WWF Royal Rumble 1991
The show starts with a shot of the American flag and the national anthem. Mostly because of the first Gulf War that was going on at the time. Operation Desert Storm had launched 2 days prior.
Some things that have changed since the last Rumble: The British Bulldog returned as a solo star. Kerry Von Erich left Texas and joined the WWF as a tornado. Tony Atlas returned as a totally not super ultra racist African warrior. The Undertaker debuted. Dustin Rhodes made his national debut with his dad. The Road Warriors joined the WWF. The Powers of Pain split up, with Warlord wearing a Phantom of the Opera mask and Barbarian wearing antlers. Crush joined Demolition and Ax had been phased out. The Ultimate Warrior defeated Hulk Hogan at WM6 to win the WWF Championship. Sgt. Slaughter turned on his country and became an Iraqi sympathizer. Big Boss Man turned face. The Nasty Boys left WCW to join the WWF. Roddy Piper left full time wrestling to join the announce team.
The Orient Express vs The Rockers
No time is wasted as Marty is thrown out of the ring and Shawn is hit with a huge double back body drop. Marty comes back in with a super kick. Kato pulls Tanaka out of the ring, but the Rockers come out with stereo suicide dives. This was super cutting edge in an era that might have had the most jacked up and muscle bound dudes of any other time in WWF history. 1990-1992ish was pretty crazy for muscles. Big forearm from Tanaka. The Express learn from their mistake earlier and stop before they run into each other. However, HBK gives them the double noggin knocker and hits a high knee on Tanaka. Shawn stops a 10 count punch to moonsault onto Kato. A whole lot of stereo spots. HBK does a 619 feint and the Rockers do top rope cross bodies to the floor on opposite sides of the ring. Delayed vertical suplex from HBK. He runs in for a monkey flip, only to get pulled down throat first on the top rope by Tanaka. Fuji uses the cane on HBK, but it was a wide angle and hard to tell. They work over Shawn for a while. Flair Flip from HBK and then he got kicked back in the ring. Hot tag to Marty. Kato nearly wins with the worst back slide of all time. Double super kick. The Rockers attempt a rocket launcher, but Tanaka bumps into Marty, sending HBK to the floor. He covers and helps Marty counter a slingshot into a sunset flip. Rockers win! Great match. About as good as you're going to get for work rate in 1991 WWF.
TO THE MOON. He talks with the Macho King. Savage says he is the best WWF Champion of all time and that he has a commitment from Sgt. Slaughter to be the number one contender should Sarge win tonight. He is going to have Sherri bait Warrior into the same deal.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Sherri dragged Gene out in front of the crowd. She publicly challenges the Ultimate Warrior. The basic gist was Sherri tried to convince Warrior to give Savage a title shot. She did this by kissing him and suggesting she was about to blow him. Warrior said NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooo*SNARL
TO THE BACK. Savage flips out and says he's going to get the Warrior right now. He runs all the way to ringside and up to Sherri. He's pretty hot over it.
The Barbarian vs The Big Boss Man
Barb now wears fur and antlers. Boss Man now has HARD TIMES as his theme. Brain stalls for the first few minutes. Barb's back is immense. As the match starts, he hits a series of punches that nearly take Boss Man out. Boss Man comes back with a big boot and a back elbow that sends Barb back to the floor. They brawl on the floor. Barb went into the post. They go back in the ring only for Boss Man to do a cross body that took them both to the floor again. Huge suplex from Barb. Burning lariatooo from Barb. Boss Man gets decked again and his foot gets tied in the middle and bottom rope while falling to the floor. Brain puts in a few shots while out there. Barb man handles Boss Man back in the ring. Boss Man finally gets out of a bear hug by biting. Enzuiguri! Hot shot. Barb's arm was barely on the ropes. Mid ring collision. Flying lariatoo from Barb. Boss Man's foot was on the ropes. Boss Man Slam! He took too much time to make the cover and Barb barely got the ropes. A finger tip grazed the bottom rope. Piledriver from Barb. Barb went up for a top rope cross body, but Boss Man rolled through and got the pin. Brain ran away as soon as the bell rang. A pretty good big man match between two guys who could go as well as guys half their size.
