WCW New Blood Rising 2000

TO THE BACK. Fans outside yell some shit.


NBR is replacing Road Wild. I imagine the decision went something like, "We're losing a ton of money this year, maybe we should have our August PPV be one fans have to pay to get into". 



3 Count vs Jung Dragons Ladder Match

Tank cuts a RUG before the match. He also sings with the song. Tank being the biggest 3 Count mark in the world is such a dumb angle, but it's one of the BEST dumb angles. It's hilarious. Never stops being funny. Hanging above the ring is a gold record and a recording contract. You can tell it's legit because it has RECORDING CONTRACT in a giant red oval on the contract. Wait. Why are they starting out with one on one stuff? It doesn't take long for them to realize that's stupid. Yang is the first to bring a ladder into the ring. Shannon Moore is the first to take a bump into the ladder with a backdrop in the corner that looked like it ripped his knee apart. Lol, Shannon tries a pin. The ladder is wedged in the corner. All three Dragons are stacked on it and then Shannon is catapulted on top of them. That was dumb as shit. None of the stacking moves had any impact, nor did the catapult. Jamie does a dive from the top of the ladder to the floor. Do you think he imagined himself being in the main event angle of WWE for months in 2015? These bumps off the ladder are rough. They keep taking them near the ropes and the WCW ring had less give than the WWF ring anyway. Why would you do a leg drop on top of a ladder? Evan had a serious ankle injury, so of course he was promptly put into a ladder match. This is basically the same TLC spots, but with guys who aren't nearly as good at them. Although, how do you get good at bumping on ladders? That seems so shitty. The Dragons mistime their stereo splashes. Jamie gets the gold record, but the contract is still up there. Tank gets the record. Tank knocks the ladders of Shane and Kaz over. Why not? Evan gets the contract. Since Tank has the record, I guess that means they get to keep the record and keep singing. Tank dances away with both, not even bothering to celebrate with 3 Count.

 
 

TO THE BACK. The Filthy Animals are being filthy cunts in Cat's office. They want to ref the tag team title match tonight, AND get a shot on Nitro. They'll guarantee Cat a win tonight. Everyone gets some dap besides Disco. 


Great Muta vs The Cat

Muta's music is probably my favorite ethnic stereotypical music. Cat's dubbed music is SO GOOD. By which I mean hilariously awful. They probably should have just dubbed in his WWE theme. Powerdrive Elbow! There is "legit heat" between these two. LEGIT HEAT! Do you think they're going to start shoot working their worked shoot strikes? Tygress strolls out. "Maybe this is part of the plot." "We want puppies" chants don't make sense for a woman named TYGRESS. Dumb Canadians. As a match, there is not much going on. Much like every match after 1993, it seems like a waste of Muta in WCW. Mist Mist Mist! Tygress hits a top rope chair shot on Muta. Muta kicks out. He does not kick out of the Feliner. I was hoping the chair shot would be the finish, because it would have been so exquisitely dying WCW to fly Muta over and have him job to a Nitro Girl.

 
 

TO THE BACK. Buff is walking around the back, looking for his mom. 

Positively Kanyon vs Buff Bagwell Judy Bagwell On A Pole Match

Poor Judy is actually on a forklift. BRO, BRO. You see, Kanyon couldn't find a big enough pole to hold Judy. This match starts out with Buff trying to lower the forklift and then beating Kanyon into the crowd. STOP DANCING AND SAVE YOUR MAMA, MARCUS! Lol. Dude just forgot all about his mom. The story of this match appears to be that Kanyon is looking to rebreak Buff's neck. Wait. If this is a pole match, why is the ref counting pin falls? Shouldn't it be the first to get Judy down wins? This is more like the manager in the shark cage gimmick. Kanyon Cutter. BANG! Buff kicks out! My god! Kanyon's music plays. It's...FORMER WCW CHAMPION DAVID ARQUETTE! A LEGEND IN THE GRAPPLING CIRCLES! Double Blockbuster! Buff wins! The honor of his mama is safe! After the match, Kanyon gets the biggest pop of the night so far by hitting a Kanyon Cutter on David. BANG!  

 
 

TO THE BACK. Police lead in a blue and purple limo. Inside is Lance Storm, wearing jeans, t-shirt, and fanny pack.  BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?!?!

The announcers talk about how Goldberg was in a motorcycle accident last night and has not arrived, and it is not known if he will show up at all.


MIA vs  Jindrak/O'Haire vs Perfect Event vs Kronik WCW Tag Team Championships Special Guest Referees: Filthy Animals

4 special refs and Konnan on color. FUCK. Konnan berries everyone for not being Mexican. Carlos, you're Cuban, mother fucker. Konnan makes South Park references and will NOT stop with the "got it like that" shit. "Come on, count, you asshole!" Lol. Wrath. What exactly is, "Mexican strategy", Cubano Konnan? "Wait, I'm being fed good lines..." A lot of ball based offense in this. Konnan literally makes me want to put my head through glass door. Disco slow counts everything. The rest of the Animals interfere constantly. Fans briefly chant BULLSHIT. Not at anything in particular. Just the match in general. Canada only got a handful of WCW shows. You'd think they'd try to force themselves to be exited, but this is the most dead WCW PPV crowd so far in 2000. Konnan really tries to put over the current WCW roster, saying it is the most talented roster they've had in his time there. He tried, but even he couldn't go through with it all the way.  This is dumb as shit. 12 people involved. And now Vampiro and Muta run in. They casually walk to the back. COMPLETELY useless. Disco refuses to count for Kronik. Chavo arrives and counts the pin. Kronik wins. New champions. 8 men, 4 cheating refs, 3 run ins, Konnan talking the entire time. GARBAGE.


TO THE PAM. Jeff has his rematch with Booker. Jeff implies Pam was banging Gene all night.  


The Franchise vs Billy Kidman Strap Match

This isn't the traditional touch all corners type of strap match. It's a normal match, but they're attached with straps. Shane came dressed in a shirt and pants. Makes sense. Kidman comes to the ring without a shirt. Dipshit. I forget how he turned face after the Hogan thing, but I believe it was by releasing a sex tape against Torrie's will. More ball based offense in this. 2000 was the year of low blows in every company. Remember Royal Rumble 2000? EVERY fucking dude who came in immediately hit a low blow, face and heel. Boss Man in particular did about 30 in the match just by himself. Balls and shoulders in this. This is terrible. Kidman kicks out of the Plunge. Torrie gets bumped. Unprettier gets Kidman the win. Trash. After the match, Kidman ties the strap to Torrie and starts whipping her, to the delight of the crowd. That's kind of fucked. Shane then literally tries to kill him via hanging. You know...Kidman deserves what he gets. He released a sex tape without Shane/Torrie's permission, then spent time making fun of Shane's ED, and then literally beat Torrie with a leather strap. Fuck him.  Vito makes the save. Reno then ran out and they fought for a bit.

 
 

TO THE BACK. Booker T arrives. Not even in a limo. Double J attacks him and slams the car door on Book's already injured leg. While calling him, "Boy". 


Miss Hancock vs Major Gunns ROTC Match

This is basically a bra and panties match with a mud pit involved as well. My, how women's wrestling in the US has changed in the past 15 years. You'd think that Mark Madden had never seen semi-nude women in his life. Tony also gets pretty excited at times. He has like 15 kids. Surely he has seen lady parts. They kind of have a wrestling match. Neither knows how to wrestle, but they're trying at least. Wait. Now pin falls count? Stacy misses a crossbody and starts holding her stomach. Then she's fine and they start stripping clothes as they head to the mud pit. "Ah yeah, oh yeah. Now girls, kiss and makeup. Do it for daddy." Wow. Madden managed to out creepy Jerry Lawler's entire career in 7 seconds. Stacy starts dancing, then stops and doubles over in pain. She cries after the match, with Gunns also now crying, David Flair jumps into the mud, EMTs come to help. "Now, there were a couple of times out here near the ring where was doubled over, but I thought that it was part of the match." 

 
 

TO THE PAM. Pam is with Muta, Vampiro, and THE DEMON KANE. Vamp is going to make sure Demon has a heart black enough to be in the Dark Carnival tonight.


Tony gives us an update on Stacy: Severe abdominal pains. "It was not a part of the match." Amazing. They're doing a worked shoot miscarriage angle on a show after a PPV with a worked shoot that got worked into a shoot, and another shoot worked worked into a worked shoot later to come. 

TO THE BACK. Stacy is loaded into an ambulance. 

We're told David jumping into the mud was not part of the show. 


THE DEMON KANE vs Sting

Sting repels from the rafters. Complete and very quick squash for Sting. Vamp and Muta attack Sting after the bell. They try to hang him. Kronik makes the save and challenges them to a match.  Under a minute. Both entrances individually were longer than the match. I'm sure fans were super jacked to see Sting for 3 minutes total.


TO THE BACK. Booker is being tended to by the trainer.


Mike Awesome vs Lance Storm WCW Canadian Championship Canadian Rules Special Guest Referee: Jacques Rougeau 

Lance gets the full Goldberg entrance. Huge ovation for this boring dude. Great sign: "Lance Storm is Canadian". A loud US SUCKS chant starts up. That actually happened during Kanyon's promo as well. Lance is worried about a terrorist attack in the back. Fans were super disappointed in the Mountie being the ref instead of Bret. Oh, I guess Mountie is just an enforcer. After dominating for a few minutes, Awesome slips off the top rope. Crowd lets him have it. Awesome shows how a real Papa Powerbomb works. Lance kicked out, but the bell rang anyway. New champion! Mountie says the rules state there must be a 5 count, so the match will continue. Awesome wins moments later with a dragon sleeper. New champion! Mountie finds a new rule: Submissions don't count. 4 count almost gets the win. Awesome Frog splash. New champion! Oh wait. Mountie checks the rule book: After a wrestler is pinned for a 5 count, they get a 10 count to stand up before losing. A table and chair gets involved because ECW, you see. Ugly looking belly to belly superplex through the table. The rule book states that the first man to get to his feet after a table bump will be the winner. Awesome got up first, Mountie decked him. Storm wins! Title retained! Bret Hart comes out to celebrate with Lance and Mountie. This is amazing. Lance shows up to WCW, wins 3 titles in 3 weeks, has this big homecoming and it's essentially a comedy match where he loses 3 times less than 12 minutes and needs Mountie cheating for him 4 times. In Canada. As the hometown face.  Lance now looks like a total goober and his push as a serious, dominating wrestler just died. This was 100% heel booking for a Canadian in America. Not the hometown hero treated as a giant baby face. 

 
 

TO THE PAM. Pam is with Kevin Nash. Nash had an idea that Goldberg wouldn't show up for this match. "I'm going over Steiner, tonight." 


Great Muta/Vampiro vs Kronik WCW Tag Team Championships

There was a wrestler named "Smiley" who was in my city for a brain cancer benefit. He's a direct clone of Vamp from this period. This is the perfect storm of dog shit: Kronik working double duty, Muta being wasted, Vampiro wrestling, Mark Madden on commentary, and the fucking HARRIS BROTHERS returning to cost Kronik the titles. The only thing that could make this worse is if Konnan came back to make weed jokes and drop, "got it like that" another 90 times. New champions. 


TO THE PAM. Pam asks the hard question: Will Booker's knee hold up tonight? Booker says you'll have to kill him to get the title from him. That's not really an answer, Book.


Kevin Nash vs Scott Steiner vs Goldberg

Before the match, the announcers drop all semblance of kayfabe and start talking about who is going over, the backstage reasons why, who Vince Russo wants to go over and who he likes/doesn't like. Then they imply that Scott Steiner is going to SHOOT if he doesn't want something to happen. Goldberg's music plays. He doesn't come out. Madden speculates that it is just to show Goldberg up, because Russo hates him. Big Bill never shows, so the match starts as a singles match. "...or is it going to be a shoot fight from start to finish?" Suddenly, Goldberg arrives with taped up ribs and a chair. He goes right for Nash. Steiner gets him into the ring and they have just a straight match. "Starrcade '88 ('98): Goldberg, undefeated world champion came in, Nash, on the booking committee two weeks out and he goes over. Whadya think?" Amazing. The announcers keep floating in and out of kayfabe and SHOOTING. Nash tries to jackknife Goldberg. Goldberg shoves it off and walks away. Russo storms out and tells him to get his ass back in the ring. "FUCK YOU!"  "Hey, maybe Goldberg was supposed to do something that wouldn't have made him look good, but this doesn't make him look good either, does it?" LOL, now they're talking about how Goldberg was supposed to go up for the powerbomb, but he didn't want to. Nash was a pro for not punching Goldberg out on the spot. "What are they going to do now, improvise?" Just amazing. Midajah shows up. Scott Hudson says she actually went up for her powerbomb. Midajah low blows the ref and Nash. "We've got people going into business for themselves all over the place, here!" "Oh boy, that's nothing new." Nash hits his own low blow on Steiner. Midajah gets back into the ring and does another low blow. Nash hits a DDT. "Boy, they they're they're working on the fly in there now, guys." Jackknife. Kevin Nash wins. Oh my god, now Tony is talking about the hardcore and casual fans. "What we got was Goldberg being the crybaby we always thought he was."

One of the dumbest events in wrestling history. This is literally a shoot worked into a work (Goldberg/Nash issues), with a worked injury portrayed as a shoot (Goldberg's bike injuries), with the story being Russo wanted Goldberg to job and he SHOOT left the match after agreeing to the finish (and sold the worked injury even on the way out), leaving Steiner and Nash to worked shoot an improvised finish. Goodnight, Hulkamaniacs. Vince Russo at his finest.

 
 


Booker T vs Jeff Jarrett WCW Championship

Booker has been the champ for a month and he's already put into an overcome the odds kind of situation. So, is this match a SHOOT or just a normally worked match? Was Jeff attacking Booker's wife for real or not? Was that even Booker's real wife? Fucking LOL, Jeff starts working the WRONG INJURED LEG, despite the giant knee brace on it. This is a dude who had been wrestling for around 12 years at this point, with a figure four being his finisher for the majority of his career. And here he is working the wrong leg. Now, is that a shoot? And then he does a Boston crab instead of a figure four. Jeff. What in the fuck are you doing, son? Booker HEATS UP. OR DOES HE?!? He does. Crowd doesn't give a shit. Probably still thinking about WTF happened in the last match and how none of the top guys they thought they'd see when tickets were announced showed up. Of course there is a ref bump. Booker tries a Harlem Sidekick, despite the bad knee. Jeff counters it by smashing a guitar on that knee. Wait, there is a dude with a Reggie Miller jersey on in Canada? It's in Vancouver, so I guess it isn't as weird as I initially thought since they had an NBA team there. Figure four. The ref literally just scoots broken guitar pieces out of his way. Jeff won't let go even after the rope break. Ref bump number two. A table is conveniently sitting by Michael Buffer. It hasn't been there for the whole show. Book does a Book End off the apron through it. Ginger Ref returns, seems confused because apparently the refs don't watch the matches they aren't involved with, and starts counting.  I believe a brief BULLSHIT chant breaks out. Jeff "accidentally" hits the new ref with a chair. Stroke on an open chair. Charles Robinson comes in with his patented 40 yard dash. Booker kicks out. Booker hits a...Kanyon Cutter?!?! BANG! Book End OUTTA NOWHERE. Booker wins! Title retained. What a mess. The Canadian fans throw shit at Booker. Now, I don't want to make this a race thing, but Booker is the only person people threw stuff at the whole show. 

I had some real problems with this match. First off, Book comes in with a bad leg for real. They do an angle on the show. Yet he still is doing all of his kicks  and jumping around with no issue. Then the typical multiple ref bumps, ref doesn't seem to be curious about the busted guitar all over the ring shit. And then the Canadian fans had a pretty awkward distaste for Booker.

 
 


This is QUINTESSENTIAL WCW 2000.  Multiple worked shoots. The first being Stacy's yet to be revealed pregnancy. Everyone breaks character, the announcers talk about the script and use real names. The second being everything about Goldberg/Nash/Steiner. For the month prior on TV, they all (and Russo) got to do SHOOT interviews about the feud. The night of the show, Nash straight up says he's going over Steiner. The announcers completely drop kayfabe at the start of the match to talk about booking decisions and who would agree to be the one to job. They float in and out of that for the rest of the match, with the smarkiest shit this side of Matt Striker.  To be clear, Goldberg is working an injury that was given as the excuse for him not to show up at the start of the match. The announcers say that is awfully convenient and imply that it is a worked injury to get him out of having to job. But he sells it the entire match and even after walking out on the match. Russo comes out and tells him to get back into the ring in front of the crowd, while the announcers tell you this wasn't supposed to be the finish. They then go on to praise Nash and Steiner for being professionals and improvising a finish. If only there was a Total Divas for WCW in 2000. I would love to see the pay off to the angle on that show where they reveal the worked shoot was a work the whole time, but ended up becoming a SHOOT over something trivial like Goldberg freezing his sperm and Scott Steiner missing a photo shoot to work on his rap album. 

This doesn't even get into all the ref bumps, run ins, and multiple gimmick matches not even worked within their gimmicks. It's just such a mess. 

Oh, and THE NEW BLOOD ANGLE ENDED BEFORE THE PPV. Just perfect in every way. 

WCW Mayhem 11/21/99

Tonight we will crown a new WCW Champion after the title was vacated because Sting attacked a ref after a match. I'll get into the tournament a little more once we get to the finals. This is also the first WCW PPV from Canada.

Jeff Jarrett vs Chris Benoit Tournament Semi Final

Jeff has his Kid Rock entrance music now. You know, despite being the chosen one, Jeff really hasn't been doing much in the past month. He had a mini feud with Buff and that's about it. Benoit hits a tornado DDT in the opening seconds. He has a maple leaf on his tights like a fucking suck up. Superplex. It goes to the floor. Jeff crotches Benoit on the ring post. They get in the ring and trade some pin attempts. Jarrett slaps on a sleeper. Benoit does the Eaton back breaker before nailing the Rolling Reich. It's been a while since he hit all 3. Snap suplex. Creative Control come out. Benoit nearly wins by rolling through a cross body. Diving headbutt. I need a Nazi name for that. Iron Eagle? Creative Control attacked Benoit. Jeff hit the Stroke. The cameras missed it. Dustin Rhodes pulled Jeff out of the ring. He fought with Creative Control and Benoit hit Jeff with his own guitar to win and advance to the finals. A beat down ensues after the match that security eventually broke up. Jeff was busted open from the guitar.

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TO THE BACK. Tenay talks to Disco about Disco maybe thinking more about money than his title. Disco wonders how much the title is worth and is then attacked by Jeff Jarrett. The Misfits and Filthy Animals pulled him off.

