WCW Spring Stampede 2000

God help me that I'm really rewatching this piece of shit and doing it without the benefit of alcohol. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

This is, of course, the first PPV after the reboot and the first of the Bischoff/Russo era.

TO THE BACK. Bischoff freaks out that Hogan has checked himself out of the hospital. Kidman and Russo are not worried.

The Mamalukes vs Team Package

Gene got some words with Team Package during the Mamalukes entrance. Lots of whooos and Russos. Flair is in street clothes because he's fighting tonight. Russo comes out to add the Harris Brothers to the match to make up for the experience differences. Predictably bad. Disco was taken away by gangsters. Lex made JTB give up to the torture rack.

TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene talks with Mike Awesome, who is in the tournament for the US Championship. Bam Bam interrupts the promo and is attacked for it.

Mancow vs Jimmy Hart

Fuck this. Not only did WCW think it was a good idea to waste PPV time with a 54 year old Jimmy Hart and a bootleg Howard Stern, but they deemed it so good that it needed a rematch later in the year. Mancow would win after a chair shot. Kidman comes out after the match to beat up Jimmy Hart.

TO THE BACK. Russo gives The Harris Brothers and The Mamalukes for not being able to defeat Team Package.

The Wall vs Scott Steiner

Some highlights of this: Wall not being able to tell the difference between 270 pound Scott Steiner and 190 pound Slick Johnson, Scott Steiner breaking a guard rail, and a DQ after it was pointed out that the rules were extremely lax for the night so guys could fight it out. Scott won via DQ and advances in the US Championship tournament.

TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene talks with The Cat. Bam Bam attacks him, I guess so he could take Cat's spot against Mike Awesome.

Mike Awesome vs Bam Bam Big Yellow

You know how Mike Awesome's whole thing was that he was this huge guy who could move around like a small guy? Does it make any sense to debut him against Nash, a guy 5 inches taller than him, and then have his debut match be against Bam Bam, a guy about the same size who is also prone to coming off the top rope? Early dive from Awesome and another one over the guard rail. Diving lariato. Bammer comes back with a diving headbutt and calls for Greetings. Cat runs out and attacks Bam Bam, then dances. Awesome mows him down and pins him with a Superfly Splash. Even though Bam Bam was the opponent.

TO THE BACK. Eric is stressing Russo out. Kidman still doesn't give a fuck because he's got Torrie to give a fuck. Elsewhere, Gene talks with Shane Douglas and Buff.

Harlem Heat 2K INC LTD vs Shane Douglas/Buff Bagwell

It's really sad how badly Shane degraded in such a short time. He was pretty rad during his second WCW run and his first ECW run. Then he went on a steady decline and ended up looking and moving like a guy 10 years older than he was by the time he got back to WCW. At this point, Dick Flair moved better at 51 than Shane did at 36. Shane kicked Ahmed in the balls and pinned Stevie with the Pittsburgh Plunge that looked an awful lot like a normal suplex. Harlem Heat got hot after the match.

TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene speaks with Booker about his upcoming tournament match with Sting.

Booker T. vs Sting

Things quickly head to the floor, where Booker is thrown into a camera man. Book comes back with a stun gun on the announce table. Back in the ring, Booker is in control. Book turned heel with the rest of the New Blood, but then kind of sort of turned back on Thunder, so he's kind of the only faceish young guy. Book hot dogs and gets hit with a DDT. Stinger Splash. A second one is countered with a Harlem side kick. A series of suplex reversals ends in a Scorpion death drop. Sting advances. This 6:30 match is the only kind of maybe decent thing on the show so far.

TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene speaks with Bischoff and Kidman. This show is every bit as shitty as it was the last time I watched it.

Vampiro vs Kidman

Vamp fucks Kidman up right away with a belly to belly, diving lariato, and a powerbomb. Vamp can powerbomb Kidman whenever he wants. Except the next time he tries because YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN. Except when you really want to. Uranage. Hulk Hogan shows up and beats the fuck out of Kidman for minutes, which isn't a DQ, but chokeslamming a ref while blinded is. Vampiro advances. Hulk's coming for Bischoff.

TO THE BACK. Bischoff wants to leave. Russo tells him to chill out. As Hogan tries to assault Bischoff, police storm the room and draw their guns. On Hulk Hogan. COPS ARE ABOUT TO SHOOT DOWN THE TERRORIST KNOWN AS HULK HOGAN. Lolwcw. Elsewhere, Terry Funk looks for Norman Smiley.


Norman Smiley v Terry Funk WCW Hardcore Championship

The match starts in the men's restroom. It heads into a kitchen. In a hallway, Terry busts a late 90s laptop on Norman's head. Norman climbs a random ladder, hangs from a pipe, and gets knocked into a table. It finally heads to the ring. The most awkward Big Wiggle is stopped by a chair shot. Dustin Rhodes showed up to botch a ladder see-saw spot. Funk tosses a ladder from the ring to the floor onto Norman and wins. New champion. Sadly, Terry's awkward dancing was not included as Tony was shilling for a WCW mouse pad was also cut from the Network release.