TO THE MOON. Sean talks with Sgt. Slaughter and General Adnan. After he wins the WWF Championship, the world will see turmoil like never before.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Warrior delivers his retort. He takes no orders. Deserts and fox holes and stuff. He will walk in as the ultimate champion and will walk out as the ultimate VICTOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRR! *SNARL*
Sgt. Slaughter vs The Ultimate Warrior WWF Championship
Warrior breaks the Iraqi flag poll in half. He then rips the flag apart. That's an act of war! Oh. Adnan runs away. The flag is stuffed in Sarge's mouth as he's thrown around the ring. He takes his trademark corner bump on one side, and then goes over the post on the other side. Sherri has come out. Warrior chases her only to be ambushed by Savage. Sarge keeps stopping the count so Warrior can get back to the ring. Warrior gets back to ringside and Sarge spits on him before using the pointed boot. Double clothesline. Sarge works a bear hug on Warrior, which is a pretty stupid spot. Sarge is just a fat older guy. He shouldn't be working a bear hug on Warrior. Warrior gets out and slams Sarge, but his back is shot. Camel Clutch is on. Warrior's feet are actually outside of the ring, but Earl Hebner doesn't notice, mostly because he's a terrible referee. Sarge lets go of the hold, thinking Warrior gave up. Warrior makes his come back with a series of lariatoos and flying shoulder tackle. Sherri runs down again. She's pulled into the ring. He press slams Sherri over the top and onto Savage. As he's celebrating, Sarge knees him in the back. Savage then blasts him in the face with the scepter. Sarge makes a cover. New champion! Gorilla and Piper can't believe this is the finish and think it must be a DQ. There was no official word until Warrior runs to the back. Loud "bullshit" chants. What a miscarriage of justice!
Koko B. Ware vs The Mountie
What a weird follow up to the title match. I guess this is the Divas match of its time. I don't want to ever watch a Mountie solo match. If he's tagging with his brother or Pierre, I'm down. But as a solo, he was the shits. I do have to lol at all of Mountie's holds being "control moves" that he learned in Mountie training. He did a full on goose step, which was pretty odd. Was there an angle for this match? Something like, "Evil mounties hate black men"? Mountie won with some kind of choke slam. Piper said "damn it" and had to apologize a few times for it.
TO THE MOON. He catches up with Randy Savage, who claims to be the champion forever. As he's ranting, there is a pounding on his dressing room door and he runs off. Fucking Piper is wearing wrist tape to be a color guy.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene talks to the new champ. He did what he said he was going to do and he's going to control the world. Piper was really disgusted with Adnan saying "Allah", calls Sarge a son of an unnamed goat, and then knocks his own headset off by spitting at Sarge's general direction.
A video package of fans sending well wishes to DA TROOPS. Hulk Hogan is making a personal trip to visit the troops.
TO THE BACK. Rumble promos! Jake is going to get Rick Martel. Earthquake is gonna fuck everyone up. Greg Valentine is gonna drop the hammer. Texas Tornado is going to win. LOD could do a lot of things. Undertaker is going to bury some dudes. HOOOOOOO TOUGH GUY! Model is going to eliminate Jake. The Bulldog is glad to be a bulldog. Perfect is perfect. Lol, fucking Tugboat.
TO THE MOON. He talks with Ted and Virgil before their match against The Rhodes. Before the promo, Piper revealed that he and Virgil had dinner and a good talk. During the promo, Ted said Virgil does all the things he does because of money. Virgil looked pretty pissed during it.
Dusty Rhodes/Dustin Rhodes vs Ted DiBiase/Virgil
Goldy looks so young. I believe he was only 22 (WHY ME?!?!?!?!). He looks like it. They pair off and both heels are bumped to the floor. Virgil and Dustin officially start the match. Diving lariatoo and dropkick sends Virgil to the floor. Ted slaps him and tells him to get his shit together. He gets back in and is sent back out. Ted is getting pissed. He tags in. He works over Dustin. Dustin gets back into it and in comes Dusty. HE'S FAT. Weaver Lock! Virgil breaks the hold. Dustin is back in. Dropkick. Dustin misses a high knee in the corner and is hurt. The heels work over the leg for a while. Virgil accidentally hits Ted. Ted then slaps the shit out of him and throws him to the floor. Ted pins Dusty with a roll up OUTTA NOWHERE. After the match, Ted ran down Virgil on the mic. He orders Virgil to place the Million Dollar Championship around his waist. Instead, a fan throws a drink at Ted and Virgil throws the belt at Ted's feet. After being close to going through with it, Virgil hits Ted with the belt. SWERVE! Huge pop for VIRGIL.