Disco Inferno vs Evan Karagias WCW Cruiserweight Championship

Disco gets up off the floor with Tony Marinara talking shit. Evan meets him near the entrance and throws him into the ring. Evan is so bad. I have no idea why he was the Power Plant guy WCW decided to really push. He was in great shape, but he looked like a goof, sucked in the ring, and was even worse on the mic. But then again, WCW hired the Harris Brothers and still have Konnan on the roster. Tony hit on Madusa. Evan choked him. Disco tried to hit Evan with a chair and accidentally hit Tony. Evan won with a springboard cross body. New champion. Oh, goodie.

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TO THE BACK. Bret Hart arrives.

TO THE POWERS THAT BE. Dr. Claw Russo gives Double J a lot of shit and says he has until the end of the night to prove himself or his favors are over.

TO THE BACK. Gene talks to Norman Smiley about the first ever WCW Hardcore Championship match. Apparently these hardcore matches in the past few weeks have actually been part of a tournament. That means Norman vs Bam Bam was a tournament match for both the WCW Championship and the Hardcore Championship.

Norman Smiley vs Brian Knobs WCW Hardcore Championship

Norman is in hockey goalie gear tonight. Knobs beats the shit out of Norman. Norman comes back with some hockey stick shots. They head backstage. Norman is in charge! Not for long. Where does WCW find all these giant cardboard boxes? They're in a food storage area. They're in an elevator! The finish came when Jimmy accidentally hit Knobs when the door opened. New champion! First ever WCW Hardcore Champion! Knobs beat up Jimmy and Norman after the match.

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TO THE BACK. Tenay talks to the Filthy Animals about the upcoming match. Shane has a lot of what ifs. What if...the dinosaurs were still alive, crapping every where like filthy animals? Elsewhere, Gene got to talk with the Animals. Elsewhere elsewhere, Disco tried to convince Tony to forgive him. Tony is calling in da boys. Elsewhere elsewhere elsewhere, Jeff Jarrett and Creative Control are walking with a 2x4.

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The Revolution vs The Filthy Animals Elimination Mixed Tag

Eddie and Kidman had no problem punching Asya in the face at the same time. Dean and Saturn got changed awfully fast. Shane is on color. You know, I don't want to disparage Dean Douglas, but I wouldn't be surprised if Shane was injured when he signed his WCW contract, hid it, and then claimed he got injured in a match while wrestling for WCW. All the men took the floor and Torrie teased a dive. The girls cat fight. Kidman did a BK bomb on Asya. Torrie hurt her ankle. Kidman and Eddie checked on her and Kidman was eliminated with a roll up. Kidman was pissed with Eddie over it. Crowd was 1000% behind Eddie. Konnan also left. Good. Fuck Konnan. Delayed suplex from Asya. Dean is eliminated with a rana. Eddie eliminates Asya with a frog splash. Eddie kicked out of the DVD. Eddie taps to the Rings of Saturn, leaving Torrie vs Saturn. She kicked him in the dick. He responds with a low blow of his own and pins her with it. She sold it at first, but then completely stopped once the pin was counted. Saturn is the sole survivor. I'm not sure there are many matches that have ended with a man hitting a woman in the vagina.

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TO THE BACK. Jarrett and Creative Control are beating Buff up in the locker room.

Curt Hennig vs Buff Bagwell Retirement Match

Whoever loses must retire. Again, why doesn't TPTB just fire both guys? Double J and Creative Control came out instead of Buff and they attacked Perfect. Buff came out with a 2x4 and ran them off. Loud “Perfect” chants. They brawl around ringside. Crowd is 100% behind Perfect. Too bad I'm not even 20% into this match. I kind of hope they both retire. Buff hasn't had a single good match since the neck injury and in fact he was at his most entertaining while he was recovering and stooging around with Scott Steiner. Hennig hasn't been the same since his own injury in 1991. Buff wins with the Blockbuster and Curt Hennig is forced to retire. He doesn't even get time to embrace the fans or have any kind of moment because....


TO THE BACK. Tenay talks to Sting. Sting never really lost the title, and it's still showtime.

Bret Hart vs Sting Tournament Semi Final

Obviously, Bret is a god in Canada. Lol, the boos for Sting were great. He never got that kind of heat when he was actually a heel. And he's wrestling in a shirt, so it's really just like TNA. These guys had super disappointing matches in 1998. Maybe the super hot Canadian crowd will make it seem better. Sting and Bret are basically the same size. Sting is maybe an inch taller, but he seems much bigger. It's weird. Sting is also wearing pants instead of tights, to make it even more like TNA. I'm so glad Bret never made appearances for TNA. Bret dominates until Sting hits a low blow. Sting misses a Stinger Splash on the announce table. Ref bump. What a surprise. This brings Lex and Liz out. Lex hits Sting in the leg with a bat to a big face pop. Bret hit Lex and put him in the Sharpshooter. The ref called for the bell. Sting is disqualified for pulling the ref in the way of an attack. Bret requested the match to continue and it was allowed. Sting locks on the Scorpion Death Lock. Bret reverses it into the Shaprshooter and advances to the finals. The match was nothing. They shook hands after the match.

TO THE BACK. Gene talks with Chris Benoit about the finals. Benoit considers it an honor to face Bret in Canada. Elsewhere, Tenay talks to Lex, who is already wearing a neck brace. He can't compete tonight.

Berlyn vs Vampiro Chain Match

The only Misfit left is Jerry Only. Fuck the Misfits. This is actually a dog collar match. Oklahoma and Dr. Death came out for this match. VAMPYRO! The very first thing that happens is Berlyn punching the ref. Literally, the very first move was a ref bump. Berlyn instead fights with Jerry Only and Wall has the match in the ring. Wall ends up being the one to put the dog collar on as well. DANNY HODGE! GOD GOOD SOMEBODY STOP THE MATCH! WHO'S YOUR DADDY VAMPRYO!?! Berlyn gets mad when Wall makes a pin, which makes no sense since Berlyn made him wrestle the match in the first place. Wall says fuck it and leaves. Double suplex from Vamp and Jerry. Nail in the Coffin. Neither guy are attached to the chain. Vamp wins with a camel clutch with a chain wrapped around Berlyn's neck. Dr. Death attacked Vamp and Only after the match. You know, Oklahoma wouldn't be that bad if he wasn't making fun of JR's Bell's Palsy. It's actually a very accurate impression. Maybe not the voice, but definitely the verbiage. That's especially clear to me after hearing JR on Austin's podcast.

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TO THE BACK. Tenay talks with Scott Hall. Hall apparently was supposed to face Rick Steiner in a title vs title match tonight. But since Rick was put out of action by Sid, Hall was given the TV Championship, so he's now a double champion. Elsewhere, Curt Hennig walks out for the last time. Elsewhere elsewhere, Kim arrives an hour and a half into a PPV. What the fuck. Do wrestling promotions not care about talent being on time for work?

The Total Package vs Meng

Get this shit out of here. Meng sucks. Sorry. He does. All he does is no sell everything and make weird noises. Lex also makes weird noises. So this match is just a bunch of weird noises. Lex wrestles with a neck brace on, which blocks the Tongan death grip. “It's worked, Brain. It's WORKED!” Liz tried to spray Meng with pepper spray. She got Lex. It looked like utter shit. Meng rips the neck brace off and wins with the Tongan Death Grip.

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TO THE BACK. Gene talked with Bret about the finals. Bret is going to finally do what he planned when he first came to WCW. Lex randomly walked by during the interview. Elsewhere, David Flair is jerking off his crowbar.

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Scott Hall vs Booker T. WCW US/TV Championships

Booker replacing Rick Steiner. I sure don't remember Hall/Steiner being announced in the first place. Both guys are wearing black and white, and one is black and one is white. So deep. The ref is in black and white as well. I can't even handle it. JJ and Creative Control stroll out. Booker hits the ax kick. Jeff distracts the ref. Creative Control got in the ring and distracted Book. Hall hit the Outsider's Edge. Titles retained. The lights go out. IT'S SABU! Midnight saves Booker.

TO THE BACK. Lex hunts for Liz.

David Flair vs Kimberly

Lol, “An obvious SWERVE” is in the video package. Really, Kim brought this on herself. She went out of her way to fuck with David so DDP could fuck with Ric. She was going to drug him and instead got spanked by Ric. David's crazy character has to be one of the best examples of getting the most out of someone with the least amount of talent. Of all time. Not just in WCW or even just Russo related, but in the history of wrestling. Kim did a low blow. David no sold because he apparently had a cup on since he punched himself in the dick. He hit the ref and Kim pretended like she was going to blow him, only to take his cup out and hit him in the face with hit. She then kicked him in the dick again. Then a kick in the head. In the past 4 days, someone has been hit in the face with a cup and a fish. She throttles David until he throws her off. KANYON ran out and saved Kim. Weirdly, they mention that Kanyon was away making Ready to Rumble, just like they did with Goldberg, but they wrote DDP out with an injury. Speaking of DDP, he came out and gave David a Kanyon Cutter. BANG! He was about to hit David with the crowbar when Arn Anderson made the save. Kim and DDP leave, so the match is over. DDP's music hit. David then attacked Arn and ran off. Arn was then attended to by EMTs. Tony talks about Arn not hitting DDP because of his neck injury, but apparently forgot about Arn bumping and doing spinebusters regularly in the first 6 months of the year.

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TO THE BACK. Tenay talks to Sid. Sid will never quit.

Sid vs Goldberg I Quit Match

They start right away by trading punches. Godlberg slams Sid and sends him to the floor. It goes back in the ring and Sid does a cobra clutch slam. This feud is weird. Sid basically was building for a match with Goldberg for 2 months on his own, much in the way that Jericho did it. Then they have their match, which was like 6 minutes long and ended in stoppage. Goldberg would challenge Sid to an I Quit match and then Sid turned semi-face and started feuding with Rick Steiner and the Outsiders and this match wasn't even mentioned for 3 weeks. Anyway, two chokeslams in a row. Goldberg gets up and hits a series of short arm lariatooos. Sid apparently dislocates his shoulder. Goldberg puts on a grounded cobra clutch (using the Sid's good arm for some reason). Sid passes out and the ref calls the match. What the fuck? A. It wasn't anywhere near a choke. B. This match was even shorter than the first blood match at Halloween Havoc.

TO THE BACK. Gene talks to Lex. Lex can't find Liz but says she better watch her back tomorrow on Nitro.

Bret Hart vs Chris Benoit WCW Championship Tournament Finals

Weirdly, Benoit had different entrance music than his first match. They both got full, Goldberg style entrances. It's pretty even in the opening moments. Canadian chain wrasslin and hold exchanging. Fans are more into Bret than Benoit. Both guys avoid the other's finishers and shake hands. Corner bump from Bret. A fan jumps the rail and hits Benoit with the Canadian flag. It was Dean Malenko! Completely unnecessary. This was set up earlier when a fan in the same outfit and face paint poked Dean with the flag. So Dean either morphed into him or was that fan the whole time. Piledriver. Benoit comes back with some gnarly chops. Bret hits a DDT. Tombstone from Benoit. He goes up top for the Iron Eagle. He nailed it. The Outsiders came out and pulled the ref out during the pin, but Bret kicked out anyway since Hall missed his cue. Hall slams Benoit. Goldberg runs out and spears Nash. Hall hits Goldberg with a chair and Bret gets rid of Hall. Goldberg fought with the Outsiders near the entrance, which they pay more attention to than the finals of a month long tournament for the vacated championship. Of course. Benoit works over Bret's leg as the fight continues in the back on split screen. Benoit applies a figure four. Bret gets back into it with a back breaker and a superplex. Benoit does the Rolling Reich into a a Dragon suplex, which is countered, which is then countered into the Iron Crossface. Bret counters that into the Sharpshooter. New champion! The finish itself was clean, but the match had 4 run ins and a ref bump for absolutely no reason other than Russo really believing main events need that kind of over booking. If there was ever a time to have a straight match with a clean finish, it would be Benoit vs Hart tournament finals for the title in Canada.

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DQ Count: 0 out of 12 matches. However, there was a no contest and only 1 match had no outsider interference or weapons used during the match.


I'd like to give a recap on the tournament. What started at a 32 man tournament turned into a 30 man and 1 woman tournament, with the 1 woman getting to wrestle twice in the opening round. The tournament featured a hardcore match (that was also part of a tournament for the Hardcore Championship that was never actually announced as a tournament), a cage match, and a strap match. DQ Count: 3 Count Out Count: 3 Clean Finish Count: 7. There were also 2 matches that never happened at all due to injuries.


The show it self was pretty bland. Every match besides Goldberg/Sid had run ins or outside interference. And Goldberg/Sid was the second month in a row of Goldberg dominating Sid in a short gimmick match and having the match stopped by a ref. Those finishes didn't keep Sid strong since he was dominated during both matches. Besides the main event, the longest match was just over 10 minutes and that was the 6 person elimination tag. Then there was the dog collar match was under 5 minutes, had Berlyn never put the dog collar on, make Wall put it on, and then got mad at Wall for trying to win the match.

WCW Road Wild 8/15/99

If I can just get through this PPV and month, I think I'll be okay.


The Deadpool vs Rey Mysterio Jr./Eddie Guerrero/Kidman

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ICP wrestling at a biker rally.  Who booked this shit?  Why would you book celebrities on a show that is free to attend?  ICP getting a PPV pay day over actual WCW wrestlers is just...WCW.  Faces get off to an early start.  The clowns beat up Eddie on the outside.  That shouldn't be happening.  Fat Clown shouldn't be beating Eddie in the ring.  Skinny Clown shouldn't be beating Eddie in the ring.  Fuck, if they're going to beat up Lash or Prince, whatever.  But a guy like Eddie Guerrero?  I don't care if they are trained wrestlers and love wrestling.  That's ridiculous.  And now they're beating up Rey.  The same Rey Mysterio who beat guys like Kevin Nash and Bam Bam Big Yellow earlier in the year.  Now he can't fight off two rappers who dress like clowns.  Vamp hit a huge tossing powerbomb to Rey.  But ICP have been in the ring for most of the match. Kidman pinned Skinny clown with the SSP.  I can't believe they really had ICP in the ring the majority of the match and had them dominating Rey and Eddie.  Kidman wasn't involved at all until the finish. 


Harlem Heat vs Bam Bam Bigelow/Kanyon WCW Tag Team Championships

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Bam Bam is so fat that the title just falls off his waist when he moves.   I like that Harlem Heat doesn't even bother to try to have matching colors any more.  Book is in black and white.  Stevie is in red and black with yellow flames.  Did WCW not remember the last time they had Harlem Heat at Road Wild?  Harlem Heat get the jump on the champs, ending with Stevie slamming Bam Bam.  Book gives Kanyon a beat down.  Bam Bam has a cut under his eye.  Maybe that was a message to stop being so fat your title belts can't even fit around you.  Triad work like 80s stooge heels, which should be charming, but it isn't.  DDP ran out to interfere, but Bam Bam got bumped into him.  Booker hit the missile dropkick on Bam Bam.  New champions. 


West Texas Rednecks vs The Revolution

It was so nice of Shane Douglas to not even bother getting in shape before jumping to WCW.  At least Barry wears a shirt.  Shane just looks like a bloated asshole.  I don't even know why WCW picked him up.  He couldn't work anymore, he was super injury prone, he couldn't do his promos (the only thing he could really still do) because he couldn't say fuck on TNT, and he didn't have much star power.  Shane can't even run the ropes right.  Remember that match with Raven in TNA where he was so blown up that he threw up in the ring?  I wish something like that had happened in this match, because at least something interesting would have happened.  Saturn pinned Duncum with the DVD.


The Cat vs Buff Bagwell

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Cat is wearing Confederate flag riding gloves, which is weird, since he's a black dude around a bunch of white rednecks.  Maybe it was for cheap face heat.  Sonny is dressed like Ken Jeong.  This feud has been awful.  It was never going to be good in the ring, but Buff doing black face and no one finding it offense besides Cat is pretty awful.  I guess he thought, "Well it was funny when DX did it, so it is totally cool for a Georgia guy to do black face and dance around because it is a parody and these Southern crowds will totally see the satire".  But the biggest problem was that this whole thing really started because Cat called Buff a mama's boy, which he undoubtedly is.  That's also the main basis for Harlem Heat/Triad.  Cat was bumped into Sonny and Buff won with a roll up.  They beat Buff up after the match.


Chris Benoit vs DDP WCW US Championship No Disqualification

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DDP makes a "Benoit's mom works for a sex line" joke.  Benoit starts the match with a low blow.  All these fucking mama's boys in WCW.  WCW: Where The Big Mama's Boys Play.  They quickly go to the ground level.  Back in the ring, DDP hits a belly to belly.  DDP did a pretty mean fireman carry Flapjack Norton and gutwrench gutbuster.  Benoit is trapped in a tree of Keanu.  DDP slaps Charles Robinson and takes his belt to whip Benoit.  Nice visual of DDP hanging Benoit with a belt.  Reminds me of something.  Rolling Reich.  Kanyon ran in.  The Revolution were watching an apparently delayed monitor since they didn't seem to care or want to run out there.  Bam Bam also interferes.  They both fucked around and Benoit pinned DDP after a flying headbutt.  Whatever.


They gave away a bike.  Who would want a bike with the shittiest WCW logo on it?


Sid vs Sting

Sid got actual fire works for some reason. Sid spent the last few weeks building to a match with Goldberg, not Sting.  They brawl and do their normal spots, with Sid getting thrown into the crowd a few times.  I'm pretty surprised Sting has been around for a 3 month stretch.  Sid gets in control after Sting misses a Stinger Splash.  He stays in control for the next few minutes, even though he wasn't really doing anything.  Sid goes up top for no reason and is slammed.  Sting then trips over Sid, which Tenay calls a great move from Sid.  Sting tripped.  It wasn't a move.  Sid goes up top again and is this time caught in a superplex.  Sting tries too many Stinger Splashes and Sid chokeslams him for the win.  Fans were not happy with the result.  This is the same match they've been having since 1990.  Sid is now "undefeated" despite being on the losing team Monday and having lost most of his matches in the last 2 months. 


Goldberg vs Rick Steiner

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People bitch about how Goldberg was booked in WWE, but he was used much better there than WCW managed to do after he lost the title.  My favorite thing about this match is that Rick Steiner magically stops being the TV Champion when he's around Goldberg.  He stops being announced as champ, stops wearing the belt, and the announcers don't mention it.  Goldberg loudly proclaimed that Rick had nothing to offer but his ass on Nitro.  Goldberg doesn't even consider the TV Championship to be a real thing.  That seems worse to me than the TV champ doing a clean job to someone.  Rick takes Goldberg's knee brace off and uses it as a weapon for a while.  I don't think this the crowd for this kind of match.  Goldberg gets dominated for a few minutes, pops up with the spear and jackhammer for the win with no problems.  He should have just done that from the start.  Crowd had no interest in seeing him sell for 5 minutes. 


