WCW New Blood Rising 2000
TO THE BACK. Fans outside yell some shit.
NBR is replacing Road Wild. I imagine the decision went something like, "We're losing a ton of money this year, maybe we should have our August PPV be one fans have to pay to get into".
3 Count vs Jung Dragons Ladder Match
Tank cuts a RUG before the match. He also sings with the song. Tank being the biggest 3 Count mark in the world is such a dumb angle, but it's one of the BEST dumb angles. It's hilarious. Never stops being funny. Hanging above the ring is a gold record and a recording contract. You can tell it's legit because it has RECORDING CONTRACT in a giant red oval on the contract. Wait. Why are they starting out with one on one stuff? It doesn't take long for them to realize that's stupid. Yang is the first to bring a ladder into the ring. Shannon Moore is the first to take a bump into the ladder with a backdrop in the corner that looked like it ripped his knee apart. Lol, Shannon tries a pin. The ladder is wedged in the corner. All three Dragons are stacked on it and then Shannon is catapulted on top of them. That was dumb as shit. None of the stacking moves had any impact, nor did the catapult. Jamie does a dive from the top of the ladder to the floor. Do you think he imagined himself being in the main event angle of WWE for months in 2015? These bumps off the ladder are rough. They keep taking them near the ropes and the WCW ring had less give than the WWF ring anyway. Why would you do a leg drop on top of a ladder? Evan had a serious ankle injury, so of course he was promptly put into a ladder match. This is basically the same TLC spots, but with guys who aren't nearly as good at them. Although, how do you get good at bumping on ladders? That seems so shitty. The Dragons mistime their stereo splashes. Jamie gets the gold record, but the contract is still up there. Tank gets the record. Tank knocks the ladders of Shane and Kaz over. Why not? Evan gets the contract. Since Tank has the record, I guess that means they get to keep the record and keep singing. Tank dances away with both, not even bothering to celebrate with 3 Count.
TO THE BACK. The Filthy Animals are being filthy cunts in Cat's office. They want to ref the tag team title match tonight, AND get a shot on Nitro. They'll guarantee Cat a win tonight. Everyone gets some dap besides Disco.
Great Muta vs The Cat
Muta's music is probably my favorite ethnic stereotypical music. Cat's dubbed music is SO GOOD. By which I mean hilariously awful. They probably should have just dubbed in his WWE theme. Powerdrive Elbow! There is "legit heat" between these two. LEGIT HEAT! Do you think they're going to start shoot working their worked shoot strikes? Tygress strolls out. "Maybe this is part of the plot." "We want puppies" chants don't make sense for a woman named TYGRESS. Dumb Canadians. As a match, there is not much going on. Much like every match after 1993, it seems like a waste of Muta in WCW. Mist Mist Mist! Tygress hits a top rope chair shot on Muta. Muta kicks out. He does not kick out of the Feliner. I was hoping the chair shot would be the finish, because it would have been so exquisitely dying WCW to fly Muta over and have him job to a Nitro Girl.
TO THE BACK. Buff is walking around the back, looking for his mom.
Positively Kanyon vs Buff Bagwell Judy Bagwell On A Pole Match
Poor Judy is actually on a forklift. BRO, BRO. You see, Kanyon couldn't find a big enough pole to hold Judy. This match starts out with Buff trying to lower the forklift and then beating Kanyon into the crowd. STOP DANCING AND SAVE YOUR MAMA, MARCUS! Lol. Dude just forgot all about his mom. The story of this match appears to be that Kanyon is looking to rebreak Buff's neck. Wait. If this is a pole match, why is the ref counting pin falls? Shouldn't it be the first to get Judy down wins? This is more like the manager in the shark cage gimmick. Kanyon Cutter. BANG! Buff kicks out! My god! Kanyon's music plays. It's...FORMER WCW CHAMPION DAVID ARQUETTE! A LEGEND IN THE GRAPPLING CIRCLES! Double Blockbuster! Buff wins! The honor of his mama is safe! After the match, Kanyon gets the biggest pop of the night so far by hitting a Kanyon Cutter on David. BANG!
TO THE BACK. Police lead in a blue and purple limo. Inside is Lance Storm, wearing jeans, t-shirt, and fanny pack. BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?!?!
The announcers talk about how Goldberg was in a motorcycle accident last night and has not arrived, and it is not known if he will show up at all.