TO THE MEAN BROTHERJACKDUDE. Hogan dedicates the match to DA TROOPS. Gene got an unconfirmed report that Sgt. Slaughter has just defaced the American flag! Fucking lol, Hogan totally forgot Saddam's name and said "Sgt. Slaughter's reign is going to be just like ...puwhs, woohsh, uh uh, yea you know, brother".
Bret Hart drew number 1. Dino Bravo drew number 2. I would guess Bravo won't be staying in the match too long. Greg Valentine is 3rd out and goes right after Dino. Out goes Dino. Paul Roma is in. The Glory! It's the Texas Tornader! The Model comes in and goes after Bret. He was pretty jacked at this time. It's Saba Simba, who comes out to a confused reaction. I swear I remember Piper shitting all over the gimmick and saying it was Tony Atlas. It sounded like some audio was edited out when he came down, but I'm not sure if that's why. Butch strolls down. Simba is gone. Oh shit, Jake comes out. Martel tries to intercept him, but Jake kicks his ass. Model bailed to the floor. Shane McMahon tried to count him out if he didn't get back in the ring. Down comes Hercules. THE POWER. Chico comes down and goes after Martel. I like a 2 year grudge. That's part of what made 1992 so fun, all the territory guys who still held grudges with Flair. Roma is eliminated. The Undertaker is next out. He dumps Bret out. He no sells Tornado's discus punch. Jimmy SnOOka is out. He looks to have aged 10 years since last year's Rumble. Out goes Butch. Guys start taking turns on Taker after an elbow from the ropes by Hammer rocks him. The Bulldog and his braids comes out next. Here comes Smash, who also appears to have aged a lot in the last year, but that might just be his hairline receding even more. Half way through!
Jake is eliminated by Martel, who was on the apron. Hawk comes out and stiffs EVERYONE. So much that everyone gangs up on him for revenge. The Franchise Shane Douglas, that tremendous youngster. Snuka and Tornado are out. The next entrant doesn't come out. It was Randy Savage, who no showed, due to presumably running away from Warrior. That wouldn't be known until the end of the match. Animal is in. This disc is in pretty bad shape and started stalling out around the 20th entrant. Crush was the next one down. In fact, the disc couldn't be read, so the rest of the match will be from Youtube. HOOOOOO, TOUGH GUY! Next down is Earthquake. Animal bows right up to him. There are 11 guys in the ring right now. I must have missed Taker getting eliminated. I didn't miss Animal getting eliminated. Mr. Perfect! He eliminates Duggan. It's HULK HOGAN! This place is going bananas! Out goes Smash. HakOO is up next. Out goes Valentine, who was in for 44:03. Here comes the Anvil. Tito has been eliminated. Hogan does some uncharacteristically stiff as fuck chops to Haku. Luke comes in one side and is thrown out the other, not stopping his goofy walk even after eliminated. Brian Knobs. Fuck Knobs. Herc is eliminated. STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! Oh, it's just the Warlord. Crush is gone. Hulk eliminates Warlord. Tugboat is the final entrant. The Franchise is gone. Tugboat is eliminated by Hogan. Bulldog eliminates Perfect. Then HakOO. Model finally goes out, having set the new endurance record of 52:17. Bulldog is gone and the final three are Hogan, Knobs, and Quake. Weirdly, Sags had a singles dark match. Knobs is gone. Hogan tries to slam Quake, but couldn't hold him up. He recovers, slams Quake, and eliminates him. Hulk wins his 2nd straight Rumble.
DQ Count: 0 out of 6 matches.
The Rumble match itself wasn't very interesting. There wasn't really an over all story nor were there many individual stories started or continued in the match. The main one was Jake vs Martel. Hogan vs Slaughter was set up before the match even happened, so Hogan ending the show by waving the American flag isn't really a shocker. It was probably on par with 1988. 1990 has been the best so far. A big problem was they let the ring get too crowded too many times. At one point there were 11 guys in the ring, which is way too many for any spots to happen. Most of the match had 7-8 guys in at once.
Really enjoyed the Rockers/Express match and the Boss Man/Barb match. Warrior vs Slaughter was pretty decent as well.