WWF Royal Rumble 1992
Things that have changed since last year's Rumble:
The Undertaker and Hulk Hogan traded the WWF Championship in two controversial matches, so the title was declared vacant. This would be the first Rumble to crown a new champion. Ric Flair and Sid left WCW and joined the WWF. Demolition disbanded, with Smash becoming the Repo Man, and Crush/Ax leaving the company. Tug Boat became Typhoon and teamed up with Earthquake as the Natural Disasters. Bret Hart is a fully fledged singles star. Randy Savage was retired at WM7, but is back as a face and reunited with Liz. Shawn Michaels threw Marty through a window and rechristened himself as the Heartbreak Kid. Owen Hart dropped the Blue Blazer gimmick and began competing under his real name and teaming with Jim Neidhart. IRS left WCW to join the WWF. Tito Santana became El Madator.
The Orient Express vs The New Foundation
Owen and Kato start the match. Owen does a bridge spot then does his back flip hip toss spot. And then a rana. Anvil comes in and starts throwing Kato around like a sack of potatoes. Things don't work out much better for Tanaka, which eventually ends in an Alabama slam/second rope elbow combo. Enzuiguri from Owen. We're informed of Bret Hart attempting to defend his IC Championship with a 104 degree temperature against The Mountie. He lost and Roddy Piper was attacked attempting to help Bret, so Mountie vs Piper will happen tonight. This so far has been a show case for the New Foundation. Zero offense from the heels. Things finally turn around for those Orientals with Fuji using his cane to jab Owen in the throat. Superkick from Kato. Owen takes the Bret corner bump. Gorilla mentions the Midnight Express, but was actually referring to the movie. Owen is sent shoulder first into the corner, which had Fuji's cane propped up. They start working over the arm of Owen. He comes back with his sweet belly to belly. It didn't last long, as the OE still knocked the shit out of Owen for a while. Double dropkick. Owen makes the hot tag. Anvil is slingshotted in. Slingshat? Slingshooted? Owen does an assisted suicide dive and the New Express win with a Rocket Launcher. I forgot how beefy Owen was. He was bulky and kind of chubby.
TO THE LORD. Lord Al shows us a clip of Bret losing the IC Championship and Roddy Piper coming down for a save, only for Mountie to attack him as well. He throws it to Sean Mooney.
TO THE MOON. Sean talks with Jimmy Hart and new IC Champion, The Mountie. Mountie doesn't think Piper has the win-loss record to justify a title match.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene is with Piper. Piper makes a gay joke and says Mountie has been having wet dreams.
The Mountie vs Roddy Piper WWF Intercontinental Championship
Piper won the title in a thankfully short match. It was only about 5 minutes. New champion! After the match, Piper used the shock stick on Mountie, complete with the door buzzer sound played over the PA. This was Piper's first title in the WWF and the only one he would hold until 2006 when he won the World Tag Team Championships with Ric Flair.
TO THE LORD. Al is standing outside of Hulk's locker room. He enters to talk to the Hulkster, who looks and sounds quite different from the previous year. He's not using is Hulk voice, but his Terry voice. He's also quite a bit smaller, but not as small as he would be by the time he went to WCW.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene talks with the Bushwhackers and Jameson. They're going to put the Beverly Sisters down for good.
The Beverly Brothers vs The Bushwhackers
Gross. Bushwhackers were over, but they were absolute dog shit in the ring. I know they were on the tail end of their career here and allegedly did good work as the Sheepherders (Sheepherders also sucked), but they were terrible in the WWF. "They've been licking and whacking their way through all the competition!" This is the first time the Genius could legitimately be the most manly manager at ringside. Look, I didn't really watch this and instead just listened to Bobby cracking jokes on the Bushwhackers the whole match instead. The Beverly Sisters won, but the Bushwhackers attacked them and Genius after the match, like all good faces do. Jameson kicked Genius in the shin and the ass.
TO THE MEAN GENE. WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL, it's LOD. "Ya know what makes us sick, besides EVERYTHING?" Hawk really dislikes natural disasters.
LOD vs The Natural Disasters WWF Tag Team Championships
LOD are fucking over. Hawk and Shockmaster start out. Typhoon doesn't budge from shoulder blocks. So Hawk does a flying lariatooo instead. Quake wants in. "GET OUT OF MY FACE!" Quake no sells a standing dropkick. Quake tried one of his own, but Hawk dodged it. "He wouldn't a hit Sky Low Low with that one!" Animal and Quake do a double clothesline. Animal almost slams Quake, but can't hold him. Lariat takes Typhoon down. Typhoon starts throwing Hawk around instead. Definitely not the most interesting match. LOD matches where they have to do the bulk of the selling don't usually work out. The Disasters win via count out. The weirdest thing was HAWK doing the weakest chair shots of all time after the match. He barely tapped both of them and it made no sound. Hawk is the last dude I would expect something like that from.
TO THE MOON. Jimmy Hart is flipping out. They deserve to be the champions! The Disasters walk in and do fat guy yelling.
TO THE MEAN GENE. He talks with new IC Champion, Roddy Piper. He's going to be win the WWF Championship as well tonight and then makes a George Bush joke before using MLK Jr. lines.
TO THE MOON. He's in the heel locker room. He is going to talk to HBK. We get to see what happened at the Barber Shop. The real reason the Rockers broke up was because Marty tried to quit on behalf of both of them, by saying that WCW had offered them a huge contract. HBK looked into it, found out it was highly exaggerated, and told Vince he had nothing to do with it and had no intention of leaving. They had LEGIT SHOOT heat between the two, so they split the team up on screen as well.
