WCW Hog Wild 1996

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Do you like wrestling?  Do you like motorcycles?  Then you'll love Hog Wild.  The announcers all look ridiculous.  

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Rey Mysterio Jr vs Ultimate Dragon WCW Cruiserweight Championship

Mother fucking Ultimo.  Dope.  A bonus match.  This starts with nothing but mat work.  USA USA USA chants.  You can hear Sonny says that's so stupid because Rey is Mexican.  INDIE RESPECK. Dragon hits his dope kick combo.  Running Liger bomb!  Ultimo locks on a figure four, which sends Dusty into a weird confusing anecdote.  Sonny is "the snake in the rice patty".  Bow and arrow back breaker.  Rey gets back into it with a missile dropkick.  Rey comes flying from the top past the mats and down to the ground.  An additional 4 feet or so.  He comes back into the ring with a diving rana.  Ultimo does a 619 feint and does his own dive.  Dragon could have had the title won multiple times, but he never goes for pins.  Big German suplex and a moonsault.  The second Liger bomb is countered with a rana.  Rey gets the win with a double jump super rana.  Title retained.  

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Gene plugs the hotline.  Then we get a little back ground on the Sturgis event.  

Scott Norton vs Ice Train

SMOOV has a heavily taped up shoulder.  Norton immediately attacks it.  A lot of chops.  Norton won with a Fujiwara arm bar.

There is a video covering the attack on Arn Anderson and Flair's response.  

Then more random shots of bikes and stuff going on at Sturgis.

Madusa vs Bull Nakano Battle of the Bikes

The winner gets to tear up the bike of the loser.  Bull attacks with nun-chucks.  "They was NUMCHUCKS!"  Bull breaks out the Scorpion Cross Lock.  Madusa is a real dick and messes Bull's hair up.  It's okay.  Bull paid her back with a walloping lariato/punch thing.  Bull thinks she wins.  Sonny goes after Madusa's bike with a sledge hammer.  He gets one hit off to the seat before Madusa starts throwing rocks at him.  She takes the hammer and busts up Bull's bike.  I don't even know what the result was.  Apparently it was Bull's shoulders that were down on the count.  

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The Steiners are at the CompuServe desk.  It appeared Scott was setting up a bang session, while Rick was playing a game and making the sound effects himself.


That Motherfucker Dean Malenko vs Chris Benoit

The action starts with an immediate double leg take down from Benoit and he starts a clubberin. Dean turns his fortunes around with a suplex and neck breaker.  A pretty extended pinning sequence includes both guys bridging up before it ends.  Backlund Lift from Benoit!  With as much as Benoit struggled to do it to someone the size of TMF, it really puts Backlund doing it to guys the size of Hogan into perspective.  Mid air collision.  They're basically having a NJPW juniors match in the middle of a biker rally.  Benoit connects hard with the Iron Eagle.  Dean responds with a tombstone.  TMF goes up top.  Benoit catches him with a superplex that looked like it broke his own neck.  Whole bunches of suplexes from both guys.  With 5 minutes left in the time limit, Benoit applies a Lion Tamer.  Time expires as Benoit was being pinned in a powerbomb.  We're going to get a 5 minute overtime.  Benoit uses the cloverleaf.  The extra 5 minutes also expire.  5 more minutes!  Benoit pins Dean with a school boy while holding the ropes after a distraction from Woman.

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Harlem Heat vs Steiner Brothers WCW Tag Team Championships

"I'll tell you what, I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous."  Sadly, and unsurprisingly, Harlem Heat are by far the biggest heels at a biker rally.  Scott and Booker begin.  Even though it is for the wrong reasons, this is the hottest the crowd has been all night.  Steiners are dominating.  Rick VERY LOUDLY screams SHUT UP BITCH at Sherri.  This was after he had tried to kick her in the face earlier in the match.  Some weird stuff going on with them.  Steiners are actually working this like they're the heels.  Doing the unseen tags, low blows, trying to attack a manager who isn't doing anything.  Stevie low bridges Rick, who goes flying over the top.  Booker and Scott both get powder thrown in their faces.  Parker breaks his cane on Scott's head.  Harlem Heat wins.  Titles retained.  Fans throws stuff at HH as they leave.

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We get footage of the big WCW bike ride from Minneapolis to Sturgis.  

