WCW Battlebowl 1993

 
 

It's BATTLEBOWL!  Wonder what kind of dog shit this show will produce.

Mean Gene and Fifi will be handling the drawings for tonight. That means we get to see him hitting on her before every match!



Cactus Jack/Vader vs Kane/Charlie Norris

Vader actually punched Harley Race to get to Cactus. Kane is Stevie Ray, although Booker T was actually the member of Harlem Heat that was drawn. Harley convinces Vader to stay so he can make it to Battlebowl. They keep calling Stevie as Kole, though. Charlie Norris seems like WCW being like "Well, Vince has an Indian, so we should have one, too". Once Cactus and Vader stop fighting, they actually make a pretty solid team. As you'd imagine, this is a disjointed mess. Vader falls over powerbombing Charlie Norris, and appears to have injured his own back doing it. Vader is very over in Florida.  

 
 


Johnny B. Badd/Brian Knobs vs Erik Watts/Paul Roma

Ew. This has to be legitimately random, because I refuse to believe someone would purposely book a match like this. Roma and Johnny start. At least they're in shape. This is terrible. Knobs pins Watts while pulling the tights.

 
 


Paul Orndorff/Shockmaster vs Ricky Steamboat/Steven Regal

Regal and Orndorff mixing it up sounds interesting. With my luck, they'll never even interact. It doesn't seem like they will for quite a while. The finally do, though. Steamboat gets pissed that Regal and Orndorff shook hands. Jesse keeps talking about NAFTA during this match. Wrestling fans definitely want to hear about trade agreements in the middle of a match. I'd like to see a Regal/Orndorff match that starts out as friendly heels before devolving into one of them (probably Orndorff) getting pissed and throwing fists. Regal ends up trying to use the umbrella on Typhoon, but Steamboat took it and hit his own fucking partner with it. Shockmaster pins Regal with a big splash.

 
 


The announcement for Starrcade is shown, with building managers bidding on hosting it. Vader is there in a suit...with his mask on. Ric Flair showed up to ask for a title match. Ric puts his career on the line to entice Vader to agree to the match.



Awesome Kong/Equalizer vs King Kong/Dustin Rhodes

Jesus Christ. Poor Goldy. Dustin wins with the bulldog. Horrific.  I think he pinned his partner, actually.


Ron Simmons/Keith Cole vs Sting/Jerry Sags

Maybe Faarooq will try to kill Sags or something. Sting is the only dude people care about here. This show is truly horrific. Sags pinned Keith. Ron turned on Keith after the match.

 
 

Ric Flair/Steve Austin vs Maxx Payne/2 Cold Scorpio

Scorp and Flair running spots seems like a trainwreck waiting to happen. Lots of arguing from Austin and Flair. Scorp and Austin running spots is not particularly smooth, though. RIC FLAIR won't let Steve Austin cheat. THE DIRTIEST PLAYER IN THE GAME. What the fuck? Falir makes Maxx tap to the figure four.

 
 

Shanghai Pierce/Rick Rude vs Tex Slazenger/Marcus Bagwell

Can we just cut the Godwinns out of this match completely? Rude looks incredible. Even for him. This was okay when Rude and Buff were in the ring, but still terrible. Rude hits the Rude Awakening on Phineas to win.

 
 

Hawk/Rip Rogers vs Kole/British Bulldog

Hawk beat up his partner before the match for bugging him. Booker doesn't seem to want Bulldog as his partner, either. Rip finally makes it to the ring only to be hit by Booker right away. Hawk then throws Rip on top of Booker, and Rip gets the win. Bulldog high fived Hawk, even though he just lost the match.



Battlebowl

Finally, this show is coming to an end. However, it's like a 30 minute battle royal. Horrible. Austin posts Dustin, who proceeds to bleed everywhere. Literally just pouring blood out of his head. Hawk ends up eliminating Rude in what looked like an accident. The final four are Sting, Vader, Austin, and Flair. All of them end up on the ramp. Flair is stretchered out after Vader drops an elbow on his junk. Sting ends up eliminating himself when he bounced over the ropes after missing a Stinger Splash. Vader is your Battlebowl champion.

 
 


What a terrible, terrible show. About as bad as it gets. No surprise the business in the US was dead with garbage like this being put out on PPV. The matches were all constructed in a manner that made the shitty guys look shittier, and the guys with talent be unable to showcase it. Plus every single match had an awkward segment of Gene flirting with Fifi before it. Every single one. Jesse was bored out of his mind, so he spent most of the show talking about politics, football, or just generally trying to get a rise out of Tony, who often went silent for long stretches of matches with no response. Everything about this show was awful.

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