner from Brother Bruti. Nash’s arm is draped over Lex. Nash and Savage win. Piper comes out, so I guess that match is on now. Or maybe not, since Hogan drags Piper to the back with his weight belt around Piper’s neck and then they go to commercial.
Hollywood Hogan vs Roddy Piper
Buffer is in the ring, Hogan’s music starts, but nothing happens. A nice GINO sign in the front row. I guess he didn’t appreciate Tristar’s Godzilla, either. I always liked it. I know it isn’t really a Godzilla movie, but fuck it. Piper and Hogan brawl out. Beefcoke is out there fighting along. Piper is pretty jacked. I always thought it was weird when he was a face in late 80s/early 90s WWF, because he looked 10 years younger than he did with short hair and on the juice just a few years earlier. Piper can fight these two off, but Sting can’t fight one person off. Well, this is two old dudes slapping each other in the balls and stuff. Beefcoke causes a DQ. Nash comes out. Lol, Piper gets drilled with a drink while on the mat. Piper moves out of the way, and Hogan hits Nash. They shove each other. Giant comes out and they all bail.