Dennis Rodman vs Randy Savage

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Rodman wants to know where his bitch is.  Savage says Rodman is his bitch and the crowd is going to fight for sloppy seconds.  Rodman attacks Savage and they got to the ground right away.  He not only out fights Savage, but out wrestles Savage.  He also beat up the ref.  At least Rodman is an actual athlete and not a rapping clown.  Savage takes out the new editor of WCW.com, who happens to be at ringside, so he can use the man's camera as a weapon.  Savage hits Mickie Jay.  Scott Dickinson immediately comes in and is drilled as soon as he put his head between the ropes.  We're up to 4 referees.  No one ever said this was no DQ.  They fight up the ramp and backstage.  Rodman is put in a porta-potty, which is then shoved over onto some conveniently placed cardboard boxes.  Still, you can see the shit leaking out of the thing, which really captures this PPV in one image.  Rodman comes back to the ring with his shit covered shoes.  I'm sure Hogan, Nash, and refs loved that.  It goes back to the ring and there is another ref bump.  George comes out and gives Randy a chain.  She also hit Rodman in his worm.  Savage pins Rodman after a punch with a chain.  4 ref bumps, actual shit, a celebrity performer, and a cheating finish.  This is WCW.


Kevin Nash vs Hulk Hogan WCW Championship Career vs Career Match

I wander why Hulk would always run his hands through his hair.  He was bald.  There was nothing to smooth down.  Nash has a "2 inch" height advantage on Hulk.  So Hulk is 6'10 now?  He wasn't even billed that tall in the 80s.  Unless Tony actually meant length.  Of dicks.  I'm talking about dick size.  I'd rather see them have an actual dick measuring contest than see this match.  Not interested in seeing Nash work at 50% speed (and think about that) so they can do an 80s Hogan formula match in front of a bunch of drunk bikers.  Nash made the mistake of doing his finish on Hogan.  You'd think he would know better as the booker.  It's the finish of every Hogan match: Hogan kicks out of a finisher, no sells it, hits the boot and leg drop and doesn't sell the match he just had.  Kevin Nash must retire.  Championship retained. This is Hogan's greatest title reign.  What?  He's been champ for a month and only defended it once or twice.



DQ Count: 0 out of 9 matches


Literal shit show.  I don't know why WCW insisted on doing these shows that cost them money every year (Actually, I do know why, and it was because Eric Bischoff liked motorcycles).  I don't know why they insisted on having celebrity wrestlers at them with a non-paying audience to not offset costs. I don't know why they insisted on having celebrity wrestlers out wrestle the real wrestlers. I don't know why they kept booking black guys for the show when the show is full of legit angry drunk rednecks who do not want to see these black guys.  I don't know why Hulk Hogan is back in the red and yellow doing a nostalgia run when it was just 3 years ago that fans were booing him for doing the same thing because they were sick of it.  I don't know why Nash having to retire wasn't even mentioned at the end of the match.  I don't know why they had all the women matches on TV to build to Madusa vs Mona and then dropped it a week before the show.  I just don't know.


This is the last Road Wild show.  It's the last PPV of the worst 3-4 month period in WCW history.  The Summer of 1999 is worse than anything in 1998, 2000, and 2001.  Nothing but garbage, terrible booking, terrible angles, terrible matches.  Guess what?  There was no body guard for Gorgeous George.  The body guard was also the driver of the Hummer, so I guess that means there was no driver to begin with.  Maybe there was no Hummer.  My noodle is baked.

WCW Road Wild 8/8/98

Tenay looks like a fucking goof in is jean jacket and sunglasses. Tony looks like a creep in his leather jacket and sunglasses. 


Meng vs Barbarian

They start out doing a full on Sumo match. Barb hits a belly to belly and goes for the powerbomb. Meng reverses and hits a piledriver. He misses a diving headbutt, but hits a super kick. They go up top and Barb hits a top rope belly to belly. Meng comes back with a powerslam that actually got 3, but the ref said it was 2. Meng goes after Jimmy. They get into a chop/headbutt battle. Barb loads his boot up, but turns around right into the Tongan deathgrip. Jimmy tries to fight Meng off and calls Hugh in. They hold him down so Jimmy can hit a Superfly splash. Then Hugh hits the moonsault. Jim Duggan runs out to make the save. 


Dancing Fools vs Public Enemy

Who is this crowd supposed to support? It’s a 100% biker crowd, and this match has a German who dances to techno, a guy who dances to disco music, a Japanese guy who does a lot of pelvic thrusting, and two white guys who think they’re black gangsters from 1993. It doesn’t seem like the most thought out match for this crowd. Never mind that these two teams have faced off at least 3 times in the last month and a half. You need to book for your crowd. This is not booking for your crowd. Alex and Rocco start out. After some dancing, Disco gets tagged and gets his ass beat. They recoup and Alex Wright hits a missile dropkick. More dancing. Double Flapjack Norton to Disco. Alex brings in a trash can and uses it. I guess this is no dq now. Rocco comes back with a ladder. He uses it once and throws it out of the ring. Disco and Alex pack up and leave. Magnum stays around. The Fools come back out with a table. Two tables now. Disco gets on the mic and says it is a street fight. The ref agrees. No shit. PE leave and come back with a kitchen sink and toilet seat. Suplex on a trash can. Kitchen sink to the back of Grunge. This is a mess. Disco and Alex aren’t used to using weapons and PE are pretty bad. Just get to the table spot. Magnum accidentally hits Alex. Alex drops him, but the camera cut away, so we didn’t see it at all. Both Alex and Magnum walk out. They do a hilariously bad see-saw spot with Disco and a ladder. 3 tables are stacked on the road. PE drags Disco up a ladder and place him on top of them. Rocco drops an elbow from the scaffolding. Magnum came back just to botch breaking up a pin. This was garbage and will actually end up being the second longest match of the show.


Raven vs Kanyon vs Saturn

This should be the match of the night, but their first triple threat was super disappointing. Kanyon actually shows up this time. Saturn lays him out as soon as the match starts. Raven just hangs out and watches. He hits Saturn with a chair, then tosses it to Kanyon to use. He gets hit by Saturn before he can. Raven then throws him into the ring post and also throws Saturn to the floor. Brain tries to get as confusing as he can with who is fighting with who. Kanyon and Saturn realize that Raven isn’t doing shit and decide to both go after him. Baseball slide to the DICK. Neckbreaker/back suplex combo. TOTAL ELIMINATION! Rolling Russian leg sweeps from Kanyon. Saturn waits and hits a guillotine leg drop. Kanyon breaks up the pin. Spinning Perfect Plex that Saturn broke up with a sweet leg sweep. Raven hits both guys with a chair at the same time. Now they hit the road. “They’re having a fight-by”. Raven hits a suplex on the ramp. Kanyon then hits a piledriver on the stage to Saturn. A dropkick sends Kanyon rolling down the ramp. Saturn dives off the stage on to both men. Stun gun on the ramp. It goes back into the ring. They do drop down spots that ends in an exploddaaaah. Double sleeper. Double jaw breaker. Superplex/electric chair combo. Raven went for a double DDT. Kanyon held on to the ropes. Kanyon then suplexed Raven on the floor. He climbs up the scaffold to drop a splash, but Lodi got Raven out of the way. DVD. Lodi also broke it up and gets suplexed. Whoreass comes in with the stop sign. Lodi threw powder, that hit Horace. Whoreass then hit Lodi with the stop sign, and accidentally hit Raven with it. Saturn hits another DVD for the win.


Psychosis vs Rey Mysterio Jr.

Winner will get a title shot at a later date. I’ll just give you the gifs, as I’m sure they will be running through their standard spots. It was weird. It was very slow paced for these guys and had little to no flow during it. I would think that after a big man clubbering match and two garbage matches that they’d want this to be a crazy fast paced sprint, but this wasn't that at all.


Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs Stevie Ray WCW TV Championship

Lol. This definitely isn’t a PPV match. Chavo tries a hand shake. Stevie won’t go for it, but Chavo gives a pretty solid “must not fap” gif. Chavo makes Stevie chase him repeatedly to wear him out. Which was fine the first 3 times he did it. But by the 6th time, it was annoying and Stevie was tired of it. Chavo gets in the ring and walks right into the Slapjack. Eddie comes out to save Chavo from a beat down, but also tells Stevie there is no problem between them. 


Rick Steiner comes out for his match with Scott. I don’t know why, they already said it was called off on Thunder. JoJo comes out and tells him as much. Buff wheels Scott out on a gurney. He’s on oxygen, has a neck brace, his arm, and a leg wrapped up. WCW has the right to reschedule this match with in 45 days. So the match is rebooked for Fall Brawl. If Scott doesn’t show for that match, he’ll be banned. He gets up and runs off.


Brian Adams vs Steve McMichael

I was hoping for none of the nWo guys getting double duty. Especially not Crush or Konnan. 


Chris Jericho vs Juventud Guerrera WCW Cruiserweight Championship Special Guest Referee: Dean Malenko

Brain wonders if and when Dean reffed a match last. Obviously he didn’t watch Thunder, which was 3 days ago. Nor did he pay attention to the SNME that Dean was a ref at. Jericho comes out in his kimono. Tony wonders what the hell that is. He apparently also doesn’t watch the show, even ones that he calls, as this isn’t the first time Jericho has worn this in the last 2 weeks. Tony says Jericho is a “big SWERVER”. Jericho goes for cheap heat by talking about his Honda. Dean prevents Jericho from hitting Juvi in the ropes. Big drop kick from Juvi. Dean hits or shoves Jericho down, but the camera completely missed it. He yanked Jericho down by his hair apparently. Juvi hits a missile drop kick. Juvi hits a dive from the ring all the way past the extended apron and to the floor. A good 15 feet I’d imagine. The ring itself is close to 8 and the apron is another 4 or so. Give or take. Juvi does a springboard cross body. Jericho fell back, so they just redid the spot with Jericho catching him and dropping into a TTD. Jericho works a chin lock for a while. Juvi finally makes a come back by reversing a suplex. He then gets his knees up to block the Lionsault. Spinning head scissors. Flying wheel kick. He goes for a rana and gets hit with a double powerbomb. Triangle shoulder block sends Juvi to the floor. Another powerbomb a few minutes later was countered into a DDT. Juvi driver, but Jericho kicked out. Superplex. Butterfly backbreaker is countered into a rana, which is countered into the Liontamer. Juvi got to the ropes. Jericho argues with Dean. Juvi accidentally pokes Dean in the eye. Jericho then hits Juvi with the belt. Juvi still kicks out. Dean slides the belt out of the ring. Did he not wonder how it got there? Jericho drags Juvi to the top rope. Not sure what he was going for, but Dean yanked Juvi down for some reason. Jericho then kicked Dean. Juvi ran at Dean, who popped him up to hit a super rana on Jericho. New champion! That finish didn’t make any sense, though. 



nWo Hollywood vs Wolfpac vs Goldberg Battle Royal

A 9 man battle royal is fucking lame. Just no way around that. It isn’t made clear if this is for the title or not. I’d guess that the entrances will take longer than the match. Scott Hall looks so sad. Both the nWo and Wolfpac music played through twice during entrances. Hall is the first to be eliminated by getting back dropped by Goldberg while trying the Outsider’s Edge. Nash steps over the ropes and eliminates himself to go after Hall. This is a typical shitty WCW battle royal. WWE has always been better at them. It comes down to Giant and Goldberg. Goldberg no sells the chokeslam, hits the spear, and then the jackhammer. And pins Giant to win a battle royal. There wasn’t a single pinfall attempt before this, nor was it announced that pinfalls also counted.


Hollywood Hogan/Eric Bischoff vs DDP/Jay Leno

I still can’t believe this match happened. And they came out to the Tonight Show theme. And then entrance focused on Jay the entire time. Remember when Jay Leno was actually funny? It was sometime before 1988. Leno throws his water on Hogan and Bischoff. DDP and Hogan start. Hogan bails after a neck breaker. Eubanks throws Hulk into the ring post. Leno gets tagged in. Bischoff runs away. Leno vs Hogan. The biggest match since Hogan vs Andre. Jay out-quicks Hogan a few times before tagging out. Not only does Hogan sell for Leno, he actually drops to his knees from an arm twist. Hulk Hogan. Selling for Jay Leno. More than he sold for Sting. He gets a 2 count on Hulk Hogan. Jay fucking Leno. Hogan tried to use a chair. Eubanks took it from him, and Hulk punched it. This is awful. Hogan used an international object on DDP. Bischoff makes the pin, but DDP kicks out. Big boot. DDP makes the hot tag. To Jay Leno. Kevin Eubanks hits a Kanyon Cutter on Bischoff, which the camera mostly missed, and Leno pins Bischoff to win the match. The nWo attack after the match. Goldberg runs down with his title still on and hits an awful double spear that the camera also mostly missed. And they play the Tonight Show theme to close out the show. 


This show fucking sucked. Spring Stampede 2000 levels of bad. Terrible pacing, the majority of the card was thrown together last minute, everyone was half assing it, tons of blown spots both from the wrestlers and the production team, Hulk Hogan (the biggest star in history up to that point) seling more for 48 year old comedian Jay Leno than 80% of guys he ever faced in WCW.

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WCW Road Wild 1997

I lol at Tony getting a fake tattoo every year for this show. 


Vicious and Delicious vs Harlem Heat

Now, the nWo team are the heels. I'll let you guess which team is actually getting booed at a biker rally in South Dakota. Weirdly, Buff is actually doing full on fiery babyface spots to open the match. Also weird having both members of HH throwing Norton around. Norton is definitely working heel, but Buff is working almost underdog face. And HH seem to be working kind of heel. This is quite strange. Miss Jackie comes out to be in the corner of Harlem Heat. Virgil is NOT happy about it. Virgil causes a distraction to Stevie. Stevie beats on him, Buff beats on Stevie. On the other side of the ring, Jackie distracts Norton, and Booker hits a huge side kick to get the win.

 
 


Ted DiBiase is doing an internet interview right now. They had internet connections in the middle of this rally in 1997? 



Konnan vs Rey Mysterio Jr.

Mexican Death Match

So the rules for this match are...there are no rules. There must be a winner. No one is a winner with a Konnan match. Konnan focuses on the recently healed leg, of course. Rey does a great job of selling it. Konnan is not going a great job of doing the actual leg work. Because he's KONNAN. Motherfucker can't do anything that looks good. He either manages to drop a guy on his head, or do moves that look like they wouldn't hurt a baby. There is really no in-between. In this case, he did both in the same match. He dropped Rey RIGHT on his fucking head on the 187, yet did the shittiest powerbomb earlier in the match. Konnan wins with the tequila sunrise. Rey is stretchered out again. Structurally, this was fine. Would have been a good match if someone else was in Konnan's role.  

 
 

Chris Benoit/Steve McMichael vs Jeff Jarrett/Dean Malenko

Jeff/Mongo is never going to end. :( Jarrett's WCW run got old as fuck about a month in. This stuff with Mongo is just BRUTAL. And now Dean/Benoit are getting dragged into it. Weirdly, Dean and Benoit have a lot of miscommunications in their opening exchange. It was one of those "look at how equal these guys are" deals, but they both struggled their way through it. Very uncharacteristic of both. This is an elimination match, I guess. Dean works the first like...6 minutes of the match. Crowd really comes alive when Jeff gets tagged in to face Mongo. And Jeff quickly pulls Mongo on top of him to get himself eliminated. Lol. What a SWERVE to Dean. A month long SWERVE. Dean last a few more minutes, but succumbs to the numbers game.

 
 

Alex Wright vs Chris Jericho WCW Cruiserweight Championship

Tenay gives us an update on Rey: At least a severe left knee strain. Not in the least interested seeing this match again. These dudes have zero chemistry. And you know what makes the most sense to do when you have two guys with no chemistry in a match? Give them 15 minutes at a biker rally. Alex wins with a roll up with a handful of tights. Title retained.

 
 

Syxx vs Ric Flair

This should be good. Flair is going to give Syxx THE BUSINESS. "It's a new era. It's a new time. And he's still a-playin' big time in this era. What is this right now? You know what I mean?" Not really, Dusty. There are a number of stories in this: Flair forcing Syxx to respect him, youth vs experience, WCW vs nWo, Syxx trying to prove himself to be on Flair's level. Still, because Ric Flair is Ric Flair, you'll have some hilariously weird spots and reactions as Flair has no idea how to deal with spin kicks or flippy shit. Syxx controls most of the match. Ric wins after blocking the bronco buster with his foot and pinning with his feet on the ropes. Very enjoyable match. Momentum seems to be on WCW's side tonight. Can you imagine a world in 1996 WWF where heel 123 Kid would be in a feud with like...Taker or Bret? And often getting the better of them? WCW being able to book Syxx as a guy who can believably bounce back and forth between Prince and Ric Flair and conceivably win or loss either match is some excellent booking.

 
 

Curt Hennig vs DDP

Perfect is so flabby. He's been getting in worse shape every week since coming to WCW. He also looks like he's already injured. Very slow, wincing constantly, looking like he's just trying to get through the match. Perfect controls most of the match with rest holds and old school heel tactics. DDP got busted open on an exposed buckle, which meant the rest of the match was a wide shot. He also kicked out of the Perfect Plex. We get a ref bump, and Flair comes out only to be hit with the Kanyon Cutter. Perfect hits another Perfect Plex to get the win. I'm not sure Hennig should have even been wrestling, let alone winning. I'm also so frustrated with how they book the Horsemen. Hennig was a face on Nitro except when he was with DDP. Flair was heel against DDP, face against Syxx, then heel again trying to cost DDP the match. Then Benoit and Mongo are faces, except when they're not. They aren't even tweeners, they're flip floppers. Zero consistency. 

 
 

Randy Savage vs The Giant

Remember that time Giant dropped Macho on the fucking post AND steps that one time? Macho tries to body slam Giant at the start of the match for some reason. He then works the leg for a few minutes before losing to a chokeslam in a short, nothing match.


The Outsiders vs Steiner Brothers WCW Tag Team Championships

"You make no mistake about it. Scott Hall and Kevin Nash, athletic ability on, I mean, not, not matched by many, or by any, if there, that is true." Lol at one of the bikers trying to rev along to the nWo theme. The Steiners ride out on their bikes, with a ridiculous amount of fireworks that you could barely even see. This angle has been going on all year. How many times have the Steiners been screwed out of the titles? Will it happen again tonight? The nWo has lost every match tonight. WCW seems to have a lot of momentum in this war. Scotty was so great at taking big boots. He would just EAT those boots and go down with such velocity. Made anyone look like a killer. Hall and Nash appear to be a better tag team than the Steiner BROTHERS. Scott ends up as FIP. Well, I don't know if "in peril" is accurate with Scott Steiner, but he was the face in the ring for most of the match, at least. For guys that had most of their training in New York, The Ousiders sure are experts at the Southern Tag formula. Rick finally gets the hot tag. Steiner bulldog to Hall. Kevin Nash pulls Nick Patrick out of the ring...DISQUALIFICATION! Lmao. How long can they drag this title win out? The Steiners and Ted celebrate with the titles. So...three vets here didn't realize you can't win the titles via DQ? Ted is now as dumb as the Steiners? Fans are chanting bullshit. Good match, even with the finish. 