TO THE BACK. Russo gives Booker some shit and tries to get him back on the New Blood side.

Mike Awesome vs Scott Steiner

So, WCW steals Mike Awesome away from ECW while he's the ECW Champion. The deal is made that they must plug an upcoming ECW show, which they didn't do and got sued for it. They wanted him so badly that they debuted him against Kevin Nash, who is bigger than him. Then against Bam Bam, who is the same size as him. And then against Scott Steiner, who is smaller and made him look like a bitch on his first night in the ring with the company. Nash ran out and hit Awesome in the ass with a crutch. Steiner Recliner for the win.

TO THE BACK. Russo fires Dustin Rhodes. Russo brings up that he created Goldust and that's the only time anyone gave a shit about Dustin.

Vampiro vs Sting

Vamp over sells like he's HBK. Sting hits a Superfly Splash. He misses a Stinger Splash on the floor and Vamp responds with a legit CroCop styled ax kick. What the fuck, dude. Vamp stays on the offense for a few minutes only for Sting to swat him away and lock on the the Scorpion death lock for the win.

TO THE MEAN SCUM. DDP tells Gene that he is going to fuck Jeff Jarrett up.

Shannon Moore vs Lash LeRoux vs TAFKAPI vs Chris Candido vs Juventud Guerrera vs Crowbar WCW Cruiserweight Championship

The entire 3 Count song got played. Absolutely nothing interesting in the match. Sunny debuted and Skip is the new champion. I think the length of the match was shorter than the amount of wrestlers in it.

TO THE MEAN GENE. Jeff is going to smack liver spots and balls and slapnuts and ajf;lwkejf;lwkfoihhgjkgkeoeoepsp;m

Team Package vs Shane Douglas/Buff Bagwell WCW Tag Team Championships

Russo joins for commentary. This show is so bad. It's like WM4, but with the WCW 2000 roster. Nothing worth talking about. Buff and Shane are the new champions.

Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk this show.

Scott Steiner vs Sting WCW US Championship

Another short nothing match. Steiner had 3 matches and probably had less than 10 minutes of ring time. Vampiro popped out from under the ring and tried to kill Sting or something. Steiner wins. New champion.

Jeff Jarrett vs DDP WCW Championship

A bunch of bullshit, run ins, ref bumps, and more bullshit. Jeff is the new champion.

Fuck this show. At least the worst is over. You can't hurt me anymore, Vince Russo. This is so terrible. It reminds me of the brutal Deadly Games tournament, except this time....there are three different tournaments happening on the show.

WCW Spring Stampede 4/11/99

Blitzkrieg vs Juventud Guerrera

Fuck yeah.  I'm pretty hyped for this show.  Blitz has a new swanky mask.  The winner will get a Cruiserweight Championship match tomorrow. Juvi still looks like an ugly woman.  Juvi works over a hammer lock.  Blitz gets out and they both roll around.  They trade wacky roll ups.  Tiltawhirl back breaker from Blitz.  Head scissors from Juvi.  Handspring elbow from Blitz.  Springboard dropkick into Blitz's new mask. Headbutt suicida.  Brainbustaa.  Romero special.  Blitz wiggles out into a pin.  Spin kick from Blitz.  Tiger Mask walk up in the corner and a dropkick sends Juvi to the floor.  He tries a cross body and is flattened with a dropkick.  Juvi gets sent back to the floor.  Crazy springboard moonsault from Blitz.  Juvi gets out of a powerbomb.  Blitz gets out of a Juvi Driver.  Juvi gets out of a reverse suplex and does an inverted DDT thing.  They botch what I assume was to be a reverse superplex.  Phoenix Splash is missed.  Juvi Driver is countered with a small package.  Super victory roll thing.  SUPER JUVI DRIVER KILLS BILTZKRIEG.  Right on his head.  Juvi gets a title shot tomorrow night on Nitro. 

Hak vs Bam Bam BAGalow

YO!  Tony really wants to fuck Chastity.  Plundah everywhere!  It starts in the aisle and is already up at the stage coach area.  Bam Bam is put on a table.  Sandman flips off the stage coach and puts Bam Bam through the table!  Bam Bam is now in charge and hits Sandman with all kinds of things.  They make it into the ring.  Garbage all over the place.  A table is bridged between the railing and ring.  Bam Bam crushes a trash can on Sandman's face.  They botch a suplex hard.  I don't know what the fuck happened.  A ladder comes into play.  Sandman dropkicks it into Bam Bam.  He puts the ladder on Bammer and does a senton on it.  Well, that doesn't make a lot of sense.  Bulldog on the ladder.  A section of the guard rail is thrown in the ring.  Sandman climbs up the ladder and gets thrown off and through the bridged table.  Bam Bam is put on the guard rail that is on the ropes.  Sandman tries a leg drop and misses.  Bam Bam then throws the railing on Sandman while Chastity fumbles around with a fire extinguisher.  Bam Bam sprays her up her skirt.  Is that sexual assault?  White Russian leg sweep on the guard rail.  Bam Bam wins with what I think was supposed to be a super Greetings From Asbury Park through a table, but ended up looking more like a super Northern lights bomb through a table.  Which is kind of weird since the previous finish was a super Juvi Driver.  YO!

