WWF Royal Rumble 2000


Quite a bit has changed since last year's Rumble.  Stone Cold is out hurt after neck surgery.  Rock is the undisputed top face.  The Giant and Chris Jericho have jumped from WCW.  Eddie Guerrero, Dean Malenko, Perry Saturn, and Chris Benoit would join them a week after this show.  The Dudley Boyz and a mystery man have jumped from ECW.  Triple H is the dominant heel champion.  Cactus Jack is back.  Vince turned face.  Stephanie McMahon turned heel.  Edge and Christian and the Hardy Boys have become stars and revitalized the tag team division.  Kurt Angle has debuted and is so far undefeated.  Vince Russo and Jeff Jarrett jumped to WCW, not at all helping the dying company.  The WWF is absolutely CRUSHING WCW now.  Owen Hart died in the ring and the show continued.

Kurt Angle vs Tazz

Kurt Angle heeled on the NYC crowd, the Knicks, and so forth.  The fans are chanting for Tazz even before he comes out.  It's TAZZ!  WE KNOW WHO THAT IS!  He wastes no time as MSG rings with ECW chants.  It goes to the floor where Angle hits a suplex. Belly to belly in the ring.  Head and arm super Tazplex.  Angle got his foot on the ropes and nearly won with a German suplex.  Over head German Tazplex.  Head and arm Tazplex.  T-bone Tazplex.  Tazmission!  Kurt Angle is out!  The streak is over!  I remember this debut being a lot hotter than it was.  MSG popped huge for the entrance and finish, but the match was short and really flat since Kurt was throwing Taz around with suplexes for most of it.  Kurt is stretchered out and given oxygen after the match.


TO THE COLE.  Michael talks with the Hardys and Terri about the up coming tag team table match with the Dudley Boyz.  Jeff won't allow Terri to come out with them tonight.  The way Jeff says "No" sounds more like "Neweooo".


Dudley Boyz vs Hardy Boyz

Table Match

Bubba had gone back to his old ECW stuttering gimmick for some reason.  He was phasing it out by this time, though.  They heel on NYC, which is hilarious considering Bubba has one of the thickest New York accents you'll find in wrasslin.  The Hardys run to the ring.  Bubba bomb on Jeff.  The ass buster kind, not powerbomb.  Matt saves Jeff from the first table bump.  Jeff follows it up with a tope to Bubba.  The first crazy chair shot of the night as Jeff cracks Bubba's head.  Jeff does his run on the railing spot, only to have a table thrown in his face.  Double superplex from the Hardys.  Now we have a ladder in the match.  Matt tries to kill Bubba with a chair.  Bubba is put through a table with a combo splash/leg drop from a ladder and the ring to the floor.  A table is wedged between the steps and ring.  Matt misses D-Von.  Jeff comes flying out and also misses D-Von.  Matt is superbombed through a table that was on top of the steps for extra bumpage.  The match will be over when Jeff or D-Von go through a table with an offensive move.  They're now fighting near one of the entrances.  Tables are stacked as Bubba and Jeff are up on a balcony.  Jeff knocks Bubba off, sending him through two tables below.  D-Von is put on the remaining table.  Swanton off a balcony through a table!  Hardys win!


MOMENTS AGO.  EMTs talk with Kurt Angle, who is asking if he won.   He was told he was choked unconscious.  Kurt believes he's undefeated since that is illegal.

Miss Rumble 2000 Bikini Contest

Sgt. Slaughter, Tony Garea, Fabulous Moolah, Johnny Valiant, Andy Richter, and Freddy Blassie were the judges.  King was the MC.  Luna, Ivory, Jackie, BB, Terri, and The Kat were contestants.  Before a winner could be announced, Mae Young came out and flashed her tits.  Mark Henry tried to cover her up and ended up flashing more.  Mae wins!  This made her sling them back out.  If I was a judge, I would have picked Kat since she's the only one without the gross late 90s fake tits that look awful.   Too much muscularity and striations for my taste as well. Ivory, who I normally find hot, was in body builder shape for the contest. 


TO WWF NEW YORK.  Coach!  He's the newest broadcast colleague and he's stuck at the restaurant with a bunch of crazy assholes.

TO THE BACK.  Jericho and Chyna argue over who will get to wear the IC Championship to the ring tonight.  Dave Hebner takes the belt to the ring.  Jericho calls him Earl.

WWF HOME VIDEO EXCLUSIVE.  Kurt Angle claims to be undefeated due to being illegally choked out.

