WCW Monday Nitro: New Year's Evil 12/27/99
TO THE BACK. Jarret, Nash, and Bret arrive. In the very first segment, there is a production error as the director was very clearly heard.
We're shown Goldberg vs Limo. This time in color. Goldberg shredded tendons in his arm. Bill Busch sent out a letter saying that if Hall doesn't show up by 7PM, the Outsiders would be stripped of the tag titles. Hall is missing, so a Lethal Lottery tag tournament will start tonight. How the fuck can you tell the difference between Lethal Lottery and regular Russo tag booking? Also, Scott Steiner will announce his retirement tonight.
Brian Knobs vs Bam Bam Big Yellow Hardcore Match
Kanyon is out for color. This is taking place in the Astro Dome, which seats about 67K people. I'd be shocked if there were more than 10K in the building. Things head to the merch stand. Kanyon follows out with mobile commentary, telling the marks to get out of the way. Can't see any of the match since they don't have a hand held over there, so we just get to see fans standing around and heads pop up once in a while. Knobs wins I guess.
TO THE BACK. Sid arrives with Chris Benoit. A monster truck was parked. Elsewhere, the nWo talk with JoJo. JoJo told them about the Outsiders being stripped of the titles. They beat him up. Remember when Sting beat JoJo up in October and absolutely nothing came from it? After a break, the nWo check out their sweet monster truck. They recognize Sid's car, which is still running.
Sid comes to the ring. Sid takes over for Goldberg in the angle with the nWo. Chris Benoit heads out to challenge Jeff Jarrett. Triple Threat Theater. This is a 2/3 falls match: Dungeon Rules: No ropes, pin fall and submission only, if you leave the ring, you lose. Bunkhouse Brawl. And a Caged Heat match, which is a HIAC knock off.
TO THE BACK. The nWo have spray painted Sid's car. Bret clearly did the drawing of Sid on it. Sid and Benoit run out to see the car.
Buzzkill/Mike Rotundo vs Konnan/Dean Malenko
God, Lethal Lottery must have made Russo cum when he realized he could have an entire card full of fighting tag partners. Dean and IRS start out. IRS is covered in sweat in 25 seconds. Leia and Asya got into a fight. Revolution and Animals fought on the floor. Duggan came in and hit Dean with the 2x4. Buzzkill and IRS advance. You would have thought it was a lumberjack match with how many people were at ring side.
TO THE BACK. The nWo are fucking with the production truck. They pulled something that sparked and sent us to commercial. When we come back (with a fuzzy picture), a limo arrives. Rick Steiner helps Scott Steiner out of it. BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?! Elsewhere, the nWo are tearing up catering.
Shane vs Tank Abbott
Tank kills poor Virgil. Tank wins via KO in about 30 seconds. Tank leaves when security hit the ring.
TO THE BACK. The Steiners are heading into the arena.
The Steiners come to the ring. Scott breaks down crying and explains why he has to retire. The nWo music hits. They say Scott wasn't that good anyway and let him leave. Bret rambles. Jeff pretends to cry. A PA tries to wrap Nash up. Jeff hits him with a guitar and Nash throws it to break. The nWo is still in the ring when we come back. Whoever took their bats made a bad move. Kevin promises that Scott will be here tonight. Bret is 4-0 against Goldberg. Bret is going to kick Sid's ass. Fuck. Now Jeff gets to rant. The Asshole Dome. Clever. During this, Sid drove to the ring. He and Benoit have bats and run the nWo off. Curt Hennig tries to attack them. Two guys with ball bats by himself. What a fucking idiot. He's thrown over the ropes and onto the car. I'm sure it was great for a dude with a history of back injuries to take an awkward 6 foot drop on top of the hood of a car.
TO THE BACK. Hennig is placed in an ambulance.
Harlem Heat vs Lash LeRoux/Midnight
What a surprise. More man on woman stuff. Do you think that Russo's dad used to beat his mom while he was going through puberty? Stevie got pissed that Book took it easy on Midnight. Stevie hit Book and Midnight with the slapjack. Midnight fell on Booker. Lash also got hit with a slap jack and also fell on to Book. Lash/Midnight advance.
TO THE BACK. Bret walks to the ring. Chavo tries to catch up with him when the ninja attacks him.
TO THE REVOLUTION GO TO WASHINGTON. The Revolution are in DC and ask a random guy if he knows the date. The guy does, but didn't realize it was the 200th anniversary of Washington's death.
Bret Hart vs Jerry Flynn WCW Championship
Are you fucking serious? A god damn travesty that one of Bret's last matches ended up being against Jerry Flynn. Fuck. And another Bret title defense that isn't anywhere near the main event. Jerry dominates Bret. Think about that. Jeff and Nash come out. Flynn is wearing jeans and a t-shirt. I'd bet he's going to get spray painted and refused to let it be done on his skin. I bet Nash will do some on his neck or hair. Jeff waffles Flynn with a bat. Bret wins with the Sharpshooter. Title retained. Flynn got painted, but Jeff did it. None got on his hair. I'm sure Nash would have put some in his hair. Tank Abbott walks out, picks Flynn up, and punches him in the face.
TO THE REVOLUTION GO TO WASHINGTON. Shane talks about America fucking up Indians and losing wars.
TO THE BACK. Nash is on the phone with Scott.
