WCW Slamboree: The Lethal Lottery: Battle Bowl: Lord of the Ring 1996

 
 
 
 

I don't understand why TV and PPVs have different commentary teams, but I'm pretty happy with it.  


Animal/Booker T vs Hawk/Lex Luger

I thought maybe Lex would miss the show due to the chokeslam from Nitro.  His hair looks like shit.  Animal and Lex begin.  Lex hits a powerslam that appears to reinjure Animal's back.  Lex is awkwardly knocked out of the air while Brain is burying football players.  Everyone wants to see Hawk and Animal go at it.  This being WCW, I wouldn't at all be surprised to see none of the teams on opposing sides have any interaction with each other.  Spinarooni into the Harlem Back Front Leg Round Swizzle Armbar Side Kick.  Ax kick.  Lex has been in the entire match for his team.  Hawk breaks a pin, which pisses Lex off.  Then all 4 men start brawling in the ring.  Double count out.  Not surprised that Hawk and Animal never got into it with each other.  

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Public Enemy vs Taskmaster/Chris Benoit

Sullivan and Benoit seem to be on the same page.  Benoit and Rocco start the match.  A lot of ECW loose ends in this.  Rock throws a surprising head scissors.  Then a rana.  Neck tie, excuse.  "Oh, stomped him right in the belly welly."  "You ever did that?  Stomped a rock?"  Lol what the fuck are you talking about, Dusty?  Who stomps rocks?  Another rana is countered with a powerbomb, then Benoit does the cabbage patch.  Chris Benoit, busting a move.  Who would have thunk?  Sullivan gets tagged in and things get EXTREME.  Plunda, posts, tables, chairs.  Benoit saves Sullivan from a table bump.  No one saves Benoit from getting suplexed to the floor.  Sullivan chucks a big plastic chair that looks like might have hit someone in the front row with the legs.  Sullivan and Benoit were both put on a table.  As PE goes for the Big Papa, Sullivan gets off and holds Benoit in place for the move.  PE roll Benoit in and get the pin.  Sullivan fakes a knee injury to go to the back.

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Sgt. Craig Pittman/Scott Steiner vs Rick Steiner/ASSHOLE MAN

She's called the Booty Babe, but that isn't the area Kim is shaking.  Only on PPV.  Pittman finally found a manager: Teddy Long!  Holla holla.  Tag team match, playa!  Pittman and Beefer begin.  Of course.  The two dudes no one wants to see.  I'm pretty sure someone yelled out BRUTUS YOU FUCK.  Teddy does not look like Montel, Brain.  Cism.  Scott tags in.  Tiger bomb.  Then he tags right back out.  Rick tags in.  Rick gets crushed with a German suplex.  Rick responds with a stiff as fuck Steinerline.  Pittman goes for a tag.  Scott has to think about it, but finally does.  Unsurprisingly, we get a lot of amateur style stuff.  But what everyone really wants are some suplexes.  Scott throws the first one.  A t-bone.  Steinerline from Rick.  Rick checks on Scott, who SWERVED him with a roll up.  Dragon suplex from Rick.  Super t-bone from Scott!  Tags are made.  Beefcake is able to get a tag while in the Code Red.  Rick pins Pittman with a German suplex.

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Blue Bloods vs VK Wallstreet/Jim DOOGUN

Doggan and IRS.  Come on.  LOL at Brain saying Finlay and Regal haven't gotten along in 100 years, and Dusty immediately telling him how stupid of a statement that is because they aren't 100 years old.  "Ziffle 'im out."  What?  What the fuck is ziffle?  Soliloquing is one of my favorite Dustyisms.  IRS wins the uppercut exchange.  Duggan and IRS get into it.  All Duggan's fault.  IRS had the advantage for his team and then Duggan wanted to shove him around.  Duggan punches everyone.  That cheating motherfucker tapes up his fist and KOs Taylor as Dusty starts singing.  

Dick Slater/Robert Eaton vs Alex Wright/Disco Inferno

Alex gets a completely negative reaction.  Slater and Disco start.  I'd rather see Disco vs Terry Funk.  Disco gets whooped and tags out.  Eaton tags in.  Slater hits Disco in the back with his cowboy boot while Disco was dancing for the win.  