Scotty Riggs vs Mikey Whipwreck


What the fuck?  Riggs now comes out with a mirror and looks like mini Mason Ryan.  What a random ass PPV match.  Now Riggs thinks he's Rick Rude.  I'd feel so cheated to pay for a PPV and get Scotty Riggs.  The only thing of note was Mikey taking a rough bump back first from the apron to the guard rail.  Riggs won with a flying forearm


Konnan vs Disco Inferno

Fuck.  I like Disco getting a PPV pay day, but fuck Konnan.  The best part of the match was Disco coming out in a truly garish shirt and cowboy hat that looked to be made from discarded disco balls.  Konnan pinned Disco with the Last Dance.  Bullshit.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs Kidman WCW Cruiserweight Championship

This is unique in the sense that it is a match between tag team champions, but they aren't feuding.  Rey wins the opening exchange with a spinning head scissors.  Rey is back dropped to the floor.  Pescado.  Rey is dropped on the guard rail and Kidman does a slingshot leg drop over it.  It goes back to the floor and Rey does a standing moonsault off the apron.  Kidman catches him.  Rey reverses it and does a spinning headscissors, clipping his face on the steps during the rotation.  Springboard senton back in the ring.  A walk up rana is countered into a falling powerbomb.  BK Bomb.  Rey is sent back to the floor.  Apron SSP, which Tenay calls a running moonsault for some reason.  Rey comes back with a super bulldog, which is what he won the title with.  Kidman kicks out.  Back to the floor.  Springboard seated senton.  Kidman catches Rey coming off the top with a lariatoo.  Rey goes shoulder first into the ring post.  Pop up X-Factor.  Sit out pedigree.  Man, that move looks weak as shit.  Rey catches Kidman going up top, but Kidman turns it into a sunset bomb.  Super wheelbarrow bulldog from Kidman.  He kicked out again!  They trade some moves, including YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN, but Rey ends up winning with a super rana. 

Raven/Saturn vs Dean Malenko/Chris Benoit

A table is set up before the match.  Benoit and Saturn start out.  It quickly goes to the floor.  The Horsemen are thrown into each other.  Raven is tagged in and they do a lariatoo Total Elimination.  Gourdbuster/splash combo.  Raven is knocked to the floor where Arn and Dean put the boots to him.  Raven gets double teamed for quite a while. Saturn makes the hot tag and takes out everyone.  Doomsday crossbody device.  Saturn gets Dean up for the DVD.  Benoit breaks it up.  Dean dropkicks Saturn into a German suplex.  Raven and Benoit go to the floor.  Dean locks in the Cloverleaf.  Saturn gets to the ropes.  DVD!  Benoit breaks the pin with a diving headbutt.  Dean has Saturn in a grounded sleeper.  Raven tries to break it up.  Dean lets go and Benoit knocks Raven off the apron.  Northern lights suplex.  Hot tag to Raven. Out goes Dean.  Drop toe hold on a chair.  Saturn tried to splash Dean through the table.  Arn pulled him off.  Back in the ring, Evenflow on Dean.  Arn wouldn't allow the ref to count the pin.  He put a chair on Raven's face.  Benoit then did a diving headbutt on it.  Horsemen win.


Booker T. vs Scott Steiner WCW US Championship

Finals of the tournament that had 7 people and one guy losing twice.  I swear Steiner picked the least attractive woman to let rub all over him in front of her ugly man.  He also got right in the face of this 120 pound kid, who didn't back down at all.  He stalled for a good 4 minutes before the match, and then jumped into the crowd once it started.  They finally get started and go to the mat.  Steiner drops a series of forearms to the back of the neck.  Book shows his speed and Steiner bails to the floor.  He gets back in and stiffs the fuck out of Book, but it goes back to the floor.  Scott took a swing at a fan.  It goes back in the ring with Booker on the offense until Scott dumps him dick first on the ropes.  Back to the floor.  Scott uses a chair right in front of the ref, twice, with the ref not having a problem with it.  Spinning belly to belly.  Low blow right in front of the ref, who again doesn't seem to have a problem with it.  Bear hug.  As if Scott wasn't ripping off Billy Graham enough.  Book tries to get out and is instead dumped on his head/shoulder with a belly to belly.  Book gets out of a suplex and hits a DDT.  Kick combo.  Series of lariatoos.  Ref bump.  Ax kick.  Harlem side kick.  Booker gets the visual pin, but the ref is out.  Book picks him up, only to get sandwiched again.  Scott tries a frankensteiner, but is caught in the spinewalkslambuster.  Super Frankensteiner!  He makes the ref count, but Book kicks out anyway.  Scott has an international object.  He hit Book with it while he was on the way down from a vertical suplex.  Scott drags the ref over.  New champion! 


