WWF Saturday Night's Main Event 1/2/88
TO THE BACK. Rapid fire promos from Jake Roberts, Greg Valentine, Hulk Hogan, and more.
TO THE MEAN BROTHERJACKDUDE. Hulk is warming up doing the worst Hindu squats you've ever seen, then FREAKS THE FUCK OUT when Gene wishes him a happy new year. It won't be happy until he ends Bundymania once and for all, dude.
Elsewhere, Gene also got some words with the Bolsheviks and Strike Force, who will be competing for the titles.
Strike Force vs The Bolsheviks WWF Tag Team Championships
These Soviet pieces of shit. Just absolute garbage. JCP has Nikita Koloff, and the WWF has these shit birds. Disgusting. This is as shitty as you'd expect a Bolsheviks match to be. Strike Force easily win the first fall with a Boston crab from Martel. They also win fall two when Nikolai accidentally hit Boris with Slick's cane. Titles retained.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Mr. Fuji has a giant jar of MUSTARD. Sika comes in with a giant hot dog bun. They're gonna eat Damien for dinner!
Elsewhere, he spoke with Jake Roberts. Gene has indigestion with all this snake talk.
Jake Roberts vs Sika
Jake made it clear in his promo that he wasn't going to try to fight with Sika, and indeed, he starts the match using his speed and wrestling advantages. Fuji's frequent interference does nothing, and Jake wins with a roll up OUTTA NOWHERE in very short order. Fuji got hit with the DDT after the match.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Tonight, Brain will not be in King Kong Bundy's corner, but Andre The Giant will be filling in for him.
Elsewhere, Gene caught up with Hulk again, who was utterly DRENCHED with sweat, rambling about Ronald Reagan's gigantic arms.
Hulk Hogan vs King Kong Bundy
Bundymania has been running wild since he beat Hogan by countout with help from Bobby Heenan at the last SNME. But after the match, Hulk got his revenge on Brain, and now he has to deal with Andre The Giant at ringside. Hulk absolutely dominates the opening minutes. Actually, he dominates most of the match. Bundy did some arm work that was pretty ineffective, and then there was a ref bump. The match temporarily halts so the ref can be taken out on a stretcher. Once it restarts with a Hebner in the ring, Bundy is in control with cheap shots and power. Then he got too cocky with finishers, which as we all know just energizes Hulk. Leg drop OUTTA NOWHERE. Title retained. After the match, Andre chokes Hogan to death. It took basically all of the significant faces to pull Andre off, and he really only broke it off because Duggan's board annoyed him.
TO THE BODY. Jesse talked with Jimmy Hart and Greg Valentine. They made fun of Gene.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Koko B. Ware sings about Greg and Jimmy being featherweights.
Koko B. Ware vs Greg Valentine
Hammer controls the match from the opening with a hot shot. Brutus Beefcake came out to distract Hammer, but it didn't really do much, and the match continued as normal after Brutus was sent to the back. Koko did get some offense, but it had nothing to do with the distraction. Valentine won with the figure four. Brutus came back out and chased Greg away. Koko held Jimmy until Brutus could return and cut his hair.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Brain and Andre celebrate the attack on Hogan. "You know, Gene, it felt so good when I choke him to death." This is the weirdest promo from Andre I've ever heard, because it sounds like he's completely dropped his accent. 1988 is Brain's year.
For an hour long show, this sure felt long as fuck.