TO THE LORD. Ric Flair! Flair drew number 3. He's the real world champion. His scarred up forehead is really weird because it looks like he either covered some spots while tanning or bleaching his hair made them look even worse. I don't think he had been doing much blading in the WWF, so it would be pretty strange if he still had fresh gig marks from WCW.
TO THE RUMBLE PROMOS. Savage looked fucking luxurious. Jake, Sid, Hogan, Taker, Flair, Repo Man gave promos. Hogan was bitching about his no good friends and no good Jack Tunney.
Before the match, Jack Tunney spoke about the winner becoming the WWF Champion. He was so confused on his lines the whole time.
British Bulldog drew number 1. Ted DiBiase drew number 2. Sherri came out in a pretty boobtacular outfit. Out goes Ted! It's RIC FLAIR! Next in is Jerry Sags. Knobs was injured and would be replaced by HakOO in the match tonight. Brain is already stressed out over Flair. Bulldog eliminates Knobs. IT'S NOT FAIR TO FLAIR! Here comes Haku. Flair bails to the floor after chopping Haku. Great piledriver from Meng. Bulldog dumps Haku out and next in is HBK. Flair and HBK start running spots that ended in a totally whiffed superkick. Bulldog gets a mostly missed superkick as well. Chico Santana! Flying jalapeno! In comes Barb. The Texas Tornado hits the ring and he and Flair go right after each other. Flair was pretty excited for it. First Flair Flop of the match! It's the Repo Man! Greg Valentine is next in and also goes for Flair. Gorilla keeps telling Brain about no one from the first 5 making it to the end of the match. It's Nikolai Volkoff, who was replacing someone that was mentioned near the start of the show. I don't remember who. Hammer and Flair are chopping the fuck out of each other. If you're watching this match and hear random loud smacks, it's them chopping each other somewhere in a corner. Out goes Volkoff. Here comes the Big Boss Man. Valentine is eliminated by Repo man. Boss Man chucks Repo out. Flair dumps the Bulldog out. And Von Erich. HBK and Chico go out together. In comes Hercules. THE POWER. Flair high fives Barb only to chop him, which sends Bobby into a conniption. Herc dumps Barb, who was dumping Flair. Flair held on, but Barb didn't and Boss Man then eliminated Herc. We're down to Big Bubba vs Flair. Boss Man awkwardly eliminates himself and maybe breaks his neck in the process. Flair Flop 3. Roddy Piper is in at 15. President and Vice President! They fought on the floor. Piper blocks everything and pokes Ric in the eyes. YOU'RE FIRED. Sleeper puts Flair out.
In comes Jake Roberts. Jake breaks it up. Flair is happy and then gets a short arm clothesline. THIS ISN'T FAIR TO FLAIR! Piper breaks the DDT. "It's a kilt, it's not a skirt!" Piper goes back after Flair. "You skirt wearing freak!" Brain is so good in this. HOOOOO! TOUGH GUY! IRS very slowly comes to the ring. Look at all the NWA/Mid South stars in the ring right now. Flair Flop 4! SnOOka! Undertaker is in next and throws Snuka out right away before choking Flair out. Randy Savage flies out and looks for Jake. Jake had gone to the floor and Savage was ambushed. Savage eliminates Jake and then jumps over the ropes on his own to keep attacking. Savage is allowed back in the match because he wasn't propelled by someone else, but there have been multiple eliminations in Rumbles where guys eliminated themselves either on purpose or accident and they stayed eliminated. Here comes the Berzerker. Virgil sprints to the ring in his candy cane pants. Lol, Col. Mustafa, AKA the Iron Sheik, who looked exactly the same as when he was Sheik. I don't know why Vince thought you could completely repackage guys who were major stars and champions in his own company and think no one would care or notice. Rick Martel got a lucky late draw. HULK HOGAN! He eliminates Taker and Berzerker. Virgil and Hacksaw go out together. Skinner is in. It's Sgt. Slaughter, who I think is a face again. Skinner is eliminated. SID! What the fuck, Sid did a kip up. The Warlord is the final entrant. IRS is eliminated by his tie. Out goes Warlord. Sid eliminates Piper and Martel. Hogan, Flair, Savage, and Sid are the final four. Out goes Macho. Sid eliminates Hogan. Hulk is pissed and grabs Sid's arm, allowing Flair to dump him out of the ring. FLAIR WINS! IT WAS FAIR TO FLAIR! NEW CHAMPION! Hogan gets in the ring and bitches. He and Sid are separated by officials and referees. Hey guys, Flair just lasted an hour in the Rumble and is the next champion, why aren't we celebrating with him instead of seeing Hulk have a temper tantrum?
TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE. Jack Tunney presents the WWF Championship to Ric Flair. WITH A TEAR IN MY EYE! PUT THAT CIGARETTE OUT! Fucking Gene. Outta nowhere.
DQ Count: 0 out of 5 matches.
The Rumble itself was great, pretty much entirely due to Flair and Brain. Hogan is such a god damn baby. He was so pissed that his friend Sid eliminated him that he ended up getting Sid eliminated from the floor. He did the same thing to the Boss Man in 1989 because he felt the rules didn't apply to him. Then, in 1991, he eliminated his best friend Tugboat in the same manner that Sid did to him, because it was every brother for himself, brother. But when Sid did it to him, he throws a huge hissy fit. How was he the top face for so long? He was a hypocritical asshole who constantly cheated and had awful sportsmanship. Yet he was pushed as this great role model to kids. The face announcers always justified his actions, even when he was clearly out of line. Flair had just spent an hour in the ring winning the title and didn't even get to celebrate in the ring because Hogan had to have his temper tantrum.
1992 is the best Rumble, but 1990 was pretty close. 1991 by far had the best undercard, but a pretty boring Rumble.