MIA vs Jindrak/O'Haire vs Perfect Event vs Kronik WCW Tag Team Championships Special Guest Referees: Filthy Animals
4 special refs and Konnan on color. FUCK. Konnan berries everyone for not being Mexican. Carlos, you're Cuban, mother fucker. Konnan makes South Park references and will NOT stop with the "got it like that" shit. "Come on, count, you asshole!" Lol. Wrath. What exactly is, "Mexican strategy", Cubano Konnan? "Wait, I'm being fed good lines..." A lot of ball based offense in this. Konnan literally makes me want to put my head through glass door. Disco slow counts everything. The rest of the Animals interfere constantly. Fans briefly chant BULLSHIT. Not at anything in particular. Just the match in general. Canada only got a handful of WCW shows. You'd think they'd try to force themselves to be exited, but this is the most dead WCW PPV crowd so far in 2000. Konnan really tries to put over the current WCW roster, saying it is the most talented roster they've had in his time there. He tried, but even he couldn't go through with it all the way. This is dumb as shit. 12 people involved. And now Vampiro and Muta run in. They casually walk to the back. COMPLETELY useless. Disco refuses to count for Kronik. Chavo arrives and counts the pin. Kronik wins. New champions. 8 men, 4 cheating refs, 3 run ins, Konnan talking the entire time. GARBAGE.
TO THE PAM. Jeff has his rematch with Booker. Jeff implies Pam was banging Gene all night.
The Franchise vs Billy Kidman Strap Match
This isn't the traditional touch all corners type of strap match. It's a normal match, but they're attached with straps. Shane came dressed in a shirt and pants. Makes sense. Kidman comes to the ring without a shirt. Dipshit. I forget how he turned face after the Hogan thing, but I believe it was by releasing a sex tape against Torrie's will. More ball based offense in this. 2000 was the year of low blows in every company. Remember Royal Rumble 2000? EVERY fucking dude who came in immediately hit a low blow, face and heel. Boss Man in particular did about 30 in the match just by himself. Balls and shoulders in this. This is terrible. Kidman kicks out of the Plunge. Torrie gets bumped. Unprettier gets Kidman the win. Trash. After the match, Kidman ties the strap to Torrie and starts whipping her, to the delight of the crowd. That's kind of fucked. Shane then literally tries to kill him via hanging. You know...Kidman deserves what he gets. He released a sex tape without Shane/Torrie's permission, then spent time making fun of Shane's ED, and then literally beat Torrie with a leather strap. Fuck him. Vito makes the save. Reno then ran out and they fought for a bit.
TO THE BACK. Booker T arrives. Not even in a limo. Double J attacks him and slams the car door on Book's already injured leg. While calling him, "Boy".
Miss Hancock vs Major Gunns ROTC Match
This is basically a bra and panties match with a mud pit involved as well. My, how women's wrestling in the US has changed in the past 15 years. You'd think that Mark Madden had never seen semi-nude women in his life. Tony also gets pretty excited at times. He has like 15 kids. Surely he has seen lady parts. They kind of have a wrestling match. Neither knows how to wrestle, but they're trying at least. Wait. Now pin falls count? Stacy misses a crossbody and starts holding her stomach. Then she's fine and they start stripping clothes as they head to the mud pit. "Ah yeah, oh yeah. Now girls, kiss and makeup. Do it for daddy." Wow. Madden managed to out creepy Jerry Lawler's entire career in 7 seconds. Stacy starts dancing, then stops and doubles over in pain. She cries after the match, with Gunns also now crying, David Flair jumps into the mud, EMTs come to help. "Now, there were a couple of times out here near the ring where was doubled over, but I thought that it was part of the match."
TO THE PAM. Pam is with Muta, Vampiro, and THE DEMON KANE. Vamp is going to make sure Demon has a heart black enough to be in the Dark Carnival tonight.
Tony gives us an update on Stacy: Severe abdominal pains. "It was not a part of the match." Amazing. They're doing a worked shoot miscarriage angle on a show after a PPV with a worked shoot that got worked into a shoot, and another shoot worked worked into a worked shoot later to come.
TO THE BACK. Stacy is loaded into an ambulance.
We're told David jumping into the mud was not part of the show.
THE DEMON KANE vs Sting
Sting repels from the rafters. Complete and very quick squash for Sting. Vamp and Muta attack Sting after the bell. They try to hang him. Kronik makes the save and challenges them to a match. Under a minute. Both entrances individually were longer than the match. I'm sure fans were super jacked to see Sting for 3 minutes total.