 
 

Hulk Hogan vs Lex Luger WCW Championship

Lmao at Bruce Buffer wearing a leather beret with his tux. There is a lot of time left, and their long ass Nitro match was pretty terrible, so this does not bode well. Do people really want to see Hogan and Lex work hammer locks for 10 minutes? This is terrible. Sleep inducing garbage. The nWo comes out. Obviously a guy in a Sting mask hits Lex with a bat. Hogan hits the leg drop. New champion. Fans throw shit and the nWo quickly heads to the back. The Steiners and Curt Hennig come to check on Lex after the match.  Oh, so Perfect is a face again?

 
 


TO THE BACK. The nWo repaint the title. Dennis Rodman is with them. Why are they letting Konnan hold this belt? 

 
 

I liked Flair/Syxx and Outsiders/Steiners. Everything else ranged from meh to dreadfully boring. The nWo shit is really starting to wear out its welcome. This one group of like 10 guys somehow comes out on top every time, nothing WCW does puts a dent in them, anything WCW DOES get over on them is quickly undone. It's been over a year now. At the same time, you have other super long angles that just won't end like Mongo/Double J and the Steiners/Outsiders, which are getting ridiculous. At some point you have to let the faces win and have it stick.

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WCW Hog Wild 1996
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Do you like wrestling?  Do you like motorcycles?  Then you'll love Hog Wild.  The announcers all look ridiculous.  

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Rey Mysterio Jr vs Ultimate Dragon WCW Cruiserweight Championship

Mother fucking Ultimo.  Dope.  A bonus match.  This starts with nothing but mat work.  USA USA USA chants.  You can hear Sonny says that's so stupid because Rey is Mexican.  INDIE RESPECK. Dragon hits his dope kick combo.  Running Liger bomb!  Ultimo locks on a figure four, which sends Dusty into a weird confusing anecdote.  Sonny is "the snake in the rice patty".  Bow and arrow back breaker.  Rey gets back into it with a missile dropkick.  Rey comes flying from the top past the mats and down to the ground.  An additional 4 feet or so.  He comes back into the ring with a diving rana.  Ultimo does a 619 feint and does his own dive.  Dragon could have had the title won multiple times, but he never goes for pins.  Big German suplex and a moonsault.  The second Liger bomb is countered with a rana.  Rey gets the win with a double jump super rana.  Title retained.  

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Gene plugs the hotline.  Then we get a little back ground on the Sturgis event.  

Scott Norton vs Ice Train

SMOOV has a heavily taped up shoulder.  Norton immediately attacks it.  A lot of chops.  Norton won with a Fujiwara arm bar.

There is a video covering the attack on Arn Anderson and Flair's response.  

Then more random shots of bikes and stuff going on at Sturgis.

Madusa vs Bull Nakano Battle of the Bikes

The winner gets to tear up the bike of the loser.  Bull attacks with nun-chucks.  "They was NUMCHUCKS!"  Bull breaks out the Scorpion Cross Lock.  Madusa is a real dick and messes Bull's hair up.  It's okay.  Bull paid her back with a walloping lariato/punch thing.  Bull thinks she wins.  Sonny goes after Madusa's bike with a sledge hammer.  He gets one hit off to the seat before Madusa starts throwing rocks at him.  She takes the hammer and busts up Bull's bike.  I don't even know what the result was.  Apparently it was Bull's shoulders that were down on the count.  

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The Steiners are at the CompuServe desk.  It appeared Scott was setting up a bang session, while Rick was playing a game and making the sound effects himself.


That Motherfucker Dean Malenko vs Chris Benoit

The action starts with an immediate double leg take down from Benoit and he starts a clubberin. Dean turns his fortunes around with a suplex and neck breaker.  A pretty extended pinning sequence includes both guys bridging up before it ends.  Backlund Lift from Benoit!  With as much as Benoit struggled to do it to someone the size of TMF, it really puts Backlund doing it to guys the size of Hogan into perspective.  Mid air collision.  They're basically having a NJPW juniors match in the middle of a biker rally.  Benoit connects hard with the Iron Eagle.  Dean responds with a tombstone.  TMF goes up top.  Benoit catches him with a superplex that looked like it broke his own neck.  Whole bunches of suplexes from both guys.  With 5 minutes left in the time limit, Benoit applies a Lion Tamer.  Time expires as Benoit was being pinned in a powerbomb.  We're going to get a 5 minute overtime.  Benoit uses the cloverleaf.  The extra 5 minutes also expire.  5 more minutes!  Benoit pins Dean with a school boy while holding the ropes after a distraction from Woman.

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Harlem Heat vs Steiner Brothers WCW Tag Team Championships

"I'll tell you what, I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous."  Sadly, and unsurprisingly, Harlem Heat are by far the biggest heels at a biker rally.  Scott and Booker begin.  Even though it is for the wrong reasons, this is the hottest the crowd has been all night.  Steiners are dominating.  Rick VERY LOUDLY screams SHUT UP BITCH at Sherri.  This was after he had tried to kick her in the face earlier in the match.  Some weird stuff going on with them.  Steiners are actually working this like they're the heels.  Doing the unseen tags, low blows, trying to attack a manager who isn't doing anything.  Stevie low bridges Rick, who goes flying over the top.  Booker and Scott both get powder thrown in their faces.  Parker breaks his cane on Scott's head.  Harlem Heat wins.  Titles retained.  Fans throws stuff at HH as they leave.

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We get footage of the big WCW bike ride from Minneapolis to Sturgis.  

Eddie Guerrero vs Ric Flair WCW US Championship

Flair STILL has discoloration on his chest/shoulder from some Pillman slaps almost a year prior.  Eddie is not intimidated by Ric.  Neither is the ref.  Eddie knees Flair in the face trying a leap frog.  They then botch a back suplex reversal, with Eddie appearing to hurt his ankle, and Flair hurting his arm.  The lights go out.  Some chops gets Eddie all knock kneed if you wheel.  This match is awkward.  In fact, this whole show has been weird.  A show that would be a good card for most places is awkward and flat around a bunch of surprisingly quiet and tame large group of drunk bikers.  Except when there were two black guys in the ring.  Big tornado DDT.  You know, this crowd was way more hostile with the two black guys than the Japanese dude driving a Honda bike out there.  You know what bikers love?  Ric Flair's ass.  Eddie hits a frog splash and hurts his knee, which is the same thing that happened in their last match together.  RIC FLAIR hits a big lariatoooo.   And it also ends the same way as their last match: With Eddie being pinned in the figure four instead of giving up as Woman gives Ric leverage.  In fact, it might have been the same match all around.  Title retained.

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TO THE MEAN GENE.  Giant and Jimmy are guests in Gene's genetic corner.  Idk what the means.  I don't give a shit.  Gene says that Giant idolized Hulk Hogan.  WTF, now Giant says he was the biggest Hogan fan in the world growing up.  WHAT.  WHAT.  WHAT.  Are we ignoring the entire last year of Giant's storylines?  Because I'm pretty sure before this promo, Giant grew up hating Hulk his entire life for what happened to Andre at WM3.  In fact, the whole impetus for the Giant character was his life long hatred of Hulk Hogan.

The Outsiders vs Sting/Lex Luger

Nash pats Nick Patrick on the ass, which is kind of weird, but maybe not as weird as you'd initially think.  Hall and Lex start the match.  I'm hoping for Hall to give me a funny gif or two in this.  Hall bounces all around for Lex.  Nash tags in.  A whole lot of titty flexing from Lex.  Nash wants Sting in and spits on him to motivate the tag.  Sting spits back.  The classic speed vs power battle.  Sting pokes Nash in the eyes and slams him WIT DA GREATEST OF EASE.  Hall fucking DECKS Sting.  Sting falls into FIP role.  Nash has his working boots on tonight.  I haven't seen him moving so fast maybe ever.  BIG BOOT.  Sting fights out of the Outsider's Edge.  Hot tag to Lex.  Sting gets Nash in the Scorpion Death Lock on the floor.  Lex tries to put Hall in the torture rack.  Hall's feet hit Patrick in the eye.  He then accidentally stumbles into a chop block on Lex.  Hall pins him and Nick gives a questionable count.

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Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant WCW Championship

Brain has clearly been drinking.  By the time of the main event, he sounds completely sloshed and is slurring his words.   Either he's drunk or had a stroke sometime during Flair/Eddie.  It sounds like so much effort for him to speak.  Tons of stalling from Hulk.  Hulk actually wins a test of strength against the Giant.  Then he's able to throw Giant to the mat by the hair with ONE HAND.  You thought the Starrcade match with Sting was ridiculous.  Here, Hulk is dominating The Giant, who had been the most dominant guy in the company for the past 6 months.  He's both out wrestling and out powering Giant.  Giant eventually starts throwing headbutts, one of which sends Hulk over the top rope.  Don't worry, this was just a transition for Hulk to again over power and throw Giant around.  Hogan is actually far more dominant against Giant here than he was in their matches when he was the face.  Giant HULKS UP.  Big boot!  As he calls for the chokeslam, Hall and Nash hit the ring.  Hall eats a chokeslam.  Nash tried to hit Giant with the megaphone.  Nash got chokeslamed.  Hulk drills Giant with the title to get the win.  Why didn't Randy Anderson call for the bell when BOTH Outsiders were IN THE RING?  New champion!  

The Booty Man comes to ringside with a cake, as Hulk's birthday was the next day.  He's wearing an NWO shirt.  "YO YO YO YO, the NWO is the way to go!"  Giant is still completely dead in the ring.  Hulk hugs and kisses Beefcake.  They're brothers, brother.  But the NWO doesn't mix business with pleasure or friendship and they attack Beefcake.  My god, they've spray painted the WCW Championship.  The Giant is STILL dead.    

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This probably could have been a classic show if it was in an arena where the fans gave a shit about wrestling.  Instead, it was at a biker rally where the bikers didn't care about anything except being uncomfortably hostile towards Harlem Heat.  Brain got completely hammered during the show, to the point where he could barely speak by the main event.  Hulk's domination of The Giant was about the most ridiculous shit.  As bad as what he pulled at Starrcade 1997.  The Giant had been the most dominant guy in WCW for 6 months.  Unstoppable.  No one could handle him.  Hulk comes in, having not wrestled since March, and spends 90% of the match easily out powering and out wrestling Giant.  More than once he was able to throw Giant down with one arm.  And then KOs Giant for 10 minutes from a belt shot. 

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WCW Battlebowl 1993
 
 

It's BATTLEBOWL!  Wonder what kind of dog shit this show will produce.

Mean Gene and Fifi will be handling the drawings for tonight. That means we get to see him hitting on her before every match!



Cactus Jack/Vader vs Kane/Charlie Norris

Vader actually punched Harley Race to get to Cactus. Kane is Stevie Ray, although Booker T was actually the member of Harlem Heat that was drawn. Harley convinces Vader to stay so he can make it to Battlebowl. They keep calling Stevie as Kole, though. Charlie Norris seems like WCW being like "Well, Vince has an Indian, so we should have one, too". Once Cactus and Vader stop fighting, they actually make a pretty solid team. As you'd imagine, this is a disjointed mess. Vader falls over powerbombing Charlie Norris, and appears to have injured his own back doing it. Vader is very over in Florida.  

 
 


Johnny B. Badd/Brian Knobs vs Erik Watts/Paul Roma

Ew. This has to be legitimately random, because I refuse to believe someone would purposely book a match like this. Roma and Johnny start. At least they're in shape. This is terrible. Knobs pins Watts while pulling the tights.

 
 


Paul Orndorff/Shockmaster vs Ricky Steamboat/Steven Regal

Regal and Orndorff mixing it up sounds interesting. With my luck, they'll never even interact. It doesn't seem like they will for quite a while. The finally do, though. Steamboat gets pissed that Regal and Orndorff shook hands. Jesse keeps talking about NAFTA during this match. Wrestling fans definitely want to hear about trade agreements in the middle of a match. I'd like to see a Regal/Orndorff match that starts out as friendly heels before devolving into one of them (probably Orndorff) getting pissed and throwing fists. Regal ends up trying to use the umbrella on Typhoon, but Steamboat took it and hit his own fucking partner with it. Shockmaster pins Regal with a big splash.

 
 


The announcement for Starrcade is shown, with building managers bidding on hosting it. Vader is there in a suit...with his mask on. Ric Flair showed up to ask for a title match. Ric puts his career on the line to entice Vader to agree to the match.



Awesome Kong/Equalizer vs King Kong/Dustin Rhodes

Jesus Christ. Poor Goldy. Dustin wins with the bulldog. Horrific.  I think he pinned his partner, actually.


Ron Simmons/Keith Cole vs Sting/Jerry Sags

Maybe Faarooq will try to kill Sags or something. Sting is the only dude people care about here. This show is truly horrific. Sags pinned Keith. Ron turned on Keith after the match.

 
 

Ric Flair/Steve Austin vs Maxx Payne/2 Cold Scorpio

Scorp and Flair running spots seems like a trainwreck waiting to happen. Lots of arguing from Austin and Flair. Scorp and Austin running spots is not particularly smooth, though. RIC FLAIR won't let Steve Austin cheat. THE DIRTIEST PLAYER IN THE GAME. What the fuck? Falir makes Maxx tap to the figure four.

 
 

Shanghai Pierce/Rick Rude vs Tex Slazenger/Marcus Bagwell

Can we just cut the Godwinns out of this match completely? Rude looks incredible. Even for him. This was okay when Rude and Buff were in the ring, but still terrible. Rude hits the Rude Awakening on Phineas to win.

 
 

Hawk/Rip Rogers vs Kole/British Bulldog

Hawk beat up his partner before the match for bugging him. Booker doesn't seem to want Bulldog as his partner, either. Rip finally makes it to the ring only to be hit by Booker right away. Hawk then throws Rip on top of Booker, and Rip gets the win. Bulldog high fived Hawk, even though he just lost the match.



Battlebowl

Finally, this show is coming to an end. However, it's like a 30 minute battle royal. Horrible. Austin posts Dustin, who proceeds to bleed everywhere. Literally just pouring blood out of his head. Hawk ends up eliminating Rude in what looked like an accident. The final four are Sting, Vader, Austin, and Flair. All of them end up on the ramp. Flair is stretchered out after Vader drops an elbow on his junk. Sting ends up eliminating himself when he bounced over the ropes after missing a Stinger Splash. Vader is your Battlebowl champion.

 
 


What a terrible, terrible show. About as bad as it gets. No surprise the business in the US was dead with garbage like this being put out on PPV. The matches were all constructed in a manner that made the shitty guys look shittier, and the guys with talent be unable to showcase it. Plus every single match had an awkward segment of Gene flirting with Fifi before it. Every single one. Jesse was bored out of his mind, so he spent most of the show talking about politics, football, or just generally trying to get a rise out of Tony, who often went silent for long stretches of matches with no response. Everything about this show was awful.

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WCW Beach Blast 1993

 


TO THE BEACH. Eric Bischoff and Missy Hyatt open the show from the beach set and run down the show, which is pretty pointless considering the opening video did the same thing. They throw it to Tony and Jesse.

TO THE SCHIAVONE. Jesse is nowhere to be found. As it turns out, he's at the tiki bar with some ladies. Jesse implies he's going to have a five-some later tonight. I wonder why Jesse thought shaving his head except for a patch on the back of his head, and then letting that grow out to his shoulders was a great idea. It's like a skullet rat tail. People voted for him to be mayor with that hair cut.

Ron Simmons vs Paul Orndorff WCW Television Championship

If Wonderful gets disqualified in this match, he will lose the title. Paul gets HEATED over "Paula" chants/signs. Faarooq gets off an offensive flurry and Wonderful bails. Stalling set to level 8. "Mr. #1derful". Not Wonderful. Excuse me. Wonderful has quite a bit of offense with his baby arm, which is kind of weird. Going up top for a flying knee drop was a bad call. This is pretty boring. Simmons is only enjoyable when he's merc'ing fools or cutting super angry promos. This has him trying to do mat work and Orndorff controlling the pace. Ron got himself disqualified for backdroping Wonderful over the top rope. Title retained. Entirely skipable. 6 months ago, Simmons was the WCW Champion. Now he's losing in the opening match of a PPV for the lowest ranked title. 

2 Cold Scorpio/Marcus Alexander Bagwell vs Tex Slazenger/Shanghi Pierce

Scorp and Buff have their own secret handshake AND dance. Both are 90s as fuck. The Godwinns have dog shit. I will NEVER figure out how they got hired by Vince. I mean, these shits got hired before Scorpio. Can you believe that shit? Scorp gets hit with a huge back body drop from Mideon. The Godwinns end up focusing on Buff's arm. He plays FIP for a while. Henry hit a DOPE Doctor Bomb on Buff. Likely the best thing he's ever done in his career. Buff finally makes the hot tag. He FUNKS UP and gets the win with the 450. 

TO THE MISSY. Missy is with Mr. Wonderful and his new pal, The Equalizer. He calls himself the John Wayne of wrestling and claims to be a very fair and rule abiding wrestler. 

Lord Steven Regal vs Erik Watts 

Erik's name plate is for Regal. WCW made it 41 minutes in without a production error, so that's pretty good for them. Poor Regal. Dude shouldn't be put in the ring with shits like Erik Watts. Although I guess there probably aren't many better people to teach him how to get better. But maybe not do that on PPV. Jesse BERRIES Oklahoma repeatedly, likely just to piss JR off. Jesse also shits on the fans for not appreciating Regal's excellent wrestling skills. Tony agrees. Regal drags Watts through a VERY basic match and wins after interference from Sir William.  

TO THE BODY. Jesse speaks with the good Lord. "I didn't even break a sweat beating him." Regal is dripping with sweat. He's coming back for the TV Championship.

Maxx Payne vs Johnny B. Badd

This is a GRUDGE MATCH based on Maxx shooting Johnny's Badd Blaster in Johnny's own face. It was very phallic and symbolic. Johnny wears a pretty odd looking mask. He tries something in the corner, overshoots, and goes flying over the ropes/post. This injured the arm and Maxx focused right on it. How convienent. Maxx dominates until he punches the ring post like a dip shit. Johnny then wins with a shity second rope crossbody. 