DDP/Barbarian vs Hugh Morrus/Meng

DDP somehow got his job back due to a mysterious benefactor.  And then he got to replace Bobby Walker in this match.  As Hugh comes out, "GOD YOU SUCK.  GOD YOU SUCK."  DDP has new gear and looks a little less like a shitbag.  I think he got his Teen Spirit knock off, but the dubbed version is horrible.  Maybe it isn't dubbed version, because it isn't the same one that was used later PPVs on the Network.  Hugh knocks DDP to the floor, only to completely miss a pescado.  FoF are tagged in and go right after each other.  Chopping the shit out of each other.  Barb press slams DDP onto Meng.  Hugh hits a big elbow off the top.  He goes for it again because he and DDP fucked up the spot the first time.  Belly to belly superplex from Barb to Hugh.  Somehow, Hugh was the first one to get up and actually lands the moonsault for probably the only time in his career.  DDP breaks the pin.  Barb boots Hugh's head off.  We got a double pin!  Barb's was the one that counted.

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Big Bubba/Stevie Ray vs Fire & Ice

Bubba has now joined the DoD, grew out his goatee, and dresses like a biker.  "Big Bubber".  Dusty.  Dusty Dusty Dusty.  Look at the racial equality here.  Stevie and Norton start.  Norton hits a shoulder block and huge chop.  NWO B Team EXPLODES.  Bubber tags in and knocks Norton all around.  Flapjack Norton!  Ice train tags in.  Mojo needs to watch Ice Train to see how ass based offense is done. Bubber is knocked into Stevie and then hit with a double shoulder block.  Fire and Ice advance.  

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Arn Anderson/Eddie Guerrero vs Randy Savage/Ric Flair

Flair's music start and he doesn't come out.  Macho's music plays and he does come out.  Ric's music starts again.  He waits for Arn to attack Macho before he runs out.  BAMBOOZLE!  Eddie takes offense, shoves Arn off and goes after Ric.  The Yaks head half way out.  Flair elbows Macho before tagging him, then forces Eddie to tag Arn.  Macho gets fired up. FIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDD UUUUUUUPPPPPP.  Spinebuster!  Flair tags in and immediately attacks Macho.  Eddie tags in and pokes Ric in the eye.  Tornado DDT.  Macho attacks Flair.  Arn DDTs Eddie.  Flair pins Eddie.  Liz slaps Macho!  DDT on the floor! 8 matches in 70 minutes.

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TO THE MEAN GENE.  Gene has HOOTERS girls with him for the round 2 drawings.  Due to uneven teams, 1 team gets a bye.  And that team is Fire & Ice.  

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Brad Armstrong vs That Motherfucker Dean Malenko WCW Cruiserweight Championship

Dean defeated Otani to win the title the night before.  This is the first Cruiserweight Championship defense on a WCW PPV.  This is definitely needed after 8 tags in a row.  Brad actually pretty much dominates the first few minutes.  Dean puts a stop to all that bullshit with a low dropkick.  TMF tears the knee apart for a while.  Tree of Keanu dropkick to the knee.  I think maybe a high flyer instead of Brad would be better for this card.  Brad gets back into it by getting a boot up on a Vader Bomb.  Despite all this leg work, Brad goes up top to hit a missile dropkick.  Then he puts TMF in the cloverleaf.  Most of Brad's ass has been hanging out for most of the match.  TMF Gutbuster for the win.  Title retained.

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GLACIER HYPE VIDEO

TO THE MEAN GENE.  More Hooters girls, more Gene being a creep, and more drawings.  

Dick Slater/Robert Eaton vs VK Wallstreet/Jim DOOGUN

Bleh.  Two Duggan matches.  I like that IRS put his suit back on.  "Slater and Bob of Earl".  The heels let IRS and Duggan fight it out.  I already think 2 rounds was a bad decision.  Boy is this not good at all.  Dusty is at a loss for words once he says something about locking up on all fours in the referee position and Brain repeats it.  Eaton rolls up IRS after Duggan punches his partner.  Then they fight after the match.  

Public Enemy vs Randy Savage/Ric Flair

Macho attacks Flair during entrances.  Security tries to get him under control.  Flair fights back.  Other wrestlers come out to hold Macho.  Looks like a couple of cops as well.  PE wins via forfeit.  