TO THE BACK. Booker is being tended to by the trainer.
Mike Awesome vs Lance Storm WCW Canadian Championship Canadian Rules Special Guest Referee: Jacques Rougeau
Lance gets the full Goldberg entrance. Huge ovation for this boring dude. Great sign: "Lance Storm is Canadian". A loud US SUCKS chant starts up. That actually happened during Kanyon's promo as well. Lance is worried about a terrorist attack in the back. Fans were super disappointed in the Mountie being the ref instead of Bret. Oh, I guess Mountie is just an enforcer. After dominating for a few minutes, Awesome slips off the top rope. Crowd lets him have it. Awesome shows how a real Papa Powerbomb works. Lance kicked out, but the bell rang anyway. New champion! Mountie says the rules state there must be a 5 count, so the match will continue. Awesome wins moments later with a dragon sleeper. New champion! Mountie finds a new rule: Submissions don't count. 4 count almost gets the win. Awesome Frog splash. New champion! Oh wait. Mountie checks the rule book: After a wrestler is pinned for a 5 count, they get a 10 count to stand up before losing. A table and chair gets involved because ECW, you see. Ugly looking belly to belly superplex through the table. The rule book states that the first man to get to his feet after a table bump will be the winner. Awesome got up first, Mountie decked him. Storm wins! Title retained! Bret Hart comes out to celebrate with Lance and Mountie. This is amazing. Lance shows up to WCW, wins 3 titles in 3 weeks, has this big homecoming and it's essentially a comedy match where he loses 3 times less than 12 minutes and needs Mountie cheating for him 4 times. In Canada. As the hometown face. Lance now looks like a total goober and his push as a serious, dominating wrestler just died. This was 100% heel booking for a Canadian in America. Not the hometown hero treated as a giant baby face.
TO THE PAM. Pam is with Kevin Nash. Nash had an idea that Goldberg wouldn't show up for this match. "I'm going over Steiner, tonight."
Great Muta/Vampiro vs Kronik WCW Tag Team Championships
There was a wrestler named "Smiley" who was in my city for a brain cancer benefit. He's a direct clone of Vamp from this period. This is the perfect storm of dog shit: Kronik working double duty, Muta being wasted, Vampiro wrestling, Mark Madden on commentary, and the fucking HARRIS BROTHERS returning to cost Kronik the titles. The only thing that could make this worse is if Konnan came back to make weed jokes and drop, "got it like that" another 90 times. New champions.
TO THE PAM. Pam asks the hard question: Will Booker's knee hold up tonight? Booker says you'll have to kill him to get the title from him. That's not really an answer, Book.
Kevin Nash vs Scott Steiner vs Goldberg
Before the match, the announcers drop all semblance of kayfabe and start talking about who is going over, the backstage reasons why, who Vince Russo wants to go over and who he likes/doesn't like. Then they imply that Scott Steiner is going to SHOOT if he doesn't want something to happen. Goldberg's music plays. He doesn't come out. Madden speculates that it is just to show Goldberg up, because Russo hates him. Big Bill never shows, so the match starts as a singles match. "...or is it going to be a shoot fight from start to finish?" Suddenly, Goldberg arrives with taped up ribs and a chair. He goes right for Nash. Steiner gets him into the ring and they have just a straight match. "Starrcade '88 ('98): Goldberg, undefeated world champion came in, Nash, on the booking committee two weeks out and he goes over. Whadya think?" Amazing. The announcers keep floating in and out of kayfabe and SHOOTING. Nash tries to jackknife Goldberg. Goldberg shoves it off and walks away. Russo storms out and tells him to get his ass back in the ring. "FUCK YOU!" "Hey, maybe Goldberg was supposed to do something that wouldn't have made him look good, but this doesn't make him look good either, does it?" LOL, now they're talking about how Goldberg was supposed to go up for the powerbomb, but he didn't want to. Nash was a pro for not punching Goldberg out on the spot. "What are they going to do now, improvise?" Just amazing. Midajah shows up. Scott Hudson says she actually went up for her powerbomb. Midajah low blows the ref and Nash. "We've got people going into business for themselves all over the place, here!" "Oh boy, that's nothing new." Nash hits his own low blow on Steiner. Midajah gets back into the ring and does another low blow. Nash hits a DDT. "Boy, they they're they're working on the fly in there now, guys." Jackknife. Kevin Nash wins. Oh my god, now Tony is talking about the hardcore and casual fans. "What we got was Goldberg being the crybaby we always thought he was."