Arn Anderson/Paul Roma vs Hollywood Blonds WCW Tag Team Championships

This version of the Horsemen theme is weird. Actually, so is the team. Pretty Paul just doesn't fit at all. The Blonds are Stallone's favorite team, you know. Roma and Austin begin. Pillman is dead, Pee Wee is dead, Roma might as well be dead, Ventura is hiding in a bunker in Mexico, Arn is getting drunk at Raw every week, and Austin is doing podcasts and reality shows. Quite a bit of traditional Southern stalling techniques from the Blonds. Fitting, since this show is from Biloxi. The Horsemen are faces, but they're still the Horsemen and are not above cheating at will. Arn knocks the shit out of Austin. Ain't playing that shit. Arn doesn't fall for any of the cheating techniques. He's literally done all of them for 10 years at this point. Arn out cheated Ric Flair. I don't think Austin had a chance. Roma somehow manages to pin himself doing a backslide. I've never seen someone fuck up a backslide like that. Truly a one of a kind talent. Roma missed a giant patch of hair on his lower back, which leads me to believe he probably has a terribly hairy ass. Roma is an awful, awful face. He was fine in Power and Glory and Pretty Wonderful, but as a face Horseman, he's trash. Pillman fakes a knee injury. Arn didn't really buy it, but still got suckered into a cheap shot. Is Pillman going to wrestle the rest of the match with one of his ass cheeks hanging out? Apparently so. This is basically Roma's match to lose. Arn should stop tagging out, because the momentum changes every time he does. Austin is such a piece of shit in this. It's wonderful. A big "BRET THE HITMAN HART #1 3 Crown" sign gets put up right in front of the hard cam. Pillman's ass is still hanging out. Hot tag to Arn. Dope DDT to Pillman. Austin was able to break the pin and slow things back down. There is a second, extended FIP segment, this time with Arn. Arn pulls Austin over the top while on the apron. This wasn't a DQ. Jesse is pretty hot about that. He's right. If Simmons got DQ'd for that in the opener, there is no reason why Arn wasn't just then. His was even more blatant and intentional, too. Arn finally makes the hot tag. Paul is PRETTYING UP! Spinebuster on Austin. Pillman breaks the pin. Roma gets blasted while making a pin and Austin rolls him up. Titles retained. This went on too long. They probably could have cut 8 minutes and this would have been a very, very solid match. 

TO THE BEACH. Eric and Missy talk about the iron man match. Missy makes a joke about a threesome going on for 30 minutes is her dream.

Rick Rude vs Dustin Rhodes WCW US Championship Iron Man Match

Last year at this event, Rude had one of the greatest matches I've ever seen in another iron man match, that time with Ricky Steamboat. He has his work cut out getting to that level again. Jesse BERRIES Dustin's music. I'm inclined to agree with him. That cow roping shit is for the birds. The first 40 seconds are just shit talking. After some aggressive lock ups, there is more shit talking. "There ain't no Biloxi Blues when those hips rotate, Tony!" Dustin gets the first real advantage of the night with a back body drop. Rude tweaks his back and Dustin goes to work on it. Do you think dudes ever tried to stiff the shit out of Rude because they were jealous of his body and staggering masculinity? Dustin does the hip swivel, much to Tony's delight. "Ooh, that makes me wanna throw up! Looks like a big, fat Texas steer in heat." Five minutes in and Rhodes is in solid control. Rude comes back with a lariato that sends Dustin spinning. Rude might have thrown his back out doing the swivel. Rude focuses on the neck, Dustin on the back. 10 minutes in and there has yet to be a decision. Dustin switches up and goes after the leg. Rude Awakening! Rude pulls ahead 1 to 0. We are at the halfway point. Dustin took a hard bump on the ramp. Thudded like a motherfucker. Rude continues to control the pace after picking up the first fall. Dustin has really had no comeback since then. Tombstone reversal spot. Rude kicks out of it. Undertaker BERRIED. "YOU AIN'T SHIT RHODES!" "Well, the pitfalls of live TV." "Heh." 8 minutes left. Dustin looks like he has no chance at this point. Dustin's hand hits the mat 3 times during a sleeper. Nick Patrick doesn't count it. Jesse gets HOT. HOT. Snot rocket! Bulldog OUTTA NOWHERE! Dustin ties it at 1-1 with 3 minutes to go. 30 seconds left. Time expires as Dustin was attempting a pin after a DDT. This match is a draw. Title retained. Good, but definitely not even close to the masterclass that Rude put on in 1992 with Steamboat.

Barry Windham vs Ric Flair NWA Championship

Flair is heated right from the start and chops the shit out of Barry. Barry lariatos him in the mouth. This seems a bit more...fighty than a normal Flair match. Barry hit a super stiff slam on the floor. God damn. Flair hits a top rope move! Flair puts on the figure four.  Barry forgets to raise his shoulder and gets counted down. Flair wins! Lol. New champion. Everyone was like...wait...shit. Very underwhelming. 


TO THE BODY. He talks to Flair about being 10 time champion. He's baaaaack. Or some shit. Fix your teeth, Ric. Lol, Ric says there is only one world champion in the world today. WCW alone has more than one world champion, Ric.

TO THE BEACH. Bischoff and Missy talk about the main event.

Sid Vicious/Big Van Vader vs Sting/Davey Boy Smith 

Sting and Sid start the match. Sting fucks him up. And then Sid hits a huge chokeslam. In theory, Sid/Vader is the most amazing team. The hype of those two just fist bumping and telling at fans. Sounds amazing. In practice, I don't know. They'd be the most wonderful team for squashes at least. Tags are made and Vader just bodies Bulldog. Bulldog is able to hit the stalling suplex on him and Vader just smashes him right after. Bulldog appears to settle into the FIP role. Sid is SO jacked. It's scary. Harley gets involved and gets smashed by Vader on accident. Hot tag to Sting. LOL at Sid doing Terry Funk's teeter totter in the ropes spot. Sting's momentum came to a halt when he got LEVELED with a lariato from Vader. Stiff as fuck. Sting gets stuck as FIP. Sting gets the hot tag, and then Vader hits the Vadersault on Bulldog. Sting breaks the pin by jumping over the ropes from the ramp. Bulldog wins with a crucifix OUTTA NOWHERE! Vader throws a fit after the match. 

 

Solid, but unspectacular wrestling show. Nothing was bad, but nothing really stands out besides the performances of Rude and Austin. Everything was flat and uninspired. Just...a solid wrasslin show. Probably would have been fun to see it live. 

WCW Beach Blast 1992

Tony is looking good tonight. Looks like he's in in the lower part of his yoyo diet. Tony and Eric bring out the new VP of wrestling operations, Bill Watts. Cowboy is wearing a t-shirt, zubaz style pants, and a fanny pack. What a fucking carny. He announces that Madusa and Paul E. will be banned from ringside during Rude/Steamboat. Jesse is hanging out on the beach with some yaks in bikinis.

Scotty Flamingo vs Brian Pillman WCW Light Heavyweight Championship

I can't believe this dude ended up being Raven. From this to Johnny Polo to Raven. I guess that isn't much weirder than Sandman going from surfer dude wearing a wet suit as ring gear to abusive chain smoking drunk in one show. Pillman gets Raven to the mat and works a hammerlock. Crucifix into a sunset flip. Raven kicks out and begs off. Short arm scissors. Brian has some big fucking bruises on his shoulder. Big hip toss. Raven can't get any momentum. Spinning head scissors. Raven is dumped to the floor, which now have no mats because Bill Watts somehow that that made wrestling look more legitimate even though pretty much every sport has padding and protections for their athletes. Pillman goes up top, forgetting momentarily that top rope moves are now disqualifications. This gives Raven his opportunity. He sends Brian to the floor and hits that awkward plancha he does. Brian's quick flurry is cut off with a lariatoo. Raven tries to tea bag him. Brian doesn't appreciate that. It doesn't really matter as he can't do much to do anything about it. Double punch. Raven's flesh colored thong is revealed. He's caught with a dropkick coming off the second rope. Brian fires up and is caught with a powerslam. Raven goes up to taunt and is hit with a belly to back superplex. What a maroon. He's sent to the ramp. Brian tries a dive and face plants on the solid ramp. Raven does a weak second rope knee drop to the back and pins Pillman. New champion!

Johnny B. Badd hosts a bikini contest, which pisses Jesse off so much because he was supposed to be the host. Madusa comes out in a wedding dress. I guess this is a show long bikini contest because we'll get to see Missy Hyatt later.

Terrance Taylor vs Ron Simmons

I get that Watts wanted to try to recreate the super popular black babyface formula that worked for him with JYD, but Ron was never a good singles guy. Neither was JYD, but JYD had a ton of charisma, which Ron never had much of unless he was saying DAMN. And he didn't say DAMN in 1992. It appears that Ron has a signature spot of missing a tackle and landing on the ramp. Pretty uninteresting and nothing match, but Ron wins with a dope powerslam. JR gets some words with Ron after the match.

Marcus Bagwell vs Greg Valentine

So weird. Valentine's music sounds like it uses the same midi guitar used in WCW/NWO Revenge. Hammer looks so old. At least it appears he's going to knock the shit out of Buff. Those chops were no fucking joke. Sounded like a god damn turkey being dropped on the floor. He misses a second rope elbow. Buff nearly wins by countering the figure four. The next attempt is successful and Buff submits.

Sting vs Cactus Jack Falls Count Anywhere

Cactus waits on the ramp for Sting. Sting has no problem with this and shit is ON. Back drop on the ramp. Big facebuster. Sting misses a Stinger Splash and goes hard into the ropes balls first. He rolls to the floor and is hit with a Cactus Elbow to the back. Spinning neck breaker. Cactus gets a near fall with a sunset flip off the apron, which just had him splatting on the floor and into the guard rail. It heads into the crowd. Suplex on th floor. Cactus takes a hard bump getting thrown back to ringside. Lariatoo from Cactus. Cactus kind of does a Stinger Splash. Cactus Clothesline. Chair shots to the back. Sting hits a desperation belly to back on the floor, which really didn't even slow Cactus down much. Stinger Splash is countered into a hot shot on the guard rail. Cactus attempts a piledriver, but Cactus' knee buckled during the move. He tries a second rope Cactus Elbow, which he missed/was caught in a punch on the way down. They head back to the ramp. Series of chair shots, including one to the knee. Sting goes for the Scorpion, only for both men to roll off the ramp. Double arm DDT on the ramp. Sting wins with a flying lariatoo off the ropes on the ramp. One of my favorites from both guys.

Rick Rude vs Ricky Steamboat Iron Man Match

I have no idea why this is non title, nor why Sting/Cactus was non title. Ricky brings his wife and little Richie out with him. Rude should give that kid a Rude Awakening and fuck his wife. Rude tries to attack early only for it to backfire on him. Steamboat already appears to have injured Rude's ribs. Rude shouldn't have tried to attack before the bell. Steamer has been working the ribs non stop for about 4 minutes now. Boston crab. It's turned into a Liontamer-style hold. Fucking those ribs up. Steamboat is vicious in this. Gourdbuster. Steamboat runs into the corner and is caught with a stiff knee to the face that is actually enough to get Rude the first fall. Rude Awakening! 2-0 for Rude. Rude uses his lead to intentionally get disqualified for hitting the top rope knee drop. That shit is brutal. And then he pins Steamboat again. 3-1. Steamboat fires up, but is again caught off guard. He still hasn't recovered from the original knee in the corner. Camel clutch. Fucking LOL at this probably 4 year old kid in the front row doing the hip swivel. Ricky gets out of the camel clutch with an electric chair, but Rude then gets his knees up on a splash attempt. LOL the kid is doing it again. And the best part is he's wearing a Ricky Steamboat head band. Piledriver. Rude attempts a tombstone. Ricky reverses into one of his own to score a pin fall. 3-2. Top rope superplex. Double lariato. Steamboat tries a series of roll ups right out of WM3. Rude stops it with a jaw breaker. LOL again at this fucking kid. I hope that kid crushes today with the moves he learned from watching Rick Rude. Some stiff chops and strikes. Rude goes for the Rude Awakening. Steamboat fights out and hits one of his own! Rope break. This kid in the front row nearly fainted. Vertical suplex. There are also two grandmas in the front row and one of them is getting really into this with 4:30 left. Full body sleeper from Rude. Dragon drops him face first into turnbuckles, but Rude holds on. This looks like a rear naked choke to me, ref. We're under a minute. Steamboat is fighting out of the sleeper. He walks up the ropes and uses the Bret/Piper finish to pull ahead 4-3. Rude hits rapid fire lariatos and roll ups to win the match. Time expires. Man, this is SO FUCKING GOOD. Jesus Christ. WCW Rude is awesome as fuck. Steamboat is awesome as fuck in general and I think 1992-1994 WCW was really his best work.

Part 2 of the bikini contest. Madusa actually wears a bikini this time. Missy comes out this time. I think she probably won, but the votes are determined by vote via the hotline. There is still one more round.

Arn Anderson/Bobby Eaton/Steve Austin vs Dustin Rhodes/Barry Windham/Nikita Koloff

Damn, Bobby cut his mullet. A god damn shame. Barry and Austin start the match. Barry does a second rope Japanese arm drag. How random. Tag to Dustin. Big drop kick. And a standing one. Austin gets a tag to Eaton. Kitchen sink by Bobby. Arn tags in and Dustin gets out of the corner. Arn wants Nikita. Dustin obliges. Ole Anderson is the special ref for some reason, which seems like a conflict of interest with his brother being a participant. Russian Sickle to the back of the head sends Arn over the top rope. Tag to Bobby. Bear hug. Arn breaks it. Atomic drop sends Bobby into Arn and then Austin gets slammed just because. The Alliance regroups. Barry and Arn are now the legal men. After an atomic drop, they conk heads. Arn seems to recover first, but it doesn't last very long. Sleeper from Barry. Arn counters with a back suplex. Tag to Dustin, who takes out all three heels. Arn sends him head first into Bobby's head, which is a weird spot, but a classic Anderson spot. Dustin gets caught in the corner and the Alliance are keeping the ring cut in half. Arn just straight stomps the shit out of Dustin's skull. Repeatedly. Lariatoo from Bobby. Austin hits an even better one. Eaton goes to town on Dustin's arm. Dustin misses the cross body, but doesn't bounce all the way to the floor. The arm work continues through Arn and Austin. Arn tries to send Dustin into Bobby's head again, only for Dustin to send Arn into Eaton. Stun Gun! Hot tag to Barry. Hip tosses everywhere. Arn came off the top while action was getting hot and heavy, so Ole missed it. Superplex! Ole catches Arn the next time he came off the top, causing a DQ. Faces win. I would watch Dangerous Alliance shit all fucking day.

TO THE BISCHOFF. Eric speaks with Ricky Steamboat, who celebrates his win tonight. Paul E. comes out and says Steamboat will never get a shot at the US Championship. Cactus Jack then shows up and attacks Ricky. Security and referees try to separate them.

Jesse tells Johnny B. Badd to take a hike because he should have been in charge of the Miss WCW contest anyway. Jesse point blank asks if Johnny even likes g irls. He doesn't give an answer either way. Missy says someone stole her bikini, so she takes Jesse's bandana and makes a new one. 90s swimwear is not flattering to anyone. Johnny declares Missy Hyatt the First Lady of WCW. Madusa slaps him and backs him into the dressing booth. Johnny comes out with Madusa's top. Jesse wants to take over and declares Madusa the first lady. Because he loves tits.

Steiner Brothers vs Miracle Violence Connection WCW Tag Team Championships

I predict a lot of suplexes and someone getting hit really fucking hard. Gordy and Scott start the match. Gordy gets a waist lock take down. Scott gets the advantage on the mat. Full on amateur exchange. A shoulder block does nothing, so Gordy slaps the shit out of Scott and things get rough. The ref gets things settled. Doc tags in. Another amateur exchange. Imagine how awesome prime Scott vs Brock would be. Doc gets a back elbow to block a German suplex. Tag to Rick. Varsity Club EXPLODE! So far this has been big dudes being really strong by in ways that people who aren't athletes or knowledgeable of amateur style wouldn't understand. Rick hits the first suplex of the match. Doc takes a breather and comes back in with a slam and chop blocks. The third one is countered with a Steinerline. God damn back drop drivaaaaaaaaah from Gordy. Rick is sent out to the ramp. Doc follows it with a hard shoulder block to the gut. Rick is stuck in FIP, with various submissions being applied to keep him down. He just boots Gordy in the face to get out of one of them. Belly to belly. Hot tag to Scott. SHOOT t-bone. They both struggle for submissions. Scott gets a cradle, but Gordy gets to the ropes and tags Doc. This match is very Japanese, with guys fighting for submissions and not letting guys get suplexes off. Gordy holds Scotty for Doc to get some shots in. After a few chops, he kicks Scott in the knee. Gordy seems to go for the STF, but never tries for the crossface. Lariatooo. Doc hits one of his own while Gordy is holding Scott. Snap suplex from Gordy. Bow and arrow. Doc takes every chance he can to stomp on Scott's leg. Half crab after a dope shoot double leg take down. Gordy also does a half crab. Scott has no chance of hitting a Frankensteiner tonight. Liontamer from Doc. Scott makes a tag while in the hold. Rick hits a powerslam and super bulldog. They try for the Doomsday DDT. Gordy knocks the shit out of Scott, who falls and twists his knee along the way. Doc then runs the fuck through Rick. Second rope powerslam from Gordy. Rick won't quit. Dropkick from Gordy. It's up to Rick to retain the titles. Double shoulder block. 5 minutes remain. Another back suplex from Gordy. Rick is hanging on, but just barely. Dr. Bomb! 2 1/2. 2 minutes remaining. Doc straight no sells a Steinerline to pick Rick up for the Oklahoma Stampede. Rick gets out at the last second and connects with the Steinerline. Gordy is in and both guys trade lariatooos. Tag to Scott. Huge back drops. Tiger Driver to Gordy. He hits the Frankensteiner as the time limit expires. Time limit draw. Titles retained. Very Japanese styled match. I'm not sure the fans knew how to react to it. Every hold and every suplex had to be earned. There was no one just dropping into a hold. Everything was a struggle and both teams knocked the shit out of each other the whole match.

This is a great PPV. The first half was nothing special, but nothing bad. Then the last 4 matches were top tier stuff, especially Rude/Steamboat match with I think got robbed of a 5 star rating from Meltzer. War Games was really good and all, but it was really just a big ten man brawl with a lot of blood. Steamboat/Rude was a much better wrestling match in execution and story. It was GREAT. This was the first WCW show I was ever exposed to. I would stay with my step-grandpa from time to time and he'd take me to the video store to rent wrestling tapes so I would be busy while he was crushing puss in the other room. I legitimately think he fucked Sensational Sherri once.

WCW WrestleWar 1992

Tony and Eric welcome us to the show. I wonder how much money WCW lost on ticket sales by running so many shows with two rings.