Eddie Guerrero vs Ric Flair WCW US Championship

Flair STILL has discoloration on his chest/shoulder from some Pillman slaps almost a year prior.  Eddie is not intimidated by Ric.  Neither is the ref.  Eddie knees Flair in the face trying a leap frog.  They then botch a back suplex reversal, with Eddie appearing to hurt his ankle, and Flair hurting his arm.  The lights go out.  Some chops gets Eddie all knock kneed if you wheel.  This match is awkward.  In fact, this whole show has been weird.  A show that would be a good card for most places is awkward and flat around a bunch of surprisingly quiet and tame large group of drunk bikers.  Except when there were two black guys in the ring.  Big tornado DDT.  You know, this crowd was way more hostile with the two black guys than the Japanese dude driving a Honda bike out there.  You know what bikers love?  Ric Flair's ass.  Eddie hits a frog splash and hurts his knee, which is the same thing that happened in their last match together.  RIC FLAIR hits a big lariatoooo.   And it also ends the same way as their last match: With Eddie being pinned in the figure four instead of giving up as Woman gives Ric leverage.  In fact, it might have been the same match all around.  Title retained.

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TO THE MEAN GENE.  Giant and Jimmy are guests in Gene's genetic corner.  Idk what the means.  I don't give a shit.  Gene says that Giant idolized Hulk Hogan.  WTF, now Giant says he was the biggest Hogan fan in the world growing up.  WHAT.  WHAT.  WHAT.  Are we ignoring the entire last year of Giant's storylines?  Because I'm pretty sure before this promo, Giant grew up hating Hulk his entire life for what happened to Andre at WM3.  In fact, the whole impetus for the Giant character was his life long hatred of Hulk Hogan.

The Outsiders vs Sting/Lex Luger

Nash pats Nick Patrick on the ass, which is kind of weird, but maybe not as weird as you'd initially think.  Hall and Lex start the match.  I'm hoping for Hall to give me a funny gif or two in this.  Hall bounces all around for Lex.  Nash tags in.  A whole lot of titty flexing from Lex.  Nash wants Sting in and spits on him to motivate the tag.  Sting spits back.  The classic speed vs power battle.  Sting pokes Nash in the eyes and slams him WIT DA GREATEST OF EASE.  Hall fucking DECKS Sting.  Sting falls into FIP role.  Nash has his working boots on tonight.  I haven't seen him moving so fast maybe ever.  BIG BOOT.  Sting fights out of the Outsider's Edge.  Hot tag to Lex.  Sting gets Nash in the Scorpion Death Lock on the floor.  Lex tries to put Hall in the torture rack.  Hall's feet hit Patrick in the eye.  He then accidentally stumbles into a chop block on Lex.  Hall pins him and Nick gives a questionable count.

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Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant WCW Championship

Brain has clearly been drinking.  By the time of the main event, he sounds completely sloshed and is slurring his words.   Either he's drunk or had a stroke sometime during Flair/Eddie.  It sounds like so much effort for him to speak.  Tons of stalling from Hulk.  Hulk actually wins a test of strength against the Giant.  Then he's able to throw Giant to the mat by the hair with ONE HAND.  You thought the Starrcade match with Sting was ridiculous.  Here, Hulk is dominating The Giant, who had been the most dominant guy in the company for the past 6 months.  He's both out wrestling and out powering Giant.  Giant eventually starts throwing headbutts, one of which sends Hulk over the top rope.  Don't worry, this was just a transition for Hulk to again over power and throw Giant around.  Hogan is actually far more dominant against Giant here than he was in their matches when he was the face.  Giant HULKS UP.  Big boot!  As he calls for the chokeslam, Hall and Nash hit the ring.  Hall eats a chokeslam.  Nash tried to hit Giant with the megaphone.  Nash got chokeslamed.  Hulk drills Giant with the title to get the win.  Why didn't Randy Anderson call for the bell when BOTH Outsiders were IN THE RING?  New champion!  

The Booty Man comes to ringside with a cake, as Hulk's birthday was the next day.  He's wearing an NWO shirt.  "YO YO YO YO, the NWO is the way to go!"  Giant is still completely dead in the ring.  Hulk hugs and kisses Beefcake.  They're brothers, brother.  But the NWO doesn't mix business with pleasure or friendship and they attack Beefcake.  My god, they've spray painted the WCW Championship.  The Giant is STILL dead.    

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This probably could have been a classic show if it was in an arena where the fans gave a shit about wrestling.  Instead, it was at a biker rally where the bikers didn't care about anything except being uncomfortably hostile towards Harlem Heat.  Brain got completely hammered during the show, to the point where he could barely speak by the main event.  Hulk's domination of The Giant was about the most ridiculous shit.  As bad as what he pulled at Starrcade 1997.  The Giant had been the most dominant guy in WCW for 6 months.  Unstoppable.  No one could handle him.  Hulk comes in, having not wrestled since March, and spends 90% of the match easily out powering and out wrestling Giant.  More than once he was able to throw Giant down with one arm.  And then KOs Giant for 10 minutes from a belt shot. 

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