PG-13 vs Rick Steiner/Berlyn
Wolfie D has AWFUL flow. Just terrible. Another actual tag team in the tournament. Come on, Russo. This is your chance to go all out. Berlyn leaves the match. Rick Steiner dominates PG-13 on his own. He easily wins, but the decision was reversed when Rick wouldn't stop the beat down after the match. What a way to put over new talent.
TO THE BACK. Saturn tells Duggan that they are partners against Asya and Norman. "Besides, brother, as optically challenged as we are, there's no way that jacked up hootchie or that sissy in a football uniform can blindside us if we stand side by side." Fucking lol. Wacky Saturn is pretty great.
TO THE REVOLUTION GO TO WASHINGTON. They're hanging out in front of the White House. Saturn catches a guy in a Clinton mask with a net.
NOTE: Everything from the Harlem Heat match to the last Revolution segment is missing from the Network edition due to technical issues with the master tape.
Norman Smiley/Asya vs Jim Duggan/Saturn
Duggan's wife and kids are in the crowd. Despite Saturn and Duggan bonding over their mutual lazy eyes, Duggan attacks Saturn at the start of the match. I think one of my favorite things in the last 2 months of 1999 is Norman getting attacked while dancing. Norman's catcher pads blocked a flying elbow. Saturn put Asya down from a DVD. It offended her. She hit him in the Neptunes. Superplex from Asya. She hit Norman. Duggan dropped the Old Glory knee drop on Saturn. Norman and Asya advance. Asya suplexed Norman after the match. Duggan clears the ring and celebrates with his family.
TO THE BACK. Kidman and Double J head to the ring.
Kidman vs Jeff Jarrett WCW US Championship
This is probably the only thing that has any potential to not suck. The announcers talk about how the nWo is built on anti-establishment, which is not true at all. Bischoff was the master mind and he was in charge of WCW. It was literally the opposite of anti-establishment. And now that The Powers That Be are behind them, it's still the opposite of anti-establishment. Jarret won after interference from Nash. The nWo beat up the Filthy Animals after the match.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Lex does his promo as Sting. After rambling for a bit, the lights went out and Lex was surrounded by black roses on the mat.
TO THE BACK. Nash is on the phone with Scott, giving him directions to the building.
Fit Finlay/Meng vs Harris Brothers
Harris Bros are no longer Creative Control, and they're back to looking like the neo-Nazi bikers they are. Finlay and Meng got counted out fighting each other. The ninja attacked the Harris Brothers in the dark after the match.
TO THE BACK. David and Daffney watch TV while cackling.
3 Count comes out to dance. Vampiro runs out and beats the shit out of them.
Vampiro/Evan Karagias vs David Flair/The Maestro
So, Vamp beats up his partners, then Crowbar attacks Maestro and takes his place. I'll never figure out why the guy named Crowbar carried a pipe while David Flair carried a crowbar. Crowbar does a splash off the apron. Vamp keeps fighting with 3 Count. Crowbar wacks him with the pipe and puts David on top of him for the win. This match had ZERO heat. Post match, 3 Count danced to no music, then 2 songs at once before David and Crowbar attacked them. THEN Standards and Practices, the newly rebranded Lenny and Lodi (and Stacy) come out. Of course, they're attacked by David and Crowbar.
TO THE BACK. Jeff is throwing a fit about Scott not being at the building yet.
Disco Inferno/Big Vito vs Buff Bagwell/Kanyon
JTB is eating a cheese sandwich. Kanyon is mad that Tony and JTB are hitting on his women. He tags Buff in and leaves. I just don't like Vito. I don't even really have a reason. He's terrible in the ring, he's fairly charismatic, and is sometimes funny in his backstage stuff. I just don't like him. Maybe the taint of ECW on TNN is on him. Or his body being shaped like a slightly melted Reese's egg. Or that he looks like he dips his whole body in grease before he comes to the ring. Tony gives Disco a chain. He accidentally hits Vito. Buff wins with the Blockbuster. Buff and Kanyon advance. Disco attacks Buff after the match at the behest of Tony.
TO THE BACK. Nash heads to the arena.
Kevin Nash vs The Wall/Sid
Nash asked for a little more time for Scott to arrive. He didn't get it. No way Russo is booking this on his own. Every match has been NOT random and played into existing storylines. Russo wouldn't do that on his own. Nash is claiming he needs to wait due to a gas bubble. Wall is wrestling without a shirt, which he never did before or after until TNA. Jeff and Bret are at ringside, so this is actually a 2 on 3 handicap match. Nash hit Wall with a bat and won. Sid never even got tagged in. Benoit runs in. Scott Steiner hobbles down. He hits Sid with a bat. SWERVE! He takes his back brace and shirt off to reveal an nWo shirt. OH MY GOD IT'S THE BIGGEST SWERVE OF ALL TIME! SCOTT IS HERE!!!!!!!
The last Nitro of the year and of the century ends with an nWo beat down, nWo music, and pamphlets falling from the ceiling. Sid's car is back. Sid is placed in it. They drive it out back. Bret runs over it with a monster truck. The first and last Nitros of the year end with the nWo. I would say it was poetic, but it was more of a tragedy than anything.
DQ Count: Go fuck yourself.
This show sucked, but was still miles ahead of last week's show. But it fucking sucked. The last 3-4 shows really broke me. The first few shows of 2000 were significantly better, which is not really much of a surprise since Russo wasn't in charge on his own. Terrible, terrible programming.