WCW Monday Nitro 5/17/99

TO THE BACK.  A white limo arrives.  It's Flair, Arn, Charles Robinson, Aysa, and DDP!  BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?

Nitro is back after a week off due to basketball I think.

TO THE BACK.  Charles Robinson replaces Roddy Piper's name plate with Ric Flair's on the door to the Oval Office.

TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE.  Before Flair gets started, Arn as some words for Saturn and Raven.  The Horsemen are bringing back the tag titles.  Flair screams that he's still the president and Bischoff had no business being in his building and making decisions.  He's right.  If Ted Turner doesn't get rid of Bischoff, Flair is going to go fuck Jane Fonda.  Flair/Robinson vs Savage/George tonight!  Listen, Charles Robinson had a better Ric Flair match against a non-wrestling female than Ric Flair had against Roddy Piper.  He also books DDP vs Nash for the title.  DDP comes out and says he was screwed last night.  Since Nash had Bischoff, DDP has Bam Bam on his side. 

TO THE ERIC BISCHOFF.  Bischoff talks about mistakes he's made.  He says after dominating the industry, things are more competitive than he likes and it is because he got cocky and complacent.  He's going to do everything in his power to get WCW back to number one.

Hype video of Bret Hart and then Nash challenging him to match on the Tonight Show.  And by that, I mean Nash wants a match against Bret ON The Tonight Show.

TO THE ERIC BISCHOFF.  More talking head bullshit.  He was just doing what was right at Slamboree.  Was he operating in an official capacity?  He didn't really think that far ahead.  Then they throw back to the announcers, just to literally go right back to Bischoff talking. He talks about his love of WCW and the big break he got in 1993.  He owes a lot to the company and its employees.

TO THE BACK.  A limo arrives.  It's President Piper and Eric Bischoff.  BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?

Tenay has an update on Bret Hart: Bret heard the challenge, thinks Leno and NBC aren't promoters, and will appear on The Tonight Show tomorrow night to directly respond to Kevin Nash.

Evan Karagias vs Rey Mysterio Jr. WCW Cruiserweight Championship

The ring looks bigger tonight.  The first match of the night has the first botch of the night as Evan tried a Flair Flip and didn't get over, he he just  jumped over the ropes.  Dude is so green.  Too green to be on Nitro.  He can barely run the ropes.  Rey wins with a super rana in a very short match.

TO THE OVAL OFFICE.  The Horsemen and Robinson bring Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker to Flair.  Flair is going to give him an office and a secretary.  Flair says that all great promoters pushed their kid, and he's going to push David down everyone's throats until they learn to love him.  He's making a deal with Parker to take the fall to get David over.  Ric then tells David about the match and hits on Torrie. 

TO THE MEAN GENE.  Booker T. is the guest.  He ain't axing for a rematch, he's calling that punk ass sucka to a fight.  As it turns out, he is asking for a rematch and will no doubt, no diggity diggity doubt, leave tonight as a 7 time TV Champion.

David Flair vs Buddy Lee Parker

Lol, Robinson is reffing in his wrestling gear.  The first referee without pants.  He was trying to show up HBK.  It doesn't seem like Sarge is going with the plan.  He realizes his mistake and misses a top rope knee drop.  He then allows David to lock on the figure four and immediately gives up.

Ric Flair/Charles Robinson vs Randy Savage/Madusa

This was billed as the first ever mixed tag match on Nitro.  George was on crutches, so Madusa took her place.  Madusa and Charles start out.  She gets the best of him.  Savage is going to wrestle in his glasses I guess.  Robinson does some lucha shit to get out of an arm bar only to get CLOBBERED with a Madusa lariatooo.  Fans went nuts for it, because she fucking nailed him with it. And then did a Flair Flop.  Savage and Flair come in.  Macho is just too damn big.  Flair low blows Savage and tags out.  Macho throws Robinson around and tags to Madusa.  Inverted tombstone.  Charles Robinson is the most over dude in wrestling on this night.  It's hilarious.  Madusa rides Flair around the ring.  Gross.  She couldn't back drop him, though.  Flair drops her with a back suplex as a receipt for nearly breaking his neck.  Low blow from Madusa.  Savage gets the tag.  He takes out both Flairs.  Ric is slammed from the top.  So is Robinson.  Both do the Flair Flip.  Robinson did it better than Flair and Evan Karagias.  Macho Elbow on Charles Robinson for the win.  The elbow drop cracked multiple vertebrae and collapsed a lung.  Savage was too big and most of his torso landed on Charles Robinson.

DJ Ran throws to Mean Gene.

TO THE MEAN GENE.  President Piper is the guest.  He is the president.  He gives a few reasons why Flair shouldn't be president.

1.  Flair is broke because he can't run his own finances.
2. 15 years ago at a bar, Flair came in and danced in drag.
3. Something about Charles Robinson being like Ru Paul.
4. When asked about the Y2K problem, Flair responded that Robinson had 2 jars of KY in his bag. 
5. When asked about the Phantom Menace, he thought they were talking about Hilary Clinton.
6. Flair was chasing himself around his desk while naked. 
7. He's Dennis Rodman's best friend, marriage adviser, and sports adviser. 
8. He made Dr. Kevorkian want to commit suicide.
9. He thinks Viagra is the biggest water fall in the world. 
10. The Nitro Girls say he's gone from the 60 minute man to the 60 second scab.