One of the dumbest events in wrestling history. This is literally a shoot worked into a work (Goldberg/Nash issues), with a worked injury portrayed as a shoot (Goldberg's bike injuries), with the story being Russo wanted Goldberg to job and he SHOOT left the match after agreeing to the finish (and sold the worked injury even on the way out), leaving Steiner and Nash to worked shoot an improvised finish. Goodnight, Hulkamaniacs. Vince Russo at his finest.
Booker T vs Jeff Jarrett WCW Championship
Booker has been the champ for a month and he's already put into an overcome the odds kind of situation. So, is this match a SHOOT or just a normally worked match? Was Jeff attacking Booker's wife for real or not? Was that even Booker's real wife? Fucking LOL, Jeff starts working the WRONG INJURED LEG, despite the giant knee brace on it. This is a dude who had been wrestling for around 12 years at this point, with a figure four being his finisher for the majority of his career. And here he is working the wrong leg. Now, is that a shoot? And then he does a Boston crab instead of a figure four. Jeff. What in the fuck are you doing, son? Booker HEATS UP. OR DOES HE?!? He does. Crowd doesn't give a shit. Probably still thinking about WTF happened in the last match and how none of the top guys they thought they'd see when tickets were announced showed up. Of course there is a ref bump. Booker tries a Harlem Sidekick, despite the bad knee. Jeff counters it by smashing a guitar on that knee. Wait, there is a dude with a Reggie Miller jersey on in Canada? It's in Vancouver, so I guess it isn't as weird as I initially thought since they had an NBA team there. Figure four. The ref literally just scoots broken guitar pieces out of his way. Jeff won't let go even after the rope break. Ref bump number two. A table is conveniently sitting by Michael Buffer. It hasn't been there for the whole show. Book does a Book End off the apron through it. Ginger Ref returns, seems confused because apparently the refs don't watch the matches they aren't involved with, and starts counting. I believe a brief BULLSHIT chant breaks out. Jeff "accidentally" hits the new ref with a chair. Stroke on an open chair. Charles Robinson comes in with his patented 40 yard dash. Booker kicks out. Booker hits a...Kanyon Cutter?!?! BANG! Book End OUTTA NOWHERE. Booker wins! Title retained. What a mess. The Canadian fans throw shit at Booker. Now, I don't want to make this a race thing, but Booker is the only person people threw stuff at the whole show.
I had some real problems with this match. First off, Book comes in with a bad leg for real. They do an angle on the show. Yet he still is doing all of his kicks and jumping around with no issue. Then the typical multiple ref bumps, ref doesn't seem to be curious about the busted guitar all over the ring shit. And then the Canadian fans had a pretty awkward distaste for Booker.
This is QUINTESSENTIAL WCW 2000. Multiple worked shoots. The first being Stacy's yet to be revealed pregnancy. Everyone breaks character, the announcers talk about the script and use real names. The second being everything about Goldberg/Nash/Steiner. For the month prior on TV, they all (and Russo) got to do SHOOT interviews about the feud. The night of the show, Nash straight up says he's going over Steiner. The announcers completely drop kayfabe at the start of the match to talk about booking decisions and who would agree to be the one to job. They float in and out of that for the rest of the match, with the smarkiest shit this side of Matt Striker. To be clear, Goldberg is working an injury that was given as the excuse for him not to show up at the start of the match. The announcers say that is awfully convenient and imply that it is a worked injury to get him out of having to job. But he sells it the entire match and even after walking out on the match. Russo comes out and tells him to get back into the ring in front of the crowd, while the announcers tell you this wasn't supposed to be the finish. They then go on to praise Nash and Steiner for being professionals and improvising a finish. If only there was a Total Divas for WCW in 2000. I would love to see the pay off to the angle on that show where they reveal the worked shoot was a work the whole time, but ended up becoming a SHOOT over something trivial like Goldberg freezing his sperm and Scott Steiner missing a photo shoot to work on his rap album.
This doesn't even get into all the ref bumps, run ins, and multiple gimmick matches not even worked within their gimmicks. It's just such a mess.
Oh, and THE NEW BLOOD ANGLE ENDED BEFORE THE PPV. Just perfect in every way.