Fabulous Freebirds vs Terrance Taylor/Greg Valentine WCW US Tag Team Championships

Fuuuuuuck. I thought maybe the Freebirds were gone for good. NOPE. Fucking cunts are still flapping their flabby wings. Hayes tries to fuck the whole audience. For being called the "Taylor Made Man", none of Taylor's suits fit him well. Hayes and Taylor begin the match. With all the hip gyrations Hayes does, I can determine he is probably terrible at fucking, but thinks he's really good at it. Somehow, the Freebirds are now faces. WHO THE FUCK CHEERS FOR THESE PIECES OF SHIT? How the fuck was Konnan cheered for so long? This was during a really weird period were a number of guys bounced back and forth between WCW and WWF. Valentine had been in the WWF earlier in the year (most notably the Royal Rumble) and would briefly return in 1993, then come back to WCW even more briefly. Taylor would also end up back in the WWF by the end of the year and then back in WCW in 1993. Barbarian was another guy to jump back and forth multiple times. Other guys jumping ship were Big Josh, Hercules, Paul Roma, and some others. Anyway, fuck this match. Jimmy Jam pins Taylor with a DDT. New champions. Bullshit.


Tracy Smothers vs Johnny B. Badd

It appears Johnny is a face now. Some YAKS at ringside put money in his knee pad. Jesse is free with the vaguely homophobic insults. Lots of arm drags from Mero. Tracy responds with his redneck karate. Top rope flying back elbow from Freddie Joe. Then a crossbody. Johnny reverses and gets a near fall. More redneck karate. There are some shit heads in tuxes in the front row. I'm sure they had subscriptions to the Observer. High knee OUTTA NOWHERE. Johnny hits the KO punch for the win. Jesse is pissed and believes that no ref should count a pin after Johnny hits his punch as it is an illegal closed first.


TO THE HYATT. Missy speaks with the Freebirds. Well fuck me and stab my god damn dick off. Hayes says the match was a tribute to Lynyrd Skynyrd...and then makes a Led Zepplin reference because he's fucking stupid.


Marcus Alexander Bagwell vs Scotty Flamingo

First off, Jesse immediately called the Freebirds out for talking about Skynyrd and Southern Rock and then making a Zep reference. Secondly, Scotty is wearing an ankh necklace, which is interesting considering that would end up being one of Raven's main logos. Raven paint brushes Buff and then they have a slapfest until Raven double legs Buff. Then more slaps. Pretty boys slapping each other. This is the 90s! Buff finally gets the idea to throw a punch. Raven hits a terrible looking back suplex. He then slows things down with a chin lock. Both go over the top on a crossbody. Buff spends way too much time trying to get the crowd approval, which Jesse calls him out on. Perfect Plex gets a 2 count due to a rope break. Raven ends up getting a win with a roll up and handful of tights moments later.


Cactus Jack/Mr. Hughes vs Ron Simmons/Junkyard Dog

Cactus hid and attacked JYD before the match. JYD is rammed into the stage and hit with the Cactus Elbow. JYD is taken out and the match is turned into Simmons vs Hughes. They have a short and uneventful match that Simmons wins with a chop block. Jesse frustrated the shit out of JR by asking such logical questions as how this got turned into a singles match, how it was determined that Hughes would wrestle, and why the ref wouldn't allow tags to Cactus.


Todd Champion vs Super Invader

The Invader is Hercules in a singlet and weird mask, doing some kind of vaguely karate gimmick. Another uneventful match that was about 80% rest holds. Herc wins with a powerbomb. No idea why you'd bring in someone who at least has some name value and put them under a totally different gimmick and a mask.


Richard Morton vs Big Josh

Such a random ass card. Another uneventful match. The biggest spot was Morton ripping Doink's flannel. I really don't think there is a 65 pound weight difference between these guys. This show seems like a Clash so far. Doink hit a dope belly to belly. Doink won with the Earthquake Splash, which was known as the Northern Exposure.


Brian Pillman vs Z-Man WCW Light Heavyweight Championship

In a shocking twist, Jesse reveals that Arn Anderson (not Rick Rude) is his favorite wrestler from Minnesota. These guys are friends, but both are frustrated and having issues over the title. Even opening exchange. Both are on he same wave length and attempt dropkicks and arm drags at the same time. Zenk takes it to the mat. Spinning head scissors from Pillman. The match has slowed considerably. Jesse really can't believe that A. Miami of Ohio is a real school and B. That Pillman was a nose tackle. Series of near falls. Pillman gets and start throwing chops. He begins working over the knee. Pillman misses a move and tweaks his injured back. Vertical suplex. Pillman gets his knees up on a Vader Bomb. Actually, it was more like the Swagger Bomb. Brian goes back to the knee and the shit talking begins. Figure four. It's reversed after both guys slap the shit out of each other. Rope break. Air Pillman is countered with a powerslam for a near fall. Brian fires back with a crucifix for an even nearer fall. Top rope cross body from Zenk, which Pillman sells by spiking himself on his head for some reason. Mid air collision as both attempt a leap frog at the same time. Flapjack Norton. New champion HEGOTHIMNOHEDIDN'T! Z-Man plays opossum, pretending he can't even walk, only to use this to lure into to catching Pillman with a big boot as Pillman went for a top rope crossbody. Zenk misses a missile dropkick and is pinned with a jackknife hold. Title retained.


Tatsumi Fujinami/Takayuki Iizuka vs Steiner Brothers

This is for the number one contendership to the IWGP Tag Team Championships. Tak has gone through quite an evolution. Bright pink trunks, a head full of hair, clean shaven, looking like a normal human. Scott and Fujinami begin. Jesse goes on a mini rant about Japanese auto companies STEALIN OUR JERBS! Scott does some amateur take downs and then tries his back flip fall away slam, which did not work at all. It did work on Iizuka, though. He's tagged in. Jesse is impressed with his physique as Japanese wrestlers usually aren't very muscular. He hits a second rope elbow and a top rope flipping senton. Boston crab. Scott gets out and hits the Tiger Driver. Canadian backbreaker Decapitation Elbow. Tags are made. SHOOT German suplex. Rick just planted Fujinami. Doomsday Device is countered by a powerslam from Rick. "I've never seen anything like that in my life!" JR, you saw it at the last PPV. Don't lie to me. Iizuka has a busted nose and his eye is swelling shut. Fujinami attacks Rick's leg. Tags are made. Tiltawhirl slam from Scott. Poor Iizuka's eye is now completely swelled shut. SHOOT t-bone. Inverted Oklahoma stampede. Pumphandle slam. LOL at JR doing the "Whether you love them or you hate them, you have to respect them" 20 years before it would get used for Cena every week. Steiners will not give anything to Iizuka. As soon as he starts trying moves, they shoot take him down and stiff him. He finally gets a strong German suplex on Scotty. Spike piledriver. Fujinami had a great transition from sleeper to Dragon sleeper where he just stepped into Scott's knee to quickly drop him to the mat. Things break down with all four men in the ring. Rick hits a belly to belly superplex on Iizuka for the win.

 
 

Sting's Squadron vs Dangerous Alliance War Games

Austin and Windham begin the match. Austin finally got a hair cut. Both men block getting sent into the cage, but Austin couldn't' block a DDT. Austin gets Barry in between rings and hits a lariato over the ropes in to the second ring. Steve hangs from the cage trying to do something and gets dropped and sent into the cage. Austin's bleeding. Barry bites the open wound because who cares about diseases. Heels win the coin toss and Rude is sent in. Rude throws tons of shoulders to the gut in the corner. Second rope lariato from Austin. Windham goes face first into the support beam. Steamboat is in next. He's a house of fire. The place is going bananas. The roof is going to blow off this place. Hanging from the rafters. Steamboat uses the roof to assist in a rana on Rude. In comes Arn. He hits a DDT on on Barry as soon as he enters. Spinebuster to Ricky. Double Boston crab to Ricky. Rude hits a piledriver and then sends Ricky over the ropes into the other ring. Double lariatos for them. Dustin enters the match. Lariatoooos, elbows. Electric chair to Austin, whose head is just covered in blood. Arn's head is put between the rings and he's jammed up and down. Larry Legend comes in next and is met with Dustin knocking the shit out of him as soon as he stuck his head in. Madusa climbs the top of the cage and gives Arn the cell phone. Sting follows her up and chases her down. Looks like Dustin has tapped an artery. In comes Sting. This is his first match back after having his ribs broken by Vader. Multi rep press slam to Rude. Arn goes flying into the cage and he's now busted open. Austin gets back dropped into the cage. He hits Dustin with a jumping lariatoooo moments later. Beautiful Bobby is the final member of the Dangerous Alliance to enter the match. Austin and Dustin are disgusting with how thick the blood is on their faces. Larry starts loosening the top turnbuckle in one of the rings. Nikita enters the match and the match beyond BEGINS! BUT WHOSE SIDE IS HE ON?!? Sting's side! Stinger Splash to Arn. Eaton breaks the Scorpion Deathlock. The buckle is off. Dustin misses a top rope elbow. Eaton holds Sting so Larry can use the giant bolt/hook of the turnbuckle as a weapon. He accidentally hits Eaton! Sting locks on an arm bar and Eaton surrenders. The Alliance corners and seems to turn on Larry.

 
 

This is considered by most to be the GOAT War Games and was the last JCP/WCW match to get 5 stars from the Observer. It is also a prime example of how putting your 10 best workers into one match can be devastating to the rest of the card.

WCW WrestleWar 1991

Tony introduces us to the show and throws it to our announce team for tonight, JR and DUSTY RHODES! YES!


State Patrol/Big Cat vs Junkyard Dog/Tommy Rich/Ricky Morton WCW Six Man Tag Team Championships

Eek. JYD has finally decided to shave his head as he could no longer deny his growing bald spot. JYD and Big Cat start the match. What a terrible way to start the show. Jobbers and a big stiff against a random pairing of 3 guys past their primes. JYD hits the Big Thump on Buddy Lee Parker. The pin gets broken, so Ricky Morton jumps on and the ref continues the count. Titles retained. Or new champions. I'm not sure. I didn't see any title belts.


TO THE SCHIAVONE. Tony speaks with Alexandra York and Terrence Taylor. It seems like Taylor has replaced IRS since he jumped ship to the WWF. The computer says Taylor will defeat Tom Zenk in under 15 minutes.


Brad Armstrong vs Bobby Eaton

Loud BOBBY chants, which sure seemed piped in. This should be a good match. Bobby attacks before the bell. What a Pearl Harbor job. Brad comes back with an old timey head scissors and arm drag. The next WCW PPV will be Superbrawl on MAY 19TH. MAY 19TH?!?! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. Brad keeps with the arm work. Cheap shot from Bobby and Brad is sent to the floor. It backfires on Bobby as he's sent head first into the ring post. Bobby has one of the most underrated mullets in wrestling history. Bobby's sweet punch changes the momentum. Brad reverses a sling shot suplex and goes back to the arm. Fucking Jason Hervey is shown in the crowd. Lariatooo from Bobby. Dope backbreaker. The fuck, Muta is also sitting in the crowd in full gear and paint. Slingshot back breaker. Bobby was essentially doing the chokebreaker a decade before it became common on the indies. Camel clutch. Back to the floor. Snake eyes on the railing. Bobby misses the standing bronco buster. Dropkick from Brad. Russian leg sweep! Rope break. Brad telegraphs a backdrop and gets hit with a neckbreaker. Alabama Jam for the win.


Miss A/Miki Handa vs Itsuki Yamasaki/Mami Kitamura

I'm expecting some dope joshi moves here. I'm not sure who is who so I'll just give some moves. Flying lucha arm drag. Stiff kick from the biggest woman. Dusty is exasperated at Honda, even though no one is named Honda in this match. Dusty does like Miss A, because that's the only name he can say. Flying back elbow catches Miss A right in the nose. Former Jumping Bomb Angel struggles and hits a butterfly suplex. Back suplex. Vertical suplex. Dropkick in the corner. Running bulldog. Rolling headbutt! Fuck you Konnan. Gut wrench suplex. Miss A again gets rough with her kicks, all of which are directed to the boobs or throat. Northern lights. Great back suplex. Not quite a dangerous drivaaah, but a lot of impact. Miss A tags and Green hits a Perfect Plex. Double shoulder block and suplex to Orange. Angel comes in with a double dropkick. Lariatoooo from Miss A. Angel gets the pin with a twisting body scissors.


TO THE SCHIAVONE. Tony speaks with Missy Hyatt, who says she's going to be the first woman to get an interview in the men's locker room. The look on his face when she started talking was hilarious. Like it was his wife and she just wouldn't shut the fuck up. I don't think Tony Schiavone would be involved in a domestic abuse case, but if he was, it would be the greatest night in domestic abuse history.


Buddy Landell vs Dustin Rhodes

Dusty came back to WCW and Dustin came with him. Buddy fires of a slap to intimidate the youngster. It didn't work. Backdrop. Dropkick. 10 elbow count in the corner. It's hereditary. High hip toss. Lariatoo. Buddy goes up top and gets thrown off, fitting with his Flair gimmick. Dustin goes shoulder first into the post. The flub an Irish whip. Dustin seems blown up. He eventually clotheslines Buddy over the top. Press slam! That didn't last long in his move set. Bulldog for the win. The amount that Dustin improved from here to a year later is insane. He's also in better shape in 2014 than he was in 1991.


TO THE BACK. Missy Hyatt goes into the locker room! The first guy she runs into is Stan Hansen, who gets dip on her, calls her a heifer, and runs her out. Tony face palms. I think Stan also called her a milk cow.


Royal Family vs Young Pistols

I'm not sure why the name change from (Wild Eyed) Southern Boys to Young Pistols. Nothing of note here. Well, except for when Tracy got spiked on his head as Steve was trying to dropkick him out of a suplex. Pistols win.


TO THE SCHIAVONE. Tony speaks with DDP! BANG! God, what a scum bag. DDP actually looks older in 1991 than at any point in the late 90s or maybe even today. He shit talks Teddy Long until Teddy comes out. Homey don't play that, playa!


Terrence Taylor vs Z-Man No DQ

I wish they'd stick to calling Zenk either Tom Zenk or Z-Man. They switch every show. Taylor quickly bails. Zenk hits some hip tosses and a dropkick and then slaps Taylor in the mouth. Rooster hits a solid punch and Zenk responds with one of his own. Side headlocks. Again, nothing really of note here. Taylor wins with a roll up and handful of tights.


TO THE DANGER ZONE. You know that I've been into the danger zone, yeah, mmhmm, yeah. North of Hell and South of Mars yeah. This is Paul Heyman's talk show segment. He comes out dressed as a matador. Illegal immigrant cheap heat. On Mexicans, even though his guest, El Gigante, is from Argentina. Paul tries to teach him some English (jerk is jerko) and then seems to imply that Latins are either homosexuals or are really into anal sex in general. Gigante is a special ref for a Sting/Flair match and Paul thinks he's going to steal the title from Flair. Paul hits him with his hat and gets slammed. I'm unsure if Paul is actually a matador or mariachi band member. Or a bit of both.


TO THE SCHIAVONE. Tony talks with Hiro Matsuda and Great Muta. They hype up the NJPW/WCW joint show. Muta stands around with his eyes closed and then sprays some mist.


Stan Hansen vs Big Van Vader

Oh fuck. They lock up before Vader is even in the ring. He drags Stan over the ropes and they start knocking the shit out of each other on the ramp. Vader is hit with a lariatoo and dumped into the ring. Vader hits a STIFF lariatoo. The kind that knocks the wind out of the whole room. Dusty marked hard for it. Splash in the corner. Stan goes down. Big elbow drop. Chew is all over the damn ring. It heads to the floor. Vader comes off the apron with a strike. Another stiff ass lariato from Vader. Back to the ring. Stan dodges another corner splash and comes back with a back suplex. Stan does a springboard elbow drop from the second rope. Back to the floor. Stan uses a crate to hit Vader. Vader comes back with a solid plastic chair. Stan finds one of his own. Back to the ring. Back to the floor. Stan is slammed hip and ribs first on top of the guard rail. Stan appears to be injured. Vader gets sent into the stars and Stan does a full weight double knee drop. Back in the ring, they knock the shit out of each other while on their knees. Randy Anderson gets thrown out of the ring and the match is thrown out. Vader Attack from the top rope! Shoulder block takes Vader down. Stan gets the rope and tries to murder Vader. They brawl to the back. This was only like 7 minutes and they spent the whole time knocking the shit out of each other.

 
 

Lex Luger vs Dan Spivey WCW US Championship

Lex fires off a series of clotheslines. Again, not much of note here besides Spivey doing a tombstone, which was probably some kind of shot or tribute to his former partner Mean Mark. Lex won. Title retained. After the match, Lex was presented a new title by Nikita Koloff, who then attacked Lex with it. SWERVE!


Fabulous Freebirds vs Doom WCW Tag Team Championships

Freebirds have DDP and Oliver Humperdink as managers, plus a number of women out with them. The original Diamond Dolls. I'm not watching this. Freebirds win. New champions. Teddy and Butch turned on Ron after the match.


The Four Horsemen/Larry Zbyszko vs Sting/Brian PIllman/Steiner Brothers War Games

Barry and Pillman start the match. Brian had been injured and has a heavily taped shoulder. He uses the roof of the cage to do dropkicks and ranas. Low blow from Pillman! This is WAR, god damn it. Fire on the mountain here, brother. Barry is shredded open by the cage. Barry gets sent over both sets of ropes. Obviously, the heels win the coin toss and Ric comes in. He also comes in with an injury, with his right leg heavily taped. He and Brian trade chops, but Brian is sent shoulder first into the cage. Brian is thrown across both rings. I think he clipped the roof, too. They're trying to separate the already damaged shoulder. Sting is in! Huge bulldog. Barry's head is ridiculous. Blood everywhere. Bulldog to Flair. Stinger Splash! Larry enters the match. He runs right into a right hand. Sting dives over both sets of ropes to hit Larry again because fuck Larry. Rick enters the match. He's ambushed as soon as he opens the door, but it doesn't stop him from throwing Steinerlines everywhere. Belly to belly on Flair. The faces are in control. Flair is busted open. Sid enters the match. Sid comes in and sends Rick right into the cage, then holds him for Flair to kick him in the gremlins. You can actually see the blood stains on the cage where Flair was getting his face mashed against it. I think Sting is also bleeding. Scott enters and the match beyond BEGINS! Tiger Driver to Larry. Flair is put in the Scorpion Deathlock. Sid works over Brian's shoulder. All the faces apply figure fours. Rick tries to break his neck selling a Sid lariato. Scott and Barry botch a DDT hilariously and Sid covers it by booting Scott in the fucking face. Flapjack Norton from Sid to Pillman. Brian hit the roof of the cage. Powerbomb right on Brian's fucking neck. Dusty screamed out an "OH JEEEEEEEEEEZUS!" Sid does another one, which he still struggles to hit properly due to the roof. One was enough, big guy. El Gigante runs down, rips the door open, and gives up on behalf of Pillman, who might be dead. Horsemen win!