Chyna vs Hardcore Holly vs Chris Jericho WWF Intercontinental Championship

Chyna and Jericho were co-champions coming into this match.  Bobcore starts the match by shoving Chyna.  Then everyone slaps each other.  I would say this is the peak of Chyna's attractiveness.  She wasn't super crazy looking like now, but didn't look like a dude anymore.  She wasn't as super jacked, making her look a little softer.  She's dumped out of the ring to let the MENfolk fight.  Chyna breaks up the Walls of Jericho.  This sucks.  The whole Chyna/Jericho angle was bad.  Hardcore kicked out of the pedigree.  Jericho pinned Chyna after a Lionsault.  This match sucked and was a pretty good example of why you don't have women and men competing with each other.  Despite Chyna being as big as a man, the guys still had to go half speed with her and everything she did looked like shit.


TO THE COLE. Cole catches up with The Rock.  There are 2 superstars who give Rock some concern: Crash and Mosh.  But if he can get through them, he'll have a shot of winning the Rumble.  He wipes a monkey's ass with what Big Show thinks.  He guarandamntees to win the Rumble.  He guarandamnteed victory at last year's Rumble, and it worked out for him.

WWF HOME VIDEO EXCLUSIVE.  Jericho brags about his victory.

New Age Outlaws vs Acolytes WWF Tag Team Championships

No wasted time as the APA chase the Outlaws out of the ring right away. Bradshaw does a fall away slam to Billy while booting Road Dogg in the face.  Faarooq does some dancing of his own.  Lariatoooooooooooooooooo! APA didn't come to play tonight.  Spinebuster to Road Dogg.  Billy pulled the ref out.  Bradshaw knocked them both over.  Double team powerbomb.  X-Pac runs in and his spine is busted.  Billy sneaks in and hits the Fameasser.  Titles retained.  Super short.


WWF HOME VIDEO EXCLUSIVE.  Road Dogg gave a nice little rhyme about the victory.

Cactus Jack vs Triple H WWF Championship

Street Fight

It was in MSG and against Triple H that Cactus Jack made his WWF debut. Cactus shit talks and seems to have HHH nervous.  He attacks.  Forearms in the corner.  HHH bails to the floor, so Cactus slides out and does a neck breaker. Cactus leg drops a chair on HHH's face.  HHH is back dropped into the crowd.  They brawl back to the entrance, which is set up as an alley.  HHH is suplexed onto some wooden pallets.  He's also rammed repeatedly into the metal door in the entrance way.  HHH comes back with a back suplex on a trash can.  HHH has a huge gash on his calf.  Running knee with HHH against the steps.  Oh shit, a barbed wire 2x4!  HHH is the first one to use it.  Earl is booed for removing it from the ring.  Cactus beats up the Spanish announcer to get it back.   Ref bump and HHH gets hit in the face with the board.  Elbow drop with the board!  HHH kicks out, but is now looking to see how high he can go on the Muta Scale.  Cactus attempts a piledriver on the Japanese table, only to be back dropped and bounce off.  HHH is gushing blood.  Back in the ring, HHH is slingshot into the corner and bulldogged on the 2x4.  Cactus clothesline.  Foley's knee is destroyed as he got hip tossed into the steps, and then thrown knees first into them seconds later.  HHH continues to work over the leg for a while.  Handcuffs!  HHH tries to attack with the steps, but Cactus managed to give him a drop toe hold, sending him face first into the steps.  HHH actually breaks the back of the chair over Foley's back.  Another gross chair shot to the head.  Rock shows up out of nowhere and hits HHH with a chair.  A cop gets the cuffs off of Foley.  Cactus tries another piledriver.  All the announce tables were from Japan this year.  A bag of thumb tacks is dumped out in the ring.  Steph comes out to plead for Mick to stop.  Cactus is back dropped into the tacks.  Pedigree.  Foley kicked out!  Pedigree on the thumb tacks.  JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESUS!  HHH wins.  Title retained.  This was a war.  Much like Cactus vs Orton, this is really the match that made HHH legit.  I don't think people really bought him as a true top guy until this match.  A Pedigree on thumb tacks might be the craziest hardcore WWF spot to this day.  It could have gone so badly.  Foley had tacks stuck in his neck, cheek, and eye brows.  He easily could have lost an eye.  HHH was stretchered out, only for Cactus to drag him back out for some extra punishment. 


TO WWF NEW YORK.  Coach talks with Linda McMahon about the actions of Stephanie.  Linda won't talk about her, but she says things in the WWF will be handled the McMahon way.