Goldberg vs Kevin Nash

The big rematch from Starrcade.  Too bad they basically ignored this feud for 3 months to focus on Goldberg/Hogan (which never happened) which somehow morphed into Hogan/Flair. Goldberg basically has had nothing to do for 3 months instead of feuding with the nWo or anyone really.  That was the original reason for the Finger Poke Of Doom, but instead Hogan worked himself into being the top babyface while Godlbeg did nothing.  And then this match was made on the Nitro before the show.  So was the main event, actually.  Lex and Liz were out with Nash.  Nash backs Goldberg into the corner and unloads with knees and elbows.  Liz distracts the ref so Nash can kick him in the dick.  No need.  Dick kicks are legal in WCW.  Side slam.  Goldberg has had no offense.  He comes back with a flying shoulder block.  Front chancery suplex.  Nash misses a boot and gets kicked himself.  Nash leap frogs the spear, which took the ref out.  Lex hits Goldberg with a chair.  Goldberg gets out of the jackknife by squeezing those Big Sexy balls.  Lex gets disposed of.  Spear.  Jackhammer.  Goldberg gets his revenge.


Ric Flair vs Hollywood Hogan vs Sting vs DDP WCW Championship Special Guest Referee: Randy Savage

Macho has his new look and new music.  He also has Gorgeous George, who was with him on that random Nitro he showed up at at the end of 1998 and then wasn't mentioned again for another 4 months.  They immediately pair off.  Hogan and Flair are on the floor.  Stinger splash.  Flair breaks it up.  Flair is already thrown off the top.  Sting has DDP in the Deathlock.  Hogan hits the leg drop on Flair.  Sting breaks the hold and the pin.  Flair now has the figure four on Hogan.  Hulk reverses it.  DDP with the ring post figure four on Hogan. Sting breaks it.  The match stops and a trainer comes out to check on Hogan.  He's taken to the back.  Bischoff came out as well.  I think it's really dumb they keep having him come out when Flair is the one who is supposed to be on charge.  They're trying to portray both the Flair power angle and Bischoff SHOOT power angle at the same time.  DDP watches Flair vs Sting for a bit.  He takes both guys out and Savage is the slowest counter of all time.  Kanyon Cutter is countered.  Tombstone on Sting.  Sting hits a superplex on Flair.  Double sleeper spot.  Double jaw breaker.  They try to double team Sting, who no sells both of these fools.  Deathdrop on DDP!  He couldn't make the pin.  Flair puts him in the figure four.  Sting gets to the ropes.  Savage kicks his hand away and drags Flair to the center of the ring.  Flying elbow to Flair!   SWERVE!  Kanyon Cutter on Flair.  New champion!  DDP is the champ!  Only a year and a half late, with a ref putting Flair out first, and as a heel for no reason.


DQ Count: 0 out of 9 matches.

This show was pretty awesome.  An all time great WCW PPV.  And probably the last good PPV they'd ever have.  Hogan getting taken out of the match so he wouldn't have to lose was hilarious.  Savage costing Flair the match didn't make any sense, especially since the last time we saw him it was HELPING Flair win a match.

WCW Spring Stampede 4/19/98

Big news. Savage has been cleared, the cast is off, and the main event is now no DQ. 

Saturn vs Goldberg

This one has been building slowly for a while. This is also Goldberg’s first real test. Saturn takes the fight to Bill right away. Fuck yo suplexes, Taz. Saturn and Goldberg do them better. Kidman tries to get involved and gets press slammed to the floor. Saturn gets back in and hits a leg sweep, springboard leg drop, and flying elbow. We are now watching the longest Goldberg match ever. It goes to the floor, where Goldberg’s shoulder is smashed between the post and steps. Saturn tried an Asai moonsault, but slipped and kind of hit a flying back elbow thing. Goldberg sold it anyway, and Saturn no sold it. Goldy is now working with a bad arm. They have some miscommunications, but Goldberg fixes them with a spear. Kidman distracts Goldberg, which gives Saturn time to recover. He puts Goldberg on the ropes for a Gargoyle superplex and instead gets press slammed from the second rope. Kidman gets speared. Goldberg stands up while the Rings of Saturn is locked on and does a DVD into the jackhammer. Goldberg is awesome. Anyone that says otherwise is a JERK.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs Ultimo Dragon

Chavo is fighting for his freedom here. Chavo is outmatched, which is the whole point of this story. He’s trying to prove that he can hang with top level guys like Dragon and Jericho, but Eddie keeps costing him matches because he wants to be the only successful Guerrero in WCW. Chavo finally gets in control and Eddie is screaming at him to cheat and rip the mask off. Asai moonsault. Chavo has springs in his legs, but mostly misses his dive. Back in the ring, a double clothesline. Dragon goes for a cross body, but gets caught with a dropkick to the DICK. Dragon is hurt. The ref is holding Chavo back. Eddie is LOSING HIS MIND that Chavo isn’t capitalizing on this. He’s right. He should be doing something. He could have won the match. It was an accidental low blow. He could have kept going and won his freedom. Brainbustaaaahh. Tornado DDT is reversed into the Dragon Sleeper. Chavo is fucked. Eddie is only going to double down now. 