 
 

Show was pretty lame most of the way through except for Stan/Vader knocking the shit out of each other and a number of head drops through out the night. If you like the War Games gimmick, this is one of the best matches for it.

StroWrestleWar 1991Comment
WCW Capital Combat 1990

Not only is this the return of Robocop, it is the return of Tony Schiavone! JR and Bob Caudle will be doing announcing duties, but Tony is back as host after a year stint in the WWF. He lost a lot of weight in his time there.


Bam Bam Big Yellow/Cactus Jack/Kevin Sullivan vs Road Warriors/Norman The Lunatic

Call me crazy, but LOD rolling in riding bitch on bikes doesn't make them seem badass at all. Norman comes out on a scooter, yet actually comes off more bad ass since he was driving it himself. Animal and Cactus start the match. I expect Cactus is going to take a couple big bumps from LOD. Powerslam. Big boot. Tag to Hawk. He wipes Cactus out. Cactus tags in Bam Bam. Standing dropkick from Hawk.  Cactus has Bam Bam Irish whip him for speed on the Cactus Clothesline, only for Hawk to move and Cactus go sailing over the ropes. He then goes sailing over the guardrail moments later. Then gets the god damn steps chucked at him. Norman ends up caught in the ring and is FIP for quite a while. Cactus does Macho's rope neck snap thing...and ends up taking a header over the ropes while doing it. Zero fear for his well being. It's a wonder he was able to do anything by the time he got to the WWF. Things break down. Hawk hits a flying lariat on Sullivan for the win. I'm pretty sure neither man were legal.


Mean Mark vs Johnny Ace

No longer a Dynamic Dude, this will end up being Johnny's last on screen WCW appearance. Taker wouldn't make too many more appearances for WCW either, as he'd be in the WWF before the end of the year. Mean Mark's favorite pet is a snake and his favorite singer is Ozzy Osbourne, so you know he's a rough individual. Taker gets an early lariato but misses an elbow drop. Johnny dropkicks him out of the ring and follows it with a suicide dive. Cross body. Arm bar! Taker gets pissed and throws Ace into the stairs. Stalling suplex. Flying lariat. Big boot. Leg drop. Taker staples. Johnny briefly fires up, only to miss a flying cross body. Taker hits the heart punch. He then does a rope walking elbow drop to win the match.


TO THE BACK. Gordon Solie heads to Sting's locker room, which is being guarded by security guards. Gordon is unable to get a word with the Stinger. Sting is at the show tonight, along with Robocop, to protect all the little Stingers.

TO THE SCHIAVONE. Tony talks with the RNRs about the strap match they have against...The Freebirds. FUCK.


Samoan Swat Team vs Mike Rotunda/Tommy RIch

IRS is still Captain Mike, but instead of captain of the wrestling team, he's now a nautical captain, complete with anchors on his gear and a pilot's cap. The SST are again Tama and Fatu, having dropped the New Wild Samoans name and Samu/Oliver Humperdink completely it seems. I really don't know how I never knew Tama and Fatu were twins until the last show. I thought Tama had to have been older since he was in the WWF so early into his career. But now that I see them, they look the same except for different facial hair and Tama's nose being a bit wider. Rich and Tama start the match. Cross body from Rich. Tama begs off. Fatu slips in and Randy Anderson notices he isn't looking at the same person, but allows him to stay in the ring anyway. I can see why Vince had IRS cover all of his body up. Very weird and unimpressive looking up body on that sweaty guy. ALL I can think about whenever I see Tommy Rich is that weird promo from Memphis where he rambled about his mom fucking guys that weren't his dad once his dad left and how it took him a long time not to resent those guys for fucking his mom, but his dad for leaving. The faces do fake tags. Randy Anderson again realizes the wrong man is in the ring, but lets it stand. At least he's consistent. Tama gets his arm worked for a while. He comes back with a huge side slam on IRS and baits Rich into distracting the ref like a putz. This is the closest we'll get to Evil Dead 4: Bruce Campbell vs the Army of Samoans. IRS gets sent over the top rope. Ash gets kicked right in the giant chin. Tama comes off the rope with a forearm to the head while Rich has Fatu in a sleeper. SST win. I have no idea why this was nearly 20 minutes long.


TO THE SCHIAVONE. Tony talks to the Steiners about putting their titles on the line against Doom. Lol, Scott calls Tony, "Tommy".


Paul Ellering vs Teddy Long Hair vs Hair Match

Ellering was still in great shape. Actually, Teddy is in much better shape than you'd imagine. Teddy has boxing gear on and gets to the early advantage. Teddy apparently loads his glove or something. Paul wins with Teddy's own loaded glove. What's left of Teddy's hair is shaved.


TO THE SCHIAVONE. Tony talks to the Horsemen. Sid in a tux is so strange.


Midnight Express vs Tom Zenk/Brian Pillman NWA US Tag Team Championships

Cornette is locked in a shark cage for the match. Corny tries to run away, only to run into Randy Anderson. Bobby and Pillman run through some early US cruiser spots. Bobby and Zenk trade arm holds on the mat. Bobby ends up getting back dropped over the top as Stan gets brought in the hard way. Midnights are having a rough time. A lot of quick tags from the face team. Bobby low bridges Pillman and hits a neckbreaker on the floor. As Pillman gets back to the apron, Stan knocks him off, sending him into the guard rail. Some sweet double teaming in the ring. Bobby hits a rad slingshot back suplex into a back breaker. Pillman stays as FIP for a bit. Flying elbow from Bobby. Brian is busted open from something that I missed. Alabama Jam! Eaton is so dope. He makes Stan look so bad. Especially at this point , where I believe Stan already had the back injury that would be responsible for ending his in ring career. Hot tag to Zenk. He's quickly taken out. Rocket Launcher. 1-2-HEGOTHIMNOHEDIDN'T! Bobby gets a sneaky small package on Zenk. New champions! This got so much more enjoyable once they settled into the Midnights doing double teams to Pillman.


TO THE SOLIE. My god, it's ROBOCOP!


Sting comes to the ring with Robocop! My goodness, the Horsemen have locked Sting in the cage! Robocop, help! Help the Stinger, Robocop! The nation's number one law enforcement officer has saved the Stinger! The Horsemen run away. Your move, creeps.


TO THE SCHIAVONE. Tony talks with the returning Junkyard Dog. Jim Cornette interrupts and is upset because this was supposed to be time for the Midnights to talk about their win. I'm pretty sure JYD implied that he fucked Corny's mom.


Fabulous Freebirds vs Rock N Roll Express Corporal Punishment

FUUUUUUCK. RNRs come out on a cart with a jukebox on it. How these guys were ever considered cool or pretty boys blows my mind. I mean, their in ring stuff is one thing, but neither guy was good looking at all and they came out to 50s style rock 40 years later, when things like GNR and NWA were huge. And then the Freebirds were basically the wrestling version of Stryper. The rules of this match aren't like a normal strap match. Instead, the straps are attached to the ring posts and can be used whenever someone is in the corner. Michael Hayes is the kind of guy who would use a strap on a baby. The kind of guy would would cut an old woman with a razor. The kind of guy who would hold someone hostage. The kind of guy who would would repeatedly rape and impregnate that hostage. The kind of guy who would threaten to kill the kids if the hostage got free. The kind of guy who would use those kids as drug mules. The kind of guy who would watch all of those kids shower into their teens. The kind of guy who would inject a cat with heroin just to see what would happen. The kind of guy who throws rocks at animals in the zoo. The kind of guy who litters every day for fun. The kind of guy who would break tail lights for no reason. The kind of guy who would run down homeless people. The kind of guy who would steal from veterans. The kind of guy who would love to control a drone and kill innocents. The kind of guy who supports Jerry Sandusky. The kind of guy who thinks the Catholic Church gets a bad rap. Ricky Morton pins Hayes with a sunset flip to get the win.


TO THE SCHIAVONE. Tony talks to Doug Furnas, who thinks Lex will win the title tonight. Tony then talks to Sting. This is Lex's big night. Lex was also hospitalized and is putting himself at risk to have the match tonight, but it is the same thing Sting would do.


Doom vs Steiner Brothers NWA World Tag Team Championships

I expect Ron Simmons is going to get dropped on his head in this match. Rick removes Teddy's wave cap to reveal...the same haircut he had before his match with Ellering. He was already bald on top and the only thing they did was cut a little off the sides of the horse shoe. Scott and Ron start the match. Scott knocks Ron down a few times and hits a powerslam. Release German suplex. Butch tags in and goes to work. Scott gets him down and stomps on his face. Dropkick. Rick tags in. He tries a Steinerline and bounces off of Reed. Inverted piledriver. JEEEEEEEEEZUS. Looks so dangerous. Huge high knee from Reed. It was rad. Scott plays FIP for a while. Scott hits a desperation t-bone only to get smashed with a lariat moments later. Piledriver. Shoulder block. Scott comes back with a weird powerslam. They redo the spot and it turns into a weird back drop. Frankensteiner! Hot tag to Rick. Steinerline. Powerslam. Double suplex. Doom hits a modified Doomsday Device. Rick goes for a belly to belly superplex on Reed. Ron hits him from behind and they fall off the ropes. Butch lands on Rick and gets the pin. New champions!


TO THE SCHIAVONE. Tony talks with Teddy and Doom, celebrating their win.


Lex Luger vs Ric Flair NWA Championship Steel Cage Match

God damn, this is the 5th time Lex and Flair have had a match in 8 PPVs. This is in the Thunderdome cage, but it isn't billed as Thunderdome any more. Woman gets checked for international objects. She has one in her glove. She shouldn't even be allowed inside the cage to begin with. It's the same match as their previous 4. Flair bleeds as much as he's ever bled. As Lex began to fire up, the Horsemen came out. Sting ran out to prevent them from interfering. El Gigante shows up and save Sting. The cage raises. Barry Windham sneaks in and attacks Lex, causing a DQ in a championship cage match on a WCW PPV. It's like they time traveled finishes 10 years. Arn, Barry, and Flair destroy Lex and the cage drops back down. Sting can't get in. He should call for Robocop! The cage comes up and the Horsemen run off.


Another subpar show. WCW seemed to be on a string of them. Part of that is due to Sting's injury ruining plans and forcing them to go back to Lex vs Flair. Doom vs Steiners was my match of the night. I hope to not see any more Lex/Flair matches for a long, long time.

WCW WrestleWar 1990

Oh my god, this show starts out with a terrrrrible rap. It's outstanding. Guaranteed a middle aged white guy wrote it.

JR and Terry Funk handle broadcasting duties tonight. They run down the card and announce that Dan Spivey has been injured and will not be able to compete tonight.

TO THE SOLIE. Gordon talks with Teddy Long, who says a new wrestler will be filling in for Spivey tonight in the street fight against the LOD.


Kevin Sullivan/Buzz Sawyer vs Dynamic Dudes

What a shitty way to start a show off. Shane is the only guy I like in this match, but not at this stage in his career. Ace and Buzz start out. Johnny Ace is just so...bland. He's like a Clipart wrestler. Sullivan has a long green ribbon with a black bow at the end tied into his pony tail for some reason. It's down almost to his ass. I don't get it. Buzz and Sullivan slap each other over a disagreement. Buzz wins with a Superfly splash in an uneventful and boring match with a lot of arm work.


TO THE MISSY. Missy speaks with Norman The Lunatic. Norman smooth talks his way into a hug and a kiss.


Cactus Jack Manson vs Norman The Lunatic

Cactus has such a strange body type. He's like a walking lumpy pancake that someone took a few bites out of.  Now that I think about it, Cactus is more like a crepe that had all the filling squeezed out. Cactus takes the HHH bump out of the ring in the corner and looks like he should have destroyed his knee on the landing. Being that this is Foley, he was up seconds later. He then gets back dropped into the crowd, splatting all over the concrete. He came back by posting Norman and doing a dropkick off the apron the the camera totally missed. Headbutts don't hurt lunatics, Cactus. Norman gets out of a camel clutch with an electric chair, then misses a hilariously bad splash. This isn't good. Norman teabags Cactus to win the match.


TO THE SOLIE. Gordon talks with Jim Cornette and the Midnight Express. The Midnights vs Rock N Rolls feud has been renewed. Some things never change.


Rock N Roll Express vs Midnight Express

JR implies that he thought Corny was gay and Funk goes on for a good minute about how much he hates Cornette. Stan and Robert start the match. Robert repeatedly outsmarts Stan. Stan shoves Nick Patrick around and gets knocked on his ass. So does Cornette. Corny takes his jacket off and gets in the ring for a fight with Nick. So much stooging. Ricky tags in and also outsmarts Stan. Stop being a dummy, Stan! Stan is so pissed about getting bumped into Bobby that he shoves Bobby down. A house divided, brehs. Ricky literally kicks Stan's ass out of the ring. More stooging from Corny and he's again knocked on his ass. RNRs most definitely have the Midnights' number on this night. Time for Ricky to be FIP. Dude always looks like he's crying in pain while selling. Shout out to the OG smarks in the front row holding up numbers for moves and a "WE'VE HERD ENOUGH" sign, referencing then WCW executive VP Jim Herd. Herd was hated by pretty much everyone because he had no idea how wrestling worked. Among his ideas were a tag team that had hump backs and therefore couldn't be pinned, the Ding Dongs, Big Josh, and Norman the Lunatic. He was directly responsible for LOD, Cornette, Stan Lane, and Ric Flair among others to leave WCW. He was the guy who wanted Flair to cut his hair, get earrings, and go by Spartacus. Anyway, Ricky is still getting wrecked. Hot tag to Robert. Corny ends that shit with a racket shot. Robert counters a double Flapjack Norton into a roll up for the win. This felt like a long house show match with all the stooging around.


TO THE SOLIE. Gordon talks with LOD and Paul Ellering. All the faces have Sting bands in support after his injury. Hawk says they went back to Chicago, slept in alleys, and ended up putting 16 guys in the hospital getting hyped for this match.


The Skyscrapers vs Road Warriors Chicago Street Fight

A masked Skyscraper is filling in for Dan Spivey. Mean Mark had already replaced Sid in the team. Doom came out during the match. A short brawl with nothing of note. LOD win with the Doomsday Device. Teddy Long got press slammed out of the ring. Doom caught him and then got in the ring to brawl with LOD.


Fabulous Freebirds vs Tom Zenk/Brian Pillman NWA US Tag Team Championships

FUCK. Michael Hayes is the kind of guy who scratches his balls at the dinner table. The kind of guy who would glue your toilet lid shut. The kind of guy who would fart in your face. The kind of guy who would get your grandma addicted to coke. The kind of guy who kicks puppies and laughs. The kind of guy who says sand nigger. The kind of guy who goes out of his way to be a dick to waitresses. The kind of guy who would add interest to your student loan without telling you. The kind of guy who borrows your phone and runs up a $3000 bill in 2 hours. The kind of guy who spits his phlegm in your flower vase. The kind of guy who makes Konnan look not so sucky. The kind of guy who gets shit on your smartphone screen. The kind of guy who honks at bike riders following the rules of the road. The kind of guy who drinks and drives and brags about it. The kind of guy who hangs out at roller skate arenas in his 50s. The kind of guy who is an all around cunt that I fucking hate. Brian pins Garvin with a flying cross body. Titles retained.


Minnesota Wrecking Crew vs Steiner Brothers NWA World Tag Team Championships

I'm hoping this saves the show, because so far it hasn't been good at all. Arn and Scott start the match. Arn quickly knocks Rick off the apron, then bails out, stupidly in the same area as Rick. Double goozle from Scott. The Andersons powder. Scott blocks a knee drop with POWER and scores with an atomic drop that sends Arn into Rick's boot. Ole is no match for the younger, stronger, faster Steiners. God damn, Arn is sweating worse than IRS already. Powerslam from Rick. Arn goes up top. Rick gets up before he can do anything, so he climbs down and walks to the ramp. He's not a dumb dumb like Flair to stand there and wait to get slammed. Ole goes after Scott's arm. He makes the mistake of tagging into Arn, who immediately gets thrown around. Scott deadlift t-bones Ole. Ole was definitely well past his prime by 1990. Rick's steroid induced bacne is really gross. Back to arm work on Scott. Frankensteiner OUTTA NOWHERE! Hot tag to Rick. Steinerlines everywhere. Rick pins Ole with a small package. Titles retained. Meh. It was okay. The Andersons try to break Scott's arm after the match.


TO THE SOLIE. Gordon talks with Lex Luger, who was chosen to replace Sting in the title match against Flair. I guess Lex is a face again, and the Horsemen are heels again.

JR and Terry talk more about the title match. Funk makes a point to say it isn't a HAPPENING (fuck you, Gorilla is what he meant), it is an athletic event.

TO THE SOLIE. Gordon talks with Ric and Woman. He's been the king for 10 years and fears no man.


Lex Luger vs Ric Flair NWA Championship

Sting is introduced before the match as a special spectator. He comes out on crutches as he tore up his knee during a Horsemen beat down. He has the shortest shorts imaginable. This was originally his title match, but the the injury took him out and Lex was eventually chosen as a replacement. Lex was originally scheduled to defend the US Championship against Dr. Death on this show. So now we get to revisit this feud that took up most of the year in 1988. Lex overwhelms the champ with his power. Flair bails out and walks out on this shit. Lex picks him up and puts him back in the ring. Press slam. Another press slam. And another. Bear hug. Flair breaks it with an eye rake. Lex misses a shoulder block in the corner, and the arm work is the main focus of the rest of the match. Nick Patrick has been way too involved in matches tonight. Lex applies the sleeper, despite having his arm worked over for like 15 minutes. Seems like he should have some trouble with keeping the hold applied. Flair bails and gets suplexed back in. Lex then wraps Ric's leg around the ring post as revenge for Sting. Lex does THE SINGLE WORST FIGURE FOUR EVER. Jesus Christ, Lex. Lmaooooooooooo. Lex gets Flair in the torture rack. The Andersons come out and attack Sting. Lex drops the hold to save Sting and gets counted out. Flair wins via count out. Title retained.


Didn't enjoy this show at all. Nick Patrick was basically a competitor in all of the matches he reffed tonight. Ole is way past his prime to be wrestling guys like the Steiners. RNR vs Midnights was billed as the final match between the two teams and ended up being a house show styled match with tons of comedy. Just not a good show. For some reason, every major match had the same "heel works the arm all match" story. 

NWA WCW WrestleWar 1989

JR and Bob Caudle will handle commentating tonight.