Royal Rumble

D'Lo Brown has drawn number 1.  Grand Master Sexay drew number 2.  King wasn't very impressed with that.  Mosh is 3rd in with a giant furry cone bra.  Kaientai hit the ring and are eliminated even though they aren't in the match.  Grandmaster injures Mosh by bulldogging D'Lo right on Mosh's ankle.  It's Christian!  Rikishi is in next.  HE'S FAT.  RAHkishi eliminates Mosh and Christian.  Fire Thunder Driver on D'Lo.  Scotty 2 Hotty is the next in and we have a dance break.  But then Rikishi SWERVES his bros and eliminates both of them.  In comes Steve Blackman. This is his 3rd Rumble.  MSG doesn't doesn't like him at all.  He is eliminated.  Viscera is in and we have a a FAT battle.  Mable vs Fatu.  Vis is eliminated before the next entrant makes his way down.  And the next entrant is the Big Boss Man.  He doesn't even enter the ring, instead opting to wait for some help.  Test is the next man in, who goes right after Boss Man on the floor.  Boss Man with the first low blow of the match.  Rikishi does the second.  In comes the Bulldog.  3rd low blow.  Gangrel is next in, wearing the same purple pants he wore in last year's match.  Kaientai come back out and are tossed out again.  Taka face planted, but it wasn't at an angle to gif yet.  It's Edge!  That fucking cave man face.  I don't know why girls thought he was hot.  Banzai drop on Boss Man.  King asks for a replay of that "Chinese guy" face planting.  MR. BOB BACKLUND!  MSG is legit shook!  Everyone in the ring dumps Rikishi out.  ChrisJericho is 15th in and we are half way through this very fast moving Rumble.

They're only doing 90 second intervals this year, so it is going by fast.  Jericho eliminates Backlund.  Backlund leaves through the crowd so he can do some steps.  Crash Holly comes in.  Mosh is gone, so if Crash goes out, Rock might win.  Edge spanks him for some reason.  4th low blow.  Chyna!  As if she didn't suck enough in her actual match, she gets to be in another Rumble.  She eliminates Jericho and is then eliminated by Boss Man.  DAMN, it's Faarooq.  The Mean Street Posse run in and attack him.  Boss Man then tosses Faarooq out.  Road Dogg rolls out and goes right for Test, only to get the 5th low blow of the match. Crowds are chanting for Rock.  Al Snow, who is now more serious and missing Head.  Bulldog is eliminated.  Val Venis is...coming to the ring.  There is a Jesus is Cumming sign on a phone pole around my house.   Makes me giggle every time.  Funaki runs in again and is thrown out again.  Taka was taken to the hospital, King thinks it is hilarious, and continues to call them Chinese.  He seemed confused that Japanese was even a word.  Prince Albert in a can makes his way to the ring as Edge is tossed out.  Hardcore Holly is in.  Rock finally enters and the Garden is going banana!  Out goes Boss Man.  Mr. Ass's asses ass as ass as ass.  ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.  Rock eliminates Crash.  Rock is free to win this now.  There is a Big Shoe making its way to the ring.  He gets rid of Test and Gangrel.  Gangrel actually had the longest time in the Rumble this year, but it was only around 23 minutes.  Bradshaw goes right after Road Dogg.  The Mean Street Posse again hit the ring and are disposed of.  Pete Gas smashed his face into the bottom rope sliding in.  The Outlaws eliminate Bradshaw.  IT'S GOTTA BE KANE!  He throws Val out.  Godfather is in with a few more hos this year.  Albert is eliminated by Kane.  Funaki is in and out again.  King again talks about Chinese shit.  X-Pac is the final entrant.  Bobcore is gone.  Shoe tosses Godfather out.  Rock shovels Snow out.  Billy eliminates Road Dogg!  Kane eliminates Billy shortly after.  Kane, Big Show, X-Pac, and Rock are the final four.  Kane brawls with the NAO on the floor.  X-Pac is chucked out.  He comes back in since the refs were busy with Kane and the Outlaws.  Kane is out.  X-pac is eliminated again.  Rock and Show go over at the same time, but Rock held on to the ropes.  Rock wins!  The Rock is going to Wrestlemaina!  As long as they don't show it from a different angle.  Rock's feet absolutely hit the floor first and it would be part of the angle going into WM.  Big Show came back out and threw Rock out. 


WWF HOME VIDEO EXCLUSIVE.  Dr. Tom got some words with Rock.  Rock will win the title at WM.  We were then shown HHH after his match, covered in blood, with a hole in his calf.  It's about a bullet sized wound caused by the wood pallets.

DQ Count: 0 out of 6 matches.

Good show over all.  Rumble was a little iffy, the IC match sucked, bikini thing was a waste of time, but the tables match and street fight made up for them.