DDP/Barbarian vs ASSHOLE MAN/Rick Steiner

Beefer and DDP begin.  DDP takes a hard fall to the floor and gets all tied up in cables.  Tags are made.  A lot of throws and thuds. DDP breaks up a pin with an elbow drop to the head, which puts Asshole down.  

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Konnan vs Jushin Liger WCW US Championship

Konnan now comes out wearing a Mexican flag hat, and a Cuban flag poncho.  Wtf, does Konnan really have KKK shaved into his head?  The answer is YES.  Tenay tries to tell the story of why.  Brain doesn't care to hear it.  Gnarly looking brainbustaaa. The KKK on his head is because he's playing Konnan the Rapper on a TV show, which was something he took from a stage show.  Konnan was doing theater work?  A lot mat work.  Tenay early on said that pro wrestling holds were being used in MMA and he expected these guys to use MMA stuff.  A bunch of fucking slaps that look like trash from both.  Liger, I know you can hit harder than that.  Superplex from Liger.  He sends Konnan to the floor and attempts a dive.  Konnan gets his feet up.  Liger was back in control in the ring anyway.  Fisherman buster.  Konnan gets the nearest of near falls from an Alabama Slam.  Liger almost wins with a roll up out of a powerbomb.  This ref sucks.  Liger Bomb.  Liger goes for another diving headbutt.  Konnan gets his feet up and hits a BT Bomb for the win.  Title retained.

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TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE.  Flair tries to say "synopsis" and says Jesse Katsopolis I think.  He assumes the jail ordered this PPV, so Macho can watch Ric kiss Liz.  He then changes his attention to Mongo.  A FOOTBALL PLAYER talking to Ric Flair?  Ridiculous.  He talks about Debra and Mongo arrives.  Ric challenges Mongo to a tag match.  Mongo can pick any one he wants as a partner.  Mongo just so happened to think this might happen tonight and he brings out his partner, Kevin Greene. Well, how convenient.  


Battle Bowl

Eaton, Dick Slater, DDP, Barbarian, Norton, Train, PE.  The winner gets a title shot and the Lord of the Ring ring.  How the fuck would anyone in this match get a title shot?  Fucking lol.  They could have at least had one guy who wasn't a Saturday Night regular.  Standard shitty battle royal.  The best thing is Dusty calling Eaton by a different name every time he refers to him.  You know what's progress?  When you got a double deal where if you got a big screen you got two more screens in the middle of it.  That's progress.  Bobby Eaton decked Col. Parker after he got eliminated.  The only interesting part was when DDP hit 3 Kanyon Cutters in a row.  BANG BANG BANG!  DDP is the Lord of the Ring and will get a title shot at GAB.  

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TO THE MEAN GENE.  Gene is in the back with Giant and Jimmy Hart.  Jimmy and Lex will be handcuffed together.  Giant says dumb shit about pests, like a cockroach in his apple pie.


Sting vs the Giant WCW Championship

Lex is hand cuffed to the snake in the grass, jimmy Hart.  Sting hits a big flurry of offense that does absolutely nothing, so Sting goes to the floor to regroup.  It didn't help.  Body scissors from Giant.  Sting was about to get chokeslammed through the VIP table, but Lex put Jimmy on the table and Giant stopped.  Lex inadvertently causes a ref bump back in the ring.  Giant is in the corner.  Lex and Jimmy are on opposite sides of the corner.  Giant has Lex by the neck.  Sting throws a bunch of Stinger Splashes.  Lex falls.  Jimmy gets pulled on top of the buckle.  Sting tries a Stinger Splash and misses, then falls into Giant's balls.  After another ref bump, Sting has the deathlock on.  Jimmy and Lex fight over the mega phone, which ends up hitting Sting.  Chokeslam for the win.  Title retained. 

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The Lethal Lottery is a cool concept, but it has never produced a good show.  Especially not this show, where they did 8 tag matches in a row in 70 minutes.  They hyped LOD being on opposite sides for the first time ever for weeks and they had zero interaction in the match.  The idea of DDP getting a title shot at this stage is ridiculous.  Really nothing of note here at all.  Dean/BA was a solid Saturday Night match.  Sting/Giant would have been a perfectly fine Nitro main event.  None of the tag matches were very interesting.

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