The Great Muta vs Doug Gilbert

MUTA! Rad. Doug Gilbert is best known for being Eddie's shitty brother, portraying Freddy Krueger in Memphis and Japan, and calling King a pedophile on live TV. Muta hits an early kick but is caught off guard and knocked to the floor. Powerdrive elbow. Handspring elbow. Doug moves out of the way of the moonsault. Muta lands on his feet and does a pescado instead. Eddie came out for support. Moonsault for the win. 3 minute squash.


Hacksaw Butch Reed vs Ranger Ross

Is this a PPV or Saturday Night? Or Thunder? Teddy Long is at ringside with a visitor pass, taking notes. Absolutely nothing match. Reed wins with a flying shoulder block.


TO THE LANCE. My favorite Lance Russell talks with US Champion Lex Luger on his upcoming match with...Michael Hayes. FUCK.


Dick Murdoch vs Bob Orton Jr. Bullrope Match

Sweet. Love old Dirty Dick. Hoping for a great punch and a brainbuster in this. Captain Redneck (much better nickname than Captain Charisma) is in Bunkhouse attire while Orton is in wrestling gear. It quickly heads to the floor. Orton tries to run away and gets yanked back and then into the ring post. The ref was counting. Count outs in a bullrope match? Dick takes a boot off and goes to town with it. Orton gets back in control for a moment. He makes a mistake going up top. He's yanked off and hog tied. Dick drops some elbows and gets the pin. This is an awfully weird PPV so far. Gary Hart joins the fray after the match and Murdoch is laid out. Cowboy literally tries to murder Dick by hanging him from the ring.


TO THE LANCE. Banana Nose talks with..Michael Hayes. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.


Samoan Swat Team vs Dynamic Dudes

Paul E. is now managing the SST (Headshrinkers) since the Original Midnight Express were sent packing. The Dudes don't even skate on their boards. Posers. Someone with a blonde mullet is about to get stiffed. Johnny Ace and Fatu start the match. Facebuster does nothing to Fatu, but a toe stomp does. Johnny tries a leapfrog and gets superkicked right in the god damn throat. That's probably what made his voice the way it is today. Johnny hits some amazingly bad kicks which is turned into a dragon screw. Paul is calling someone. Johnny continues to get his ass kicked for a while. Johnny Ace is not a good wrestler at all. Paul gets on the mic to trash talk, telling Johnny that he's as useless as a Nashville woman. Hot tag to Shane. He's cut off with a clubbing lariato to the face. Superfly splash from Fatu. Fatu has Shane up for a slam. Johnny does a missile dropkick to Shane, causing Fatu to fall over. Dudes win. Bullshit. No fucking way should the Dynamic Dudes been able to beat the SST even on a fluke.


TO THE LANCE. Lance talks with Pat O'Connor, Terry Funk, and....LOU THESZ! They'll be judges for Flair vs Steamboat tonight.


Lex Luger vs Michael Hayes NWA US Championship

FUCK FUCK FUCK. Michael Hayes is the kind of guy who would say his sister has great tits. The kind of guy who would take the batteries out of your remotes and not tell you. The kind of guy who trims his beard in your sink and doesn't clean up. The kind of guy who uses your coffee mug as a dip cup. The kind of guy who would piss on your floor. The kind of guy who would steal pain meds from his grandparents. The kind of guy who borrows your car and wrecks it and doesn't tell you. The kind of guy who rubs cum on your dog. The kind of guy who jerks off in a bush. The kind of guy who says "gash" and "wound". The kind of dude that makes fun of Mexicans who don't speak English. In Mexico. The kind of guy who would borrow your shorts and go commando. The kind of guy who tells you he can change your tire, makes you wait an hour and and then tells you the rim was damaged and he couldn't do it. The kind of guy who still uses the term "Japs". The kind of guy who still uses the term "Chinaman". The kind of guy who offers booze to recovering alcoholics and calls them pussies if they don't drink. The kind of guy who would give coke to an 8 year old. The kind of guy who would make a big scene at Terry Gordy's funeral because he was jealous. The kind of guy who has been so racist for so long that he thinks he has legitimate n word privileges. The kind of guy who still parties with high schoolers. The kind of guy who borrows your phone to call sex lines. The kind of guy who would order porn on your credit card. The kind of guy who would eat all your god damn frosted mini wheats. The kind of guy who steals the DDT, does it shitty, and wins the match with outside interference from Terry Gordy after saying he'd do it on his own. New champion. BULLSHIT.


TO THE LANCE. Banana Nose speaks with TV Champion Sting! Sting is amped up to face...The Iron Sheik. God damn, who booked this show?


Sting vs The Iron Sheik NWA TV Championship

Sting has his legit entrance not over dubbed with generic stuff, kids running out for his entrance, and his rat tail is dyed black for some reason. Sheiky gets a cheap shot with the flag pole and chokes Sting with something. Sheik can barely move. Still can't believe Vince brought him back in 1991 as an IRAQI. Sting hits a quick Stinger splash and locks on the Deathlock for a 2 minute win. Title retained.


TO THE LANCE. Lance speaks with NWA Champion Ricky Steamboat.


Ric Flair vs Ricky Steamboat NWA Championship

Why is this half way through the show? Ricky comes out with his family and Richie riding a pony. Pat O'Connor, Terry Funk, and Lou Thesz are the judges. I'm not sure how the judges work. It hasn't really been explained, but I assume it would be they would pick the winner in the event of a draw. The pace starts hot and heavy with some slaps being traded at the end of it. Steamer works the shit out of Flair's arm. Deep arm drag. Flair just can't get loose until he gets a cheap break in the corner. Throwing elbows. Part of me really can't believe that Vince didn't run with Steamboat. Not only was he incredible and could work with everyone, but he was a beautiful man with an outstanding build, especially in 1985-1987. Dude had one of the best bodies in wrestling history and still was in amazing shape up until the day he retired. Big hip toss from Flair changes the momentum. He misses an elbow and gets taken back down with an arm drag. More cheap shots from Flair. For the first 15 minutes, Steamboat has won the judges' votes. Steamboats chops look like they really fucking hurt. So much velocity on them. Steamboat is sent out to the floor, and Flair elbows him right in the Adam's apple. Working off the Savage/Steamboat angle. This just fires him up and he chases Flair all around ringside and back into the ring.  This match is very start-stop, but in the best way possible. They rev the crowd up, then slow it back down, then get them crazy, slow them back down. It's really well done in a way that isn't wearing the fans out, but making them more excited each time it revs up. Great butterfly suplex from Flair.  Double chickenwing! Flair was too close to the ropes. Flying chop. Steamboat goes up again and gets knocked off, bouncing off the ropes, the apron, and the floor. He appears to have injured his knee. Flair goes right after it. Figure four. Steamboat fights back and hits an enzuigiri. Flair rolls through a body slam....new champion! Ric Flair is 6 times the man! This was totally dope. Better than their first match, which was pretty damn good. Flair and Steamboat embrace after the match, which appears to be a face turn for Ric. JR gets into the ring to talk with Ric. Ric immediately puts Ricky Steamboat over as being the best champion he's ever faced. Terry Funk jumps in the ring to be the first to congratulate Ric. He also says that if the match had gone an hour, he would have voted for Flair. He's also going to be the first one to challenge Flair. Flair doesn't think Terry deserves it since he hasn't been an active competitor. He's not a top 10 contender. Terry does not appreciate this at all. Terry says he was just kidding. They shake hands and Terry decks him. SWERVE! Piledriver on a Japanese table! Since the table didn't break, he threw it on Ric and then smashed him with a chair. By god, would somebody stop this? This is ridiculous! Somebody get some help out here!


TO THE FAT GUY. Fat guy interviews Nikita Koloff, who will be the special guest ref for the NWA World Tag Team Championship match.


Varsity Club vs Road Warriors NWA World Tag Team Championships Special Guest Referee: Nikita Koloff

The Club got their own 80s cheerleaders. LOD are definitely faces again. Nikita immediately ejects Kevin Sullivan. Nikita will not be intimidated. IRS tags in and hits a dropkick. Top rope cross body is countered with a powerslam. I believe IRS is now SWEATING HIS FUCKING BALLS OF AFTER ONE SPOT. I really can't get over it. I've never been able to get over how sweaty that dude gets. Blows my mind. Hawk hits a flying lariat off the apron on Doc, but then misses one and hits the post. The VC go after the injured arm. Hot tag right away. IRS goes flying over the ropes. Sandwich lariats. Doomsday Device on Doc. Kevin Sullivan and Dan Spivey show up and fight with Nikita. The match is thrown out. Wtf, Iron Man is totally playing on this video, not dubbed at all. WWE is so weird about their music dubbing from what I've seen. No rhyme or reason at all it seems.


Eddie Gilbert/Rick Steiner vs Dan Spivey/Kevin Sullivan NWA US Tag Team Championships

Another wtf...this is the main event. After the NWA Championship and world tag team championships. Rick is immediately rammed shoulder first into the ring post, leaving Eddie on his own from the start. Eddie gets his ass kicked for a while. This is the weirdest booked show. Seems like a Clash of the Champions instead of a PPV, but having the NWA Championship match go on 3rd from last makes no sense to me. Then having the US tag go on as the main event after the world tag. Rick Steinerlines Sullivan while he's trying to piledrive Eddie. Eddie flips over and gets the pin titles retained.


Most definitely a one match show. Flair/Steamboat was great. Top tier stuff. The rest of the show was rubbish filler bullshit and the whole booking of the show was weird. Two tag title matches go on after the NWA Championship match, a 15 minute Michael Hayes match AGAIN against a guy like Lex Luger, a few squashes. Fucking weird. A major PPV bookended by the fucking Gilberts.

NWA WCW Chi-Town Rumble 1989

JR and Magnum TA introduce us to the show and run down the card.


MIchael Hayes vs Russian Assassin 1

FUCK. The only thing worse than a Michael Hayes tag match is a Michael Hayes singles match. PS looks like a straight up date rapist. I have no doubt he slipped thousands of mickies in the 80s. He probably still does it. He probably roofies himself on a weekly basis. Greasy, furry fuck head. Dude just looks like a full on scum bag who would fuck your mom and steal your couch on the same night. Or ask his nephew if he can borrow some money and never pay it back. Or the kind of guy who has a lot of money, but still always asks to bum a beer or smoke. The kind of guy who asks you to drive him to the airport and doesn't give you gas money. The kind of guy who uses your razor on his balls and puts it back. The kind of guy who would put your remote inside of a girl. The kind of guy who purposely clogs your toilet. The kind of guy who would ash on your carpet. The kind of guy who would steal your wallet and go with you to beat up a guy he said actually stole it. Just a total twat on every level. They have an unimaginably boring match which Hayes wins with a DDT.


TO THE CAUDLE. Bob talks with Ricky Steamboat and his family. Young Richie Steamboat is fascinated with the microphone, which is quite ironic if you ever heard his promos in NXT. Ricky isn't trying to set any records like Flair. He's coming to win the title.


Sting vs Butch Reed

Sting's face paint is pretty rad tonight. As is his tubular rat tail. He quickly fires off an atomic drop, much to the surprise of the Natural. A lot of stalling from Butch. Sting can't hip toss him, so he flips and does an arm drag instead, followed with dropkicks that sends Butch to the floor. Sting works the shit out of a headlock and nearly wins with a back slide. Sting is biting! What a cheater! Butch slows the pace down and keeps Sting on the mat. Reed falls out of the ring missing a lariat because he's completely gassed. He shouldn't be, because most of his offense has been a side headlock. He's quickly back on the offense, again with a chin lock and stoogy heel tactics. Sting starts firing up. Reed stops the momentum by throwing Sting to the floor for I think the 4th time. Butch tries to win by holding onto the ropes on a sunset flip. Teddy kicked his hands off the ropes and Sting got the pin. Not very interesting. 


TO THE CAUDLE. Bob talks with Paul E. Dangerously and the Original Midnight Express. Jack Victory has replaced Dennis Condrey because Cornette's Midnights wouldn't know him. The real reason was because Condrey decided to quit a few days before this event. Elsewhere, Bob spoke to Cornette and the Midnight Express. They trained for Condrey, but they can still handle Paul's team.


The Midnight Express vs The Original Midnight Express Loser Leaves NWA

Paul does a Hogan style shirt rip and throws it at Corny. Oh shit, Paul and Corny are in the match as well. Lane and Rose start out. Rose is rocking a pony tailed mullet. Lots of quick tags from the Midnights. Paul E. accidentally hits Rose. Eaton gets chucked off the apron into the railing. Paul gets tagged in. He ducks a punch and immediately tags back out. Cornette tags in and wants Paul E. I'd rather see Paul and Cornette than Jack Victory. Finally, the managers collide. Paul should do a moonsault. Corny has pretty decent punches for a non-worker. As soon as he decks Paul, Paul tags out. Hot tag to Stan. Not a lot going on in this. Crowd is all over Paul, though. Randy's dancing is pretty dope at least. It was a take off on Stan's dance and I think it was better. Hot tag to Bobby. Missile dropkick to Victory. He forces a tag to Paul. Cornette gets the tag. Lariat! Stan starts doing awkward karate. All hell is breaking loose! Double Flapjack Norton. Cornette's Midnights win! Paul E. and the Original Midnight Express are gone from the NWA.


TO THE CAUDLE. Bob talks with Ric Flair, who is in a much different state of mind than Steamboat. He's coked up and in his suit, being his normal braggadocios self. He guarantees victory tonight.


Rick Steiner vs Mike Rotunda NWA TV Championship

Rick had defeated IRS to win the title at Starrcade. Scott is in the corner of Rick tonight. It's kind of interesting how Rick and Scott traded bodies over the years. Young Rick was JACKED. Way more than he ever was in the 90s. Scott was in great shape, but not anything crazy yet. Around 1995ish, Scott took all of Rick's muscle and got bigger and bigger while Rick got softer and softer. Rick out wrestles IRS in multiple exchanges. IRS resorts to a cheap shot and a stiff European uppercut. Steinerline! IRS wants a handshake. Rick doesn't fall for it. Abdominal stretch! Classic IRS. I forgot to mention, he's been drenched with sweat since the opening exchange. The pace picks up, ending with an awkward trip/monkey flip from Rick. Back body drop. Rick misses a Superfly splash. IRS posts him and kicks him in the liver. What a dick move. Back in the ring, Rick hits a powerslam, but spends too much time barking that it gives IRS time to kick out of the pin. Kevin Sullivan comes out and implies he did something to Rick's dog in the locker room. Rick wants to go follow him. Scott and Teddy won't let him. Saito suplex from IRS. Rick is busted open above the right eye. 5 minutes left. Rear naked choke from Rick. Rick's shoulders are down and he is counted out. New champion! IRS regains the title.


TO THE CAUDLE. Bob speaks with the Road Warriors. Hawk talks about Wyatt Earp and O.K. Corall. Animal is going to rip heads off.


Barry Windham vs Lex Luger NWA US Championship

At least there should be a lariat in this. Lex was coming off of some heart breaking losses to Ric Flair at the GAB and Starrcade. Press slam WITH THE GREATEST OF EASE! The president of the Chicago White Sox is shown in the crowd. He looks like a creep. Lex holds on to an Irish whip and pulls Barry with him all the way to the corner. He blocks an atomic drop and hits a pretty explosive short lariat. Powerslam. Lex misses a top rope cross body and rolls all the way to the floor. Fans are definitely into heels in Chicago. Lex's eye has been busted open somehow. Lariat! It was more like an Undertaker style than normal Windham style and individual frames show it was actually a flying punch. Barry ends up hitting the ring post with his claw hand, cutting it open. Also, these two were former tag team champions together. The CLAW! Lex is able to break it by squeezing the injured hand. Walking powerslam from Barry. Lex kicks out WITH AUTHORITY. Barry is really favoring his hand. Superplex! Fans pop big for it. German suplex. Looks like Luger got his shoulder up first. Lex wins! New champion! Kind of weird to do basically the same finish two matches in a row. Barry plants Lex with a piledriver on the belt after the match.


TO THE CAUDLE. Bob speaks with new TV Champion, Mike Rotunda. He had this all planned and Rick better stay out of his sweaty, sweaty face.


Road Warriors vs Varsity Club NWA World Tag Team Championships

Sullivan and Animal start the match. Being that this is Chicago, LOD are obviously super over faces even though I believe they were still heels at the time. Dr. Death quickly tags in. Powerslam from Animal. Hawk tags in and gets press slammed. Hawk responds with a lariat. Sandwich lariats from LOD. Tags are made. Animal is double teamed, thrown to the floor, and hit with a chair in the shoulder. Doc hits almost a leg lariat, the Ryder/Doug Basham type, not the D'Lo/Dean type. Animal plays the FIP. Hot tag to Hawk. He's a clubberin. He quickly gets posted. Animal gets Sullivan up for the Doomsday Device. Doc clobbers him. Hawk hits a diving lariat on Sullivan anyway. Doc pins Animal as Hawk pins Sullivan. Teddy counts the fall for Hawk. Titles retained. Another kind of similar finish?


TO THE CAUDLE. Bob speaks with new US Champion, Lex Luger.


Ric Flair vs Ricky Steamboat NWA Championship

Steamer immediately hits a shoulder block and gets a surprise near fall. Ric drops down to block a second, only for Steamboat to drop into a headlock and follow up with a roll up. Flair is legit shook. Chops are traded. Flair begs off. One of my favorite things about Flair is when he is both shit talking and begging off at the same time. Ricky gets a headlock and won't let go for anything. More chop trading, ending with a double chop from Steamboat. Flair again bails and is still shook. A drop down/leapfrog/criss cross spot ends with a double chop that sends Flair straight to the floor. Hip toss, head scissors, dropkick. Dragon is on a roll. Back to the headlock. Flair gets to his feet and breaks it with a hair pull.  A chop sends Flair over the top rope. That could be a DQ, but the match continues. Flair gets in some cheap shots on the floor, using the ring and guard rail. Knee drop. Butterfly suplex. Flair Flip! HE HITS THE TOP ROPE CROSSBODY! But Steamboat rolls through for a near fall that drove the fans crazy. Figure four. Fans are probably 70/30 in favor of Flair. A crossbody sends both men over the top, again something that could be a DQ if the ref was so inclined. Flair posts Ricky and gets back in the ring. Steamboat tries a desperation something off the second rope and misses. Bridge spot turns into a backslide, which is turned into a butterfly suplex by Steamboat. Steamboat fires up. Top rope chop. Cross body! Tommy Young was caught in the impact of the move. Flair scores a school boy with a handful of tights, but Young is down anyway. Steamboat misses a second cross body. Flair goes for the figure four. Small package. New champion!


Not the strongest show. A 15 minute Michael Hayes match is about the worst possible way to start a show. 3 wacky and too similar finishes in a row. Steamboat/Flair was rad. Barry/Lex was pretty good. The rest ranged from bad to passable.