Chris Benoit vs Booker T WCW TV Championship No Time Limit

After two time limit draws, they decided no more of that shit. Also, Benoit is racist against time limits. Brain says that Bobo Brazil told him that Booker T would be even more famous and successful than himself. I bet Benoit hated Bobo, too. Because he’s racist. I remember going to a local indie spot show that had Bobo Brazil Jr, who flipped people off and did the Stunner as his finish. There was also a guy who tried to mix surfer and Crow Sting. I took home one of the used trash cans. Benoit gets bumped to the floor very early on. He’s been kind of heelish lately. He’s always intense, but he’s been a real dick to black people as of late. Benoit gets back in the ring and tries to work over the leg. He starts taking things seriously and knocks Booker to the floor. Some hard chops and a snap suplex would follow. Benoit controls things for a while. Diving headbutt! Book reverses a snap suplex with one of his own. Another snap suplex from Benoit. Rolling Reich suplexes. Such a racist. CRUSHING back superplex. Damn. Sidewalk slam from Book. SOLID flying forearm. Pancake Norton. Benoit kind of pulls the ref into the ax kick. Booker taps to the Crossface, but the ref was out. Benoit picks up the ref, but Booker hits a Harlem side kick over him for the win. Benoit can’t handle that he lost to a darkie. That racist son of a bitch. 

British Bulldog vs Curt Hennig

Meh. A cop handcuffs Rude and Anvil together. I don’t remember this being an announced stipulation, but at least this isn’t Crush/Perfect vs Anvil/Bulldog. Curt has a big knee brace on. He didn’t have it at Thunder, so he must have hurt it in the last few days. Bulldog also walks to the name with a noticeable limp. So, imagine a Curt Hennig match where he can’t bump around because he’s hurt. A Curt Hennig who really couldn’t bump around a lot anyway. And his opponent is a bloated from drugs, barely mobile Bulldog. The police man was Virgil! SWERVE! Rude gets out of the cuffs and locks Anvil to the ring post. Perfect wins after Bulldog is bumped into the turnbuckle. With the pad on. Lol. 

Chris Jericho vs TAFKATAFKAPI WCW Cruiserweight Championship

Fucking Prince. Maybe he’ll botch stuff or Jericho will give me something funny to gif. This match was dedicated to Stinko Malenko. I imagine Dean was watering his lawn, having his wife iron his Dockers, and putting teenagers in the Texas Cloverleaf in his time off. The idea of what he was doing in suburbia is far more interesting to me than anything Prince could do. I don’t even want to watch this match. I just want someone to make a game where you are Dean Malenko: Suburban Dad and you have to stop hoodlums from lowering the property value of the neighborhood. You’d get bonus points for not getting grass stains on your slacks and putting a guy in the Cloverleaf in front of a sprinkler. Anyway, they lose their balance on the top rope and both fall to the floor. Prince tries a top rope sunset flip and gets caught in the Liontamer. Fuck you, Prince. Not the real Prince. He was awesome. The wrestler version? Fuck that guy. Jericho has now absorbed Prince’s sarong into his collection.

Buff Bagwell/Scott Steiner vs Lex Luger/Rick Steiner

Bleh. Buff has his wrist in a cast. Hopefully that means the match has to be cancelled. Buff says the match is canceled. Call it off. PLEASE CALL IT OFF. WILL SOMEBODY STOP THE DAMN MATCH?!? JJ and Gene come to the ring. JJ brings the trainer into the ring, who cuts the cast off. This makes Buff grab JJ with his bad hand and the match is on. Well fuck. TAKE A SWIG FOR THE WORKING MAN. Except I’m not a working man. SWERVE. Rick is an idiot and tries to wrestle the match on his own. Lex isn’t in for the first 7 minutes, which is actually a good thing. Rick and Scott finally have a stare down, but Scott runs away. Torture Rack to Buff for the win.

Psychosis vs La Parka

Unannounced BONUS match! Parka is in a yellow variant tonight. Here are the gifs. Hypno wins with the guillotine leg drop in the ropes.