This was stupid.  Piper was reading them off a paper like he was David Letterman.  He then brings Eric Bischoff out.  Piper says that Bischoff has been a giant pain in his ass for 3 years and he doesn't buy Bischoff's apology tour.  Team Madness come back out.  He wants a title shot by the end of the night.  Piper gets mad, George hits him with a crush, and Savage gives him a piledriver.  He then attempts to give Bischoff the big elbow, but Nash prevents it.  Savage thinks Nash should hand the belt over like he did to Hogan.  Nash implies Savage's women are hookers. 

Hak vsFit Finlay

YO!  Chastity is back.  Sandman looks like shit.  YES, he says Bam Bam BAGAlow again.  He runs down his list of accomplishments in WCW until Finlay pops up on the screen to say he's going to show Hak what hardcore is all about.  Sandman hands Finlay the mic.  Finlay immediately hits him in the face with it.  Sandman chokes Finlay with the cane.  Brain accuses Tony of blowing kisses to Chastity.  We've got a ladder in the ring.  Sandman is in control as we head to break.  When we come back, there are two tables in the ring and Finlay eats a bulldog on one.  Tables are now in opposite corners.  Finlay jabs the cane into Sandman's throat.  Chair shot to the head.  Sandman takes a flip bump into a ladder.  Finlay was about to smash Sandman's nuts, but Nick Patrick wouldn't allow it.  Lariatooo from Sandman.  Cane shots.  Low blow and another throat jab from Fit.  Knobs comes out and throws both men through tables.  I think Finlay got some splinters in his eye.  Once they all go to the floor, the match is thrown out.  This is the second hardcore match to end in a double DQ.

Rick Steiner vs Booker T. WCW TV Championship

See, you can tell Rick is a heel now because he has a blond patch in his beard and wears a bandana.  Booker's music hits, but we go to the back to see Booker down on the floor.  Steiner calls anyone out.  “Rick Steiner is my name, dog style is my game.”  Rick walked to the back.  However, STING met him on the ramp.

Sting vs Rick Steiner WCW TV Championship

Sting tries to exact some revenge from Slamboree.  He beats on Rick all the way to the announce table and throws him in the ring.  He misses a Stinger splash.  Rick goes into full Steiner dickhead mode.  Rick attempts a suplex on the floor.  Sting reversed it.  Back to the announce table.  Back in the ring, Sting hits a series of lariatoos and then a flying one that sends Steiner to the floor.  Scott Steiner then comes out for support.  Lex Luger runs in and the match is thrown out.  Luger and Sting stand back to back as we go to break.  A rematch from Superbrawl 1 in the works?

Konnan vs Curt Hennig

Nope.  Shouldn't Curt get another shot at the TV belt since he beat the champ two times in a row via DQ?  This went on forever.  There was a ref bump.  Savage came out and shit talked Konnan and Nash.  Perfect Plex for the win. 

Chris Benoit/Dean Malenko vs Raven/Saturn WCW Tag Team Championships

Dean and Saturn start out.  I find it strange that Saturn's heavily taped shoulder from Thunder played no part in the title match or this match.  Raven and Benoit get tagged in.  Doomsday crossbody.  T-bone to Dean.  The champs stay in control for a while.  Three Amigos to Benoit.  The Horsemen get back in control.  Raven makes a hot tag to Saturn.  T-bone.  Drop toe hold/dropkick combo from the Horsemen.  Time to start working over the knee.  Raven gets a hot tag and brings in the chair.  Drop toe hold to Dean.  Gourdbuster/frog splash combo.  Whole bunch of lariatoos.  Benoit misses the diving headbutt.  Tiger bomb to Saturn.  Dean looks like he hurt his back doing it.  Arn knocks Raven (and Benoit) out of the ring.  Kanyon shoves Dean off the top and into a DVD.  Champs retain.  For some reason, we get to see the champs walk all the way to the back, where Bam Bam was just hanging out.

Kevin Nash vs DDP WCW Championship

Nash throws DDP into the corner right away and does all of his moves.  DDP bails.  Bam Bam comes out.  DDP has a busted nose and black eye from dropping the chair on his face at Slamboree.  Not the rebound spot, but when he bumped, the chair fell flat on his face.  A week later, he's still got a mouse and cut on his nose.  Bam Bam distracts Nash, which sets him up for a lariatoo.  DDP chokes with his wrist tape.  DDP hits a flying lariatoo and goes back to a chin lock.  Spinning neck breaker.  Nash makes his come back.  Bam Bam comes in, but gets put down.  Savage then hits the ring and the match is thrown out.  They triple team Nash. Savage puts lipstick all over his face until a fan jumps in the ring.  Security and Savage get rid of him.  Big elbow to Nash.  WE'RE OUTTA TIME.

DQ Count: 3 out of 8 matches.

Fuck, this Savage/Nash thing is already death.  It's the first night of the feud.  Savage is too fucking big, can't move around, and Nash is not someone who is going to have a good match with him at this stage in his career.  Another hardcore match ending in DQ.  Why did Bischoff's reversal of Piper/Flair not stand, but his decision to make Nash/DDP continue was fine?