Kevin Nash/Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant/Roddy Piper Bat Match

This should be awful. Nash and Hogan enter separately. These are probably the last four guys you’d expect to be in a X on a pole match. Two guys in their mid 40s who are very averse to any kind of bumping or athleticism, one guy in his late 30s who is also really averse to any kind of bumping or athleticism, and a guy as big as Andre. I’m positive that Show will take the biggest bump in this match. Piper goes for the bat right away. Hogan follows him up and they’re fighting each other on a pole. Fuck this match. I don’t care to see Giant literally spanking Hogan. Giant and Nash have a show down. I don’t care about that either. Why are these four mostly immobile dudes in a match where you have to climb up a pole? Russo isn’t even in WCW yet. Giant hits a dropkick on Nash. Piper gets the bat. Hogan gets it and throws it out of the ring. I guess the rule were if you get the bat you can use it, not you win if you get the bat. Beefcake brings his own bat. Giant gets hit. Hogan accidentally hits Nash. Hogan ends up winning after hitting Piper with the other bat or something. Idk. Hogan convinces Nash to powerbomb Giant and then hits him with the bat. I don’t even know if that counts as a SWERVE, since Hogan and Nash have been fighting for what feels like years now.

Raven vs DDP WCW US Championship

Whatever happened to Dusty Rhodes? Just because Hall was taken off TV doesn’t mean Dusty should have been, too. I’d MUCH rather him being giving the 10 minute nWo rants over Hogan, Bischoff, or Nash. Whoever wins this is getting fed to Goldberg tomorrow. It was even announced as DDP came to the ring. Raven still has the belt since he stole it in front of Carson Daly and Dave Grohl. DDP fucks Raven and Sick Boy up in the opening minutes. He even hits a plancha. Oh shit, they’re fighting on the stage coach! A dive into a bunch of hay is apparently BRUTAL. DDP hits a suplex into the WCW.com table. FUCK YOU LEE MARSHAL. That’s what Tony meant to say, not me. I don’t even know where they’re fighting at, but a Japanese table doesn’t break while Raven tries to put DDP through it. Cow bell! Trash can to the permanently injured DDP ribs. Sick Boy gives Raven a kitchen sink. Lol. DDP hits a drop toe hold on the kitchen sink. WCW was great at metaphors. Kidman tries to get involved and ends up hitting Raven. Sick Boy accidentally hits Raven with a crutch. Evenflow is countered into a small package for a 2 count. Hammer dives off the top and accidentally hits Raven as well. Fucking Flock. I hope Raven gives them all a stern talking to. Reese comes in and hits an Albert Bomb for a 2 count. A stop sign is now in play. Didn’t really work out for the Flock. Diamond cutter to Kidman. Some random guy (Horace Hogan) hits DDP with a stop sign and Raven hits an Evenflow on the kitchen sink for the win. New champion! Raven vs Goldberg tomorrow on Nitro.

Sting vs Randy Savage WCW Championship No Disqualification

Savage attacks before the bell even rings. Not a lot of time in this show. Probably for the better since WCW botched all of their main events after 1994. They’re brawling near the entrance. HAY TO THE FACE! Lol, Tony tries to sell how painful that is. Stinger splash on the railing is missed. Has Sting ever hit it while someone was on the railing? Savage goes for a piledriver, but it is reversed. It goes back to the floor. Sting hits a suplex on that same floor. Ref gets bumped. Piledriver. Sting no sells that shit like he’s a Road Warrior. Liz hits him with a chair. Randy pulls her in the way of a Stinger splash and uses the same chair. Oh my. He goes for the elbow, but Hogan shoves him off the ropes. Deathdrop from Sting. There was a ref bump that I missed. Nash comes out and powerbombs Sting. New champion! Randy Savage is the new WCW Champion!

All that build up for Sting to beat Hogan, only to have a controversial finish, the title vacant for 2 months, then Sting to lose it a month later as part of the NWO split that had nothing to do with him.

WCW Spring Stampede 1997

A big announcement: Kevin Nash will not be allowed a replacement partner if Scott Hall doesn't show up. However, Nash has some demands...that he won't tell to anyone.

Ultimo Dragon vs Rey Mysterio Jr. 

No Sonny Bono tonight. This is the rubber match, if you only count PPVs. Which is all they're counting. This is far more grounded compared to the other matches, which had Liger running through AKI movesets on Rey. The main difference is that now, Ultimo is no longer being booked as as an unknown threat and has become just another guy in the cruiser division. In a lot of ways, WCW has gutted the cruisers this year by moving Eddie/Benoit/Dean/Rey/Ultimo out of that group and not replacing them with similar talents. You can push Psychosis and Juvi all you want. They aren't Rey and Eddie. Ultimo hits a ridiculous corner to corner Ligerbomb and a jumping tombstone. It appears Ultimo wants to win via submission. Now this is becoming more like their previous matches, with Dragon just smashing Rey with all the power moves. A whole lot of Ultimo working sleepers, though. Which, in theory is not a bad idea, but I'm not sure the Dragon Sleeper has been established in WCW, yet. 

TO THE BACK. Lee Marshall got to speak with Kevin Nash. SWERVE, no he doesn't.

TO THE BACKING on a PPV. The match devolves into lucha fuckery for a while. My WCW rewatches have convinced me that Ultimo was not as good as I thought he was as a kid. He's a lot of fun in short matches where he smashes dudes with a ton of movez, but whenever he is in a match that has to go 10 or more minutes, it always falls apart. I don't think he had a good grasp on psychology or pacing. I've seen times in Japan where he looked like Sin Cara. Rey wins with a springboard rana OUTTA NOWHERE.

TO THE BACK. Tony The Tiger tries again to talk with Nash. The Steiners show up and are held back by security. Nash's only demand is that Nick Patrick is the ref. And then he spits in Scott's face. Scott flips his shit and gets pepper sprayed because he hit an official.

Madusa vs Akira Hokuto WCW Women's Championship

If you were expecting a great women's match...well, it starts with hair pulling and slaps. And despite Akira being the smaller woman, the match is built with her as the power wrestler, with Madusa having to rely on her speed. In a match with no real story, it ends with TWO botched finishes. First, Sonny misses his cue to break a pin, meaning Akira had to awkwardly kick out of the German suplex to the confusion of everyone. Then, Luna Vachon was way late on her run-in, meaning that Akira got powerbombed anyway, yet got the win. It was a mess. Title retained.

Steven Regal vs TAFKATAFKAPI WCW TV Championship

Fuck Prince. It's been a garbage title reign. Regal should have immediately come out and smashed him like he did all of the jobbers on Nitro. Even the good Lord himself can not make me want to sit through a Prince match. Prince wins with a counter to a counter roll up. Title retained. Regal beats the shit out of him after the match.

TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE. Ric Flair is the guest. He says that he's going to be cleared for action on May 1st, claims the Horsemen are united, and then talks about Piper. He then invites Kevin Greene to come wrestle with the Horsemen...wait...wasn't it just about a year ago when the Horsemen paid his friend Mongo to turn on him? He also makes reference to fighting Bischoff, "no pencil", and that's a SHOOT, brother.

Public Enemy vs Jeff Jarret/Steve McMichael

Mongo and Jeff appear to be on the same page, with Mongo even joining in on the strut. However, I've seen this shit for months and am definitely expecting Jeff to turn on Mongo. PE suck when not in ECW nonsense brawls, Mongo is Mongo, and Jeff is working as a tweener. It's just all weird. Mongo and Rock head up to the stage, but we can't see most of it because they don't even have the double screen up. Once they do, that fight is over, and Grunge is going through a table on a tiny screen. PE get the win after using the briefcase. While Jeff had the figure four locked in. 

TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene hypes up the new KLIQ in WCW. Lol. His guests are Harlem Heat. This is the famous, "Hulk Hogan, we comin' for you, nigga!", promo. It's hilarious. Booker looks like he knows he's about to get fired. Sherri is trying to calm him down. Stevie and Gene don't even flinch and just keep going with the promo. 


Chris Benoit vs Dean Malenko WCW US Championship

Let's hope that there is no Kevin Sullivan involvement in this. This starts how you'd expect...mean ass wrasslin. Benoit somehow gets a giant cut I think in-between his index and middle finger. This is, obviously, very technically proficient, but there is no story around it. There was no reason Benoit was the number one contender. One week, Dean said he was looking forward to their title match and that was that. They had no interaction before that. It's just...they're wrestling. Which is fine on TV in short bursts. You can't put guys on PPV in long matches and expect people to care just because they're good. There needs to be a REASON for the match. There isn't even the most basic of reasons, that being Benoit winning matches to become the number one contender. He's spent all month still feuding with Kevin Sullivan. Dean went from a feud with Syxx/Eddie to nothing. Eddie vanished, Syxx is hurt. People get tired of the 6th meaningless action scene in a big summer action movie, no matter how technically great the CGI looks. If it has no story, there is no reason to care. And here, I find myself having a lot of difficulty to care about this match, despite the guys knocking the shit out of each other. Dean isn't getting matches with the main event guys despite being the number one contender. Of course, Jackie shows up to fight with Woman. Jimmy Hart is out there. Eddie comes out with his arm in a sling. Then Arn comes out. Then Sullivan comes out. Arn lets Sullivan hit Benoit in the head with a cane. Sullivan falls off the apron onto Eddie. They drag Eddie away with the US Championship. The match is thrown out. The finish ends with about 8 different stories, none of which had anything at all to do with the story of this match. 

Kevin Nash vs Rick Steiner WCW Tag Team Championships

Hall is still MIA, Scotty is arrested, Rick has inner ear issues, and Nick Patrick is the ref. I enjoyed Nash doing Hall's toothpick spot. This is exactly what I was talking about with the last match. Despite it being a Rick Steiner solo match, and a Kevin Nash on the brink of not giving a fuck match, I'm more interested in this than 20 minutes of Benoit/Malenko for no reason. Is this a great match? Of course not. But it is a lot more interesting than 20 minutes of meaningless work.  RICK STEINER KICKED OUT OF THE JACKKNIFE. I don't believe that had ever happened. I can't believe the announcers didn't make a huge deal out of that. Low blow! Low blow! Low blow! Super bulldog! This is basically four on one, plus Rick having vertigo, and he still won't give up. Syxx takes the turnbuckle pad off. Nash hits snake eyes on the exposed bolt. And again, ear first. Nash pulls up for the jackknife. DiBiase says that's enough. Nash gets in his face and does another snake eyes. Ted gets in the ring to end this. Nash won't listen, so he walks off. Another snake eyes. Jackknife. Even Nick Patrick feels this is too much and has to be forced to make the count. While not really much of a match, it was an interesting story, which ties into the over all nWo story. Nash being positioned as a new breed who is too intense and violent for the old guard, making them question what it is they're doing in the first place. Almost as a power struggle set up, since Hogan hasn't been around and Nash is trying to fill that vacuum. It's good shit.

TO THE MEAN GENE. Lex and Giant talk about Hogan pitting brother against brother and friend against friend, but it will be all worth it when they take the title away from him.

Stevie Ray vs Booker T vs Lex Luger vs The Giant Number One Contendership

Lex and Booker begin. Sherri seems more into Stevie, Stevie and Booker seem angry at each other, and Lex/Giant are supporting each other. When Giant and Lex get in, they replay the opening Andre/Hogan spot, which Brain points out as deja vu, but Dream and Tony ignore. Harlem Heat get tagged in. It's gonna be on like neckbone. They briefly show off before tagging out. WCW is STILL making occasional references to Giant being Andre's son. This isn't very interesting. Again, this had almost no build to it. If there was a promo to announce it, it wasn't on Nitro. It was just one day "four corners at Spring Stampede!". Just the idea of why Booker and Stevie would be in a number one contender match makes no sense to me. If they've had any singles matches, it's always against other tag guys not in contention for singles titles. Suddenly, they're in a match to get a shot at the top title. Giant was about to go for the chokeslam and instead tagged Lex in. Lex wins with the torture rack and will face Hogan for the title at a later date. 

Randy Savage vs DDP No Disqualification

Macho got the full Goldberg entrance. LMAO at Macho getting in the face of two little girls at ringside. Bowed up on them and flexed. DDP has a promo with Gene after Macho's entrance, which I hate. Do the promos before hand. Kim is with DDP. Macho does a lot of stalling and baits DDP into an attack on the floor, but DDP ain't playing that shit. Diamond Cutter is countered. Things head into the crowd. There is plundah, there is violence, there is hatred. Macho uses Kim as a shield while Liz gets in a cheap shot. This is some dirty shit. Macho seems to be working to break ribs, repeatedly throwing DDP into the guard rail and steps. Then uses chairs, slapping Penzer around for fun. He should have knocked Buffer around. Holy shit Macho LARIATOOOOOO. I've never seen Macho hit one like that. Just crushed DDP. DDP hits his own, but Macho has been knocking the shit out of him. Macho tries to do the ring bell to the throat trick on DDP. Kim pulls the bell away and DDP counters the ax handle. Macho again counters the Kanyon Cutter, this time with a low blow. Piledriver to Mark Curtis. All to take his belt. He probably could have just taken that belt. I mean, Savage is wearing a weight belt. He could have just used that. Macho hits the elbow, but now there is no one to count the pin. Nick Patrick returns. Nash also comes out. KANYON CUTTER! OUTTA NOWHERE! BANG! DDP wins! Nash immediately hits the ring to get in Nick's shit. The rest of the nWo come up, led by the suspended Bischoff. Jackknife to Patrick. Macho goes after Kim, and Bischoff has to stop him from hitting her. He then pie faces and slaps the shit out of Bischoff. The group hits the ring to pull it apart before things escalate. 

Great match. Great finish to the show. It established so much shit. DDP is a star, Diamond Cutter is DEATH, Macho is insane, the nWo is eating itself and falling apart without strong leadership, and WCW finally has the momentum on their side again. Flair is coming back, Sting picked his side, Lex is coming for Hogan, DDP is a top player now, all while the nWo can't keep their house in order. It's great stuff. Nash trying to usurp the power of the nWo by showing that he's a more violent and vicious breed of wrassler, making the old guard feel uncomfortable with it all. I'm into all the nWo stuff on this show, because it has story and character work. 20 minutes of Rey/Ultimo and 20 minutes of Benoit/Malenko didn't do anything for me. Well, I guess Dean/Benoit had some story stuff, but not relating to THEIR story. It was a match designed to fill time and further other stories involving the two, making the match itself feel completely meaningless.